Possible ways to help many autistic people find love?

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QFT!! !

Very important point.


BTW I was saying I have sympathy for them, not to mean that my advice is better, but to explain that I'm not getting at them or judging them for being stuck in a loop. Just in case anyone took it to mean that I'm writing them off.

Even then, if you do go out, you won't necessarily meet anyone. Me and a close perpetually single friend have been relativelysocial over the years, attending this and that, organising parties ourselves, not just leaving it up to others. We talk to people, we don't just sit in the corner waiting to be approached, but still never met anyone that wanted to date us.

Someone told her to get out more. Like we aren't already out and about

I suspect that she is an aspie too. Actually, we are more likely to organise a group walk somewhere nice than a party. Or a trip to a museum. None of the guys we knew turned up for the museum trip lol, but we had a nice group of 8 women and had a good time.

This is true of a lot of us, which is one reason why I think the autistic community will always be primarily an online thing. But hopefully there will be more locale-focused groups that hold some in-person events while also hosting online forums or chats.

THIS!! I've been going to (primarily women's, ironically) sporting events for almost 15 years with pretty much nothing romantically to show for it

So how would YOU go about tactfully telling an over-weight and under-employed man without a college degree who still lives with his parents well into his 30s that his lack of success with finding a girlfriend may have a lot to do with how he presents himself in public?

Would you tell such a man that being overweight does not matter, that income and education do not matter, and that living with his parents well into his 30s does not matter?  Would you also tell him also that lots of girls are dying to latch on to men just like him, and that he just has to be patient long enough for some lucky girl to find him?

Seriously, I am asking...

I find it hard to believe that many women are drawn to such men.

You expect me to believe that women who don't consider any of that a deal breaker are suddenly turned off by a guy just because he's shy or awkward?

I do not expect you to believe anything I tell you.

And just FYI, the questions were not directed at you, but at Mona -- the first was asking what she would say, and the second was asking if she would say any of those things.

I doubt she has the balls to say those truths to them.

Oh wait....

90% of threads lately can be summarized by this one skit of interaction:

- Some single guy (ie. dorkseid): I am overweight, I am socially awkward.... women won’t give me a chance.
- Fnord: Why women would pick YOU if you are unemployed and overweight living with your parents?
- Mona (trying to help): Let’s create a local support community to help the poor lad.
- cberg: As usual, Fnord implies that us aspie guys are losers.
Fnord: Do you have a better advice?
cberg: Tit
Fnord: Tat
cberg: Tit
Fnord: Tat
- Magz: [A post with a big warning sign]
-Kraftie: I know a poor guy who’s overweight and living with mom yet got a beautiful girlfriend in his 70s.
- Boo: can he still... you know?
- Ktaftie: I am over 60 yet I am wolf in bed!
- Rexi: I wanna rub my tummy against yours, Meow.
- hurtloam: I have empathy toward the lonely guys, but we women don’t want to take care of guys. Grrrr aunties always tell me I will find someone if I stop looking *rolling eyes*
- Clueless: you will find your prince one day
- Boo: Wtf is going on?
- Pepe: We’re having fun without you, my blob friend
- Jamesy: Why girls at the bar go to toilet together?
- Kraftie: stop going to bars.
- Fnord: So they can pee
- Boo: So they can gossip about guys...., and to pee.
- Magz: For safety reasons, bars aren’t safe.
- Rexi: For boob to boob lesbian sex, wc stalls are tight and fun.
- Pepe: I am missing out a lot.
- goldfish: The f*** with all that, thanks goodness I am gay.

Of course not. Most men who are "over-weight and under-employed ... without a college degree" are already well aware that these are serious drawbacks. No need to rub this in, but no need to pretend that they are not issues either.

IMO the autistic community needs to become a whole lot better at helping autistic people find jobs, as we discussed at length in a separate thread starting here.

You, on the other hand, prefer to berate people for failing to be among the few people who manage to beat tremendous odds against them. IMO such berating is not productive at all.

EDIT: Currently (e.g. here) we are dealing with someone who believes that even if he were to get a good job and lose some weight, things would still be hopeless for him as far as finding a relationship is concerned. So I think it's important to assure him that that's probably not the case. Berating him about his current situation would clearly not be at all helpful.

I don't think there is any reason to deny that overweight, not going out, being unemployed, and perhaps even still living at home can be problematic for getting a relationship. This is a bit of a vicious circle that people cannot get out of "just like that". However, it's also the case that these things are mostly NT preferences, and so should not be considered overly important either. Perhaps most importantly, because they are mostly NT issues, solving them doesn't really eliminate the underlying problems since relationships with NTs often are problematic in themselves. It's far better to concentrate on what is important, like getting in regular contact with smaller groups of people. I'd even say that by getting into ND friendly environments, and especially ND-ND relationships these issues would be largely solved.

Sure, no problem; especially when it is now clear that the individual whom you cited may have issues of misogyny (e.g., blaming women instead of himself for his problems), which may be a contributing factor in his lack of popularity with women.

Indeed it is quite likely true, in his particular case, that misogyny may be a contributing factor in his lack of popularity with women. However, I wouldn't phrase this as him having a choice between "blaming women" and "blaming himself" for his problems.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 17 Feb 2021, 10:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Then, in some cases, "berating" is justified.

I don't live with my parents. We don't even live on the same continent.

You replied to my post before I finished editing it. See the current version of my earlier post.