would you like to have amazing success with women?

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Meanwhile, the rest of us have resolved to sharpen our social skills while avoiding compromise of our entire individual identities.



Indeed.



Nobody is saying otherwise.



You do like projecting these problems onto me, don't you? I have taken the initiative of reflecting them back to where they belong.

And about your "point" : false. Aspies are not completely unviable as romantic partners.

Anyone who stopped and bothered to think about that, would find that if that were the case, people with AS would be non-existant as of this moment in time. Apparently some Aspergians have mated numerous times in the past centuries. You will also discover that there are wives on this forum who have come to seek assistance in understanding their husbands' behaviors. The very fact they are married, suggests to me there was romance involved.

The goal of this thread, and many threads on this board, is to assist in the frequency of mating.



Coming from the man who seems to have resigned himself to escort services.

Last edited by A_Spock_Darkly on 14 May 2009, 4:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

It looks like your listing things you haven't got and assuming that those are the crucial factors. We can all do that because nobody has everything. It's the classic: "If only I had X then everything would be OK". I'm a lot older than you so I could say "middle aged girls don't want an old guy, they want a young, good looking guy". And there's always someone with more money, as I said before. I could think back to all the unemployed, layabout, scruffy, carless hippy men I've known who had no problems getting girlfriends. I've been there too (jobless, carless etc) and I'm sure you will acquire those things at some point. The irony (and a huge lesson) I've found is that getting a good job, car and house didn't actually change *anything*. Eventually I began to realise that the problem was inside my head all along...! !!



Very true. Not easy, but even speaking as an uber-geek, we are not alone.


Hmmm....my best long term friend is the diametric opposite of us. He can sit in a bar by himself and have women offer to buy him a drink. I assume he's one of the lucky 1 in 10 who'se only problem is fighting them off. I find his company interesting because he turns all the "correct" rules on their head and it works fine for him! I think we all have to develop our own unique strategy.

Lets say that for an average "neutered" male, terrified of offending those 'strange, delicate' female creatures, sitting alone in a bar is unattractive. But then for a "neutered" male, sitting in a bar with 10 friends is unattractive, too. It isn't the situation, it's the attitude inside your head that is unattractive and that gets carried to any situation.


Maybe, but that's a huge, self-defeating task. By making it so impossibly huge, you've prevented yourself from making even a small step. Taking the first steps to abandoning the "shame for being male" that our culture propogates is surely worth trying? I believe that the conventional 'relating guides' start at a point way ahead of where the average Aspie male is. As a result of black n white thinking and clinging fanatically to rules, and trying to 'be good', we believe the stories we were told, whereas the "bad boys" totally ignored them! Unlike most advice, I'm not saying that this is of any use to everybody. It's improved things for me, though, and a lot of the attitudes I held that I now know to be flawed, seem to be evident in what a lot of the younger men are saying.



Exactly! And you don't even need to leave the house, when those 'mechanisms' are your own beliefs. To be fair, I really don't think "Amazing Success" is at all possible for everyone. I'm more interested in the step from "absolutely zero success" to "occasional small success" as this is the position many of the aspie males, myself included, find ourselves.

Last edited by ManErg on 14 May 2009, 5:29 am, edited 5 times in total.

thats a mindset that women definitely find UNATTRACTIVE in a man. and the people who become good at anything in life stick with it even when they feel like they suck.

Spock: I love the way you inserted the word (I) in all my quotes when in fact I did not use (I) as if I was referring to myself. I have already jumped over several of the basic hurdles I have mentioned. And I am NOT interested in becoming an NT at the expense of my interests.

There are always execptions to every rule and sometimes people just get lucky.

I didn't summarize the whole thing into one sentence to make it seem like a huge self-defeating task. I merely acknowledged that it is a hard road up ahead.

I didn't mean to project a problem specifically on to you. I was using (you) in a semi-collective sense. I wasn't necessarily referring to myself either.

Of course.



I am confident that is the case with most.



You never "merely acknowledged" anything. You layed out a ridiculously steep path of standards that by your own admission you are unwilling to follow.



I did take that into consideration as a possibility, but the arrogant nature of the post itself ultimately had me believing otherwise.

Most of what you said is correct in both posts you made, but what you post IS discouraging to most guys with Asperger's Disorder. I think you have a slightly jaded view, and I think you are making an overgeneralzation in most of your post. There are exceptions to every rule, just it is hard to find and I sure haven't founded it. I laughed at the AS guy being the antithesis to what girls want, as that IS TRUE. In my limited experience what girls dislike about me is, I'm quiet, I'm not funny, I'm kinda odd, and I don't open up. Also they tell me in not so many words that my approach is bad. I mean really does asking a girl out on FACEBOOK even count? no. I'm just scared of rejection, because all I get is rejection. It's hard to just have confidence with girls when all you get is rejection from them. There's a subtle game to all of this though, and if a person with AS can do the correct steps to not automatically turn the girl off, and if the guy can get past the awkward small talk stage without completely turning the girl off, then maybe she will see his true personaility and then truely give the poor guy a chance. So in closing, what you are saying is right, but a little unrealistic, but then again that was your point. You need to be yourself, but you have to play the game, you need to be friends with guys and not make a bad impression on HER friends, and finally just pray to God.

Sometimes I come off as arrogant and condescending; 1000 apologies. People tell me I can be condescending without me realizing. I guess it is just how I write/talk that gives off an all-knowing vibe.

In 1998, when Fight Club came out(I saw the movie before I read the book,) I began to model my personality on Tyler Durden. Five years later, I was introduced to the character of Alan Shore from The Practice/Boston Legal and I began to mold my personality to his. I did this because I had no original personality and I wanted to copy something that I felt was worth emluating. As myself, I completely lack originality, so all I really can do is copy things that seem to work for other people. What works for one person may not work for another. Perhaps one guy with AS only has to do some minor tweaking to right his ship and another might have to do a complete personality overhaul. As for me, I am willing to make some moderate changes and concessions to improve my dating life, but I am not going to drastically overhaul my life. I think I am somewhere in between where I only need to make some adjustments.

I'm sorry if what I wrote came off as discouraging or a generalization, but one can't sit there in denial of why he isn't dating. Everyone is dealing with a different set of problems and variables, and one needs to identify the specific things that are holding him back.

No matter what though, you will NOT date if you have no money or transportation. Other problems are only variables, but some problems that come with AS can be surefire barriers to dating if they are not overcome.

Heck, they make a "Dummies guide for dating" for normal guys, so it is just natural to feel frustrated. It is many times harder for you than it is for everyone else. It isn't like most normal guys can just pick up the signals either; they have to work and struggle for it as well.

Yeah, I know.

It's just so hard to look at it any other way when you have had nothing but defeat and absolutely no success.

*sigh* I guess I need to work on my self-esteem first and be happy being single.

as far as trans what if you live in a place like manhattan or even parts of dc where the subway is?

I would so love to live in NYC or another big city, not in this isolated hellhole in the middle of nowhere. The only thing keeping me here is college. Once I graduate, I'm outta here. I don't care if my family objects either. I've told them I would kill myself before I spend the rest of my life here and I mean it.

I don't know if aspies would really like the city... I mean, I've lived 20 minutes from the George Washington my entire life, and I've only gone into the city 7 times... 4 of those were for school field trips during middle school (and a fifth to see the Intrepid back when I was into naval history for a while)... the other two were for church-related functions...

I guess you could get used to it eventually, but the city is definitely overwhelming... try living just outside one instead... that way you don't have to be isolated, but at the same time you're not overwhelmed...

If you live in nyc, though, you have to worry about double taxes... that is, people who live in jersey but commute into the city have to pay income tax to both the state of new jersey and nyc's municipal government...

Don't live outside a big city, that's even worse. I know Atlanta can't compare to New York by any means, but I've lived in atlant's huge suburbs, and I much rather live downtown. The traffic is horrible, and you really just get a variety of upscale neighborhoods and malls to be honest.

I dunno about NYC/DC, but here in Chicago people who use the train can date without any difficulty. It's actually kind of hip not to have a car.

I think it's the same in nyc, though you have to replace trains with cabs... I also get the idea that in major cities, there's enough decent public transit, combined with exorbitantly high prices to park a car, that makes it economically unfeasible to own a car...

I really need to move to a big city, I'm tired of this back water hellhole.

Well spoken...sometimes putting too many eggs in one basket with a hole in it is a recipe for failure. Common sense here. Sometimes you find something extremely attractive just in someone who understands you.