Help Tim Tex attract a partner

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In a way, you're right that I should stop posting, because it's just giving him more attention, which is what he's on this site for.

And, no, nice try at a joke, but not really.

Sound and others, if you're wondering why I'm so hard on guys on this site, Tim and Toad in particular, it's because I was them, emotionally, just a couple years ago. And the sites I were on coddled me. A few people got frustrated, but no one really let me have it. By even one person on this site, or this thread in particular, saying "It's ok Tim, you're a great looking guy and you have a great personality, you don't have to change anything" it's enabling him. The fact that he's been on this site for years, and according to others, saying the same things over and over again, speaks volumes. If the site were full of "Range's" do you think he'd still be on here? Or would he be forced to rethink things?

but my bf is very similar to Tim in a lot of ways and people could tell him to change but he met me who likes him as he is and does not want him to change. People like different things, Tim does not want to date you Range so it does not matter what you think.

Im so bored of you bullying Tim and ToS, I think your really nasty how you stalk their posts and flame them. Your like the sort of person who makes aspies work and school life hell. You should either stop or get a ban IMO.

You're the exception. Most women don't want to date a guy that just wants to take without giving, and doesn't want to make any self-improvement whatsoever. Yes, there are women like yourself, but if it were the norm, there wouldn't be 5 new posts everyday from teenage/20something guys saying "I've never had a girlfriend."

And yes, I'm brutally honest and have no tact, but that's what they would encounter if they had the balls to get up off their computer and talk to a girl in person.

But Tim has talked to girls in person and he has had girl friends.

I dont agree that women are that horrible as you make out, and I think aspie men should steer clear of any judgemental or mean women as they will not make them happy. If someone does not like 'uncool' clothes or hair they will definately not like all the other 'funny' aspie ways.

Aspies need a kind understanding partner who accepts them as they are or a relationship will not work long term.

Range you should alter your negative attitude to women, it will hold you back.

I think he's only alienating you range, I can't understand why your so bent out of shape by Tim, it sound like your jealous of the guy, anyhow I am curious to which sites are you referring too that have whole threads dedicated to getting Tim banned here, maybe you would be happier at one of those sites.

The problem is, even the non-trendy/judgmental women expect the guy to make the first move or show some hint of dominance. Toad, without flamming him, is afraid to be dominant because he thinks he'll come off as self-important, which isn't the case at all.

I agree with whoever said that Tim and everyone else shouldn't be someone they aren't and really don't want to be, but if their standard is to even meet a girl that just likes him back, they're going to have to get out there, either that, or play the online dating game which seems to be taboo for some reason among Aspie men.

I guess maybe my problem is that I hold other people to my standards. I wanted to be as NT as possible socially without compromising who I really am on the inside (i.e. not going to night clubs or parties when I have no interest in it) and I notice that less women look at me in real life as that "weird" guy, because I'm displaying confidence.

but do you not 'get it', if you pull a woman who does not like 'weird guys', over time she will find out you are weird and divorce you! You need someone who is not judgemental about weirdness if you are an aspie!! !

My interests are NT. My Aspie traits have more to do with motor skills and inability to focus. I love to go out to fancy restaurants and shop and am really into fashion so I guess I'm not the typical Aspie in that regard. When people think I'm weird, they're just noticing that I don't have NT posture or shoot from the hip when I talk. (I'm like this in person too, but aren't other Aspies supposed to be?)

therange, what is with holier-than-thou attitude? Do you think you have something more profound to say than anyone else who has every been through similar? Quite a few folks on this board have been through the bitter resentful stage and come out the other end.

Tim's "attention seeking" is not abnormal you just don't happen to like it, get over it. You are saying it is counter productive, yet it go him this thread. Same thing happened with LP, people actually liked his cynicism. One thing I have learned is you can only go so far with convincing some people, they have to be willing to accept it in them themselves. Don't be a hero. All this time you are wasting here getting miffed about Tim, you could be spending doing other things.

This thread isn't about your interests.

The goatee idea looks good. Women sometimes like a little facial hair on men because (if kept well groomed) it can help make a man look more stable and mature (ie. subliminally like marriage material). A shorter on top, more precise looking hair style would also help (ie. something more like George Clooney's when he's in Cary Grant mode).

Shorts can look a bit too casual on a guy to some women, especially if one has especially hairy legs. What about getting khakis (they make khakis with subtle zippers on the leg so you can transform them into shorts whenever you wish) as another poster said? These pants cost more but are a good value because of their dual purpose. (Some sporting goods stores have these.)

You really can't go wrong with a nice pair of black pants paired with a casual button down shirt in a *solid* (and not overly bright) color that doesn't clash with your skin. Looks sharp on almost anyone and makes legs look more long and lean. When in doubt, blue and green are usually safe bets.

Also, many men keep far too much stuff on their belt (ie, a giant set of jiggling keys, wallet, cell, pda, etc.) If this is you, consider wearing cargo pants (which will have a lot of pockets to store your gear) while making one look subtly more extroverted and perhaps a bit more worldly.

Wearing too much stuff on your belt can make you look weirdly pudgy when you wear a coat or jacket and the weight of it all can make almost anyone's posture worse. If your keys jingle, installing plastic keycaps on your keys will make them a lot more quiet so you don't sound like a janitor or a jailor when you walk.

If you don't have a lot of money, many local thrift stores have a nice selection of clothes so you can expand your wardrobe painlessly. My husband buys all his clothes at the thrift shop (mainly Goodwill). He's found such brands as Eddie Bauer, Ralph Lauren, Kenneth Cole, and Armani Exchange, there with most items under $5.00 each.

Therange may not be very tactful with his words, but I think his point is very valid. I have a very successful relationship with an AS guy. I don't want him to be anyone but who he is, but I DO expect him to come out of his comfort zone and attempt to understand me and please me. I go out of my comfort zone to attempt to understand and please him. This isn't exclusive to AS/NT relationships. Its the way relationships work.

Relationships are WORK, and it needs to be work on both ends. I am not a "girly girl." But I know that, once in a while, dressing up and going out and coming home and slipping into lingerie is something he likes. I don't think that's not being "me," its doing something nice for someone else. He needs to be busy all the time, but some days I like to lay in bed all day, cuddle up, and be loved for hours on end. He knows this and, once in a while, its what we do.

I like certain clothes on him, he likes certain clothes on me. We don't have to dress that way all the time-- but its nice to do.

I have no interest in doing all the work in the relationship. He is not capable of putting as much time and understanding as I am into the relationship, but I know he does what he can. The EFFORT is really what makes the biggest difference. Sometimes his effort comes out making him look really ackward and silly-- but most people can appreciate the effort. If he (or any guy) said "take me as I am, I refuse to change anything," its just selfish and the relationship will not ever go anywhere. A relationship takes the needs and wants of both partners into account. Everyone needs to work to make a relationship work.

Michelle

Of course you are right, but the point of this thread was more about how Tim could get more dates, not what he should do to maintain a relationship. From what he wrote here there's no reason to believe he is not willing or inclined to make efforts of this sort. Except, of course, for Therange claiming he isn't.

Read the thread carefully - Therange offers no advice whatsoever, he just grabbed the possibility of venting his frustrations. It's easy to hide a low blow behind "honesty" - what he writes about Tim are mostly assumptions, personal attacks and the desire to force on others the solutions he found for himself. Not to mention speaking for all women and stereotyping in a ludicrous way.

I'm sure there's at least on insufferable person on these forum for all of us - fortunately most people seem to be civilised and mature enough not to start a crusade and incessantly harass them. I don't understand why such behaviour is tolerated.

The most vocal and vehement advice in this part of the forum comes from people incapable to accept any experience different than theirs, while they feel entitled to make sweep generalisations based on their own extremely limited experience.

These reactions towards Tim and others have little to do with them - they are dominated by personal issues and projection.

The phrasing was bad, but in order to get more dates, he has to be willing to change and not have a very detailed set of criteria on what a woman needs to be. That's the opinion and the advice. It isn't bad advice.

The insults are not necessary- true. It doesn't make the rest of the message invalid.

What happens if he ends up slipping back into his old self? That's what I'm specifically afraid of: that I can't keep a mask up forever, and that once it fails and the woman in question sees my real face, that she won't like me anymore...

That's the thing-- I don't think its a mask. I think he truly, absolutely wants to do things to make me happy. I believe he really wants to meet my needs and wants. Is he good at it all the time? Ummm...no. Does he try? You bet. I also don't have any problems telling him what I want-- that little notes make me happy. He sets up reminders in his phone that remind him to do things that I like. I don't find that to be a mask. It may feel unnatural sometimes, for both of us, but it doesn't make it a mask or not real. If people don't feel that they can go out of their comfort zone for the good of the relationship, then a relationship probably isn't a good thing for them.

I get frustrated. VERY. And I tell him when I am frustrated. And he asks what he can do to help that. Then I tell him. And we hug, or make a joke, and forget about it the next day. It is no different with any couple. Frustration happens. People have to adjust. If a partner expects you to be perfect, they are being unrealistic. The important aspect is being honest. I know what he isn't good at. He knows what I am not good at. These aren't surprises. Had he started the relationship acting like he was great at all these things, I wouldn't learn to be understanding and see how much effort he puts in. Honesty. Truth. Vulnerability. There are all extremely important.