Bigotry against involuntarily celibate men
22 Dec 2018, 1:06 am
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’m fine being chubby, I just know most women won’t date chubby men, they want thin men, especially thin women.
So try for chubby women then. Women who are fatter than you will be even more likely to be interested in you, so if you want to maximise your chances of finding someone, go for women who are fatter than you.
You think I haven’t?
Chubby women want handsom athletic thin men too. I’ve seen quite a few obese women with thin men, though I assume they were obese when first met.
Like I’ve aaid I don’t ask out or message thin women I know there’s no way in hell they’d date me but chubby women won’t either so I’d have to get thin and athletic to just be attractive to chubby women how’s that for fair?
Yes I know life’s not fair I’m very awar if it it’s been unfair to me my whole life, but it pokes holes in the whole go for women like you logic.
How many women do you meet in real life? Sure there might be some at your work but what about aside from that?
22 Dec 2018, 1:09 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm slim and I don't want a thin guy. So, there!
And I know a tall Chinese guy! An exception doesn't disprove a trend.
Even if you don't want a thin guy though I doubt you'd want an obese one.
I agree an exception doesn't disprove a trend. I just want you guys to know there are exceptions to every rule. Not every guy wants a super model and not every woman wants a bodybuilder. I have a crush on a man who isn't the bodybuilder type at all, but I still think he's incredible. Dating is difficult for everyone these days with so much emphasis on looks as a first impression, via online dating, but don't sell yourselves short.
_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles
22 Dec 2018, 1:28 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’m fine being chubby, I just know most women won’t date chubby men, they want thin men, especially thin women.
So try for chubby women then. Women who are fatter than you will be even more likely to be interested in you, so if you want to maximise your chances of finding someone, go for women who are fatter than you.
You think I haven’t?
Chubby women want handsom athletic thin men too. I’ve seen quite a few obese women with thin men, though I assume they were obese when first met.
Like I’ve aaid I don’t ask out or message thin women I know there’s no way in hell they’d date me but chubby women won’t either so I’d have to get thin and athletic to just be attractive to chubby women how’s that for fair?
Yes I know life’s not fair I’m very awar if it it’s been unfair to me my whole life, but it pokes holes in the whole go for women like you logic.
How many women do you meet in real life? Sure there might be some at your work but what about aside from that?
Women don’t meet me, I’m not good enough to talk to. Only ones who talk to me are cashiers when I’m checking out.
Everyone on buss gives me nasty looks if I even look their way same with women on the street. Everyone keeps to themselves.
Women at work leave their department to talk to other guys never me, I’m not allowed to talk to them.
22 Dec 2018, 1:39 am
IsabellaLinton wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I'm slim and I don't want a thin guy. So, there!
And I know a tall Chinese guy! An exception doesn't disprove a trend.
Even if you don't want a thin guy though I doubt you'd want an obese one.
I agree an exception doesn't disprove a trend. I just want you guys to know there are exceptions to every rule. Not every guy wants a super model and not every woman wants a bodybuilder. I have a crush on a man who isn't the bodybuilder type at all, but I still think he's incredible. Dating is difficult for everyone these days with so much emphasis on looks as a first impression, via online dating, but don't sell yourselves short.
It kinda goes beyond selling yourself short when you have absolutely no success with women. At that point, you're the common denominator and you have to figure out why you're unsuccessful and how to rectify it so you have a better chance of succeeding on the dating market. Many people seem to take emotional objection when I say things like dating is like a market, or dating is competitive, but those people probably haven't experienced being completely cast aside and had to really examine how dating works to try and figure out why they fail at it. I've spent hours honing in my knowledge on dating dynamics, and even branched out to watch hours of Dr Phil, hours of philosophical discussions between a mediator and troubled people and more just to understand how humans work, how dating dynamics work, where dysfunction comes from, etc all largely because life is meaningless without even the prospect of a relationship. The truth is if I ever got into a relationship I think I would be an exceptionally good partner, as I've learned how to recognize and to some degree mitigate dysfunction, I've done a lot of work on self-knowledge/introspection, I'm very open with my communication and prefer to squash any conflict straight away rather than allow it to fester, I would be 1000% loyal to any partner I developed a strong connection with, etc. The main barriers for me are probably looks - overweight, bad posture, lazy eye, and my long beard might not be every woman's cup of tea - and social skills/social temperament - I'm not an extrovert, I have enough social skills to get me by but I'm not exceptional by any means, my main strength socially is probably my wit, and my ability to make obscure links between things/punny jokes that make others laugh.
I guess the overall point is when you have no success with women to speak of, you can't help but feel that you are defective, or at least that there are significant defections within you that hinder the capacity of others to be interested in you. Wheb you've been struggling with this same problem for literally years upon years, the light at the end of the tunnel starts dimming significantly.
Some might say my approach can be harsh, but if I really wanted to see others suffer, I'd instead be offering them meaningless platitudes that permit them to remain complacent in their mediocrity and not advance further towards the things that they want.
22 Dec 2018, 1:50 am
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’m fine being chubby, I just know most women won’t date chubby men, they want thin men, especially thin women.
So try for chubby women then. Women who are fatter than you will be even more likely to be interested in you, so if you want to maximise your chances of finding someone, go for women who are fatter than you.
You think I haven’t?
Chubby women want handsom athletic thin men too. I’ve seen quite a few obese women with thin men, though I assume they were obese when first met.
Like I’ve aaid I don’t ask out or message thin women I know there’s no way in hell they’d date me but chubby women won’t either so I’d have to get thin and athletic to just be attractive to chubby women how’s that for fair?
Yes I know life’s not fair I’m very awar if it it’s been unfair to me my whole life, but it pokes holes in the whole go for women like you logic.
How many women do you meet in real life? Sure there might be some at your work but what about aside from that?
Women don’t meet me, I’m not good enough to talk to. Only ones who talk to me are cashiers when I’m checking out.
Everyone on buss gives me nasty looks if I even look their way same with women on the street. Everyone keeps to themselves.
Women at work leave their department to talk to other guys never me, I’m not allowed to talk to them.
It is very rare that people will meet their significant other, or even a new friend on the bus or on the street. Before you decide that women are indefinitely contemptuous towards you, you'd be better off meeting some in a social setting and trying to befriend them and taking an interest in them and their lives without expecting anything to evolve into a romantic relationship. You've said that you don't have many/any friends either, so your problem can't just be with women. Perhaps you're not putting yourself in enough social situations to meet and befriend people. Work is not a social situation. The bus is not a social situation. The street is not a social situation. Those being the sum of your "social" experiences doesn't provide a solid foundation to say that women and people in general aren't interested in being around you. I know you'll probably come up with a reason why you can't, but put yourself in social situations that inherently involve talking to and getting to know the same people recurringly and just see what happens, maybe even make that your new year's resolution. You can't expect other people to do all the work, and you can't expect to meet other people if the extent to which you see them is only on the bus, on the street and at work.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,098
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
22 Dec 2018, 2:12 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’m fine being chubby, I just know most women won’t date chubby men, they want thin men, especially thin women.
So try for chubby women then. Women who are fatter than you will be even more likely to be interested in you, so if you want to maximise your chances of finding someone, go for women who are fatter than you.
You think I haven’t?
Chubby women want handsom athletic thin men too. I’ve seen quite a few obese women with thin men, though I assume they were obese when first met.
Like I’ve aaid I don’t ask out or message thin women I know there’s no way in hell they’d date me but chubby women won’t either so I’d have to get thin and athletic to just be attractive to chubby women how’s that for fair?
Yes I know life’s not fair I’m very awar if it it’s been unfair to me my whole life, but it pokes holes in the whole go for women like you logic.
How many women do you meet in real life? Sure there might be some at your work but what about aside from that?
Women don’t meet me, I’m not good enough to talk to. Only ones who talk to me are cashiers when I’m checking out.
Everyone on buss gives me nasty looks if I even look their way same with women on the street. Everyone keeps to themselves.
Women at work leave their department to talk to other guys never me, I’m not allowed to talk to them.
It is very rare that people will meet their significant other, or even a new friend on the bus or on the street. Before you decide that women are indefinitely contemptuous towards you, you'd be better off meeting some in a social setting and trying to befriend them and taking an interest in them and their lives without expecting anything to evolve into a romantic relationship. You've said that you don't have many/any friends either, so your problem can't just be with women. Perhaps you're not putting yourself in enough social situations to meet and befriend people. Work is not a social situation. The bus is not a social situation. The street is not a social situation. Those being the sum of your "social" experiences doesn't provide a solid foundation to say that women and people in general aren't interested in being around you. I know you'll probably come up with a reason why you can't, but put yourself in social situations that inherently involve talking to and getting to know the same people recurringly and just see what happens, maybe even make that your new year's resolution. You can't expect other people to do all the work, and you can't expect to meet other people if the extent to which you see them is only on the bus, on the street and at work.
To be fair, there’s a significant age difference between you and sly.
I relate to sly.
Look, when I was your age, I did have a better social life; through college mainly, and most people at this age were single (and I assume the same for you), by single i mean unmarried.
After college and when friends start getting married, things change, the married friend have far less time to see you now, maybe once every while and the gap time starts to increase until you no longer meet this friend.
And the same thing repeats with other friends, their number start to dwindle rapidly, far faster than gaining new friends if ever.
The older you get, the more the people around your age are less open to new friendships especially if they’re married, most eventually seal their social circle with few (probably married too) friends and have no interest at all to expand it.
So the older you stay single, the less you have friends left, and leas friends mean less chance to meet people and women in particular through friends of friends.
My social life onset was probably between 2011 and 2012, and it started to go downhill ever since.
Now I am at my bottom social wise and I see no prospect of improvement. Everyone is “locked” in their social circle.
22 Dec 2018, 2:55 am
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’m fine being chubby, I just know most women won’t date chubby men, they want thin men, especially thin women.
So try for chubby women then. Women who are fatter than you will be even more likely to be interested in you, so if you want to maximise your chances of finding someone, go for women who are fatter than you.
You think I haven’t?
Chubby women want handsom athletic thin men too. I’ve seen quite a few obese women with thin men, though I assume they were obese when first met.
Like I’ve aaid I don’t ask out or message thin women I know there’s no way in hell they’d date me but chubby women won’t either so I’d have to get thin and athletic to just be attractive to chubby women how’s that for fair?
Yes I know life’s not fair I’m very awar if it it’s been unfair to me my whole life, but it pokes holes in the whole go for women like you logic.
How many women do you meet in real life? Sure there might be some at your work but what about aside from that?
Women don’t meet me, I’m not good enough to talk to. Only ones who talk to me are cashiers when I’m checking out.
Everyone on buss gives me nasty looks if I even look their way same with women on the street. Everyone keeps to themselves.
Women at work leave their department to talk to other guys never me, I’m not allowed to talk to them.
It is very rare that people will meet their significant other, or even a new friend on the bus or on the street. Before you decide that women are indefinitely contemptuous towards you, you'd be better off meeting some in a social setting and trying to befriend them and taking an interest in them and their lives without expecting anything to evolve into a romantic relationship. You've said that you don't have many/any friends either, so your problem can't just be with women. Perhaps you're not putting yourself in enough social situations to meet and befriend people. Work is not a social situation. The bus is not a social situation. The street is not a social situation. Those being the sum of your "social" experiences doesn't provide a solid foundation to say that women and people in general aren't interested in being around you. I know you'll probably come up with a reason why you can't, but put yourself in social situations that inherently involve talking to and getting to know the same people recurringly and just see what happens, maybe even make that your new year's resolution. You can't expect other people to do all the work, and you can't expect to meet other people if the extent to which you see them is only on the bus, on the street and at work.
Most everyone at work has become friends or relationship
They hang out a lot outside work.
People in their 30s don’t want new friends. I don’t have friends because I’m not normal
And so I didn’t grow up, I didn’t get a real
Job, I don’t make good money, I didn’t get married. My friends don’t have time to hang out with a unemployed loser with no money to do anything, and when people get in a relationship and especially married they only hang out with other couples so I do t have a gf or wife so I was out. My life stalled at 18 while theirs kept advancing.
There no social things besides bars and clubs and I do not drink nor can I afford it plus the one near by is mostly men that go to it. Most bars and clubs are for sports which I don’t like any sports. So I a non drinking non sport liking person do not fit in at most bars or clubs.
Besides that we have movie theaters. Can’t meet people there and most are there with their bf/gf or current group of friends.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,098
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
22 Dec 2018, 3:00 am
hurtloam wrote:
Same thing happened to me. My friends got married and had no time for me. It really hurt.
So I moved to the city and found other single people to hang out with. Even made some male friends.
Life can be turned around. It's not all doom and gloom for friendships if you're over 30.
So I moved to the city and found other single people to hang out with. Even made some male friends.
Life can be turned around. It's not all doom and gloom for friendships if you're over 30.
I am already in the most populated city in my country (and one of the most polluted too, coughh).
Moving is not easy if you don’t find a job in the target place.
22 Dec 2018, 3:02 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’m fine being chubby, I just know most women won’t date chubby men, they want thin men, especially thin women.
So try for chubby women then. Women who are fatter than you will be even more likely to be interested in you, so if you want to maximise your chances of finding someone, go for women who are fatter than you.
You think I haven’t?
Chubby women want handsom athletic thin men too. I’ve seen quite a few obese women with thin men, though I assume they were obese when first met.
Like I’ve aaid I don’t ask out or message thin women I know there’s no way in hell they’d date me but chubby women won’t either so I’d have to get thin and athletic to just be attractive to chubby women how’s that for fair?
Yes I know life’s not fair I’m very awar if it it’s been unfair to me my whole life, but it pokes holes in the whole go for women like you logic.
How many women do you meet in real life? Sure there might be some at your work but what about aside from that?
Women don’t meet me, I’m not good enough to talk to. Only ones who talk to me are cashiers when I’m checking out.
Everyone on buss gives me nasty looks if I even look their way same with women on the street. Everyone keeps to themselves.
Women at work leave their department to talk to other guys never me, I’m not allowed to talk to them.
It is very rare that people will meet their significant other, or even a new friend on the bus or on the street. Before you decide that women are indefinitely contemptuous towards you, you'd be better off meeting some in a social setting and trying to befriend them and taking an interest in them and their lives without expecting anything to evolve into a romantic relationship. You've said that you don't have many/any friends either, so your problem can't just be with women. Perhaps you're not putting yourself in enough social situations to meet and befriend people. Work is not a social situation. The bus is not a social situation. The street is not a social situation. Those being the sum of your "social" experiences doesn't provide a solid foundation to say that women and people in general aren't interested in being around you. I know you'll probably come up with a reason why you can't, but put yourself in social situations that inherently involve talking to and getting to know the same people recurringly and just see what happens, maybe even make that your new year's resolution. You can't expect other people to do all the work, and you can't expect to meet other people if the extent to which you see them is only on the bus, on the street and at work.
To be fair, there’s a significant age difference between you and sly.
I relate to sly.
Look, when I was your age, I did have a better social life; through college mainly, and most people at this age were single (and I assume the same for you), by single i mean unmarried.
After college and when friends start getting married, things change, the married friend have far less time to see you now, maybe once every while and the gap time starts to increase until you no longer meet this friend.
And the same thing repeats with other friends, their number start to dwindle rapidly, far faster than gaining new friends if ever.
The older you get, the more the people around your age are less open to new friendships especially if they’re married, most eventually seal their social circle with few (probably married too) friends and have no interest at all to expand it.
So the older you stay single, the less you have friends left, and leas friends mean less chance to meet people and women in particular through friends of friends.
My social life onset was probably between 2011 and 2012, and it started to go downhill ever since.
Now I am at my bottom social wise and I see no prospect of improvement. Everyone is “locked” in their social circle.
When I was his age I still had 7 friends
I had 12ish at 17/18
I now have 0 and few acquaintances.
I had a few activity friends but when one or both stop doing said activity the friendship ends.
22 Dec 2018, 3:04 am
hurtloam wrote:
Same thing happened to me. My friends got married and had no time for me. It really hurt.
So I moved to the city and found other single people to hang out with. Even made some male friends.
Life can be turned around. It's not all doom and gloom for friendships if you're over 30.
So I moved to the city and found other single people to hang out with. Even made some male friends.
Life can be turned around. It's not all doom and gloom for friendships if you're over 30.
There’s no single groups here
Churches don’t even have them. Unless your a kid they don’t care about you.
Portland has all that
22 Dec 2018, 3:09 am
hurtloam wrote:
Are there no music bars near you?
I keep running into people I know at a jazz bar. None of my jazz friends are sports people. They're computer nerds, bookish types and scientists.
Edit this was a reply to sly, but whoever can answer
I keep running into people I know at a jazz bar. None of my jazz friends are sports people. They're computer nerds, bookish types and scientists.
Edit this was a reply to sly, but whoever can answer
I’m not big into music. I listen to old songs that everyone else moved pass.
22 Dec 2018, 3:47 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I’m fine being chubby, I just know most women won’t date chubby men, they want thin men, especially thin women.
So try for chubby women then. Women who are fatter than you will be even more likely to be interested in you, so if you want to maximise your chances of finding someone, go for women who are fatter than you.
You think I haven’t?
Chubby women want handsom athletic thin men too. I’ve seen quite a few obese women with thin men, though I assume they were obese when first met.
Like I’ve aaid I don’t ask out or message thin women I know there’s no way in hell they’d date me but chubby women won’t either so I’d have to get thin and athletic to just be attractive to chubby women how’s that for fair?
Yes I know life’s not fair I’m very awar if it it’s been unfair to me my whole life, but it pokes holes in the whole go for women like you logic.
How many women do you meet in real life? Sure there might be some at your work but what about aside from that?
Women don’t meet me, I’m not good enough to talk to. Only ones who talk to me are cashiers when I’m checking out.
Everyone on buss gives me nasty looks if I even look their way same with women on the street. Everyone keeps to themselves.
Women at work leave their department to talk to other guys never me, I’m not allowed to talk to them.
It is very rare that people will meet their significant other, or even a new friend on the bus or on the street. Before you decide that women are indefinitely contemptuous towards you, you'd be better off meeting some in a social setting and trying to befriend them and taking an interest in them and their lives without expecting anything to evolve into a romantic relationship. You've said that you don't have many/any friends either, so your problem can't just be with women. Perhaps you're not putting yourself in enough social situations to meet and befriend people. Work is not a social situation. The bus is not a social situation. The street is not a social situation. Those being the sum of your "social" experiences doesn't provide a solid foundation to say that women and people in general aren't interested in being around you. I know you'll probably come up with a reason why you can't, but put yourself in social situations that inherently involve talking to and getting to know the same people recurringly and just see what happens, maybe even make that your new year's resolution. You can't expect other people to do all the work, and you can't expect to meet other people if the extent to which you see them is only on the bus, on the street and at work.
To be fair, there’s a significant age difference between you and sly.
I relate to sly.
Look, when I was your age, I did have a better social life; through college mainly, and most people at this age were single (and I assume the same for you), by single i mean unmarried.
After college and when friends start getting married, things change, the married friend have far less time to see you now, maybe once every while and the gap time starts to increase until you no longer meet this friend.
And the same thing repeats with other friends, their number start to dwindle rapidly, far faster than gaining new friends if ever.
The older you get, the more the people around your age are less open to new friendships especially if they’re married, most eventually seal their social circle with few (probably married too) friends and have no interest at all to expand it.
So the older you stay single, the less you have friends left, and leas friends mean less chance to meet people and women in particular through friends of friends.
My social life onset was probably between 2011 and 2012, and it started to go downhill ever since.
Now I am at my bottom social wise and I see no prospect of improvement. Everyone is “locked” in their social circle.
Okay, fair call, I didnt consider the age difference, but there's no law that says you can't have friends or partners who are different ages to you, and if you are going somewhere social like a meet-up group where the specific purpose is to socialise then everyone is there to meet new people, so the 30s not wanting to make new friendships becomes a moot point in that regard because the people wouldn't show up if they were closed off to making new friends.
