Don't get it if teenager girls start to flirt with me.

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Nobody could have a conversation consisting of "longing glances" and "pregnant pauses" only--without words.

That doesn't make sense. Some words have to be exchanged.

Unless, of course, at least one of the persons was hard of hearing. But then....sign language serves as the tactile equivalent of a verbal language.

In my experience, most people on the spectrum enjoy talking with a love interest or a potential one.

The studies are inconsistent on this one.

Both situations are equally sad.

You mean that I shouldn't be nice towards women? Why? Some may prefere once you are acting arrogant of course ...


What for as long as the women get in touch instead of me? But I think they do this only if they like me. If it comes to me I would prefere a simple 'Hello!' and a little bit of small talk a lot.

In this era it's considered inappropriate to publicly touch a woman (or man) without his/her consent. I think this is a whole gray area as it's contextual on situation. If you tap somebody on the should to ask a question the first time it may be ok but if you tap them again it might be inappropriate.

The situation might change if you are both drinking and intoxicated although it's still a gray area. It's a bit like walking around city streets in a bikini might get the police to stop you. But on the beach you can virtually expose yourself to other people because everyone is else is exposing themselves (even if they don't plan to get into the water).

I think even initiating conversation with women in public - there's a fine line between harassment and friendly banter. Most women would accept a neutral comment and either ignore or smile/say something back if they feel the need. However they will pick up cues if the tone/content of the comment is in any way suggestive of how they look or whether you are asking them to spend time etc...

Physically bumping a girl/woman is dangerous and I wouldn't entertain the idea as it's (in theory) assault.

As I sayd not I do but women do as soon as I just show attention. There is nothing criminal or even wrong with this but I don't really understand the behaviour of NT women. I'm just lacking empathy and the related emotions to get this right. But I don't understand why some people here are so negative towards me once I'm asking how to treat this.

Not negative but maybe taking a standpoint that you don't like?

Extreme, I believe in one of your posts on another thread you described an incident where two young women got on the bus. You said that the first didn't respond well and looked away but the second woman smiled. Is that correct? I don't know how to rummage through threads here, sorry.
This would indicate that you were actively seeking to engage in eye contact with the women on the bus. In english we call that "leering" and is associated with men who lack sexual and social boundaries. Indicating that you are perhaps viewing women as sexual objects put there for your entertainment ( I remember your post about teasing women in clubs with the "chips.")

The fact that you started this thread means that you are asking for feedback, yes?

The social norm in society in order to preserve personal boundaries on public transport is to refrain from direct eye contact and each passenger will read a paper, listen to music or play with their phones. . Friendly conversations may be initiated, people sometimes know each other but in the main people avert their stare to avoid looking directly at someone. This is in respect of personal space. In some cultures there is less cultural reservation and the atmosphere is less formal but it is usually taboo for men to look at women directly in the eye or boobs for that matter. Who breaks these social boundaries? Giggly teenagers who are still learning social norms and appropriacy who are noisy on the bus and childishly seeking attention to impress their peers, dirty old men ogling the women and drunks or junkies.

I would ask myself as a fifty year old married man why I need to flirt with adolescent girls obsessively on buses rather than quietly contemplate or read, and I would seek counselling urgently. Your threads often talk about young women, right? Just my opinion hon.

Last edited by Teach51 on 02 Jul 2019, 1:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

I can't speak for everyone here but i) if the girl is older than 18 and ii) initiates contact (physical) with you and iii) appears to be of sound mind then it's completely ok.

However if you as an older male walk up to a 18 yr old girl and touch her it's almost like you are asking to spend time in jail. Kind of like suicide by cop...

This causes women to like me and to get in touch? But as long as they like it what's your problem with that?


I don't but I think that some of them would like it.


I'm currently getting a divorce and living separeted from my wife since two years now. I realized that I'm on the spectrum just a year ago. Had to learn eye contact and to read people better.
I can't relate very well to the way that NT people are. It may be obviously and fun for you but isn't for people like me who don't get the feelings of other people as easily. Beside of this there is nothing wrong with caring about the eyes for getting the people a better whether you like me for that or hate me.

Nothing wrong at all. NDs don't need to accept strange (and often counter-productive) "social rules" setup to discriminate against us. I'm sure it is mostly NDs that are receptive to this kind of flirting, so why would we stop doing that just because some NTs find it strange or even dishonest competition for women (which I'm sure is the biggest reason for most of these "rules").



I think you are doing pretty well in discovering your natural preferences. Don't feel deterred by people who have no idea about how they function naturally and that has spent years or even decades fighting their natural instincts and learning useless preferences of NTs as a substitute. I've yet to encounter a single one of those in an optimal relationship.

Speaking for myself, most of my friendships started with online discussions about a common interest. None of them started with small talk, and I basically always skip small talk when I communicate with a friend online.



I find that a bit strange, but it seems to be common among NDs. Many NDs don't really seek friendships, rather seek a relationship through a friendship. I'm sure this approach can work, but it contains a lot of traps too. First, it seems a bit odd to flirt with somebody that you want to be friends with (I suppose that could be a signal "I want a relationship, but lets start as friends"). Second, many people will not consider friends as potential partners (I certainly won't), as I regard friend as a literal thing quite separate from "romantic partner".

I’m not sure how someone could go from stranger to romantic partner. That’s just not how it works for me. I need to know and like somebody well (i.e. be friends) before I’d consider a relationship.

Well, so do I, but not through friendship, rather through observation. I want to become friends too with a romantic partner, but after we have made a romantic connection, not before.

It’s ideal to be friends with your romantic partner.

Without friendship, there’s merely the physical aspect.....and that gets old really fast.

How would you observe someone to the point of knowing the person well without coming off as creepy?