My 20's were wasted

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24 Sep 2018, 5:41 am

Why stop at date = girlfriend ? How about «she talks to me = WIFE!! !» ? ;o (don't actually do this)
Anyway, any girl you meet with (not necessarily to be assumed as a date), you might find it interesting to ask her if she can help you find a girl who meets at least some of the criteria that you are looking for, then explain it to her.

Marknis wrote:

My mind seems to go date = girlfriend but I wonder if my mind is thinking about the future too quickly.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Sep 2018, 1:17 pm

Snugglebear wrote:

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

Outrider wrote:

[They key to use finding a relationship is LOVE, not "dating".

When people date, their standards are much higher and more cutthroat.

But if someone falls in love with you, naturally, they are more willing to overlook certain issues with yourself and your life because they WANT to be with you.

Wise words. How many times have we heard about women staying with crappy men? It's practically a cliché about staying with (or returning to) an abusive partner as love is (partially) blind.

From my online dating experience I would love to go back to some of my first dates and tell some of these snotty, entitled princesses what I really thought of them, such as:

You are $40,000 in debt? Sorry, I would rather date someone who doesn't need to blow money on trips. I won't even comment on those hideous tattoos as they weren't cheap.
You have a failed marriage (or two)? I don't plan on being strike three: you're out!
You really think YOU are too good for ME? Hey, at least I have my own car and apartment.
You might think you are beautiful but trust me, you are anything but.
You said in our profile men need to step up their game to date you? Big words coming from a Home Depot cashier!

I would advise staying away from online dating sites if you wish to build confidence as that is not the place to do it.

Now that I am happily married, I see single women literally everywhere. I was just at the hospital and ran into two who mentioned about how difficult it was to find a decent man and all they can find are lazy, unmotivated losers. I had to bite my lip on that one!

I met my last two boyfriends online. The beauty of dating sites is that you can simply hit 'delete' when you get a message from someone with dealbreakers (for you) in their profile.

My dating philosophy is that it is unreasonable to expect of others what you don't expect of yourself. By keeping my expectations reasonable, dating does not send me screaming into the abyss.

Fact:
That’s because you get many options so you can afford to delete most messages; women receive tons of messages.

Most males on dating sites don’t even have tha fmany options - most would have only one option (yes, one reply) once in a blue moon, so they go for that date anyway despite the red flags in profile hoping for a good match.

Chummy
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24 Sep 2018, 4:35 pm

Lol, I like how you say "I was deprived of these things"... by whom?

Also you said: "instead of having sex" etc..? not having casual sex is not a failure, thinking casual sex have something to do with success is just being shallow.

If you want casual sex pay a whore.

Edit: I just realized this thread is ancient... oh well

guitarman2010
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24 Sep 2018, 5:03 pm

Marknis wrote:

I am almost 30 and I feel like my 20's were wasted. Instead of dating, having sex, and getting engaged like so many people I know around me did, I was deprived of those things and everything that I tried to do in order to get out of the rut ended in failure. I feel like I am damaged and malfunctioning but I can't be treated. Even if I do become confident, it will be too late because my empty past (Except for one real relationship that didn't last) will mark me as "strange" or even a serial killer in waiting.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't...........being in a relationship can be more stressful than what it's worth

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SpectralPumpkin
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30 Sep 2018, 8:52 am

magz wrote:

Why the hell people put so much importance into dating and having casual sex? It's really overrated.

I think this is part of the greater issue of having a sense of belonging, feeling as part of society even as an odd ball. The feeling of being loved, whether it be romantically or otherwise, boosts your elf-esteem and well-being for good reason. It makes you more comfortable in your own skin when you get a positive reaction from someone else.

I can relate very well to what Markins is describing. I'm turning 28 soon, have never worked or completed an education beyond school. I did have a few relationships, but all of them were destructive and disastrous. Now I feel like I'm at a dead end, knowing that my condition is not curable and that a normal life is out of the question.

Love and Purpose are two things many people consider essential for your well-being. The long term effects of lacking one or both of them should not be underestimated. They can lead to severe depression and suicide.

Last edited by SpectralPumpkin on 30 Sep 2018, 1:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Prometheus18
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30 Sep 2018, 12:32 pm

I think most people, once they turn thirty, believe that their twenties were wasted. I believe my teens were wasted. All you can do is focus on the present and the future. I suggest, respectfully, that you'd be happier I you were less self-absorbed - I think I've suggested something similar to you elsewhere. Read Bertrand Russell's Conquest of Happiness. In it, he states that self-absorption is the absolute essence of unhappiness and outward focus the essence of happiness. I read it at the age of eighteen and it really helped me. It can be downloaded for free online (it's out of copyright).

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30 Dec 2018, 1:45 am

I feel that way as well, although last year, 2017, was a huge dating breakthough, I kinda did manage to get my first girlfriend, and only one so far, I dated her for 4 months, but to be honest, I feel I settled for her, my main motive for dating her was just to finally end and break the single streak, finally cross that hurdle and get the monkey off my back, my biggest sticking points in dating before her, was whenever I managed to go on a date with a girl, I would not get a second date with her, looking back on it, it raises my self-esteem a little bit in the sense that it was better than nothing, but a part of me still feels like an FA(forever alone), since she wasn't exactly my dream girl, but it was great for the experience, I kinda lowered my standards in order to make it happen, because I didn't want to have the stigma attached to me mentally that I was single I throughout all of my teens and 20's. I met her through online dating.

Another factor in lowering my standards, was due to being single and lonely this whole time, my desire, urge, for the mental, emotional, companionship aspect of dating, a relationship, was stronger than the desire, urge, for the sexual part of dating, a relationship.

colossalfailure
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31 Dec 2018, 4:29 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

This is true:

Many people who don't succeed in their 20s succeed in their 30s.

I did much better in my 30s than my 20s.

Don't let your past determine your future.

And don't let Internet strangers provoke you.

I doubt this is true, but even if it is NOTHING can make you up for missing on love in your teens and early 20s

There is NOTHING like a girl loving you purely for who you are as a person rather than your financial stability or whatnot

Im 22 and I feel so helpless about this, Im going to miss out...

WantToHaveALife
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31 Dec 2018, 8:06 am

colossalfailure wrote:

kraftiekortie wrote:

I doubt this is true, but even if it is NOTHING can make you up for missing on love in your teens and early 20s

There is NOTHING like a girl loving you purely for who you are as a person rather than your financial stability or whatnot

Im 22 and I feel so helpless about this, Im going to miss out...

ya, it's a feeling that will never go away, whenever people say it's never too late, of course I know where they are coming from, coming at, it does feel annoying when they say that. It does make me envy women a lot, because women are far less likely than men are to be single that long

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