The Psychological Effects Of Being 'Forever Alone'

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Chronos
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24 Apr 2018, 2:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
nicholaswojtas12 wrote:
Hey Guys,

I just found out a few years ago that I have Aspergers. I have been dating for many years and have gotten a lot of great first dates but nothing set in stone. I actually haven't had a girlfriend now for 8 to 10 years. It's been difficult, I have felt very lonely. It seems that any girls I date "just want to be friends." Its been this way the last 10 years but I just can't figure out what I'm missing here. I have a close friend who was my very first girlfriend at 16 years old. She has never gotten over me and I still talk to her in tough times. She keeps telling me that the girls I am dating are really missing out every time they say they just want to be friends. She says they wouldn't say that or be so quick to judge you if they knew you the way I do. I asked her through texting, what is it that she sees in me that all these other girls miss or just don't see? She said "You are kind, gentle, polite and the list goes on and on." I'm trying dating sites such as Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, and now more serious ones like Match and EHarmony. I have not had any success yet. I have come so close but it always ends up as "I just want to be friends." In Highschool I felt I didn't need a girlfriend and I had girls asking me out like crazy. I was too shy to doing much about it though. I dated a girl I knew since Elementary School and we were together for 4 years. It was a rough relationship though as she could be very mean, she liked hanging around her Guy friends and pretty much let them do anything they wanted to her. She had no problem flirting with them in front of me. After 4 years I asked her to move with me which she thought about then refused. Since then I just haven't been able to find/ have a steady girlfriend. They all "Just want to be friends." One girl who I dated recently, we had a great date but at the same time she did a few things I didn't like, she talked about a male co-worker in front of me, she said I was socially awkward, when I mentioned my Aspergers she laughed and said "Like Sheldon." On the positive side, we kissed, hugged, cuddled, she said she loved kissing, hugging and cuddling me. She was so pretty. She couldn't take her hands off me during the date. Then two days later she said she didn't think we were a good fit and once again, we should just be friends. I tried talking to her, saying "Are you sure we couldn't try just one more time? I really like you." She then blocked me on Facebook after I sent 5 messages. I had said stuff like "Please don't forget me. If you ever change your mind, I'm right here <3" Where am I going wrong? People tell me that I didn't do anything wrong but I just don't understand why this keeps happening. I have also had girls say that I was the nicest and most polite guy that they ever met but I wasn't what they wanted. There have been times too that I have gotten desperate over the last 10 years from being so lonely as well as from OCD. Guys, where am I going wrong? - Nick


Well sending multiple desperate messages tp someone who has determined they have no romantic attraction for you is a pretty big turn off.

I think these women just don't feel a chemistry with you. Maybe it's a phermone thing. Do you shower a lot?


I don't believe women (female humans) have the ability to sense pheromones. There's no evidence that Pheromones in humans even exist (there's actually evidence against its existence).

What I believe that women are as sexually visual as men but a lot of women deny this (the plenty Tinder experiments you find on the internet expose that finally, for example they see a hot six-packed man and tons of women swiped right on him).


Perhaps not phermones exactly but certain hormones and other compounds. There is a "sexy man scent". It's subtle but a bit musky. I find it's most prominent in caucasian and middle eastern men.

While we are on the subject, pre teen boys smell like sand to me and type 1 diabetics smell like band aids. Of the latter group, I was never sure why, however I discovered recently that band aids get their distinct smell from a compound called meta cresol, which can also be found in vials of insulin....which makes insulin "smell like band aids" and thus insulin dependant diabetics smell like band aids to me.



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24 Apr 2018, 2:58 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Why showering is being mentioned on every page in this thread?

IKR. Telling people to shower is patronising and not helpful.

I actually thought Chronos was wondering if nw12 showers too much.


Correct.



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24 Apr 2018, 3:08 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Umm...then I am gonna do patronizing on my part:

Do you Westerns use a bidet or at least WASH your butts after defecating and your genitals after urinating? Or at the very least do you use wet wipes? :lol:

Do your bathrooms have a bidet or a least a mini shower near the toilet seat?

I know most of you don't! Tsk tsk.

I am glad my girlfriend is from a culture (Filipina and part Japanese - both cultures use bidet or washing tools
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_cleansing
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilets_in_Japan
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tabo_(hygiene)

) that does have the bottom washing thing as part of their hygiene norms.

You know, showering twice a day does not make you cleaner if you don't clean yourself after every toilet use during the day.


No but I go through tons of tons and tons of toilet paper :lol:

I would gladly use a bidet if Australian builders ever bothered to put them in Australian houses but they don't for some reason.


You surely have water and soap though, no? :roll:

Also installing a mini jet near the seat isn't that hard if there's no place for a bidet.

Image


Western bathrooms outside of Europe tend to not have bidets because historically they didn't, and most have no room for them and many Americans are probably unfamiliar with them and the newer alternatives. However "flushable" wet wipes are fairly popular and in houses, sinks are usually within reach of toilets for those who prefer to wet their toilet paper.

Western diets tend to be relatively lower insoluble fiber than diets elsewhere and this translates to harder stools and less mess, but on the occasion that the person finds they are in need of something other than toilet paper, wet toilet paper, or wet wipes, they will often take a shower.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Apr 2018, 3:17 am

Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
nicholaswojtas12 wrote:
Hey Guys,

I just found out a few years ago that I have Aspergers. I have been dating for many years and have gotten a lot of great first dates but nothing set in stone. I actually haven't had a girlfriend now for 8 to 10 years. It's been difficult, I have felt very lonely. It seems that any girls I date "just want to be friends." Its been this way the last 10 years but I just can't figure out what I'm missing here. I have a close friend who was my very first girlfriend at 16 years old. She has never gotten over me and I still talk to her in tough times. She keeps telling me that the girls I am dating are really missing out every time they say they just want to be friends. She says they wouldn't say that or be so quick to judge you if they knew you the way I do. I asked her through texting, what is it that she sees in me that all these other girls miss or just don't see? She said "You are kind, gentle, polite and the list goes on and on." I'm trying dating sites such as Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, and now more serious ones like Match and EHarmony. I have not had any success yet. I have come so close but it always ends up as "I just want to be friends." In Highschool I felt I didn't need a girlfriend and I had girls asking me out like crazy. I was too shy to doing much about it though. I dated a girl I knew since Elementary School and we were together for 4 years. It was a rough relationship though as she could be very mean, she liked hanging around her Guy friends and pretty much let them do anything they wanted to her. She had no problem flirting with them in front of me. After 4 years I asked her to move with me which she thought about then refused. Since then I just haven't been able to find/ have a steady girlfriend. They all "Just want to be friends." One girl who I dated recently, we had a great date but at the same time she did a few things I didn't like, she talked about a male co-worker in front of me, she said I was socially awkward, when I mentioned my Aspergers she laughed and said "Like Sheldon." On the positive side, we kissed, hugged, cuddled, she said she loved kissing, hugging and cuddling me. She was so pretty. She couldn't take her hands off me during the date. Then two days later she said she didn't think we were a good fit and once again, we should just be friends. I tried talking to her, saying "Are you sure we couldn't try just one more time? I really like you." She then blocked me on Facebook after I sent 5 messages. I had said stuff like "Please don't forget me. If you ever change your mind, I'm right here <3" Where am I going wrong? People tell me that I didn't do anything wrong but I just don't understand why this keeps happening. I have also had girls say that I was the nicest and most polite guy that they ever met but I wasn't what they wanted. There have been times too that I have gotten desperate over the last 10 years from being so lonely as well as from OCD. Guys, where am I going wrong? - Nick


Well sending multiple desperate messages tp someone who has determined they have no romantic attraction for you is a pretty big turn off.

I think these women just don't feel a chemistry with you. Maybe it's a phermone thing. Do you shower a lot?


I don't believe women (female humans) have the ability to sense pheromones. There's no evidence that Pheromones in humans even exist (there's actually evidence against its existence).

What I believe that women are as sexually visual as men but a lot of women deny this (the plenty Tinder experiments you find on the internet expose that finally, for example they see a hot six-packed man and tons of women swiped right on him).


Perhaps not phermones exactly but certain hormones and other compounds. There is a "sexy man scent". It's subtle but a bit musky. I find it's most prominent in caucasian and middle eastern men.

While we are on the subject, pre teen boys smell like sand to me and type 1 diabetics smell like band aids. Of the latter group, I was never sure why, however I discovered recently that band aids get their distinct smell from a compound called meta cresol, which can also be found in vials of insulin....which makes insulin "smell like band aids" and thus insulin dependant diabetics smell like band aids to me.


Do you sniff the armpit of every man you know in order to draw a such conclusion, or are you a police dog?



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24 Apr 2018, 3:25 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
nicholaswojtas12 wrote:
Hey Guys,

I just found out a few years ago that I have Aspergers. I have been dating for many years and have gotten a lot of great first dates but nothing set in stone. I actually haven't had a girlfriend now for 8 to 10 years. It's been difficult, I have felt very lonely. It seems that any girls I date "just want to be friends." Its been this way the last 10 years but I just can't figure out what I'm missing here. I have a close friend who was my very first girlfriend at 16 years old. She has never gotten over me and I still talk to her in tough times. She keeps telling me that the girls I am dating are really missing out every time they say they just want to be friends. She says they wouldn't say that or be so quick to judge you if they knew you the way I do. I asked her through texting, what is it that she sees in me that all these other girls miss or just don't see? She said "You are kind, gentle, polite and the list goes on and on." I'm trying dating sites such as Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, and now more serious ones like Match and EHarmony. I have not had any success yet. I have come so close but it always ends up as "I just want to be friends." In Highschool I felt I didn't need a girlfriend and I had girls asking me out like crazy. I was too shy to doing much about it though. I dated a girl I knew since Elementary School and we were together for 4 years. It was a rough relationship though as she could be very mean, she liked hanging around her Guy friends and pretty much let them do anything they wanted to her. She had no problem flirting with them in front of me. After 4 years I asked her to move with me which she thought about then refused. Since then I just haven't been able to find/ have a steady girlfriend. They all "Just want to be friends." One girl who I dated recently, we had a great date but at the same time she did a few things I didn't like, she talked about a male co-worker in front of me, she said I was socially awkward, when I mentioned my Aspergers she laughed and said "Like Sheldon." On the positive side, we kissed, hugged, cuddled, she said she loved kissing, hugging and cuddling me. She was so pretty. She couldn't take her hands off me during the date. Then two days later she said she didn't think we were a good fit and once again, we should just be friends. I tried talking to her, saying "Are you sure we couldn't try just one more time? I really like you." She then blocked me on Facebook after I sent 5 messages. I had said stuff like "Please don't forget me. If you ever change your mind, I'm right here <3" Where am I going wrong? People tell me that I didn't do anything wrong but I just don't understand why this keeps happening. I have also had girls say that I was the nicest and most polite guy that they ever met but I wasn't what they wanted. There have been times too that I have gotten desperate over the last 10 years from being so lonely as well as from OCD. Guys, where am I going wrong? - Nick


Well sending multiple desperate messages tp someone who has determined they have no romantic attraction for you is a pretty big turn off.

I think these women just don't feel a chemistry with you. Maybe it's a phermone thing. Do you shower a lot?


I don't believe women (female humans) have the ability to sense pheromones. There's no evidence that Pheromones in humans even exist (there's actually evidence against its existence).

What I believe that women are as sexually visual as men but a lot of women deny this (the plenty Tinder experiments you find on the internet expose that finally, for example they see a hot six-packed man and tons of women swiped right on him).


Perhaps not phermones exactly but certain hormones and other compounds. There is a "sexy man scent". It's subtle but a bit musky. I find it's most prominent in caucasian and middle eastern men.

While we are on the subject, pre teen boys smell like sand to me and type 1 diabetics smell like band aids. Of the latter group, I was never sure why, however I discovered recently that band aids get their distinct smell from a compound called meta cresol, which can also be found in vials of insulin....which makes insulin "smell like band aids" and thus insulin dependant diabetics smell like band aids to me.


Do you sniff the armpit of every man you know in order to draw a such conclusion, or are you a police dog?


I can usually detect it within a socially appropriate distance.



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24 Apr 2018, 4:18 am

Chronos wrote:
Western bathrooms outside of Europe tend to not have bidets because historically they didn't, and most have no room for them

They have no room for them only because they're not expecting them to be there. If there was a demand for them a space would be set aside in every house for one.

I actually think bidets are a really good idea. When I buy my own house I might install a Japanese robo loo.


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24 Apr 2018, 5:48 am

Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos wrote:
nicholaswojtas12 wrote:
Hey Guys,

I just found out a few years ago that I have Aspergers. I have been dating for many years and have gotten a lot of great first dates but nothing set in stone. I actually haven't had a girlfriend now for 8 to 10 years. It's been difficult, I have felt very lonely. It seems that any girls I date "just want to be friends." Its been this way the last 10 years but I just can't figure out what I'm missing here. I have a close friend who was my very first girlfriend at 16 years old. She has never gotten over me and I still talk to her in tough times. She keeps telling me that the girls I am dating are really missing out every time they say they just want to be friends. She says they wouldn't say that or be so quick to judge you if they knew you the way I do. I asked her through texting, what is it that she sees in me that all these other girls miss or just don't see? She said "You are kind, gentle, polite and the list goes on and on." I'm trying dating sites such as Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, and now more serious ones like Match and EHarmony. I have not had any success yet. I have come so close but it always ends up as "I just want to be friends." In Highschool I felt I didn't need a girlfriend and I had girls asking me out like crazy. I was too shy to doing much about it though. I dated a girl I knew since Elementary School and we were together for 4 years. It was a rough relationship though as she could be very mean, she liked hanging around her Guy friends and pretty much let them do anything they wanted to her. She had no problem flirting with them in front of me. After 4 years I asked her to move with me which she thought about then refused. Since then I just haven't been able to find/ have a steady girlfriend. They all "Just want to be friends." One girl who I dated recently, we had a great date but at the same time she did a few things I didn't like, she talked about a male co-worker in front of me, she said I was socially awkward, when I mentioned my Aspergers she laughed and said "Like Sheldon." On the positive side, we kissed, hugged, cuddled, she said she loved kissing, hugging and cuddling me. She was so pretty. She couldn't take her hands off me during the date. Then two days later she said she didn't think we were a good fit and once again, we should just be friends. I tried talking to her, saying "Are you sure we couldn't try just one more time? I really like you." She then blocked me on Facebook after I sent 5 messages. I had said stuff like "Please don't forget me. If you ever change your mind, I'm right here <3" Where am I going wrong? People tell me that I didn't do anything wrong but I just don't understand why this keeps happening. I have also had girls say that I was the nicest and most polite guy that they ever met but I wasn't what they wanted. There have been times too that I have gotten desperate over the last 10 years from being so lonely as well as from OCD. Guys, where am I going wrong? - Nick


Well sending multiple desperate messages tp someone who has determined they have no romantic attraction for you is a pretty big turn off.

I think these women just don't feel a chemistry with you. Maybe it's a phermone thing. Do you shower a lot?


I don't believe women (female humans) have the ability to sense pheromones. There's no evidence that Pheromones in humans even exist (there's actually evidence against its existence).

What I believe that women are as sexually visual as men but a lot of women deny this (the plenty Tinder experiments you find on the internet expose that finally, for example they see a hot six-packed man and tons of women swiped right on him).


Perhaps not phermones exactly but certain hormones and other compounds. There is a "sexy man scent". It's subtle but a bit musky. I find it's most prominent in caucasian and middle eastern men.

While we are on the subject, pre teen boys smell like sand to me and type 1 diabetics smell like band aids. Of the latter group, I was never sure why, however I discovered recently that band aids get their distinct smell from a compound called meta cresol, which can also be found in vials of insulin....which makes insulin "smell like band aids" and thus insulin dependant diabetics smell like band aids to me.


Do you sniff the armpit of every man you know in order to draw a such conclusion, or are you a police dog?


I can usually detect it within a socially appropriate distance.


I wonder how many millimeters this appropriate distance is.

Otherwise, you're a police dog...or a werewolf.



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25 Apr 2018, 1:56 pm

It used to bother me a bit more. Now? Not so much. I've been single my whole life & I'm old enough to know my strengths and weaknesses. Rather than dwell on the fact that I'm not a suitable candidate as a partner in a relationship, I choose to focus on the things I am wired for instead - like solo pursuits. I'll be returning to University at least part time by the end of this year, and if things go well financially I'll be jumping back in full time for September 2019 and then hopefully spending the next several years studying full time and working part time. That'll keep me busy & focused accomplishing something good. Not as a distraction from my inability to connect with someone and form a relationship, but rather as an entirely different focus. May as well look on the bright side of what I CAN do vs. dwell on the things I'm simply not cut out for. If I did that I'd spend the next decade driving myself nuts instead of propelling myself forward.

Just my thoughts on these things we can't change. May as well focus on the good than the bad because time is going to pass anyways and either you're going to spend it doing something you enjoy & achieving things, or you're going to spend it keeping yourself miserable by focusing on things that frustrate you instead.


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25 Apr 2018, 9:19 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
It used to bother me a bit more. Now? Not so much. I've been single my whole life & I'm old enough to know my strengths and weaknesses. Rather than dwell on the fact that I'm not a suitable candidate as a partner in a relationship, I choose to focus on the things I am wired for instead - like solo pursuits. I'll be returning to University at least part time by the end of this year, and if things go well financially I'll be jumping back in full time for September 2019 and then hopefully spending the next several years studying full time and working part time. That'll keep me busy & focused accomplishing something good. Not as a distraction from my inability to connect with someone and form a relationship, but rather as an entirely different focus. May as well look on the bright side of what I CAN do vs. dwell on the things I'm simply not cut out for. If I did that I'd spend the next decade driving myself nuts instead of propelling myself forward.

Just my thoughts on these things we can't change. May as well focus on the good than the bad because time is going to pass anyways and either you're going to spend it doing something you enjoy & achieving things, or you're going to spend it keeping yourself miserable by focusing on things that frustrate you instead.


Considering you brag about turning down threesomes it doesn't sound like your single life is particularly demotivating.



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26 Apr 2018, 12:44 am

Stardust Parade wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Stardust Parade wrote:
FunkyPunky wrote:
I would say the one thing worse than never having a relationship at all, is to have one after multiple failures, allow yourself to get your hopes up, and then get dumped immediately after. So just when you're starting to think you might have been wrong about yourself, and maybe you are good enough after all-- yeah, nope, no you're not. At least with the first option, you're never surprised because you know in advance what's going to happen.


That's happened to me a few times and God it sucks. Looking for a partner also sucks! I'm at the point now where I'm sick of going on meet and greets because I know 99.99% that it won't lead anywhere and I'll never get a second or third date. I did the FWB thing for a while with someone who wouldn't commit to anything and treated me very bad, but I'm sick of that s**t and just want a real partner. I don't want to keep going on these stupid dates that won't go anywhere and just waste my time getting my hopes up. I'm just done and I give up.

So yes OP, even though I've had a relationship, I feel and can totally relate to the forever alone feelings.


Except you seem to think it's bad for me to have these feelings but it's ok for everyone else.

Except I don't make multiple threads complaining about it like you do. THAT is the difference.



No one obligating you to see his multiple threads, why is that bothering you much?



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26 Apr 2018, 12:22 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
It used to bother me a bit more. Now? Not so much. I've been single my whole life & I'm old enough to know my strengths and weaknesses. Rather than dwell on the fact that I'm not a suitable candidate as a partner in a relationship, I choose to focus on the things I am wired for instead - like solo pursuits. I'll be returning to University at least part time by the end of this year, and if things go well financially I'll be jumping back in full time for September 2019 and then hopefully spending the next several years studying full time and working part time. That'll keep me busy & focused accomplishing something good. Not as a distraction from my inability to connect with someone and form a relationship, but rather as an entirely different focus. May as well look on the bright side of what I CAN do vs. dwell on the things I'm simply not cut out for. If I did that I'd spend the next decade driving myself nuts instead of propelling myself forward.

Just my thoughts on these things we can't change. May as well focus on the good than the bad because time is going to pass anyways and either you're going to spend it doing something you enjoy & achieving things, or you're going to spend it keeping yourself miserable by focusing on things that frustrate you instead.


Considering you brag about turning down threesomes it doesn't sound like your single life is particularly demotivating.


Single doesn’t have to mean celibate. There are plenty of single people having more sex than married couples. IMO, we deserve it if we’re not cut out for relationships.


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26 Apr 2018, 1:24 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
It used to bother me a bit more. Now? Not so much. I've been single my whole life & I'm old enough to know my strengths and weaknesses. Rather than dwell on the fact that I'm not a suitable candidate as a partner in a relationship, I choose to focus on the things I am wired for instead - like solo pursuits. I'll be returning to University at least part time by the end of this year, and if things go well financially I'll be jumping back in full time for September 2019 and then hopefully spending the next several years studying full time and working part time. That'll keep me busy & focused accomplishing something good. Not as a distraction from my inability to connect with someone and form a relationship, but rather as an entirely different focus. May as well look on the bright side of what I CAN do vs. dwell on the things I'm simply not cut out for. If I did that I'd spend the next decade driving myself nuts instead of propelling myself forward.

Just my thoughts on these things we can't change. May as well focus on the good than the bad because time is going to pass anyways and either you're going to spend it doing something you enjoy & achieving things, or you're going to spend it keeping yourself miserable by focusing on things that frustrate you instead.


Considering you brag about turning down threesomes it doesn't sound like your single life is particularly demotivating.


Single doesn’t have to mean celibate. There are plenty of single people having more sex than married couples. IMO, we deserve it if we’re not cut out for relationships.


Amen.



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28 Apr 2018, 12:27 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
It used to bother me a bit more. Now? Not so much. I've been single my whole life & I'm old enough to know my strengths and weaknesses. Rather than dwell on the fact that I'm not a suitable candidate as a partner in a relationship, I choose to focus on the things I am wired for instead - like solo pursuits. I'll be returning to University at least part time by the end of this year, and if things go well financially I'll be jumping back in full time for September 2019 and then hopefully spending the next several years studying full time and working part time. That'll keep me busy & focused accomplishing something good. Not as a distraction from my inability to connect with someone and form a relationship, but rather as an entirely different focus. May as well look on the bright side of what I CAN do vs. dwell on the things I'm simply not cut out for. If I did that I'd spend the next decade driving myself nuts instead of propelling myself forward.

Just my thoughts on these things we can't change. May as well focus on the good than the bad because time is going to pass anyways and either you're going to spend it doing something you enjoy & achieving things, or you're going to spend it keeping yourself miserable by focusing on things that frustrate you instead.


Considering you brag about turning down threesomes it doesn't sound like your single life is particularly demotivating.


Single doesn’t have to mean celibate. There are plenty of single people having more sex than married couples. IMO, we deserve it if we’re not cut out for relationships.

The point is if you're having as many hook-ups and offers as you've indicated, that's something, and would go some way in fulfilling your needs. For those of us who have no sexual opportunities to explore as well as nothing in the department of romance, I'd believe it's a great deal harder.



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28 Apr 2018, 12:39 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
In repeated studies, it turns out that, in men, real sex with a real persons increases Testosterone levels, while masturbation alone REDUCES testosterone levels.

Interesting... Then I'm glad I had sex with that escort ten days ago. At 10:30 PM to boot. I stopped at a nearby bar afterwards, before catching a late-evening train home. Sex, beer, and trains; an aspie man's paradise. :D Speaking of testosterone, a homeless man sitting by the train station entrance avoided eye contact with me. And after that night, it feels like people at work are acting slightly more deferential with me than usual.

Today, I feel no desire to be in a relationship, lack of sex nonewithstanding. Mainly because women my age are drawn to me for the wrong reasons. That is, not because they're sexually attracted to me---as they would be to an alpha male---but because they're looking for a beta male to settle down with. Since women are repulsed by beta males, and only want them for the stability they provide, the sex with my girlfriend will be subpar.



goldfish21
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28 Apr 2018, 1:57 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
It used to bother me a bit more. Now? Not so much. I've been single my whole life & I'm old enough to know my strengths and weaknesses. Rather than dwell on the fact that I'm not a suitable candidate as a partner in a relationship, I choose to focus on the things I am wired for instead - like solo pursuits. I'll be returning to University at least part time by the end of this year, and if things go well financially I'll be jumping back in full time for September 2019 and then hopefully spending the next several years studying full time and working part time. That'll keep me busy & focused accomplishing something good. Not as a distraction from my inability to connect with someone and form a relationship, but rather as an entirely different focus. May as well look on the bright side of what I CAN do vs. dwell on the things I'm simply not cut out for. If I did that I'd spend the next decade driving myself nuts instead of propelling myself forward.

Just my thoughts on these things we can't change. May as well focus on the good than the bad because time is going to pass anyways and either you're going to spend it doing something you enjoy & achieving things, or you're going to spend it keeping yourself miserable by focusing on things that frustrate you instead.


Considering you brag about turning down threesomes it doesn't sound like your single life is particularly demotivating.


Single doesn’t have to mean celibate. There are plenty of single people having more sex than married couples. IMO, we deserve it if we’re not cut out for relationships.

The point is if you're having as many hook-ups and offers as you've indicated, that's something, and would go some way in fulfilling your needs. For those of us who have no sexual opportunities to explore as well as nothing in the department of romance, I'd believe it's a great deal harder.


12 year old me had some oral fun. 17 year old me thought he'd never get laid. 21-present year old me has had more sex than most people can fathom. My point with that is that one's own thoughts on the subject can change, and in turn the experience of their sex life.

Also, there are likely more sexual opportunities for you (and others) to explore than you realize. If you live in a populated area, then there are sexually active people there who enjoy sex. (except for maybe some extremely religious regions where people pretend they're not horny) If you're in a major city, then there are sex positive parties where people go for the express purpose of hooking up with others (or at least to party & dance in an environment where that sort of thing is normalized - it's a fun vibe even if semi-public sex isn't your thing at all) & there are personal ads, apps like Tinder etc etc. FYI attractive heterosexual waitresses I used to work with told me flat out they use Tinder for casual hookups, so it's not like straight females aren't emulating gays' use of Grindr on at least a smaller scale now that straights have Tinder and the like.

On the subject of internet dating/hookups, truly, this is the absolute best time to be alive for an Aspie's sex life! We can utilize our ability to communicate in text vs. in person and arrange dates/hookups with relative ease. Without utilizing this technological advantage I'd have had very, very, few partners. But, since it's here to be used, it's a pretty simple process to get quite good at with practice. A Truly Alpha NT friend of mine stated that he thinks it's "so wrong," that guys who can't chat girls up in person are getting laid by swiping right.. I didn't respond to his comment, but I found it interesting. IMO, whatev's man, if he can use his airplane to FLY even though he was born human, then I can use technology to assist with doing other things in life that I want to, so, ads & apps and hookups it is. 8)

If you're not having success with internet dating communications then you need to ask yourself "why?" and "what can I do to improve this?" Maybe read some material about communication, or even better - about sales - because truly it is a sales process. You've got to ask the right questions at the right time and await responses, overcome objections etc etc. I don't consider myself a "PUA," but others might. There have been MANY times where the date/hookup wasn't likely going to happen, but I persisted with the right questions in order to overcome whatever objections someone may have, make them feel comfortable with the whole thing, and then meet up and have our fun despite their initial hesitation. No one can snap their fingers and have this sort of communication style/technique instantly perfected.. but if someone wants to do it, you just carry on and practice until practice makes perfect.

Or don't if you're not interested in casual sex at all. To each their own. But for those that are, it's a worth while skill to hone.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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29 Apr 2018, 6:42 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Also, there are likely more sexual opportunities for you (and others) to explore than you realize. If you live in a populated area, then there are sexually active people there who enjoy sex. (except for maybe some extremely religious regions where people pretend they're not horny) If you're in a major city, then there are sex positive parties where people go for the express purpose of hooking up with others (or at least to party & dance in an environment where that sort of thing is normalized - it's a fun vibe even if semi-public sex isn't your thing at all) & there are personal ads, apps like Tinder etc etc. FYI attractive heterosexual waitresses I used to work with told me flat out they use Tinder for casual hookups, so it's not like straight females aren't emulating gays' use of Grindr on at least a smaller scale now that straights have Tinder and the like.

On the subject of internet dating/hookups, truly, this is the absolute best time to be alive for an Aspie's sex life! We can utilize our ability to communicate in text vs. in person and arrange dates/hookups with relative ease. Without utilizing this technological advantage I'd have had very, very, few partners. But, since it's here to be used, it's a pretty simple process to get quite good at with practice. A Truly Alpha NT friend of mine stated that he thinks it's "so wrong," that guys who can't chat girls up in person are getting laid by swiping right.. I didn't respond to his comment, but I found it interesting. IMO, whatev's man, if he can use his airplane to FLY even though he was born human, then I can use technology to assist with doing other things in life that I want to, so, ads & apps and hookups it is. 8)

If you're not having success with internet dating communications then you need to ask yourself "why?" and "what can I do to improve this?" Maybe read some material about communication, or even better - about sales - because truly it is a sales process. You've got to ask the right questions at the right time and await responses, overcome objections etc etc. I don't consider myself a "PUA," but others might. There have been MANY times where the date/hookup wasn't likely going to happen, but I persisted with the right questions in order to overcome whatever objections someone may have, make them feel comfortable with the whole thing, and then meet up and have our fun despite their initial hesitation. No one can snap their fingers and have this sort of communication style/technique instantly perfected.. but if someone wants to do it, you just carry on and practice until practice makes perfect.

Or don't if you're not interested in casual sex at all. To each their own. But for those that are, it's a worth while skill to hone.

And then we circle back to the original post. There would be reasons why I personally lack success but under the current circumstances they're proving difficult to fix. If I was able to get a job I'd be able to manage and structure the use of my time better, but I just don't have much confidence to the point where I hardly apply because I figure that anywhere I apply to could find a more experienced candidate or someone younger that they could pay less, or simply because I can't find any jobs I can apply for due to no car and minimal experience. Without the crux of my days being taken up by something that I HAVE to get out of bed for, my sleeping pattern is inconsistent, and with that inconsistency comes a lack of routine, and without routine I can't get much done.

This year I've put on weight due to depression and not much other than high calorie drinks giving me any sense of joy. My journey to where I want to get to needs to start with gaining some employment. I don't really see it happening any other way. But when you're low on confidence and opportunities are few, it's hard to secure employment.

In my current state tinder or the like isn't going to work for me. I've swiped through at least 1000 people and only received 5 matches.