I don't care for "Love on the Spectrum"

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munstead
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08 Apr 2022, 1:58 am

ironpony wrote:
Oh okay I see. That's too bad. As for women who are in average leagues refusing to settle, because they still want all the hot guys who all the other women are getting too, why is it that those women refuse to settle, or where did all this stubbornness come from?


I agree this is part of the explanation (I posted earlier or in another thread about this lag effect between women still thinking they are hot in their 30s and 40s and it taking a while for them to adjust to the new reality of rapid depreciation of looks, meaning this miss out on a lot of potentially very suitable partners). But I also think a large part of it is emotional - they lose confidence after seeing their friends marrying and having kids, and think they are unwanted or don't deserve happiness. Another explanation is that frankly loads of men are just a***holes, the good ones get taken off the market quickly, and the ones left are very emotionally juvenile, still want to be players, are unadjusted and selfish etc. and women just think it's not worth the hassle of dating - it's hard work dating while working having social life and hobbies, and you meet a load of unappealing guys, and there is always that risk of some loser freak stalking them, threats of violence, scenes, harassment by some man-baby.

I don't think many of us men realise just how disgusting so many men are to and around women. I learned some truly horrible things about some acquaintances of mine after the #metoo movement when some females I know revealed some things. So basically a switch goes off in many women's minds and they close off the idea of dating, even though they still want the ideal of a partner and family. There are also other points around them coming round to the idea of actually liking their independence, financial simplicity, there are tons of apparently amazing sex toys around that can provide a lot of pleasure, so unless someone 'amazing' comes along to sweep them off their feet why should they settle. I suspect that is some of the internal monologue that happens.



auntblabby
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08 Apr 2022, 2:48 am

ironpony wrote:
Oh okay, so is it perhaps women need to go through a lot of guys before they find one that is good in bed, so to speak then, and that is why women do it, compared to men?

expert sex partner is just part of the equation. also have to see eye to eye on enough different things, be of a similar or higher social status, similar or better in looks, height etc.



ironpony
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08 Apr 2022, 9:17 am

auntblabby wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Oh okay, so is it perhaps women need to go through a lot of guys before they find one that is good in bed, so to speak then, and that is why women do it, compared to men?

expert sex partner is just part of the equation. also have to see eye to eye on enough different things, be of a similar or higher social status, similar or better in looks, height etc.


That's true, but I don't understand why a person has to sleep with so many people in their past to find out these things. For example, does a woman have to sleep with guys to find out if they have a good height, or are goodlooking? Of course they don't have to sleep with them to find these things out :). But it still doesn't explain the high number of partners, when you can find things about a person before sex, and that is what I don't understand, if that makes sense?



kraftiekortie
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08 Apr 2022, 10:15 am

I don't believe "rapid depreciation of looks" happens with most men, women, and all genders-----unless they are on drugs, alcoholic, or have a chronic condition.

People see me as more attractive at age 61----than when I was 21.



munstead
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08 Apr 2022, 11:26 am

I disagree. It's easy to see anecdotally by comparing photos of the same women aged eg 25 with 35 and then doing the same for a selection of men. There will always be exceptions but the rule does generally apply. It's the biological imperative so it isn't surprising.

And for clarity my point was specific to females.

Males age better in general because of greater presence of oils in the skin, but also because of behavioural factors e.g. they mess around less with horrible thinks like make-up (awful for the skin) and hair dye (awful for the hair), and seem to look after themselves better in terms of doing exercise.

Anyway, my points earlier were always supposed to be taken in combination - the depreciation of females post-30 in combination with the appreciation or constancy of males from society's perspective due to the values allotted to wealth and status of males, which does not seem to be the case with females but I do see this changing gradually in the future. I certainly find powerful / wealthy females have a certain attraction.



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08 Apr 2022, 5:50 pm

HighLlama wrote:
I haven't seen it, but blind dates seem anathema to someone on the spectrum.

What about dates with someone you barely know because you've only exchanged a handful of messages with her on a dating website?


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08 Apr 2022, 5:51 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
When I went on my blind dates in hs, I just dove in headfirst because I wanted a boyfriend really bad.

Did you get one eventually?


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09 Apr 2022, 2:11 am

Since people on here talk about how autistic women are still easier to get men compared to autistic men getting women, I am assuming that most, if it not all, of the stars of the show are men therefore?



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09 Apr 2022, 2:16 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
I haven't seen it, but blind dates seem anathema to someone on the spectrum.

What about dates with someone you barely know because you've only exchanged a handful of messages with her on a dating website?


That can be tough too, but it's more necessary. You just learn what questions to ask and how to get to know someone.



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09 Apr 2022, 4:06 am

ironpony wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Oh okay, so is it perhaps women need to go through a lot of guys before they find one that is good in bed, so to speak then, and that is why women do it, compared to men?

expert sex partner is just part of the equation. also have to see eye to eye on enough different things, be of a similar or higher social status, similar or better in looks, height etc.


That's true, but I don't understand why a person has to sleep with so many people in their past to find out these things. For example, does a woman have to sleep with guys to find out if they have a good height, or are goodlooking? Of course they don't have to sleep with them to find these things out :). But it still doesn't explain the high number of partners, when you can find things about a person before sex, and that is what I don't understand, if that makes sense?

people like to get while the gettin' is good. hedonism.



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09 Apr 2022, 4:11 pm

But I keep hearing that women are more romantic than guys are when it comes to sex. But if so many women just want sex from the top 20 percent of guys who will not commit to them, are they more about romance really therefore, especially when it seems that more guys I know seem to complain about how women are not romantic enough as a result of this?



Muse933277
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09 Apr 2022, 10:23 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't believe "rapid depreciation of looks" happens with most men, women, and all genders-----unless they are on drugs, alcoholic, or have a chronic condition.




Of course it does. Most people are hotter at 25 than they are at 75.

But I can see how an ugly person might be the same attractiveness at 25 and 75, but that's just because they never had good looks to begin with.



auntblabby
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10 Apr 2022, 12:47 am

Muse933277 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I don't believe "rapid depreciation of looks" happens with most men, women, and all genders-----unless they are on drugs, alcoholic, or have a chronic condition.


Of course it does. Most people are hotter at 25 than they are at 75. But I can see how an ugly person might be the same attractiveness at 25 and 75, but that's just because they never had good looks to begin with.

that actually is an advantage for the less-attractive man.



munstead
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10 Apr 2022, 2:48 am

An excellent point.



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10 Apr 2022, 10:11 pm

I started watching the show now out of curiosity. Are the dates always romantic dates, or are there any that just want to hook up more so, speaking of hookup culture being so prominant now?



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11 Apr 2022, 5:33 am

ironpony wrote:
I started watching the show now out of curiosity. Are the dates always romantic dates, or are there any that just want to hook up more so, speaking of hookup culture being so prominant now?

The understanding is that the participants are too innocent to think that way.


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