Anyone ever turn down free sex?

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Actually, I have a normal sex drive, but I find sexual intercourse filthy and disgusting, unless I want kids then it's ok (no, I don't have a religious upbringing). I also don't bond with sex, and the few times I had it with wife (on her initiative) it felt just like a lot of work and no reward.

I think people before contraceptives were able to constrain themselves so their women wasn't constantly pregnant, with the help of religion and morals, so I really don't see why people cannot do that today if they have a hard time finding somebody to have sex with. Besides, today there is a huge amount of pornography, so it's not like it's impossible to have sex without a partner. In the end, the frustration of most of the guys here probably comes down to cultural expectations that guys should have lots of sex in order to be real men. Just break out of those, and you end up no longer being frustrated.

Basically this is a quick response to ask you just a couple things Sly. First off,what are you willing to change? Second, what do you think you need to change? Third, how much effort are you willing to put into it and how much discomfort (physical or mental stress for changing body or behavior respectively) are you willing to go through. That will give me an idea of what to suggest.

Also, I don't know what you look like, how you dress, if you wear cologne and what kind, how you sound when you talk, how you walk etc. I can start with a photo if you want to send it in a PM or PM me and I'll give you my email if you are like me and don't like dealing with flickr for this site.

Also, what is your goal? I know to get a woman, but are you willing to go out places to try and meet women? Are you willing to join groups and such even if you have tried before but I don't ask you to until after we work on some changes first? What things would you be willing to try again after some changes and learning new behaviors and stuff?

Thats to begin with. It will get me some idea.

Also, emo chicks and scene chicks don't always go for the butch dudes. Those are probably the two best subcultures I can think of to try and hang out around to meet girls. These girls are also probably not going to be the kind of girls who get on dating sites or post on FB or the internet about wanting this guy or that guy etc. Are you familiar with either of these and can you stand to be around emo's at all? Some people cannot. I totally get that. But if you don't know much about the whole scene would that be something you would be willing to look into later on? I'm not asking you to buy into it, but maybe just tolerate some different music while you meet somebody because people's tastes change and couples always start listening to each others stuff when they are together and sometimes seperately. I hate Neil Young on principle but my husband is a HUGE fan and I actually like "After the Gold Rush". That is a major step for me and I never made him turn it off or left the room when he played it. I tolerated it. The same way he tolerates my very annoying habit of playing the same song over and over and over until I'm tired of it and he hates it. He can't stand Whiter Shade of Pale now because of that but promises to play it at my funeral if he outlives me. When he hears it on the radio though he doesn't change it because it reminds him of me.

So, can you give me a brief run down of some of those answers please? We can do this in PM or in email or FB if you had rather. It might be much more comfortable for you to talk about this in private. And I don't tell anything you tell me. I'm not expecting you tel tell me any huge secrets or anything but I want you to know that I won't talk about you with anybody else. That isn't right to do. So however you want to do it, I'm pretty easy about that. No pun intended please lol. Past is past.

Some people would restrain themselves and not have sex so they wouldn't always be having another baby, but most people up until the early 20th century had a lot of children if they were fertile. Having very large families were common back then. Lots of women and babies died from childbirth trauma, some of which was caused by constant back to back pregnancies and other times it was just bad luck. Also, most rural people needed large families to help work and support the family because there were more agricultural based societies and towns than there are now, and family farms were very common. So they had a lot of kids. Sex was fun for most people then as it is now, although it isn't for some people.

I don't know about whether it's all cultural expectations for guys but that is there for sure. However, in most people who enjoy sex there is a basic desire to have it which is something that ensures the survival of the human race. It's there even in some people who are infertile and it's absent in some who are fertile but it's probably in more people than it's not. Women have that too.

Also, to those of us who enjoy sex, it's honestly not at all disgusting and it's really fun. If you don't like it and think it's disgusting then you won't understand how we feel that way, the same way we don't understand how you feel the way you do, but I do accept that you do. So sex is a major part of advertising since the 40s and 50s whether implied or overt, so that added to things as well as all the changes brought about by birth control, legalized abortion and of course the sexual revolution of the 60s. So there are tons of things and no one thing can be pointed to as the cause of any of it because different folks are effected by different things. So, who knows. Suffice it to say that some like it and some don't.

I think that is out of context. I argued against criminalizing having sex with somebody you are married to without consent with the argument that women would use this in custody processes, and by the fact that if there is regular sex without consent then there is also violence, and violence is already illegal.

I hardly claimed it was a good thing, but you also have to be realistic and compromise in a relationship. Especially when the two people involved have different sexual needs. That shouldn't mean that the one with the lowest sexual needs will always win.





That wasn't really serious. But, yeah, it is kind of disgusting, but if they do it where I cannot see it, then let them.

That's true. However, I can understand that sexual release is pleasurable, but since I find sexual intercourse disgusting it is more pleasurable to handle that with masturbation. That way I don't get the feeling of disgust, and masturbation is much simpler and requires less effort. Pornography with males present is also highly disgusting, so if I use porn it would be women only, but honestly I prefer clothed women, so I really don't need porn either.

You asked "can you let me in on how I can make this happen for me since this is the norm with women?"

and I answered you accordingly - thinking you want a lot of sex offers.

I had no idea what you really wanted- I don't read your mind, duh.

If you are really not after sex, then ask the question differently and stop wasting our time.

Why is that impossible exactly? Throughout History, only 40 men succesfully reproduced for ever 80 women that did the same. There have been tons of men who were just considered too defective or low-status to be viable partners by the female sex as a whole.



A thousand times this. Ladies, you should really take this to heart.

Because in the real world, some girls are losers too.

Also, look into what "categorically rule out" means as well.

Combine that.

Yes, but those girls have their sexual consent to use as a bargaining chip, loser guys don't even that. A loser girl can easily land an average or above-average guy just with the promise of regular access to sex.

No, she cannot. I'm not talking about average or a little below average girls. I'm talking about way below average looking girls with horrible personalities and bodies that you don't really want to go near. There are some girls that most slightly below average and above guys will not touch at all. I know a few. I know some things that happened and while it's not fun for a guy to be turned down for sex, it's kind of considered a really bad insult for a girl to be, and there are quite a few that are. More than you think. You may not see these girls a lot because they either may not go out much or they make themselves almost invisible because they know what they look like and how they are too.

I could show you some pictures of a couple of them I know and you would say "I didn't mean them, I mean regular girls" or some such. Because, just, no. And just like a lot of the guys can't help it a lot of them can't. Also, while some guys can do something and don't, some girls can do something and don't.

It's not always a pretty world

I'm guessing you don't usually associate with a lot of low-status, unattractive males. Not that I blame you, most people don't, certainly not women. With the price of sex as inflated as it is today, most of us would take literally almost anything we could get. Beggars can't be choosers. Sure, maybe these girls got turned down when they asked out Chad McAlpha, because he has constant regular access to sex with higher-quality women, but what I'm betting what you DIDN'T see was these very the same women turning down dregs like me by the truckload. And why? Because all we had to offer them was our own sexual consent, and that's not what women want from men. Women want someone who will raise social status (and I do mean SOCIAL status, not financial status), guys like me can't do that because we're at the very bottom of the social hierarchy, so they're not going to give us sex.

I would rather have a girl who is not-so-hot looking, yet has a nice personality, than have a girl who is "hot," yet has a crude personality.

The media depict men to be sex craved but women find sex much, much more pleasurable then men, or so I've heard not from personal experience

I understand that the Chris Chan types would probably go for those girls but you had said an average or above average guy would and I honestly don't think they would. I have seen that type of thing happen before when the GUY is really drunk. I knew one who woke up in a really bad situation once and just made up some s**t and walked out and started walking to go find his way back home, didn't even know where his car was and assumed it was at the bar. This was a REALLY good looking guy and how he ended up there I do know, and it had to do with Tequila and weed. Lots of both. And some coke so things would work. She didn't do anything anyway and that was her lucky night. He said he was nice but said he had to go there was an emergency, but how he would have heard of one back then before cell phones I have no clue. But usually that kind of hook up doesn't happen. Usually people tend to stick to their own league or maybe one notch above or below. Unless one is a gold digger or a trick or one is on drugs and the other has a lot of them. Otherwise people are more or less equal, but sometimes you see matches that surprise you, and it's love. Those are better people than I am because I had to be physically attracted to the guy before I would go on a date with him and maybe those matches aren't. Or maybe they are attracted to that type, you never know.

But, I don't care at all about anybody's social status. I make my own social status. I don't know why you insist that we must be getting some kind of social kickback for p**** or something. That has never happened to me. I wouldn't be interested in that anyway. What kind of things do you think my husband is doing for me socially? I'm serious, that isn't just me yelling at you and a rhetorical question. What could I possibly be getting socially from this.

There are a lot of factors involved. All sex is not created equal and there is skill involved as well as genetic luck.

This needs to be said more often. These women aren't even factored into the equation, but just go out in public, look around, and you'll realize you are surrounded by them. At least in the US.