Do you feel sympathetic for somebody who can not have sex?

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It would help me if I understood why it was important. How would you place sex in comparison to other things? Thanks.

I guess I would feel sympathetic toward somebody who could not in any possible way, ever have sex and still had the desire to. Those cases are few though.

I believe everyone has enough ability to get laid, and feel no sympathy toward people who don't want to put in the effort. Now, some people get sex without even trying while others have to put in maximum effort for the same effect. It's not fair, but life never is.

The question then becomes, is sex worth the effort. For those who have it easy, usually yes. For those who have to sacrifice thier comfort and identity, maybe not. But in both cases, it's still a choice, and you really can't feel sorry for someone who has made what they feel is the best decision.

They would have to sacrifice their identity?

Do you think that statement squares with the sheer number of virgins who use this forum? (i'm just asking)

If I have aspergers, as opposed to some other crippling disorder, it is a very severe form.
I have gone years hardly even having a single conversation. Now that I've found that I am good at internet forums, my socialization has increased a 100 fold. My point being you can't assume I am one of those people who isn't severely disabled.

Last edited by JohnisBlind on 16 Sep 2010, 10:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

it is good that you encourage me to pay them. i need some sense said to me.
unfortunately i have a strange version of ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), and there is something in me i can not identify which is repulsed from doing what they demand.
i think to myself "ok! i will bite the bullet and just pay them and that will end the matter", but then i look at how the final demand letters are written in red and i feel a sense of affrontedness and i just can not go through the simple motions of acceding to their demands. the best i way i can analogize it is that i feel like some dogs feel when their "owner" tries to pull them along on their leashes, and they start to resist and dig their heels in, and the owner yanks harder, and then the dog totally refuses to even consider going in the direction of the pull....even if they are being pulled to their dinner bowls.

i know i must pay the fines, but i can only do it when i can break through my repulsive reaction. it is invisible to me why i can not do it. it is like trying to press similar poles of a super magnet together.

but anyway, i do not seek to derail this thread so i will address the OP to validate this post.
to john is blind:

why are you blind? what made you think of that user name? you are obviously not blind because you type your posts. is your user name a kind of joke that is associated with the saying "people who masturbate go blind"?

what is the reason you can physically not have sex?

if you can not physically have sex (due to some genetic and not environmental problem), then if your genes were passed on, then your descendants would probably not be able to procreate either without artificial means.

that would be like each generation flogging a dead horse just to further their procreative futility.

i would suggest that if you have little interest in sex like you say you do, that you should not talk about it to the exclusion of other things that you can say that may be productive.

also, your avatar picture is evocative of a person who is perpetually in a state of saying "oh my god what have i posted? sorry sorry sorry".

if you wish to remain enigmatic, then you achieve your goal because i have no idea who you are or what you are really trying to say.

thank you i guess for sparing me the details of your true agenda.

Yes, even them. I know this from experience being a virgin til age 23 without a single sexual advance (or even a kiss) beforehand. I made a strong effort, though not as strong as some might need to make, but I got what I wanted.

Some say that you can't fit a square peg into a round hole, but I guarantee with enough grinding, reshaping, and whacks with a hammer, it can happen.

I don't know why I picked that name. I just like the way it sounded. It may be a masturbation reference. Also men who frequent prostitutes are called Johns. Oedipus blinded himself also. And thats been often interpreted as an act of self-castration, which might symbolize my physical inability to have sex. Blindness also mean an inability to understand something. So I ask all these questions about sex like a blind man reaching in the dark for something he can't see.

That is a fascinating interpretation of my Avatar post. I didn't realize that. Perhaps I anticipate all the harsh things that people will say, and I am instinctively covering my ears in defense. (symbolically)

I can not physically have sex for environmental reasons that occurred to me in early adolescence that impeded the development of my genitals.

yes, you have mentioned that before. you had said you didn't enjoy the act of sex because of that injury. but you are able to orgasm still, at least alone, am i correct?

well then i retract my harshness of attitude to you.
sorry again. i did not realize that there was an organic reason behind your curiosity that i thought was a game.

i will leave this thread now.
i cannot begin to understand what you are going through and i feel i would be unintentionally cruel to persist here.
good luck and i am sorry for a third time and i do not like feeling sorry so i will not stay to feel sorry for a fourth time.

i wish i had more heart because this is now going to make me feel a bit bad as i drift off to sleep.

i do not like interruption to my sleep.

Since I myself am apparently too socially inept to be able to get into a relationship with any girl I like, I do sympathize with anyone who's not able to get a relationship, let alone sex.

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

Technically I can, but it is not easy to explain. I don't feel anything during that orgasm, nothing, nada and the output is well I once had my semen examined and the lab guy was in complete disbelief when I told him that I had not ejaculated for the 8 day time span I was told to refrain from sexual activity.

I would explain more detail if you wanted but I am not sure what you are getting at.

If you go through something its easier to relate to others.

I hope other people are learning valuable things from the responses I am getting even if its all going over my head.

I'm one of those women who answered "no" to your poll. Answered it when it first came out, but took until now to figure out how exactly to explain what I mean... its hard for me, to find the right words of what I mean....

That said, there are a lot of reasons, but its mainly self-centered. You asked "Do you feel sympathetic to those who cannot have sex?" and the answer is No, I do not.

This doesn't mean I don't think others SHOULDN'T, just means that I personally do not... partially because I cannot spare the emotional effort to feel bad for every single person who can't get laid (unfortunately, I cannot do this for ever person out there who is starving... being that sympathetic/empathetic is past my abilities... I do feel an intellectual sadness towards those people, but emotionally I cannot, not unless I know them personally. Its just a trait humans have, to only focus on what is immediately within your vicinity. ) -- I may feel sorry for people on an individual basis, but overall? No, I cannot.

But specifically to this question... my own traits come in. I suppose being asexual (I'm pretty sure asexual describes me best, but you could also say I have erotophobia... anything remotely sexual disgusts me like no other). I don't want sex, I don't want to think about sex, I don't want others thinking about having sex with me (but I know it happens, and have managed to shove that thinking to the outside edge of my mind, so I don't get horribly freaked out by guys checking me out... although if someone approaches me, my aspie traits tend to kick in and I clam up).

Feeling sorry for someone, or sympathetic, or empathetic, any of them, does absolutely nothing for the other person. It basically boils down to pity. Do they want to be pitied? Yeah, some of them do, but a lot don't... pity is a hard thing to accept. If one was truely empathetic/sympathetic to someone who wanted sex that desperately... then they should offer themselves up (if single, and of right gender, etc.). However, I could never do that. Not. Ever. Going. To. Happen.

So how does my feeling sympathy help you?

It just turns into a waste of emotional energy. I'm not that emotional of a person as is, and when I do feel emotions, it hurts... I can't deal with most of the emotions I feel, and tend to block out/fade away most of them, so I just have the understanding of them, without actually feeling them....

I fell for someone recently... I really, really, REALLY, like him. This has never occurred to me before... and I was at a loss of how to deal with it... for months I was freaking out, feeling like I lost control of my body, simply because I /liked/ someone. I didn't lust for him (as above, it disgusts me to no end, so definitely doesn't come into my mind), I didn't crave him, or anything, I just simply liked him.... The emotions were just... unbearable, I fell into a depression BECAUSE I liked someone, not because I got dumped, or was alone, or anything, but because I liked someone and was not capable of dealing with those feelings. Over the last 6 months I have managed to tone it down, and accept it and adapt... but it took 6 months for me to get this far, and still at times while talking to him I'm just at *ohshitohshitohshitwhatdoIdowhydoIfeelikethiswtfdoesthismeanughhhhgoawaaaaay* prefering to go back to stoic and hardly feeling than overfeeling...

Because of that, I don't have any room to feel too much more, I'm barely able to made do as is... and while to some people, it doesn't take any effort to feel empathy/sympathy for others, to me its a large emotional toll when I have a low emotional tolerance...

So, overall? No, I don't. I don't think you need it, I think its gross and its very hard for me to accept that so many people DO want it and like it as is (over the last 5 or so years, I have slowly been able to go from clamming up and lalalalalaing myself out of all conversations that the horrible sex word appears in, to at least being able to listen, and on forums *mention* it... without being horrendously horrified). I also think people put WAY too much weight into it (but clearly, I'm highly biased on this matter), and don't think its nearly as big of a deal as being friendless, or starving, or homeless, or any of the other horrible happenings to people all the time.

I can't speak for others though... I'm me, and I'm severely biased on sexual matters, so can't say what others should or do feel about the matter. I can't say that I don't think others should sympathize (although, I don't really see it helping any), nor can I say that others should, when I myself will not.

(Random aside: to give an idea of how I normally deal with situations.... my friend's fiance recently broke up with him, and a number of other things all came down at him at once, and he tried committing suicide. He got hospitalized for it, and I went to visit him. The night he was hospitalized he ran from his friends and the police, and I was out there looking for him as well. I did not feel one single emotion during this. I didn't feel sorry for him, I didn't feel upset for him, or upset for myself for the potential of loosing one of my only friends (which later on, hopefully I would feel upset about it all, should he have been successful). I drove over to look for him, stopped at gas station got some flashlights and batteries, I was listening to my music as if it was a road trip... I was 100% calm and of the same mind as I always was. I went out looking for him, calling his cell and driving around with music lowered but still on. After a while he called me, and had given in and let police take him to hospital and allowed himself to be hospitalized... I went home and continued my hw as if nothing happened. Not one tear shed, not one irregular heartbeat, nothing (another aside: I generally only know if I'm feeling an emotion from the physical result... if I'm crying, if I feel like crying, if my stomach is upset, if my heart is beating... if I'm spazzing out because something is so cute and can't keep myself from jumping up and down and waving my arms like a maniac; there are a few cases, like the crush thing up there, where I do feel the actual emotion, but usually I identify it by my physical response). He got hospitalized and I visited him numerous times, then he stayed with me for a few weeks... didn't feel anything abnormal during that whole time, I was still doing what I did everyday, getting annoyed at hw, happy by cute things, and generally unfeeling.... Not to say I didn't understand where he was coming from and stuff, I just couldn't feel any actual emotions for/concerning him... makes me feel like a sh***y friend sometimes, but... just how I am :X)

We are not virgins, we are Aspies.

I don't want to express pity for you because I fear you don't want that. But I wish you the best.