Worst decision - okcupid

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Well obviously you're going to need a good profile and good photos as well. You need good lighting in your photos, good composition, and you need to look cool in them.

The profile should show your personality. Don't just boringly answer the questions 100% logically. Spice it up with humor and wit and allow your personality to shine through.

I don't really think the quickmatch feature is very important.

By the way, I'm speaking from a place of experience and success in this area.

In my opinion, Okcupid is not the place to meet girls with your common interests. That website has many females who are used to getting tons of messages from different men each day. Try meeting girls when you go out. Start conversations with ones who catch your eye and take it from there.

Go out where? To bars? To nightclubs?

Places like that are terrible places to meet women unless you get really lucky or have really good social skills! Most of the women you meet there are drunk and just wanna flirt with you and give out fake phone #s.

There are however, plenty of internet sites and forums for people who have common interests and one place you could start is meetup.com in your area. Even though the social gatherings don't always have a huge turnout it can be useful for connecting with local people who share the same interests. But a word of caution: It is not a dating site! Keep your expectations low and don't assume that women there necessarily are going to be anything more than casual friends or acquaintances.

I have trouble finding men, I been on ALOT of dating sites, I don't think dating sites are for me. I can get emails from creeps that want one thing or come on too strong to me. I talked to ALOT of Losers.

Why were they losers ?:(

They asked for inappropriate pictures of me or want to meet me the next day, I want to get to know the guy a little or I get scared if they move too fast for me.

There are usually a lot more places other than bars and nightclubs. Could be courses about various topics, or interest gatherings for specific things. Just make sure you pick something that women find interesting. All types of dancing typically have more women than men, so that's probably the best selection if you can learn dancing.

If you want to meet women, an activity that's mostly-women (that you enjoy) is the way to go -- any kind of dance class (standard or Latin ballroom, belly dance, whatever), art or crafts class (knitting, crocheting, beading) or lecture series at an art or history museum.

Aren't those the creeps?

Well for lots of girls if you don't ask to meet them right away they move on. I tend to want to text online or by phone for few weeks before meeting.

The men can give me their phone numbers in their first email to me.

I haven't heard of one single successful long-term relationship to ever come out of internet dating, regardless of what the ads said. That said, I do know of a couple of successful relationships that have come about from people meeting as friends on the internet and then spending time getting to know one another.

You're the same age as my middle kid, so I've been dealing with relationships for a while. Here's the best advice I can give you:

1. 23 is not over the hill. You have a lot of time to build a love relationship with someone in the future. And, yes, I know it feels like it will never happen. I've been there. But a lack of patience leads to appearing desperate. Appearing desperate runs people off, and so works against you.

2. While you are working on your patience, spend that time working on your favorite hobbies. Absolutely do join clubs associated with them. It is not only a great way to indulge in something you enjoy, but also a great way to meet other people who also enjoy those hobbies--including those of the opposite gender who might like to get to know you better, especially since they already know you have an interest in common.

3. When you do meet someone, remember that it is very, very, VERY easy to turn on "boyfriend behavior" and be marvelously charming and fabulously delightful in small doses--and then go home and detox. But when the relationship progresses to living together, or to marriage, it is much harder. Start as you mean to go on, or she will wind up feeling manipulated and used, despite the fact that it is not your intent, and the relationship will fizzle out, at best, or implode.

4. It's worth saying again. Be patient.

I don't know how much I've helped, but I do wish you luck in finding the perfect lady. There are a few good ones out there still, I'm sure!

Judith

There's no guarantee that those women are single; and even if they are that's no guarantee that they'll date you. Nevertheless, suit yourself. But keep in mind that if you join these groups with the *intent* of picking up women, those women will sense that right away even if you don't act on it and it will sabotage your chances. Why? Because it makes you look desperate; and desperation is a lady repellent. I say that these activities are a better way of making platonic friends and just having contact with real people but you should NOT expect to get anything more from them.


Part of the problem for me in terms of getting dates IRL is that I am awesomely bad at reading people. I have no way of determining if someone has anything in common with me or what they're actually like/into until I talk to them and I cannot for the life of me pick up on nonverbal cues from female strangers that indicate attraction!

Of course not. That's what the "eye-contact" game is meant to be used for.



Depends. If you join a club and expect to find a woman right away, then probably, but that's not how you should operate. You join it because you find the activities interesting. Then you go there a few times to see if some of the women are receptive to the eye-contact game.



At least I know dancing works. Dancing also has the advantage of having close contact with women without having to figure out if they want to be approached or not. Asking somebody for a dance is much safer and easier than asking for a date.



I can't read NTs, but most NDs are easy to read.

IME, ND women tend to be very shy and introverted. And shy people are especially hard to read when you observe them without interacting with them and even then their body language is particularly quiet when they're in a public place or a social setting. I've played the eye contact game and it never actually worked in terms of getting together with someone. Sometimes it just means she's friendly and wants to chat or hang out but not actually date you. If it worked for you, fine. But it doesn't work for me and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. Even if you don't expect to meet somebody at first, having those intentions is a dead giveaway and if there isn't anyone there who finds you attractive *and* is going to make her interest clear then don't expect anything more than friendship.


Eye contact does not automatically indicate interest and sometimes a woman who's interested won't make direct eye contact. ND women tend not to be the type to participate in social gatherings where strangers meet and greet and many of them, though of course not all of them, don't really like to dance that much. Dancing is very much a social activity that many introverts shun unless they have an established relationship with a dancing partner. So if you're looking to get a chance to interact with NT women, or at least more extroverted women then these types of settings are useful.

I know I cannot make eye contact with people unless I know them well and feel comfortable around them. So I imagine any guys who may have attempted eye contact games with me in the past were disappointed by my complete lack of reciprocating since my first instinct is to look away when someone tries to make eye contact.

It was even hard to make direct eye contact with my current boyfriend, until we spent quite a bit of time together...don't know if he noticed that though.

Had an okcupid account for 4 years. I've had a few dates, but nothing came of it. I've met two women who became my friends. One of them I would have dated, but she had to move. I'm having better luck on fetlife, go figure. Meeting girls on sites works, but NOT dating sites. I met way more girls online back in the era of myspace.