I give up

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Funny, my prior post a few messages back was "blind" and done only by reading the first post. But it's fitting.

Again, you're comparing yourself to a different playing field. Don't go playing pro-ball w/o knowing the basics. The best thing you can do is to learn the basics first and then advance.

Now, if you're crippled, then play in the special olympics. Everyone's a winner.

Broaden your scope of your search. Think about travelling to South America and you'll see a lot of lovely women who are with dirt bags. Because you have a job, have the opportunity to remove her from that hell hole, she'll give you the time of day. Even (or especially) if you're shy and inexperienced with woman, you'll do well as this is not a trait those women are familar with (because of the "machisimo" crap).

No, people think you are a phony because you are completely willing to "change" your beliefs for the sole sake of attracting women, instead of changing your beliefs because the new beliefs better represent reality. People also think you are a phony because you want to give off the impression that you want a romantic relationship, when instead you are really just looking for sex.

You are trying to make yourself look a certain way to other people with the sole intention of getting them to date you, without fundamentally changing yourself. You are simply trying to manipulate people into liking you. You fear that you will be controlled, so you end up pre-emptively trying to control them, right from the get-go. It's this manipulation that you do that makes you a "user". You justify your user tendencies on a stereotype some people have, then in turn you act on the very same stereotype to try to manipulate every woman out there! Seriously, if you're going to say that a stereotype is ridiculous, then don't act on it as though you thought it were legitimate. Tim, people see right through the facade you're trying to project. That's why people think you are phony.

Tim, you need to stop your passive-aggressive behavior described above, and get over your control issues. If you don't, you will hurt a lot of innocent people who did nothing wrong to you, whose only crime was wanting to love you. And if you respond to that statement with "well, it's better them than me," you are NOT ready for a romantic relationship.

I am looking for someone who is looking for Mr. Right Now, rather than Mr. Right.

Then log off and go out to the closest pub or nightclub!

So what? That doesn't invalidate anything I said.

It doesn't matter. If you mention sex from day one, even if you are not manipulative, people will think that's all you're after.

Because that's all you really are after. You're just in some serious denial from all the headgames you've got going on in your mind.

Tim I don't think you really want answers. Your best bet is to stop worrying about it and look for a job. That's more important right now.

I don't think he does either. The title of the thread is "I give up". The original post, and most subsequent ones that Tim made, reflect just that.

I agree 100% with what you just said. However, Tim is probably just imparting his perspective to those who have tried to discourage him from "giving up" in this thread; I think those that are implying that Tim is just being difficult are missing the point of the thread in the first place.


Tim, no matter how fundamentally important this pursuit has been to you, there's no shame in giving up if it's seriously interfering with your life. You'll know when/if you're ready to try again in the future.

I think that would be almost anyone's reaction if they meet someone and the first words out of their mouth have to do with wanting to have sex it's clear that is all the person is interested in.

Another reason I felt like it should be out in the open:

I have heard about people being sexually incompatible, and the woman had the idea that despite this, if the guy decides to leave because of it, rather than "put up or shut up", he was just wanting sex.

And one person feel like there has to be a (completely arbitrary) time period that guy must wait before having sex. If he leaves because he simply cannot wait that long, then he was just wanting sex.

I feel like it's better to discuss it now rather than deal with the above-mentioned stuff later.

Think of it this way too: my own father never dated until he was solidly established in a well-paying job. The first person he dated, he married.

There is nothing wrong with wanting sex. However, people as a whole are not simply going to enter into a sexual relationship w/o conversing first. Yes, there are exceptions such as swingers and adult film actors/actresses. But for everyone else...

You slowly enter into an intimate relationship. In a normal dating scene, this is typically between the 3rd and 5th date. However, there is nothing wrong with waiting up until marriage which can take a year or more to setup. And there is nothing wrong with finding people who interests each other at a bar, and in a drunken stupor, go off to the hotel room for a 'one-night-stand'.

If all you want is sex, then go and get a prostitute. The second option (depending on your age group) is to hit a bar, club or party -- college towns are good for this.

If you have the funds, travel to another country. ANYTHING you want is there. SE asia is infamous for things like 'that'.

But, get a job, get some funds. Money helps a lot of dreams come true and in today's society, demonstrate worth.

Oh, and a positive attitude helps. Not necessary, but helps.

Not in Texas, it isn't.

Tim, you're acting like a drug addict who doesn't care that his addiction adversely affects other people, only caring that he gets his drugs needs met.

Except that in your case, it's sex. You don't care who you manipulate or hurt, because all you're concentrating on is that your sexual needs are not being met.

You said that you might be more interested in FWB's. FWB is perfectly fine. Why don't you stick with that for the time being?

Please read my thread in the Haven.