Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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Re: the being yourself thing...

Why would you ever want to be someone who didn't like you for you? Such a person as that, that couldn't accept others as they were, would likely find another thing to nitpick about even if you did fit into the basic criteria. With friends (or lovers, rather) like that, who needs enemies?

And as someone else said, the facade will go at some point... either in the heat of the moment or just because you get comfortable with a person. And then what? I'm willing to bet facades like this are a major contributing factor to the 50% divorce rate in America. Even if you do have to wait longer than most of your peers to find someone, it's better to find someone accepting who you could potentially spend the rest of your life with rather than enjoying a few years playing a role until the other person finds out that they don't like you, they just liked the character you acted like to win them over. Hell, even being alone would be better than having to fight back your true self all the time just to please someone else who may or may not end up liking you anyways.

Also agree.

I very egalitarian and it does seem odd to me too. But even I acknowledge that there is some dominant submissive behaviour is there in our daily life whether you are egalitarian or not. It is there always as an undercurrent. People think of it just a just very fixed position, but it is not. It is not unusual for a female dog to mount a male dog. It may seem unusual behaviour but it is a switch of the dominance and submission that can be summated in an overall more neutral situation. So egalitarianism is really about having a mix that the people involve can be content with (…their f****d up way of thinking ).

Did they determine that right after they extracted the sunlight from cucumbers?

PS Actually Haliphron, I agree with what you're saying

My apologies I did not realize you were so independent

Last edited by Zane on 20 Sep 2008, 6:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

King ChaosNinja wrote:

Been there, and done that too; coming from a guy in his fifties.
Trust me, it doesn’t make any difference as to how ugly a girl is. I married a very ugly girl/woman after my first marriage with a very beautiful girl/woman. They both turned out to be the same. What is the answer you say? I will tell you the answer but I don’t think it’s going to help. The answer is that some people have a better appreciation of consequence than others. Find the person be it a woman or a man that has a good appreciation of consequence. That is the answer. As to how you’re going to go about finding such a person; let me know when you find out. Good luck.

The confident guy gets it. That's just about it.
Being interesting, different (in a good way) and amusing is also good.
But lets face it, a lot of it is physical.
Men with greater musculature have more "flings" then men of average size.
Thats it.

jkm2 wrote:

EXCUSE ME. I assumed we were talking about a long term relationship, not a fling.
A fling you can get anywhere, any time, any day; a serious relationship you get once in a lifetime IF you’re VERY lucky.

Just to be clear, I’m a straight male saying this.

I'm come in peace! I come in peace lol.

I read the first post and that about flings. Sorry to interrupt your conversation. Chill.

QFT

Not all of us, for that matter I would ask out any girl that meets the following:

-I'm interested in her (this is more about personality than looks)
-She doesn't avoid me like the plague
-She's not already taken for the long haul

I don't know a single girl that meets all three, and haven't for years.

Just for the record, I definitely prefer nice guys. Just wish I could find one...

And I also find shyness quite endearing...

I know a nice guy, but I told him not to email me anymore.
He knows that I don't see anything in common with him.
When he asks why, so that he can improve himself, and not be always alone, I give him the cold shoulder.
Is this acceptable behavior from me?

Well, hey, if you don´t have anything in common with him, then you don´t have anything in common with him, and that´s that. Better to be honest with him. I tend to like nice guys, but...well...that doesn´t mean I like every guy I meet!

sorry, i think you just lumped all women together and made them all out to be exactly the same person...you just seem to see a demographic and not the power of the individual...

for example...my current girl:

- attraction, well, we can't get over that, yeah you gotta at least look ok, although personality DOES matter with many people, just don't go for the shallow ones...mine was impressed with my musical skills, maybe learn an instrument or join a band?
- financially, well i have no job and am on income support, i don't have that much money but she doesn't mind, and will bail me out if in trouble.
- impressing her friends....they are just that, her friends, if they don't like you or value you then perhaps you're with the wrong woman anyway, i get on fine with her friends because i've learned not to do anything too silly around humans...
- hearing and reading stuff - well, she understands i'm an aspie and i won't always get everything unless it's explained...

yeah, i've had to wait around 25 years for a girl this understanding...and i truly believe that i'm in the right subculture (gothic, rocker, etc, will be alot less closed minded than your standard trashy white reality tv fan type) to meet such individuals...but it DID happen, and as long as you get yourself out there, start talking to people and making friends, your chances go up and up...

did i mention i have dreadful social anxiety? suck it up, just go out there and DO it, lots of people are actually quite nice if you talk to them, and read up on communication so you don't do anything too goofy...

go get em kids.x

Yes, you can find ways around it, if you're good at something girls can understand such as music then that's something huge right there. Otherwise you just have to accept that as a meek guy you're very unattractive, that's not really something you can complain about. What's less fun and accceptible is the girls who complain about their love life in front of you.