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Getting a girlfriend feels like an impossible task

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Grammar Geek
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02 Mar 2016, 9:52 pm

Well I didn't have that choice. I have yet to go on my first date, so I wasn't given the opportunity to practice.



Spiderpig
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03 Mar 2016, 12:53 am

Corollary -- If you're male and heterosexual, and didn't get started young, forget it---dating isn't for you and will never be.


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Suumsuique
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03 Mar 2016, 6:14 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Corollary -- If you're male and heterosexual, and didn't get started young, forget it---dating isn't for you and will never be.

Dating shouldnt be for anyone if you ask me, go spend time with people naturally rather than emphasised and superficially prepared with expectation.



Outrider
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03 Mar 2016, 6:43 am

Yes, artificializing dating sucks.

But, for most of us I think it's merely the best way to find love more quickly and efficiently, rather than befriending a high amount of people of the opposite sex and hoping you'll naturally fall in love with one and they will with you, when it is entirely possible to remain friends and only friends with people for the rest of your life.



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03 Mar 2016, 8:40 am

Why the stigma for dating sites? Were it not for dating sites, I would never have been on a single date. I met my girlfriend on a dating site and we're starting to get on really well. We have so much in common. She has a collection of Super Nintendo games, she likes Star Trek and she shares my high sex drive. Interestingly enough, all of the guys she's dated she met on dating sites also.

Monkeydoo wrote:
If you're going to make dating mistakes, making them young is a good idea. What's goofy and over-enthusiastic at 14 is flat-out creepy stalker behavior at 25.
Grammar Geek wrote:
Well I didn't have that choice. I have yet to go on my first date, so I wasn't given the opportunity to practice.
Me either. One of my main regrets in life. I had my first date at 25 and it was hard because I really didn't know what I was doing. I went on more dates and gradually got better at it. It was slow going because I didn't have many opportunities and each bad date would end my chance to practice with that particular girl, not because I did anything to upset her but just because I wasn't able to keep her interest. It took years of trial and error. That's the only way to do it. Set out, know you may fail the first half-dozen times but you'll get it eventually.

True that when you're 14 girls will usually cut you some slack but the litigation-scared schools may not. I've heard about them penalizing students just for trying to work out the dating scene within their peer group. True they may get it wrong but that's all part of the learning process. They don't get that there's no way for them to get good at it if they're not given the opportunity to try. They don't get that at a young age, students won't know what adults know and as such will make mistakes. Imagine if you were learning a musical instrument and your tutor expected you to never make a mistake from lesson 1.

It's all part of the worrying modern trend that all people, including children are expected to be perfect at all times. That's the product of a litigious society out to make a quick buck. The result is the ridiculous Zero-Tolerance rules that have zero tolerance for imperfection.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Mar 2016, 8:46 am

The reason why some women are leery of bisexual men is because they fear, if they get in a relationship with a bisexual man, that the man will "switch" to a man all of a sudden. They fear getting hurt that way.



auntblabby
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03 Mar 2016, 3:01 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
The reason why some women are leery of bisexual men is because they fear, if they get in a relationship with a bisexual man, that the man will "switch" to a man all of a sudden. They fear getting hurt that way.

they fear another form of infidelity, with bi men and women there is twice as much potential for that. what a wicked world we live in.



Suumsuique
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04 Mar 2016, 8:53 am

Outrider wrote:
Yes, artificializing dating sucks.

But, for most of us I think it's merely the best way to find love more quickly and efficiently, rather than befriending a high amount of people of the opposite sex and hoping you'll naturally fall in love with one and they will with you, when it is entirely possible to remain friends and only friends with people for the rest of your life.

Well thats just not love, thats a whim. Its a false expectation. It doesnt work that way and never will and even when it seems to work it sets itself up to fail anyway. And i rather do it right after 40 years of solitude than do it wrong a 100 times before im 40.

We are a kind of people that need logic and steadyness in our lives, looking for "love" in the way the illogical/normals thusfor do doesnt make sense to me. And if its only because we for some reason feel less or left out; thats the illusion of inadequacy.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Mar 2016, 9:18 am

Socialization itself is a challenge for some here, sometimes this site doesn't sound like an Autism forum.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Mar 2016, 10:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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04 Mar 2016, 9:20 am

Many people with autism have no trouble interacting online.

The problems arise, usually, when there is face-to-face interaction.



AR15000
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04 Mar 2016, 11:44 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
The reason why some women are leery of bisexual men is because they fear, if they get in a relationship with a bisexual man, that the man will "switch" to a man all of a sudden. They fear getting hurt that way.



It's also the fear of AIDS. Because buttsecks is a much more efficient means of AIDS transmission than PIV intercourse.



AR15000
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04 Mar 2016, 11:47 am

Suumsuique wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Corollary -- If you're male and heterosexual, and didn't get started young, forget it---dating isn't for you and will never be.

Dating shouldnt be for anyone if you ask me, go spend time with people naturally rather than emphasised and superficially prepared with expectation.



This works for NTs and even some Aspies when you're young. But when you get older, it becomes harder and HARDER to meet people the natural way as you have fewer social opportunities.

And furthermore, you often have expectations that unconsciously reveal themselves through your body language that people pick up and respond negatively to so it doesn't work.

I'm sick of this piece of advice being given so many times ITF when most of us get nowhere with it. Online dating really works. It makes not difference that it's "artificial".



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04 Mar 2016, 1:02 pm

AR15000 wrote:
Suumsuique wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Corollary -- If you're male and heterosexual, and didn't get started young, forget it---dating isn't for you and will never be.

Dating shouldnt be for anyone if you ask me, go spend time with people naturally rather than emphasised and superficially prepared with expectation.



This works for NTs and even some Aspies when you're young. But when you get older, it becomes harder and HARDER to meet people the natural way as you have fewer social opportunities.

And furthermore, you often have expectations that unconsciously reveal themselves through your body language that people pick up and respond negatively to so it doesn't work.

I'm sick of this piece of advice being given so many times ITF when most of us get nowhere with it. Online dating really works. It makes not difference that it's "artificial".

My advice still stands. Ill have to disagree with the suggestion that 'meeting people gets harder', meeting people is as easy as can be.. trying to force a relationship will get harder because people get smarter and start to see how foolish such a thing is.



marshall
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04 Mar 2016, 2:23 pm

Suumsuique wrote:
My advice still stands. Ill have to disagree with the suggestion that 'meeting people gets harder', meeting people is as easy as can be.. trying to force a relationship will get harder because people get smarter and start to see how foolish such a thing is.

Actually, it does get harder if you're not one of those people with tons of energy at your disposal.



AR15000
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04 Mar 2016, 5:01 pm

Suumsuique wrote:
AR15000 wrote:
Suumsuique wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Corollary -- If you're male and heterosexual, and didn't get started young, forget it---dating isn't for you and will never be.

Dating shouldnt be for anyone if you ask me, go spend time with people naturally rather than emphasised and superficially prepared with expectation.



This works for NTs and even some Aspies when you're young. But when you get older, it becomes harder and HARDER to meet people the natural way as you have fewer social opportunities.

And furthermore, you often have expectations that unconsciously reveal themselves through your body language that people pick up and respond negatively to so it doesn't work.

I'm sick of this piece of advice being given so many times ITF when most of us get nowhere with it. Online dating really works. It makes not difference that it's "artificial".

My advice still stands. Ill have to disagree with the suggestion that 'meeting people gets harder', meeting people is as easy as can be.. trying to force a relationship will get harder because people get smarter and start to see how foolish such a thing is.



Speak for yourself about meeting people. You and I live in 2 different countries. Here in America, working adults often find it more and more difficult to make new friends and find partners(if they're single). Many of them socialize primarily with the people they work with. UNLESS of course they belong to a religious congregation.

The reason you cannot force a relationship has nothing to do with people being "smarter"! It has to do with being DESPERATE.

I still say you have a naive, unrealistic view of the world and how it is for most of us Aspies. Meeting women in person can be easy if you're in places where people are friendly to you...but getting into a relationship or in the sack with them is another matter because a lot of women you meet won't find you attractive. And if they're not into you, it makes no f*cking difference if you're relaxed and chill. You need to put yourself in places where people who will actually find you attractive are likely to be found. And even then, it's hard to recognize when someone you meet is truly into you or just flirting/being friendly.



Nocturnus
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05 Mar 2016, 1:57 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Socialization itself is a challenge for some here, sometimes this site doesn't sound like an Autism forum.


I agree but that is because some people are self diagnosed instead of having a professional diagnosis. They could be misdiagnosing themselves in some cases, I have seen outgoing people claiming to have Autism without an official diagnosis.

I have even heard of cases where people pay several hundreds of pounds to receive a medical document with Autism written on it.