Intellectual compatibility = utimate AS hurdle in dating?

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As much as I like and respect the quoted poster I have to disagree - this thought looks great in hindsight, everyone does change due to things that happen in their lives that spur change. However, I have yet to see proof of it ever being voluntary. Every breakthrough takes external pressure, even internal pressure is in a sense external because the thoughts we all possess were never truly ours to begin with, just like the people or situations that imparted either identity or influenced identity can not call what they imparted their own. To say it in layman's terms - we are who we are at any given moment and that's exactly who we would have been. There's really no 'other way' unless a working escape hatch finds us, those escape hatches even are just as much set in stone for when and where we find them (let alone 'if').

True. I changed it to "The Face of Boo" , just to make it more trolly.

Do it right and you'll wind up with enough "stuff" to easily keep you busy for a decade

I copy-pasted this section because I think it summarizes up the point I was trying to make in this thread beautifully. I'm wondering whether I should perhaps re-title the topic to "brain-wiring compatibility" as posited by katzefrau as it may hopefully reduce the confusion and misunderstandings. Thoughts?

I too was surprised and fairly off-put by the negative reactions to this thread, but their existence and content is interesting at any rate from a psychological standpoint. I am the same in that I am hungry for that special "connection" as described, but I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than have a "trophy husband" so to speak. I also could not maintain pretending to be someone else for the rest of my life just to be able to communicate with my significant other, both for preferential and basic health reasons; I am generally only able to maintain a complete facade for several months at the outside before needing several weeks of isolation and "being myself" time to recover - and what would any significant other think of me suddenly becoming a completely different person, and one they did not fall in love with.

I am not so extreme in the IQ department as merle myself and thus perhaps more fortunate in this respect in my potential dating pool - I would estimate my IQ to be approximately 125-130 (good-bad day) but I can thoroughly understand how this can make things even more difficult, especially communication-wise. It's not a matter of being "elitist", it's a matter of basic communication which we already struggle with due to having Aspergers.

I too pray these people exist... although I am prepared and strong enough to be alone the rest of my life if necessary, and I'm sure I could fill my life with other things and still etch out a decent existence, I hate the thought of having to deal with this unsated hunger for connection as described indefinitely, plus I'd love to have children later on.

Settling for somebody, or trying to "change myself", trying to brainwash myself into being romantically attracted to anyone who could be appropriate, or effectively giving anyone a go, will not solve this problem. In fact it will do precisely nothing, because all I would get out of the relationship would be a friendship, and perhaps some physical pleasure. I've got more than enough friendship in my life, and physical pleasure without love/deep connection is hollow.

right. i think i've had this happen. a disappointment for both parties involved.

i dont intend children so thankfully i have no ticking clock on the issue.

perhaps retitling the post could thwart further cries of elitism which is a misunderstanding of the point, i think. (can you retitle a post??) although some of us seem to have understood you well enough.

Let the post settle to the second (or third) page and repost your assessment with a new title. We will have a nice historical context and potentially spark a thread with new insight. No one wants to dig through 3+ pages and "new" always piques curiosity (plus it gets some of my personal info outta there)

But I hate repeating myself! Maybe we should come up with a new angle or new take on the issue... hopefully dig up some new insights.. if I get distracted over the next week and forget to make the topic, please feel free Merle - perhaps you can phrase it better than I can.