For my autistic brethern- Have you given up on love?

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pbcoll
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19 Sep 2008, 10:29 am

GuessWho wrote:
But isn't dating only Christians discrimination?

Yes.

Then why do it?...


It may be 'discrimination' but a healthy serious, long term relationship requires someone compatible with your core beliefs - if a certain religion is one of them, then it is reasonable to exclude people who don't fit in that. Unreasonable discrimination is more like saying that you would only ever date women whose hair colour is dyed a specific shade of red.


Saffy wrote:
GuessWho wrote:
Saffy- women worth their salt are hard to find,


Agreed ! But so are good men :)


Both are correct, I'd say.


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ToadOfSteel
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19 Sep 2008, 12:18 pm

pbcoll wrote:
It may be 'discrimination' but a healthy serious, long term relationship requires someone compatible with your core beliefs - if a certain religion is one of them, then it is reasonable to exclude people who don't fit in that. Unreasonable discrimination is more like saying that you would only ever date women whose hair colour is dyed a specific shade of red.


What you need to do is:

1) Find someone with an open mind, regardless of their religious beliefs
2) Have an open mind yourself.

So much of all the inter-religious issues that have plagued our world are caused by people being closed-minded... Personally, I'm open to a relationship with someone of a different religious belief (including Athiesm), so long as they're compatible with my ethical beliefs. Those are far more important than the dogma of religion (Christianity in my case).



pbcoll
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19 Sep 2008, 12:52 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
pbcoll wrote:
It may be 'discrimination' but a healthy serious, long term relationship requires someone compatible with your core beliefs - if a certain religion is one of them, then it is reasonable to exclude people who don't fit in that. Unreasonable discrimination is more like saying that you would only ever date women whose hair colour is dyed a specific shade of red.


What you need to do is:

1) Find someone with an open mind, regardless of their religious beliefs
2) Have an open mind yourself.

So much of all the inter-religious issues that have plagued our world are caused by people being closed-minded... Personally, I'm open to a relationship with someone of a different religious belief (including Athiesm), so long as they're compatible with my ethical beliefs. Those are far more important than the dogma of religion (Christianity in my case).


Actually I'm an atheist myself - but I can see how that would be a dealbreaker for someone (I'm thinking of a specific Muslim girl I'm interested in). Religion or lack thereof shouldn't be a barrier to respect, friendship, casual dating and so on, but when it comes to relationships,a greater degree of compatibility is required I think. I can understand that someone would think, 'I would date a Protestant or a Catholic, but not a non-Christian,' for example.


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Magliabechi
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19 Sep 2008, 6:04 pm

I have never given up, but have not yet had any success of any kind.

Magliabechi.



SPCDavid
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20 Sep 2008, 12:08 am

Honestly, I'd change religions if I liked her enough.



makuranososhi
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20 Sep 2008, 2:24 am

GuessWho wrote:
I try to be mindful of non-discrimination with respect to race and weight when I am dating. I do not have sex before marriage. I date Christians because the advice I receive (and the sense it makes to me) suggests it saves me from sorrow. I practice what I preach.


...discrimination? *blink* Bear with me a moment, am going to ramble... for some reason, it reminds me of the episode of M*A*S*H where Hawkeye helps the serviceman gets his wife and daughter home when he is supposed to be on a date; when he finally gets there, he finds his date is bigoted - and walks out. There will innately be a degree of discrimination in dating - our sense of attraction and preference assures that. And it should exists there, because without it there would be less chance of a successful relationship. But at the same time, it also should not necessarily be a limiting factor. Over the years, I've gotten ribbed by those I am close to, because I don't have the concept of a "type" that it seems most have, a preconception or mold they seek to fill. Over the years, have dated women of all heights, weights, races, religions and political views... and have learned something from all of them. It's not all about matching, but finding a complement. My partner and I have both been on OKC - according to them, we shouldn't even be friends - yet we have learned each other so well over the years that we work well. So be discriminating based on your experience, not on your preconceptions.


M.


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MiniMozartAspie
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20 Sep 2008, 10:21 am

I haven't given up on it.....

Ohhhh right..



aeroz
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20 Sep 2008, 10:35 am

GuessWho wrote:
And I am sure many women are also angry at being rejected by guys as well, and some women may take rejection personally too. It would be more difficult to imagine how they would retaliate, other than by writing books like W. Charisse Goodman's The Invisible Woman (obesity prejudice)-- which seems slanted by gender (Gephardt Derdhau gets to eat a lot cuz he is a man and the women can't she writes). I wrote a review on Amazon.com, Where Is the Invisible Man?

atleast around here, I just dont see this happening. The rare times I meet a single woman she is that way because she is either between boyfriends, or simply doesn't wish to have one. To be clear this isn't an assumption, I have spoken with them. They never look for a date, and in fact often turn guys away. Maybe where you live its different, but where I live a girl is only single because she chooses to be.



WintersTale
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20 Sep 2008, 6:16 pm

I've given up for now, but not for forever. I'm just taking a break.



KenM
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20 Sep 2008, 6:24 pm

Yes I have because I have always failed not matter how hard I try. No point in trying God wants me to be alone.



pbcoll
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21 Sep 2008, 7:15 am

KyleTheGhost wrote:
If you still want to try, then do what I'm going to do: Find someone who likes you for yourself. Also, don't go for someone just because they are good-looking. They make look good on outside, but are they that way on the inside? Someone who isn't very attractive on the outside may be attractive on the inside.


Like Jack the Ripper said: it's what's inside that counts... But, seriously, I agree with you. if you're looking for serious romance (rather than casual sex, companionship or casual dating), it's personality what can really make it work. And it can only work with someone who truly likes the real you (not every single detail about you, but at least the really fundamental parts of your personality)


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Bataar
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21 Sep 2008, 2:40 pm

I haven't given up, per se, I just find the whole process of looking for it boring and irritating so I don't try. I've never been in love or any kind of serious relationship and I just can't imagine that it'd be worth all the incredibly boring stuff I'd have to go through if I was actively looking for it.



pbcoll
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22 Sep 2008, 2:50 pm

aeroz wrote:
GuessWho wrote:
And I am sure many women are also angry at being rejected by guys as well, and some women may take rejection personally too. It would be more difficult to imagine how they would retaliate, other than by writing books like W. Charisse Goodman's The Invisible Woman (obesity prejudice)-- which seems slanted by gender (Gephardt Derdhau gets to eat a lot cuz he is a man and the women can't she writes). I wrote a review on Amazon.com, Where Is the Invisible Man?

atleast around here, I just dont see this happening. The rare times I meet a single woman she is that way because she is either between boyfriends, or simply doesn't wish to have one. To be clear this isn't an assumption, I have spoken with them. They never look for a date, and in fact often turn guys away. Maybe where you live its different, but where I live a girl is only single because she chooses to be.


It's exactly the same where I live, women are never single for any length of time unless they choose to be even if they're not particularly attractive, but even a sociable, fit, intelligent British NT male actively seeking can remain single for many months. All girls I have had an interest in the past couple of years have been taken very much for the long haul, except one that avoided me like the plague.

The thing is also, I cannot compete with British NT males on social skills or dating experience - and to get any girl I'd be competing against NT males.


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Morgana
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24 Sep 2008, 4:14 pm

I gave up, for years, and years, and years...Felt all the resentment, etc., etc. Now that I know about AS, I´m thinking about pulling myself together and trying again. Unfortunately, I absolutely abhor dating! Honestly...does anyone enjoy it??? Besides, I can´t seem to tear myself away from my computer and dvd´s to get out of the house at night...
Celibacy is lame, but unfortunately, I can´t seem to motivate myself to go through what I need to to get the desired results! If I could only enjoy the process more....
(sigh)



CMaximus
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24 Sep 2008, 4:32 pm

"Given up" is too harsh a term... "Putting off" is more like it, because that's sort of what I've been doing. I never seem to have the holy alignment of time, energy, motivation and circumstance to look for a girl, although I'd say at times I'm lonely. Now that I've been unemployed for a while, I'm thinking about it more seriously. :roll: Confidence, social skill, etc. come into play, too, but that's another story.



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24 Sep 2008, 4:59 pm

I haven't given up on love, but I've got other things to attend to for now.


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