Just avoiding the subject here.

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I'm at this stage of admitting to myself that my life was too f****d up a while ago for anyone to make sense of it at the moment.

I don't blame people for ignoring me, I just miss them.

i can't miss what i never had.

Me neither.

I kind of feel like there's no way I could function without reminding myself I'm actually present in other people's lives. My thread is about mindfulness I guess.

Otherwise I just spend too much time alone to know whether I make any difference at all.

@cberg ==== You are a brilliant person. This site/we are enriched by your commentaries.

^^^QFT.

It's good knowing my stream of consciousness actually does something for people here. I guess I was mainly referring to people who know me personally though. Like blazingstar & Teach51 mentioned I know I have a lot to learn in the process of reaching out more. I'm not even comfortable typing that phrase "reach out" - shows what I know.

I'm thinking about how to get back in touch in general. I'm not great at it but I owe my friends better than this.

^^^you can do it! you're on the way to greater and brighter things in life

Not to follow his track; but a reality that every tech/dev/engineer should know:

I'm annoyed by the pervasive influence of corporate employment in my life but I'm not sure I should blame technology for women passing me by.

I blame myself & my previous circumstances, in that order.

I think it's important to remind people that we all make mistakes. I think my ability to be forgiving is more important than my ability to be someone's perfect picture of masculinity.

People f**k up & hurt each other's feelings. That doesn't make anyone less worthwhile. I'm inclined to fully accept that I'm at a standstill, it's just a matter of being kind enough to let some people in.

I think culture today is very averse to this mindset.

paraphrasing a greater mind, it is no transcendently grand feat to be well-adjusted to a thoroughly phuqed up world, nor is it necessarily bad to be misadjusted to the same evil world. it reminds me of that biblical thing about how one should be in this world but not OF it.

I'm trying to manifest some such ground rules for peaceful thinking about my life in general.

I don't believe people when they're full of impulsive hateful lies about the kind of people who work on technology or who suffer from "invisible disability" - I don't believe the hype about the falsely imprisoning ways people conduct their social lives today.

I can love people & disregard their discrimination. I don't really have time to do anything else.

I tend to like people who are accepting of others, so even if someone acts discriminatory about a group that doesn't even include me, I still feel put out by them.

I hope you're able to find a few genuine people. They do seem rare.

I do enjoy your posts cberg, but as a part of managing my own emotional health, I have cut back dramatically on all internet. I go to a public wifi spot to get my fix and then move on.

But I wanted to explain why I don't reply much.

I think different individuals have their own expressions of what's genuine, so to speak. That doesn't mean I know enough about people to fully understand though. I've cut back on screen usage in general to give myself more time to think & sleep.

I wish I were able to articulate the fact that I'm here but I'm not from here. There's no sense of belonging for me absent the people who managed to give me one in the first place.