It is possible to simply not have what women want?

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Shahunshah
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28 Nov 2016, 4:37 pm

auntblabby wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
Your self aware that's the thing. I am talking about someone who struggles to understand when he is pressing boundries or annoying others. If you want me to I can tell you all about his social skills I can just to prove a point.

but the point is that I am NOT really self-aware, because if I was then i'd have long ago figured out how to work around this. the one and only mate I hate for a brief period left me continually scratching my head as to what I said wrong. if I had any self-awareness at all, any theory of mind, any insight, i'd have been able to avoid that minefield altogether. as it is, I myself struggle to know when I am pressing boundaries and annoying others until they blow up. it has ever been thus.
Firstly self awareness is not just about picking up on social cues, its about thinking about the implications of your own actions, and understanding others based upon what they have said and done. What you have refered to above is what all Aspies struggle with which is understanding cues in the middle of interactions.

From the impression I get of you online you are someone who has learnt to hold a conversation and not upset others.

And I think you have more social awareness than the person I am refering to. If you want to know about him PM me.

Now would your family agree that you are a boundriless and un-self aware?



auntblabby
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28 Nov 2016, 4:45 pm

Shahunshah wrote:
Firstly self awareness is not just about picking up on social cues, its about thinking about the implications of your own actions, and understanding others based upon what they have said and done. What you have refered to above is what all Aspies struggle with which is understanding cues in the middle of interactions. From the impression I get of you online you are someone who has learnt to hold a conversation and not upset others. And I think you have more social awareness than the person I am refering to. If you want to know about him PM me. Now would your family agree that you are a boundriless and un-self aware?

my family would DEFINITELY agree that I have problems with boundaries and knowing when I've been offensive. all my life. there is a big difference between realtime face to face communication with somebody that doesn't come with a delay button, edit button and backspace. I am too slow to relate to people in real time without errors, big ones. sometimes I will discover I did something wrong like a week later when I will be awoken at night in sheer alarm at something I just then realized I did. you don't know how painful that is. I saved myself by being a hermit, I had to do that to save my life. I couldn't take any more of the failures, I would have ended up taking a long walk off a short pier, eventually. btw, you are always welcome to PM me with the private details you mentioned about your friend.



Shahunshah
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29 Nov 2016, 3:19 am

Alliekit wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Outrider wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
-Be a psycho conspiracy theorist.
-Be an animalistic and blunt womanizer
==>Score!

Noted.


Women really do like a55hles as long as they're confident, according to this thread.

A violent, animalistic and blunt womanizer who quite literally preys on the shy geeky women and sleeps with multiple women in his class and preys on freshman women?

And that doesn't make women uncomfortable with him or scared of him at all?

I'll have to add this to my book:

University Dating Success Handbook:

Step 1: Seek out the shy, vulnerable and easily convinced women. Seek out new students as they don't know of your reputation.

Step 2: Get them alone, subtly separate them from friends and charm them to make them want you.

Step 3: Sleep with them. Pump and dump.

Step 4: Don't sleep with a woman twice. She will ruin you.

Step 5: Rinse & Repeat

Step 6: Make sure you seek out the non-gossipy women so they won't spread rumors or information about your sex life so that it doesn't damage your reputation.

That's literally what's going through this guy's head...

Sounds like something out of Elliot Rodgers book...

Where's the brigade of Feminists calling out what a creepy, misogynistic psycho the guy must have been?

Hello? Feminists? For once in my life I actually wish you were here to save the day, or at least make this thread tolerable again (but don't worry, it'll only be this one time, otherwise never bother me again)!


This guy is a bit messed up because his mum left him and his dad. So his dad hates women. None of the girls realise he is like that. He only spoke to me about when he found out I was autistic and was telling me the 'wonders of casual sex' and the 'natural state of humans'.

He is pretty crazy but sometimes he can be really sweet and kind. He genuinely doesn't understand the issue with what he is doing. As far as he is concerned the women enjoy it so it's not an issue.

He does have one rule though no virgins

He is and interesting guy with some really strange views


What are his views?


- He absolutely hates autism and being autistic to the point he actively try to be 'not autistic'. To the point he wishes there was a cure
- He doesn't believe in monogamy. Like he will go into full on rants about it and sometimes we end up arguing
- As mentioned he is a conspiracy theorist

Basically we disagree on almost everything so it always makes for an interesting discussion.

There's more personal stuff about sex but I don't think I would be allowed to share it here.
Sounds like he has gone through his share of struggles from the looks of it.



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Nov 2016, 5:09 am

Quote:
There's more personal stuff about sex but I don't think I would be allowed to share it here.



Translation: His dick is big.



Alliekit
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29 Nov 2016, 6:17 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
There's more personal stuff about sex but I don't think I would be allowed to share it here.



Translation: His dick is big.


Actually he is average. He dislikes o**l. I hope this is censored enough



The_Face_of_Boo
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29 Nov 2016, 6:49 am

Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
There's more personal stuff about sex but I don't think I would be allowed to share it here.



Translation: His dick is big.


Actually he is average. He dislikes o**l. I hope this is censored enough



He dislikes...what? Oral? Boring.



Claradoon
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29 Nov 2016, 7:39 am

auntblabby wrote:
there is a big difference between realtime face to face communication with somebody that doesn't come with a delay button, edit button and backspace.


When I lived in my sister's basement, we were both on-line, she sneezed, I sent e-mail "Gesundheit!", she burst out laughing.

Auntblabby, if I would be allowed to communicate by e-mail (or chat?) with the person standing next to me, this would be a comfortable world. Sort of like a monk with a slate. No eye-contact!



MagicKnight
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29 Nov 2016, 8:03 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
Is it possible that some, like me, are simply not meant to be loved


Straight answer to your question would be: possible but very unlikely. I've witnessed the oddest couples and most improbable love stories.

There's always the possibility that one object won't meet some required criteria - but in this context we don't even know what the criteria is, it seems to differ wildly from one person to another. Besides, thinking of all the women there are out there and that you may have nothing to do with any of them is quite a harsh thought.

If you really want to meet someone, you need to expose yourself and keep trying. That will hurt and you know that. This must be the real reason you seem to be feeling so sorry for yourself: you're actually afraid to expose and get hurt.

If you really want that, go for it. Expose yourself, get hurt and keep trying. Don't whine in an aspie forum. This sure won't help. Please don't get this wrong, I mean it in a friendly way.

Cheers!



Alliekit
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29 Nov 2016, 8:18 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
There's more personal stuff about sex but I don't think I would be allowed to share it here.



Translation: His dick is big.


Actually he is average. He dislikes o**l. I hope this is censored enough



He dislikes...what? Oral? Boring.


Um yea :oops: :oops:



Greenleaf
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29 Nov 2016, 8:39 am

I think it's hard to meet enough people, and get to know them well enough, to find the small percent that each of us might 'click' with. There is luck involved so numbers can matter... also I dread the idea of dating... I have hoped to meet someone in shared activities/interests, but I suspect that brings in another problem: my whole life I have had absolutely no clue if someone is interested (unless they are so extreme about it that they are likely a problem.) Looking back I think I missed a few good eggs, still hoping though.

Nowadays I would actually prefer more companionship (common interests!), and not that much physical stuff. I suspect many women are similar but not sure. There are more older women than men, too... for the male aspies worried about "sell-by" dates! :-)

Commitment to work on things even if not perfect might be an approach. I don't expect mind reading, but then I guess I'm an Aspie.



slw1990
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29 Nov 2016, 1:01 pm

Shahunshah wrote:
Well I have seen the light. At the start of the year I felt in a way which was very similar. But this year I had a change of heart. I went to a school where I saw people with Asperger's have fun and get along well with their neurotypical peers. This one sympathy friend with ASD I had in a previous school came there as well. Back in 2014 he was almost suicidal and desperate for friends. Nowadays from what I hear a large amount of people at this new school are coming to his party and he has made many new friends. I could never have seen that ever occuring from where I saw him two years ago. Sometimes we get bogged down in a mindset of pessimism which prevents us from seeing what we are capable of.


Do you know what caused his social life to change so much? Was he also around more people with ASD when this happened? I'm just really curious.



Shahunshah
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29 Nov 2016, 1:17 pm

slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
Well I have seen the light. At the start of the year I felt in a way which was very similar. But this year I had a change of heart. I went to a school where I saw people with Asperger's have fun and get along well with their neurotypical peers. This one sympathy friend with ASD I had in a previous school came there as well. Back in 2014 he was almost suicidal and desperate for friends. Nowadays from what I hear a large amount of people at this new school are coming to his party and he has made many new friends. I could never have seen that ever occuring from where I saw him two years ago. Sometimes we get bogged down in a mindset of pessimism which prevents us from seeing what we are capable of.


Do you know what caused his social life to change so much? Was he also around more people with ASD when this happened? I'm just really curious.
I guess he put allot of his time and effort into spending time with the people of this new school. And gradually they got to know him as a result. He never was the introverted Aspie he always wanted to be around people and have friends. His tone of conversation I should point out at this stage is not obviously autistic either. Though sometimes when talking to people he goes into a sort of monotone way of speaking.

I guess as well as that he is not exactly timid and makes an effort to talk to people often. Sometimes this behavior annoys others but on other occasions he gets a chance to know others a bit more. In regards to the first real friend he had at this school. I would say he benefited from having allot in common with this person, they were both very opinionated people in regards to a number of issues and were interested in gaming.

He was around mainly neurotypicals when this happened. Their was one girl with ASD he was around however who I mentioned in a previous post. The two didn't get on very well and I have seen them through crap at one another. I only learnt he had ASD very recently when I was talking to girl and he happened to be in the room.

Their is also probably allot more I don't know about which helped him. He may have seen as physcologist and recieved medication for his symptoms.

In the previous school we went to around a third of the people there were autistic.



Last edited by Shahunshah on 29 Nov 2016, 3:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Shahunshah
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29 Nov 2016, 1:33 pm

slw1990 if you want to know a little more real free to PM me.



auntblabby
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29 Nov 2016, 3:52 pm

Claradoon wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
there is a big difference between realtime face to face communication with somebody that doesn't come with a delay button, edit button and backspace.


When I lived in my sister's basement, we were both on-line, she sneezed, I sent e-mail "Gesundheit!", she burst out laughing. Auntblabby, if I would be allowed to communicate by e-mail (or chat?) with the person standing next to me, this would be a comfortable world. Sort of like a monk with a slate. No eye-contact!

that is the world we have now.



RetroGamer87
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01 Dec 2016, 7:47 am

Shahunshah wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
No it's not possible, because there is no thing or things that "women want"--women are individuals and every single one of us out there wants different things from men/women, from relationships, from life. So you could have everything one woman wants and absolutely nothing the next one wants. WE ARE INDIVIDUALS. There is no "what women want".


But that's just it...women are individuals, and yet I've failed so completely with all women, and yet women are so diverse, that there can only be one common denominator: me. That there is something wrong, fundamentally, with me, that makes me undesirable to all women.
I would have to agree with Wilburforce here. Sometimes we aren't compatible with individuals but the human race is so vast and their is bound to someone for most people.
Not vast enough. The woman who will stay with me is one in a trillion and there aren't that many people in the world.

I don't blame them. If I was a woman I wouldn't want to date me either.


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314pe
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01 Dec 2016, 8:03 am

wilburforce wrote:
No it's not possible, because there is no thing or things that "women want"--women are individuals and every single one of us out there wants different things from men/women, from relationships, from life. So you could have everything one woman wants and absolutely nothing the next one wants. WE ARE INDIVIDUALS. There is no "what women want".

Do you know any individuals who are specifically looking for someone who is poorly educated, for example? Or socially awkward? Underemployed? Has bad health?

There's a fairly narrow range of characteristics that most people are looking for in a partner. It's very possible that some people don't meet these standards.