Dr. Romie: more than half of married women have a backup man

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Maybe I'm rambling here, and no one will listen, which is fine, but I have to throw my hat in the ring. There are two separate dynamics going on. Male-Female, as well as Aspie-Neurotypical. While no two people are the same, there are generalities which may be more applicable to one sex, and, likewise, generalities that may be more applicable to one neurotype, so we're broadly dealing with four categories: NT male, NT female, AS male, AS female.

This is important. Since most people are NT, generalizations about womenkind are usually about NT women. I think the Aspie women on this board should step back for a moment, not give in to their feminine emotion (yes, there's a gender stereotype), and realize much of the criticism is aimed more at the NT world than WOMEN collectively.

Generally speaking: NTs are much more concerned with status display and social functions than Aspies. A generality, yes, but generally accurate. Since weddings/planning weddings/getting married is (generally) more of a female preoccupation, it would seem logical that weddings as both an event and a social display probably hold the most meaning for FEMALE NTs, and the least for MALE Aspies.

Before getting hung up on the battle of the sexes, don't forget the cross-section that is neurotype. That's a biggie here. Just gotta say that. And while that message is for everyone, generally speaking, it's mainly directed at the female Aspies getting a little snippy. Theory of Mind problems, perhaps? The ultimate criticism is with the NT world. That's how it looks to me, anyway, just as an observer.

Thank you for letting me say my piece, everyone. And I come in peace. Oh, and to the lady I quoted: I'd wager most (if not all) of the MEN you've had problems with were neurotypical. Most of the women (and men) I've had problems with are also neurotypical. That is a factor in all of this. Let's not forget that. There's a reason it feels like people like us are on the wrong planet here.

It’s hard not to give in to my “feminine emotion” when so much of this is so off base...

Stating the obvious is hardly being “snippy.”

The "feminine emotion" thing was mostly a joke. See, I've always said Aspies have just as hard a time communicating with each other as they do with NTs (assuming we're both Aspies here).

I think you missed the obvious. The men complaining about women are, more correctly, AS men complaining about NT women. That's a factor, and a critical one. Instead of coming to the defense of NT women, have some empathy for AS men.

And I, personally, am not complaining about anyone, really. I'm just observing. If you want to talk about all of your problems with men, feel free, 'cause we all know it's NT men you're talking about. And, be honest, you'd rather be abused by an NT man than have to consider the thoughts and feelings of an AS man. Am I right? Maybe, maybe not.

Regardless, I try to be cool with everyone, but I'm very wary of NTs collectively, male or female. You wanna focus on the males specifically, feel free. I won't take it personally as a male, because, again, you're forgetting the neurotype factor.

The thing is, it has been pointed out on this forum, numerous times, that NOT ALL women like the same things. We are not all the same. That's been said over and over and over again. And it is repeatedly shot back down that stating you're an individual is exactly the same thing as having a hive mind.

Seriously, sometimes I think it's better that some people stay single. It's sad but if they can't move past their own internal blocks, maybe it's the best thing for everyone until they can get some help and resolve their issues.

While I understand that very frequent threads like this in this forum are annoying for you, I don't agree about the fact that, in general, talking about common behaviours of a certain group of people is incorrect unless they are shared by the entirety of them.

For the record, through the years I've seen enough threads of people complaining about their ND partners acting like jerks.

The "feminine emotion" thing was mostly a joke. See, I've always said Aspies have just as hard a time communicating with each other as they do with NTs (assuming we're both Aspies here).

I think you missed the obvious. The men complaining about women are, more correctly, AS men complaining about NT women. That's a factor, and a critical one. Instead of coming to the defense of NT women, have some empathy for AS men.

And I, personally, am not complaining about anyone, really. I'm just observing. If you want to talk about all of your problems with men, feel free, 'cause we all know it's NT men you're talking about. And, be honest, you'd rather be abused by an NT man than have to consider the thoughts and feelings of an AS man. Am I right? Maybe, maybe not.

Regardless, I try to be cool with everyone, but I'm very wary of NTs collectively, male or female. You wanna focus on the males specifically, feel free. I won't take it personally as a male, because, again, you're forgetting the neurotype factor.

For the record, through the years I've seen enough threads of people complaining about their ND partners acting like jerks.

I don’t really think that people with ASD are better than NTs. It’s not that simple. There are good NTs. There are bad NTs. There are good Aspies. There are bad Aspies.

What do you mean by saying that I’d rather be abused by a NT man than consider the thoughts and feelings of an Aspie? That’s an extraordinarily awful thing to say.

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I don’t really think that people with ASD are better than NTs. It’s not that simple. There are good NTs. There are bad NTs. There are good Aspies. There are bad Aspies.

Of course. That's NT women complaining about ND men. All mixed neurotype relationships have their problems.

To clarify, I wasn't talking better or worse, just that AS (or ASD) and NT are very, very different in terms of perception of the world. Not that one is more correct than the other, just that they're very different, it goes beyond ASD not understanding social cues; the whole comprehension of existence is vastly different. You can disagree, I won't push it, but it's evident that NT perception and AS perception are fundamentally different. (Again, DIFFERENT, not better or worse, per se).

You're getting tired of the "women bashing" on this site. To me, it seems more like NT criticism. The criticism of NT women on this site doesn't really apply to you, even though you're a woman.

In real life, most of the men you've trusted that turned around and abused you are (I'm assuming) NT. Why are you drawn to them? It's okay that you are, but remember that you, as an Aspie/ASD/whatever you want to call it, will always have fundamental problems with comprehending NTs.

Yet, based on your history of abuse by NT men in real life, and your disdain of Aspie men on an Internet forum, I'm guessing you'd still rather try to make it with an NT male and disregard the criticisms Aspies MALES may have with real life women.

People like us, being what we are and living in a world dominated by THEM is very taxing. It is what it is, but it's true. I don't see why you're getting upset with anything said here. Maybe people like us do suck with empathy, both with THEM and with each other.

I know you were going to say that.

No, many times they were being jerks, for example I remember a guy who was playing videogames while his wife was doing all the stuff. I also know some ND jerk in real life.

Why are you assuming I’d only go for a NT male? My last relationship was with a man who had ADHD so not technically NT.

I’m not at all against a relationship with someone who’s ND.

Sorry if I seemed presumptuous. I'm was talking more about your responses to men on this site. Don't get hung up on the battle of the sexes. Most criticisms of "women" or "men" are, much more correctly, criticisms of NEUROTYPICALS by Aspies. We all know this, let's not pretend otherwise. That's all I was getting at.