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Almost 29 and I am still the same as I was last year

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Marknis
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30 Apr 2017, 8:20 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Online dating can work. Tomorrow I'm going to the symphony with a girl I met on a dating site.

Keep trying. Many girls rejected me on dating sites before I found girls who want to go out with me.


I am not putting a lot of hope into it but I am giving Bumble a try since my therapist told me her son met his current partner with it. If it doesn't go anywhere, I will never use a dating app again.


For my area there's almost no one on bumble


Are you from the Bible Belt as well?


I'm from the super attractive thin young women liberal belt aka the west coast


Aren't there a lot of obese young liberal women on the west coast who will get mad at you if you don't change what you're attracted to conform to their obesity acceptance?

If you to stay were you are you'll be surrounded by right wing extremist fundamentalist morons but if you move to the west coast you'll be surrounded by left wing extremist SJW morons. Damned if you, damned if you don't.


Most of them will be automatically mad at you for being a "white cis het male" even if you subscribe to size acceptance or are a chubby chaser but that is par of course for all SJWs. Even when The Happy Cat Owner attacked Chicken Pot Awesome for critiquing third wave feminism and got a huge backlash, no SJW came to his aid. He was just another "white cis het male" in their eyes.

I don't align with either extreme right wing or extreme left wing viewpoints. Fundamentalists think I am a devil worshipper, a misanthrope, and a serial killer in waiting. SJWs, on the other hand, think I am a Christian, a "white priveleged" as*hole, and a pedophile or ephebophile.



AngelRho
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30 Apr 2017, 1:21 pm

Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Online dating can work. Tomorrow I'm going to the symphony with a girl I met on a dating site.

Keep trying. Many girls rejected me on dating sites before I found girls who want to go out with me.


I am not putting a lot of hope into it but I am giving Bumble a try since my therapist told me her son met his current partner with it. If it doesn't go anywhere, I will never use a dating app again.


For my area there's almost no one on bumble


Are you from the Bible Belt as well?


I'm from the super attractive thin young women liberal belt aka the west coast


Aren't there a lot of obese young liberal women on the west coast who will get mad at you if you don't change what you're attracted to conform to their obesity acceptance?

If you to stay were you are you'll be surrounded by right wing extremist fundamentalist morons but if you move to the west coast you'll be surrounded by left wing extremist SJW morons. Damned if you, damned if you don't.


Most of them will be automatically mad at you for being a "white cis het male" even if you subscribe to size acceptance or are a chubby chaser but that is par of course for all SJWs. Even when The Happy Cat Owner attacked Chicken Pot Awesome for critiquing third wave feminism and got a huge backlash, no SJW came to his aid. He was just another "white cis het male" in their eyes.

I don't align with either extreme right wing or extreme left wing viewpoints. Fundamentalists think I am a devil worshipper, a misanthrope, and a serial killer in waiting. SJWs, on the other hand, think I am a Christian, a "white priveleged" as*hole, and a pedophile or ephebophile.

I'm still just trying to wrap my brain around how it is I'm a moron just because I'm a white Christian fundamentalist...or are you referring to white Christian fundamentalists who happen to be morons versus those of us who aren't?

Anyway...look, I have a possible solution to your predicament: try moving to Minnesota, or maybe even better yet the Democratic People's Republic of Chapel Hill. The DPRCH is still kinda Bible-Belt-ish with a HUGE (pseudo?)-intellectual liberal streak. Even if you are more within the middle-ground, you might find yourself more accepted there.

When I was in St. Lawrence County in my grad school days (2001-2003), I found even my views well-tolerated even though the crowds I usually ran with where solidly liberal. That area of NY is kinda like the Mississippi Delta economically, just fewer minorities, more cattle and dairy farms (the Delta is mostly minority and a whole lotta mud). So if you're more the Appalachia-type Bible belt and you like snow and skiing, consider the North Country or the Adirondacks.

For a non-religious moderate, there's pretty much the entire state of Pennsylvania (Amish notwithstanding).

I like Southern Baptists, of course, and all I can say is if it's possible to locate a SBC church in Potsdam, NY, surely you can find a place you could fit in somewhere like that.



RetroGamer87
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30 Apr 2017, 5:51 pm

I wasn't referring to white people specifically.

I'm sure there are plenty of educated people living in the Bible Belt but it sounds like the OP has had a bad experience there.

Remember he's from a different generation and the Bible Belt may have changed since the days of the Solid South.


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Marknis
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30 Apr 2017, 7:08 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I wasn't referring to white people specifically.

I'm sure there are plenty of educated people living in the Bible Belt but it sounds like the OP has had a bad experience there.

Remember he's from a different generation and the Bible Belt may have changed since the days of the Solid South.


Fundamentalism doesn't play favorites when it comes to race. I've seen hyper religious blacks and hispanics around here, not just whites. In fact, I find the SJW narrative that all sexists, homophobes, racists, and religious fanatics are "white cis het males" to be utterly stupid. If they think all white people walk in lockstep, they are either being dishonest or really need to come up in the world. Most heavy metal bands are white but I can tell you that the ones who hate them the most are rednecks.

There are some smart people here but their voices get drowned out by the idiots here. I've tried to make my voice heard but I get told "That's weeyurd! That ain't troo!" as well as threarts of bodily harm.

It should be called the Sick South now. Roadkill litters the streets and roads, the smell of gasoline is everywhere, waste build up is becoming more rampant, Wal-Mart culture is horrifying, and vomit pouring out of the dive bars is a common sight.



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30 Apr 2017, 8:06 pm

Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I wasn't referring to white people specifically.

I'm sure there are plenty of educated people living in the Bible Belt but it sounds like the OP has had a bad experience there.

Remember he's from a different generation and the Bible Belt may have changed since the days of the Solid South.


Fundamentalism doesn't play favorites when it comes to race. I've seen hyper religious blacks and hispanics around here, not just whites. In fact, I find the SJW narrative that all sexists, homophobes, racists, and religious fanatics are "white cis het males" to be utterly stupid. If they think all white people walk in lockstep, they are either being dishonest or really need to come up in the world. Most heavy metal bands are white but I can tell you that the ones who hate them the most are rednecks.

There are some smart people here but their voices get drowned out by the idiots here. I've tried to make my voice heard but I get told "That's weeyurd! That ain't troo!" as well as threarts of bodily harm.

It should be called the Sick South now. Roadkill litters the streets and roads, the smell of gasoline is everywhere, waste build up is becoming more rampant, Wal-Mart culture is horrifying, and vomit pouring out of the dive bars is a common sight.

You're just either in the wrong place or you're getting the completely wrong view. Many rednecks I know are into Pantera, Black Label Society, Pearl Jam, and all kinds of 70's classic rock and Southern Rock like Ted Nugent, Joe Walsh, Skynnard...and I could keep on going with a mix of Seattle bands, intense southern gothic, and 70's stuff.

It tires my ears quickly, on a personal note, and I've played plenty of it. I just tend to be selective of my friends. Thing is, even if I do espouse certain shared views, I tend to take a more intellectual route that others find offputting. People are nice to me, so I keep those things to myself. Most people I know are very accepting even when I DON'T keep my mouth shut. I bet if you just moved 30 miles from where you are you'd find some decent people.



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07 May 2017, 5:39 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I'm from the super attractive thin young women liberal belt aka the west coast


Aren't there a lot of obese young liberal women on the west coast who will get mad at you if you don't change what you're attracted to conform to their obesity acceptance?

If you to stay were you are you'll be surrounded by right wing extremist fundamentalist morons but if you move to the west coast you'll be surrounded by left wing extremist SJW morons. Damned if you, damned if you don't.


Wow, I don't know why you think it's a sensible idea to group EVERYONE under the same hat. Ignore the morons and focus on the people who are not morons.



Last edited by itsme82 on 07 May 2017, 5:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

itsme82
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07 May 2017, 5:39 am

Marknis wrote:
itsme82 wrote:
Marknis wrote:
itsme82 wrote:
Getting in shape decently well shouldn't take more than 1 year of regular and intense enough training or so. (Initially not so intense.) With a good diet of course.


But can I still socialize during all that?


Of course!


I just wonder what I need to do differently in terms of socialization.


No idea since I have never seen you in real life, but here's another suggestion, find a professional IRL who can help with that aspect. Some sort of a counselor or therapist who deals in these issues about improving social skills. I'm not familiar with the options over there so I can't get more specific than this, sorry.


Marknis wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Online dating can work. Tomorrow I'm going to the symphony with a girl I met on a dating site.

Keep trying. Many girls rejected me on dating sites before I found girls who want to go out with me.


I am not putting a lot of hope into it but I am giving Bumble a try since my therapist told me her son met his current partner with it. If it doesn't go anywhere, I will never use a dating app again.


Now that last sentence is the irrational approach - giving up too easily before figuring out what factors are the issue and then solving that. I know it takes willpower and energy but if you really want this thing, that should not be a problem. :) Good luck, again. :)



Marknis
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07 May 2017, 11:37 am

itsme82 wrote:
No idea since I have never seen you in real life, but here's another suggestion, find a professional IRL who can help with that aspect. Some sort of a counselor or therapist who deals in these issues about improving social skills. I'm not familiar with the options over there so I can't get more specific than this, sorry.


IRL?

I've actually been in therapy since I was 17. It's just that I live in this sick culture (Bible Belt) and I've been subjected to so many extremes that it's done long term harm to my psyche.

Quote:
Now that last sentence is the irrational approach - giving up too easily before figuring out what factors are the issue and then solving that. I know it takes willpower and energy but if you really want this thing, that should not be a problem. :) Good luck, again. :)


I was totally ignored on the app. You'd think with all the time people spend on their damn cellphones they would notice you but no one sent me a message and this app was designed for women to take the initiative. I wish I knew why women hate me.



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07 May 2017, 12:01 pm

AngelRho wrote:
You're just either in the wrong place or you're getting the completely wrong view. Many rednecks I know are into Pantera, Black Label Society, Pearl Jam, and all kinds of 70's classic rock and Southern Rock like Ted Nugent, Joe Walsh, Skynnard...and I could keep on going with a mix of Seattle bands, intense southern gothic, and 70's stuff.

It tires my ears quickly, on a personal note, and I've played plenty of it. I just tend to be selective of my friends. Thing is, even if I do espouse certain shared views, I tend to take a more intellectual route that others find offputting. People are nice to me, so I keep those things to myself. Most people I know are very accepting even when I DON'T keep my mouth shut. I bet if you just moved 30 miles from where you are you'd find some decent people.


I don't like southern rock because the rednecks who like it are just as bad as the ones who like country music. They think Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath are "gay ass British s**t".



itsme82
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08 May 2017, 6:17 am

Marknis wrote:
itsme82 wrote:
No idea since I have never seen you in real life, but here's another suggestion, find a professional IRL who can help with that aspect. Some sort of a counselor or therapist who deals in these issues about improving social skills. I'm not familiar with the options over there so I can't get more specific than this, sorry.


IRL?

I've actually been in therapy since I was 17. It's just that I live in this sick culture (Bible Belt) and I've been subjected to so many extremes that it's done long term harm to my psyche.


Was the therapy focusing on building social skills, though?

The negative emotions you have now can be changed though of course it's not a short term process.

IRL = in real life.


Quote:
Quote:
Now that last sentence is the irrational approach - giving up too easily before figuring out what factors are the issue and then solving that. I know it takes willpower and energy but if you really want this thing, that should not be a problem. :) Good luck, again. :)


I was totally ignored on the app. You'd think with all the time people spend on their damn cellphones they would notice you but no one sent me a message and this app was designed for women to take the initiative. I wish I knew why women hate me.


Only women are allowed to take the initiative with that app? (I'm not familiar with it so I'm asking.)

Actual hate isn't the same as not messaging you.



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08 May 2017, 7:36 am

Which app?


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Marknis
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08 May 2017, 10:12 am

itsme82 wrote:
Was the therapy focusing on building social skills, though?

The negative emotions you have now can be changed though of course it's not a short term process.

IRL = in real life.


My therapist has tried to help me understand social signals and work on social skills but the main issues she thinks I suffer from is not living in the present since I am either ruminating oh my past or I am having bleak future thoughts. I also tend to have a lot of "stories" in my mind since I compare myself to others. I am always wondering "Why them and not me?" as if the universe hates me.

Quote:
Only women are allowed to take the initiative with that app? (I'm not familiar with it so I'm asking.)

Actual hate isn't the same as not messaging you.


RetroGamer87 wrote:
Which app?


The app is called Bumble. It's meant to be a feminist version of Tinder or that's how it's commonly described as. Men can still swipe but they can't message women on it unless the woman accepts the swipe. My therapist recommended it to me since it worked for her son and she knows my struggles with previous apps. Every dating site/app I've tried I never get any responses from the women I was attracted to; even one that was designed for general interaction (friendship to dating) called Meet Me I was met with foot dragging and a woman who asked me if she was my type not only lived far away from me but was physically unattractive to me. I swiped like crazy with this app and was completely ignored.



Marknis
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09 May 2017, 8:57 am

The one who messaged me on Meet Me was not my type because her face looked like a man's. I can be attracted to tomboys because they still have feminine faces but this woman looked like a redneck man cross dressing as a woman; my mother was once married to a redneck who did the same thing for his stupid plays but I digress. Some might say my standards are too high but that is just an assumption. I don't require a potential girlfriend to look like a super model or cheerleader or pop star.



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10 May 2017, 11:18 am

Marknis wrote:
My therapist has tried to help me understand social signals and work on social skills but the main issues she thinks I suffer from is not living in the present since I am either ruminating oh my past or I am having bleak future thoughts. I also tend to have a lot of "stories" in my mind since I compare myself to others. I am always wondering "Why them and not me?" as if the universe hates me.


And you want to change this approach, yes?


Quote:
The app is called Bumble. It's meant to be a feminist version of Tinder or that's how it's commonly described as. Men can still swipe but they can't message women on it unless the woman accepts the swipe. My therapist recommended it to me since it worked for her son and she knows my struggles with previous apps. Every dating site/app I've tried I never get any responses from the women I was attracted to; even one that was designed for general interaction (friendship to dating) called Meet Me I was met with foot dragging and a woman who asked me if she was my type not only lived far away from me but was physically unattractive to me. I swiped like crazy with this app and was completely ignored.


Mind showing the user profile you used for these dating apps?



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10 May 2017, 1:09 pm

itsme82 wrote:

And you want to change this approach, yes?


I am not sure what I can do. Will I have to become like the redneck bullies who think everything that isn't "Uhmurican" is either "gay" or "weird"?


Quote:
Mind showing the user profile you used for these dating apps?


I don't have any of my old ones since I deleted them a long time ago. The more current ones I might still have saved on my phone but I'll have to get back to you on them since I am short on time at the moment.



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11 May 2017, 2:53 pm

Marknis wrote:
itsme82 wrote:

And you want to change this approach, yes?


I am not sure what I can do. Will I have to become like the redneck bullies who think everything that isn't "Uhmurican" is either "gay" or "weird"?


Sorry, I don't see how this would follow from stopping to ruminate and starting to live in the present...?


Quote:
Quote:
Mind showing the user profile you used for these dating apps?


I don't have any of my old ones since I deleted them a long time ago. The more current ones I might still have saved on my phone but I'll have to get back to you on them since I am short on time at the moment.


OK, feel free to PM me when you found them. :)