Why is it girls have an easier time getting dates than guys?

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This was a very interesting vignette into that perspective. While I do find it a bit appalling to think of multifaceted dynamic and nuanced people in terms of such truncated caricatures and dichotomies, I believe it is equally as important to understand the stereotypes that people will bring to the table when looking at and pigeon-holing others.
That being said,I think this description of people's views of men and women is apt. This might also further explain the phenomenon of older men dating younger women. Men after and up til a certain age gain more value and power, whereas women, after and up to a certain age "peak" and "lose" value and meaning within society.
Example in movies (as movies are reflections of society's values and belief systems) the protagonists are often powerful men in their 30's/40's (or stories about slightly younger men that become older powerful men) and women in their early twenties or as mothers (and then they are usually just sources of food really or annoying) or self-sacrificing and personalityless.
Meaning that other narratives outside of that narrow focus are "worth" portraying because they don't have a useful role in society.

Which, I mean, I personally do not agree with assigning people base values based on their perceived stereotypical usefulness quotient, but I can't change this cultural mechanism so...

I would also like to point out that I think both ends of the gender spectrum are relatively f****d compared to NTs.
Female Aspies get abused and taken advantage... usually socially f****d over in female circles and in relationships by males
and Male aspies get the s**t kicked out of them in a different but also very ASC-specific way- I think males suffer a lot of neglect in relationships, that is a bit more characterized by a lack of than by afflicted of as with female aspies. Two sides of the same abuse coin essentially.
Again, the degree to which society LOOOOVES to hate on Aspies/auties never ceases to amaze me.
Why so mean peoples?!

Also, thinking that there is a "best time EVA" of anyone's life makes me sad. I like to think that every point of a person's life has the potential to be their best, but perhaps in different yet equally enjoyable ways.

Maybe it's just me, but the depression/anxiety thing is ridiculously common - even among the NT.

In college, me and half my girlfriends, who are mostly NT, landed themselves in-patient for a week in the wake of a bad breakup. So did two ex-bfs. So did my mum at my age, so did several family friends. Coping skills aren't anybody's strong suit at 19. Getting Baker Act-ed may as well be an upper middle class kid rite of passage in college!




I accept that rejection's part of dating and most of it's not even personal - fundamental incompatibilities. If some guy doesn't want to be with me, the sooner he figures it out the better as far as I'm concerned. Also, well, you either break up or get married and I hope to marry exactly once (and haven't yet).




True. If keeping it together takes all your energy, you're likely better off alone.



I don't think it's pointless but you're certainly entitled to. Given that something like 1/4 of Americans have or will have a disability, "limiting" yourself to the disabled dating pool mightn't be as awful as you think. My current (adored) BF is NT but has a bunch of severe-ish LDs... none of which stops him being awesome, happy or gainfully employed.

Care to post some photographic evidence of this? There are some women that age who are still glamorous but it sounds to me like you're saying this to sound like a good person and not being realistic....Unless there's some woman who has managed to completely halt the external aging process. I say that both men and women in their 60s are NEARLY as good looking as men and women in their 20s.

On the other hand, to each his own. If you have a particular fetish for women that age and you can find a woman in her 60s willing to sleep with you, more power to you.

I stand by my statement.

I'm in my 50s; my wife is in her 60s.

Very well then. You both are in the same age range even though you're in a younger decade.



LOGIC FAIL. The dating game is all about supply and demand! Just because the supply of both men and women in their 20s is equal does not imply that demand is equal because it's not. You stupidly fail to acknowledge that 20-somethings are not restricted to dating people their age. A lot of female 20-somethings date men beyond their 20s because these guys are more stable and $ecure than guys in their 20s. Most women in their 30s are not willing to date men under 30 because they don't think these guys are mature enough by their standards(though they're always exceptions). Besides, it's not uncommon for disabled and highly introverted women to marry young. A lot of autistic women it seems tend to marry young or they don't marry at all. It makes a lot of sense for them because they figure they'd better snag a man while they're at their prime otherwise they won't be able to compete.

Once in a relationship or for first dates?

Would be scary to do so on first date. But once in one sure I guess.

I don't think it is really the same, a lot of people are depressed and anxious but it's not situational like a break up or death but rather how I operate all the time and it's not like there is no rational basis for it and I feel like it compounds itself even more as time goes on. It's a disability, not a phase. Drugs can do certain things but they are not cures not are they tenable solutions, it's hard enough just attending class again and I doubt I will finish the degree. 'Disabled dating pool'? What is that? I'm imagining a tent of circus freaks, there is no "pool" as far as I am concerned. 1/4th of Americans, most being what? Chronic back pain? It's incredibly isolating on the spectrum, it's hard enough to even have a friend let alone anything approaching a relationship. Perhaps I am better off alone, perhaps I am better off dead, it's just frustrating since there is such a so close yet so far feeling like if only I could get the ball rolling that everything else would come together but I'm stuck in this catch 22. Maybe I should pray to Jesus, I dunno.

Yeah I'm with you Kuraudo. Though for a first date, I'd keep it public but still simple. No fancy restaurant, please. A basic cafe, somewhere I'm comfortable getting to etc. I've been on first dates that were just walks through parks - they were nice.

What's your diet? You get horny all the time.

Some aspies can't relate to others. That's fine.


What's your point? Even if this was correct, it doesn't imply that equal number of males and females don't date.

My first in-patient stay was in grade school (college, to be fair was the second and, touch wood, only) and my baby sister's home away from home was the friendly neighborhood pediatric teaching hospital's psych unit. The mental illness that runs in my family is about as severe as it comes. My NT mom and sis take a boatload of meds daily, have since early childhood and will be doing so daily until the end of time.

(They're also alive, educated, gainfully employed and awesome courtesy of an incredible amount of first-class psychiatric and pharmaceutical scaffolding).



Depends on the person. Anti-depressants and three dropped classes sophomore year saved me and I'd the wherewithal to proactively realize my freakouts in grad school were likely brain chemistry-related, ie therapist, psychiatrist, more meds, etc. staved off a hospitalization. I'd both degrees by 23... but I'm sort of a freak in that when everything fell apart, school saved me. The only order in chaos, the place were effort, handily enough and a scent perspective AND social skills, there was a direct correlation between effort and achievement.

Lots of folks take a semester or two off to deal with health issues or transfer or change majors or whatever. You're not the first or last to take five or seven years to finish undergrad.



Well, I'm in the disabled dating pool as is my entire family (mom, sis = mental illness; dad = legally blind). Boyfriend's ADHD, severe dyslexia + auditory processing issues. Half my colleagues are Aspies (yay, Commerce). Fave cousin has DS and is engaged. My big boss (boss's boss) has no arms (thalidomide), so types w feet and is happily married. Folks with disabilities aren't all home alone Saturday nights.

Patronizing much? To disabled young women? Maybe they marry for love. It's certainly POSSSIBLE.

I disagree with the "marry while young cuz you're in you're prime" for girls though (or guys, actually) -- it's based on the FLAWED ASSUMPTION that what makes you happy happy at 20 or 22 is what'll make you happy at 40+. At 20, I was into "hot" and literally couldn't think of anything to say to anybody I dated before age 26 for 10 min over coffee today. Had I married really young, I'd likely have divorced young... 7 of first 8 weddings I went to ended in divorce within 18 months. The moral of the story is mostly if you're 21-22 and thinking of getting married, be engaged for another year. I've no moral high ground... Lived with then-BF for a year and then broke up.

(Because you'll bring it up, ME and my friends being bad at marriage at 21 when dinosaurs practically roamed the earth doesn't mean OTHER young girls who married young didn't do so for the right reasons. They're not me!).

Looking at US Census data, the vast majority of under 35s marry or are presently married to someone within 5 years of their age... so there are a whole lot of married twenty somethings married to each other. Straight ones. Marriage equality wasn't yet a thing during the last census. (Average engagement's 18 mos, so plenty of those married twentysomethings were likely engaged to each other or someone only a bit older first).

There are also $ecure girls in their twenties who date $ecure guys in their twenties... I certainly did. (Seriously... if you graduate at 22 or 25 and aren't independent and financially $ecure then you might never be. Unless you're in, like, med school and specialize. Even if you do a PH.D., you're done by 26-27).

And if you truly believe girls are all about $ecurity... you'll be a chick magnet in your 30s, right? A dateless, experience-less, overnight chick magnet... suuuuuure.

Anecdotes, anecdotes.....and more anecdotes. And given that you have social skills, sounds like you're not one of us(autistic).

Not all disabilities are created equal!

Learning disabilities in particular do not impede success later in life unless you're pursuing an academic career or one that requires a specific college degree(particularly an advanced degree). Dyslexia is a drag but my uncle had it and he was highly successful in business as well as a very good at being a librarian for the California Historical Society. Social skills are really what count in most professions and even in college as you found out. And those are precisely what we autists are BAD AT.

Social ineptitude unfortunately repulses most NT women. And furthermore, there really is no magic chemical elixir that can effectively treat social clumsiness. Some psychiatric disorders are the fault of the wiring of the brain rather than the chemistry of brain. Autism itself often does not respond to medication and particularly in adulthood once the brain has developed completely. There are other conditions like Borderline and PTSD which are also neurological and meds really don't actually help.

Ohai katy! Nice to have you back....


Plenty of people, including yours truly, graduated in our early 20s and weren't financially secure until our 30s given our disability issues as well as the economic tumult in the last 8 years. And in case you haven't noticed, an undergrad degree no longer ensures that you're going to get a good job, let alone *any* job nowadays. Unless of course you major in something useful like computer science and even then you're not gonna get hired by your academic credentials alone-you'll need work experience which you get through a paid internship.


So what are the stats from the 2010 census about straight people who marry before the age of 30?

And FYI I never insinuated that disabled/introverted women don't marry young out of love. What I said is that many of them, including some autistic women I know, married their first partner and were very eager to get hitched at an age where most women are too busy with their sexplorations. Marriage isn't just about love, it's about commitment. A lot of people in their early to mid 20s really aren't able or willing to commit to someone yet.

Bipolar, I agree, we're lucky that money isn't important for most women these days. But there was this member of this forum. Her nickname was katey something. She talked a lot about how her boyfriend is gainfully employed. Maybe to date someone like that it would be enough. Also I noticed that lately a number of members with similar views is increasing.

Ugh! I agree! I see all these girls with boyfriends or getting asked out. I got tired of expecting a guy to ask me out so I just go for it. As of now, I enjoy doing the chasing.