Has anyone never had a GF/BF before?

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I've had sex with other guys a handful of times but I never had a relationship.

To be honest I don't think I'm ever going to find anyone who's right for me. If I want sex I can easily get it without much effort but it makes me depressed that I can't find someone I like. Even if I did leave my house I wouldn't meet anyone.

I feel uncomfortable when random, "normal" guys I don't feel any mental attraction to hit on me in their absolutely average, normal way. I don't know what to say to them. I turned down quite a few because they were all just radiating with neurotypical averageness in every way. Just the thought of being in a relationship with someone like that makes me depressed and fills me with ideas about being with someone I wasn't attracted to and who would never understand me. It's worse than being single, the thought of it makes me feel suffocated and anxious.

One thing that's absolutely clear to me is that my boyfriend has to be quirky in some way, different etc without being a complete tard. I couldn't be with any of the aspies I've met so far in my life, they were too far below my level of theory of mind that it would be no better than a neurotypical. In fact, they all disgust me.

I've never even been on a date.

never been on a date, dont plan to

no gf here

I don't know that it will do this thread's OP any good to hear this, but i am nearly 27 and have also never had a gf. A lot of what you said parallels my own life, I get very lonely, you beat me with the at least having many girls who were friends (i'm lucky if I have 1 or 2 friends in my entire life, both being guys) .. i'm not trying to trivialize your plight, just maybe try and look at that as a positive in your life?

Same thing happened to me in grade school with a girl i liked and i've never got over it and rejection fear is so great I can't even attempt to even talk to a girl never mind flirt with her.

Basically all i'm saying is you have my deepest sympathies, I wish I could offer you more, but maybe you can get some solice out of knowing you're not alone (it helps me sometimes to know i'm not alone, though its the meds i'm on that have probably kept my head above water, I have no passion, desire, or positive emotions in life because of them, but I also don't suffer the crushing depression I used to contend with constantly every day)

I find it especially hard when i'm around someone who trivializes the whole dating component of life, I know they don't mean harm, but most ppl when they talk about relationships shrug them off as something that happens all the time in their life and their current gf/bf is just another in a string of normal behaviour in life ...

Anyways, i'm sorry, i'm not trying to hijack your thread, I hope some of this babble might mean something, i'm here on this thread today cuz I am feeling particularly lonely and worthless lol (after someone went on for an hour about his past relationships and how trivial they are apparently last night to me).

Anyways, I will hijack your thread for a second (sorry ), if any girls around read this and want to TALK (i'm not talking about dating, I just want experience/practice talking to girls, as well as a girl to confide in) .. and would like a friend who is a girl, please feel free to PM the OP (i'm not that mean to take this thread from you, heh, just don't know how else to go about this whole madness) or me .. you would make this sad heart's day

Well I'm 20 and I have never had a g/f, still a virgin, and never kissed.......but I'm not angry. Even when I've been in my depressive moods, I always find optimistic and positive signs within everything. I guess it's just the musician in me .

I haven't always tried to get girls, I have a deep rooted anxiety that seems to heighten whenever I am around girls, and sometimes find it difficult to talk to them, even though I love being around them. So I often spare myself from rejection by not approaching them. It will happen for me sometime soon, just not that way.

I am also dyspraxic, so sometimes I struggle with personal hygiene and conditioning my body, which is also something I am very conscious of. This does not instil me with confidence in that area, but I often concentrate on the thing that matters to me first and foremost and that is my music, and that helps me. However, I do often wish that I had a female companion to be with, not even necessarily a girlfriend, but close.

I am sorry that many of you on here are struggling in this area also, and are frustrated, it can be infuriating and do damage to your psyche. If only we could buy patience .

19 never had a girlfriend , never dated , never had sex , did not have any friends that were girls since i was like 4 years old .

I'm 18 and I never had one, and it really kills me inside too, because I don't wanna be alone all my life, I wonder alot what will happen to me in the future but I have no idea.

Here's why aspie guys have so much trouble with women. Every person, as far as I know, with aspergers, becomes obsessed with the topic that they're interested in. Wheteher it be games, science, music and so forth. To aspies and most people, the more effort one puts into something, the more that that something will give back. If you practice music everyday and become obsessed with it, then you will soon become very good. So if an aspie guy or girl is interested indating, they will become obsessed. If one is obsessed then they come off as desperate, but if a girl is desperate, most guys wont care, cuz it doesnt really matter to them. if a guy is desperate, girls run away and get creeped out. I've experienced this first hand as both sexes. I've found that I can text a guy 100 times a day and he won't get creeped out, but if i were to do that to a girl, she'd be creeped out.
If girls had to go by the same rules of dating as men had to, every aspie girl would be single and frustrated.
What do guys do? just leave the girls alone. that simple

Never had anything to do with girls, xcept small talk... I hardly consider online relations as valid ^^; (and i've had once or two <.<).

1. Don't go shoot up some school or gym or something. It's not the girls fault.

2. Try to date someone you are not interested in romantacly. Then date more. Have no goals but the date. Ask friends who are girls to go on practice dates with you. Get on an online dating service and find a girl, then meet for coffie. Tell them your getting "back in the game" and a girl broke your heart. Don't tell them it was in second grade. DATE THE ONES YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TOO AT FIRST-but tell them you just want a simple date. It's ok, remember thier feelings. There are girls out there who have not been kissed in years as well.

3. Just date. it's a harmless goal. Don't try to have sex or get in a relationship. Your goal is just try to have coffie in a book store with a girl. Then do it again and again. You have to build up scar tissue when it comes to rejection.

4. I hate to say this, as a Christian, but if your relationship does not become "passionate" within about 10 total hours of time spent together (as a potential couple), it won't happen. Biologicaly women have an emotional window. She may have known you for years, but from the serious first flirt to the final deed you have 4 to 10 combined hours. (this can be on the phone, over several days). This "sin nature" is complicated by religious values, so you might also an asexual dating service if your still uncomfortable with sex outside of marrage.

i would rather get rejected before a relationship starts, rather than go through a really nasty break-up. i was the one who broke up with him, yet i still feel i might have done something wrong. you seem like a really nice guy, so you shouldn't have trouble finding a keeper if you can come out of your shell a bit. i wouldn't be too surprised if one of your friends wants to be your girlfriend, but is waiting for you to make a move. if not, you can ask them for help to try and attract mrs. right. if anyone can help, it will be them

Have had a few girlfriends in my life and was married for 13 years to a woman with Bipolar Disorder.

I have never had a girlfriend before because I've never tried to get one.

Didn't have a kiss until I was 18, didn't have a sex until I was 26, and I married her. When my wife left me at 38 I was horrified. I thought I was no good at dating and thought I would spend the rest of my life lonely.

But I decided if Jane Goodall could communicate with monkeys, I could communicate with women.

I prettended I was a human and they were aliens. I was a wizard and they were muggles. I didnt' try to be like them, I just tried to move among them undetected.

I observed them. I studied body language books, I worked out, I got some college age girls nextdoor to take me to the mall and pick out cloths for me. I bought a sports car, I took dance lessons. I signed up for online dating.

And I dated. The first couple were nightmares. But failed experiments are neccassary. You must learn to move on. If you only have a 1% success rate with dating, your still furthar than you would be if you didn't try. Rejection is simply the avoidance of a bad relationship, which is a positive thing. Move on. Dont' focus on one person.

If you have AS, you have super powers. Your problems with women are caused by side effects of your super powers. Your problems at work/school are caused by side effects of your supper powers. Most super heroes have to put on a disguise to fit in, and you are no different.



If that doesn't work, move to another country or somewhere with a different language. Because in another country, you have to concentrate on communication and your quirks won't translate as harshly.