Question for the Aspie males that want girlfriends.

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She was also underage (17) and immature. He's not going to attract a woman that has her sh*t together in his current state.

Oh. Man. I just have to butt in here. Reading this thread is making my brain hurt and makes me feel like I want to puke.

I've been noticing a lot of talk in this thread about male aspies wanting neurotypical women. That's not me at all. I know that I shouldn't go for NT women because that would be a waste of my time. My chances of attracting an NT are near zero, but my chances of attracting a female autie/aspie are much higher. That's part of the reason i'm here. I have set a realistic goal and am taking the nessesary steps. The only reason i'm still single - look at my post count. These things take time. I'm pretty sure I am on the right track and will never need to ask for advice. If I figure out that I need to change my behaviour I'll do that. I actually consider going after NT's to be setting the bar low! I mostly just want a woman I can communicate with and can relate to, so for me, aiming for anyone other than a female with high functioning autism is setting the bar low. I imagine that a lot of autie women are smart and kind, like myself. If I can't find an autie woman who I could get along with then my plan B is to go for an NT who is dorky, wierd, fat or ugly. If I can't find a female with high functioning autism/aspergers, the next best option is to go for another woman who can relate to my history of loneliness and/or emotional depth and/or intelligence and/or kindness.

This is just how I see it. Why should an aspie male aim for an NT over another high-functioning autistic? From what I hear, all good relationships require mutual understanding. I personally consider how much a girl understands me to be her single most important quality. Compared to understanding, compared to being with a woman who shares my values, compared to a woman who is almost my mind in a female body, looks are nearly meaningless. And, yes I do have standards. Any woman who is stupid, annoying, controlling, or a just plain jerky can forget about being with me - there are plenty of better women out there who are still like me. And, no I am not looking for a "crutch". I can function without a girl (I have for quite some time now, the guys at the Superstore say that I am a hard worker with the strength of five men!), but I think that being with the right girl would be more exciting. Turning a woman into a crutch would be mean. Also, I imaginge a nice autie female would enjoy me. I'm a good, smart man and apparently I'm "cute".

I hope this inspires some people.

^There are NT women out there that are nice and smart, and are better at handling relationships with an AS or an autie...

Don't make NTs and ASD peeps out to be so black and white! The loud, stupid, shallow NTs are the ones you see the most. They don't represent the whole NT spectrum at all. My best friends are NT, and we can relate wonderfully. Really, they aren't that different from you. You just get to their center a slightly different way.

I've tried to avoid posting on this thread since about page 2 or 3 because it has just gotten way too cynical for me. But I do have to support what Spazzergasm said. She is absolutely correct about not grouping people into their mental categories and assume that you will get black and white responses. People are all so very individualistic that there is just no way to accurately group them together. The larger the group, the less similarities they will have. I do understand that a mind will try to classify and sort in order to feel more in control over your own understanding of the world. But I try to avoid that and instead get to know a person based on who they are and expect to find many differences from me and many things that make them the individual they are. I may have struck out many times with predominantly NT women, but we were just not a good match. I don't sit here and blame them for that or think that they had something against me just because I'm not as NT as they are. I've also failed in a relationship with a woman that was farther from NT than I am. But it wasn't that diagnosis difference that separated us. It was just an unhealthy relationship for her, and she needed something else. We were just not a good match. That being said, I'm glad that I had those experiences, and I refuse to be bitter or cynical about them. Perhaps I won't find someone to share my life with, but you know what? If I allow myself to wallow in negativity, that will surely be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That is my opinion on this subject.

^ Solid stuff.

I agree that loud and shallow NT's don't represent all NT's. Also, Intelligence and kindness are more important to me than just having ASD. I do however, consider having ASD to be a bonus because I have less trouble communicating with others with ASD than with NTs. I believe that looking for a kind, smart woman with ASD is is a realistic goal. Of course, I could remove having ASD from my criteria, but I think I realistically could end up with a sutable woman with ASD, so why remove that from my criteria? If I can't find a good, smart woman with ASD then I might go after an NT ... but that's not going to happen right?

I suspected that some would take my post the wrong way. I suspected that some people would think of me as a b/w NT hater. However, you wouldn't believe how much editing and revising that post went through. Finally, I just posted it and hoped it would be interpreted best. In hindsight, I probably should have edited it more to make it look less like I think that all NT's are shallow - because I don't think that.

Okay. It seemed like you were considering NTs "lesser" or something. Why wouldn't going after an NT happen?

Maybe he just prefers fellow spectrumites, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[quote="Spazzergasm Okay. It seemed like you were considering NTs "lesser" or something. Why wouldn't going after an NT happen?[/quote]

Because I am confident that I'll find a good ASD female before I even need to try for an NT. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm just being optimistic. I'm just glad it's clear that I don't think of NTs as "lesser". I just know that they are different from me and would find it hard to communicate. Having ASD gives a girl an advantage at communicating with me, but does not make her a strictly superior human being. That's all I'm trying to say. I'm sorry if I spoke in a confusing way.

No prob! Well in that case, I can understand where you're coming from, perfectly. I've never met someone with an ASD, so I can't be sure myself yet.

I think I understand what Darth was trying to say. If you're an Aspie, chances are with your interests and social differences, you're going to attract other Aspies or people who aren't on the spectrum that are quirky or out of the box.

Personally, I like NT women, and am willing to tweak a few things about myself in order to attract a hot NT woman.

Most of the reason I felt the need to post here was becase there seemed to be a war going on between people who whine about not having a girlfreind and people who inform those people that they need to improve their behavior - with the possibility of ASD women not being given enough discussion time. I felt that possibility deserved a lot of emphasis - which is why I posted in a bit of haste and why it came of as anti-NT due to so much emphasis.

By the way, I have read some other threads on this site in the adult section in which Autie males describe Autie females as resembling "lesbians" or "ugly librarians." Anyone who talks like that about autie women reveals that they care too much about appearance. Also, if you are a male autie and avoid autie women then you are avoiding women who would potentially make great partners for you. Finally, saying those things about autie women is just plain sick.

Darth, the regular whiners on here (no need to name them, we all know who they are) aren't even going to attract an Aspie or quirky NT with their current behavior. 99% percent of women, Aspie, NT, hot, cute, ugly (regardless of NT or Aspie) don't want to be smothered and a guy's sole reason for existing.

You seem to have your head together and just want a girlfriend as a supplement, and you also said you don't whine about not having a girlfriend. No one is saying you can't find an Aspie or quirky NT girlfriend. But the regular whiners would probably turn off a lot of the females on this site (I know, because I correspond with some of the women on this site) and it has nothing to do with being Aspie but their attitude. Lots of non-Aspies have the same attitude that these guys have.

People complain about the unfavorable male-female ratio (supposedly 4:1, but it may in fact be 50:50), but that doesn't mean that they should give up. I would keep going and press on nonetheless.

Tim, this applies to you as well.