I hate seeing young couples (rant)

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I don't think we were talking about stalking, rse92.

I agree with you that this should be the approach, but I think it's worth noting that for a man who has been single and lonely for a long time, women with whom he interacts have the capacity to provide him with what he's starving for. That's certainly not to say that they will or should, but that reality changes the dynamic from the man's side.




I'm going to steelman this point because I think there's something real here that isn't being articulated very well.

A symptom for some of us on the spectrum is impaired ability to read body language. If we can't read it, it would only make sense that we can't write it either. Some people on the spectrum exhibit atypical or awkward mannerisms and body language. Combine that with not being very outgoing and you have someone who is not easy to connect with and not very predictable.

If you then add long-term loneliness or desperation, I think it's easy to see how perceived weirdness or creepiness could manifest into the situation.

Women can feel this way, too. I'm definitely not that comfortable talking to men in person, but I'm working on it. It's related to not being allowed to have male friends as a young person/not interacting with guys, being badly abused by men, subpar social skills, and loneliness, too.

I don't think that all men are abusers or anything like that. It's more of a subconscious thing that I can't fully help. Talking to men makes me very anxious until I get to know them. It's hard to get to that point for me.

Well-said about how we have a hard time both reading and writing body language.

I've been told I apparently look angry, very unfriendly, etc.

That's just my natural look. A coworker said he was shocked to find out the true me upon getting to know me (he said my true self doesn't match my appearance at all)

I know a guy on the spectrum who would show up to a female classmate's apartment complex unannounced during college (he was pursuing her).

He had no idea his behavior was viewed as stalking. He thought he was being romantic. He found out the hard way when the girl made a nearly successful attempt to get him expelled from school.

Depends on what the negative consequences are.

If one ends up with a criminal record for something they weren't even aware was wrong, that's only going to ruin their life (and make them incredibly angry/bitter).

I'm pretty skeptical that adults who are allowed out on their own are engaging in this behavior without knowing that it's wrong. People often feign innocence in an attempt to get out of trouble. I'm not buying it. My sympathy lies with victims of various forms of harassment, including stalking. It's a scary thing to experience that can cause lasting harm depending on the severity and the individual victim.

If I felt like someone was stalking me, I'd call the police if at all possible and press charges. I'm done dealing with that s**t, and I'm done with hearing excuses for sh***y behavior. I don't care what your sob story is. Police, pressing charges, and a possible kick in the groin.

I completely agree that women should feel and be safe and that they (we) should not have to put up with creepy or frightening behavior from men. But I think it's also true that there are men, especially if they have an intellectual disability or an emotional, mental or neurological difference, who truly don't understand that they are being creepy. That is something that exists too. Police intervention is sometimes needed, but it's also something that very often does great harm. Sometimes that consequence is necessary and warranted but also there are times when it is nothing more than a tragic outcome caused by a lack of understanding of the man's intentions, or by his lack of knowledge of expected behavior. It's not so cut and dried. In almost all circumstances believing the woman is the right course of action, but there can also be times when the perceived aggressor actually didn't know that he was causing harm, and while he should still be instructed to stop his frightening behavior, it doesn't automatically mean that he should be harshly punished. It's a difficult line to parse.

I have also personally known a woman who was suffering from paranoid delusions and who genuinely believed that she was being harassed when she was not. That can happen too. It's not common, but I think we have to be open to all possibilities and try our best not to jump to conclusions.

Last edited by bee33 on 27 Sep 2023, 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Those are things which police/investigators can determine. I wouldn't worry about it if I was being harassed or stalked in any way. It wouldn't be my problem.

Whilst there are cases of genuine stalking going on, such incidences require evidence, otherwise they could be paranoid delusions, as you say.

!	magz wrote:
	Several posts have been removed. If you want to discuss various experiences with the police, do it in appropriate place, remembering that even within USA alone, police is very decentralized and behaves differently in various situations and towards various groups, so very real experiences can differ drastically. However, if you do want to discuss it, start another thread.

I take it you're on the spectrum (since you're on this forum). I'm surprised you're not aware of how common it is for people on the spectrum to not realize they're doing anything wrong.

As Bee33 pointed out, some people who suffer from any sort of neurodivergence really might not be aware they're doing anything wrong.

Even if you contact the cops, it's unlikely the guy will end up doing any time behind bars (but he will get a criminal record, for the "crime" of being socially clueless). Think of what this means: An angry guy, roaming free, hates you (for getting him a criminal record) and knows where you live. Do you not see how this could end badly for you?

Last edited by SkinnyElephant on 28 Sep 2023, 9:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well-said. I respectfully disagree with the other poster's claim that anyone allowed out in public by themselves must be aware of social norms.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had the emotional age of an 8 year old. This means when I was 18, I would have been around 12 on the inside. Yet I went away to college, just like millions of other 18 year olds.

I'm currently in my 30s. While I've gotten a lot better, there have even been times in recent years where my dad called me stalker-ish, even though I had no idea I was doing anything wrong.

If I experienced any backlash, I know how to contact the police. Being on the spectrum is NOT an excuse for creepy, abusive behavior, and I will NOT tolerate it from anyone. I'm done with accepting excuses for abuse and tolerating it. Investigators can determine if any extenuating circumstances should be taken into consideration. That's not my job or responsibility. Ensuring my personal safety, on the other hand, IS my responsibility.

If a person engaged in the vengeful behavior you're suggesting, they belong in prison anyway. I'm not responsible for other people's bad choices.

While I've luckily never gotten any charges (nor did I ever do any dangerous revenge), I had a girl threaten to press charges during college. Then I got revenge on her by writing her number in a bathroom stall. I also posted her number on a sex chat room.

She ended up having to change her number.

ya, he has explained how it happend, but i feel something like that is difficult to assess if we were not a witness to his behavior. While that has never happend to me, there have been times i have felt i was being perceived as weird or making the woman uncomfortable to her while socializing, etc.

Definetley embarassing and hurts my self-esteem a lot.