Do looks even matter for Aspies?

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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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09 Mar 2012, 9:43 am

And the presentation doesn't play a part? I don't believe that.

Kjas
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09 Mar 2012, 10:27 am

I need to be somewhat attracted to them to date them and that includes their looks but personality is still more important to me. Otherwise they would just be a very cool, very close friend.

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Wolfheart
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09 Mar 2012, 10:40 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

And the presentation doesn't play a part? I don't believe that.

Presentation is only a shell, it doesn't define a person or make them who they are.

ValentineWiggin
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09 Mar 2012, 10:54 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

And the presentation doesn't play a part? I don't believe that.

Why? Do you believe attraction is experienced the same way by everyone, without exception?

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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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09 Mar 2012, 11:16 am

There has to be some physical attraction, surely?

The-Raven
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09 Mar 2012, 11:25 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

There has to be some physical attraction, surely?

quite a lot of people find someone attractive because they like them, not the other way round.

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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09 Mar 2012, 11:30 am

I like a lot of people, doesn't mean I want to be with them, and I never once said looks define anyone. They don't.
Of course you could see a pic of someone and you might be attracted to them, then meet them and find they're an idiot and any attraction is lost, or alternatively, you could meet someone fun that you get along with and find there isn't any physical attraction.

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09 Mar 2012, 12:53 pm

The-Raven wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

There has to be some physical attraction, surely?

quite a lot of people find someone attractive because they like them, not the other way round.

there was a study about this not too long ago. it was saying that knowing a person is interested in you tends to increase your attraction to them. it doesn't work that way all the time. i get approached sometimes by guys i'm not interested in at all. other times maybe a person being flirtacious with me will increase the amount of attraction i have to them...so a minor crush can turn into a major one. only speaking for myself here but i tend to pick from men who express interest in me first...wether it be verbal or nonverbal cues. i tend to go for unconventionally attractive guys who are SMART. i definitely don't expect physical perfection...mainly because that's such a fluid trait of a person...it changes over time in everyone. but the way a person speaks and moves, how eloquent they are, and their general demeanor in most cases stays more constant. that's how you know if you're truly compatable. like they say, it's not how you feel about someone, it's how they make YOU feel. they can be a supermodel but if they have no compassion or are dishonest it's a dealbreaker for me.

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09 Mar 2012, 2:10 pm

Wolfheart wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

And the presentation doesn't play a part? I don't believe that.

Presentation is only a shell, it doesn't define a person or make them who they are.

Presentation does play a role in attractiveness. I've had female friends tell me I'd be really hot if I cared more about my appearance than I currently do. Things like dressing decently (That means no baggy jeans and t-shirt), hair not being everywhere, shaving or having neatly trimmed facial hair. Presentation plays a role in things other than attractiveness too.

hyperlexian
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09 Mar 2012, 2:13 pm

The-Raven wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

There has to be some physical attraction, surely?

quite a lot of people find someone attractive because they like them, not the other way round.

THIS THIS THIS.

i don't even have crushes on famous people because of looks, i like their personalities (the part i can divine from interviews or articles, so it's incomplete - hence why i rarely crush on celebrities)

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CaptainTrips222
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10 Mar 2012, 12:53 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

The-Raven wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

There has to be some physical attraction, surely?

quite a lot of people find someone attractive because they like them, not the other way round.

THIS THIS THIS.

THAT THAT THAT

I just wanted to do that. But yeah, sometimes I can feel attracted because of someone's wit or personality. Those are the people I get a bad crush on.

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19 Mar 2012, 12:20 pm

To an extent. I like cute people, but personality is so much more important. Also a connection is first and foremost for me. I tend to just like cute girls who are funny and bold. I feel really intimidated by beautiful people. I also like unconventional-looking folks.

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Keeno
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19 Mar 2012, 2:53 pm

Out of the people at the autism centre I attend who have stable long term relationships are concerned, looks are definitely a noticeable factor in those guys who've been able to attain such a relationship.

mds_02
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19 Mar 2012, 3:51 pm

CaptainTrips222 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

The-Raven wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

There has to be some physical attraction, surely?

quite a lot of people find someone attractive because they like them, not the other way round.

THIS THIS THIS.

THAT THAT THAT

I just wanted to do that. But yeah, sometimes I can feel attracted because of someone's wit or personality. Those are the people I get a bad crush on.

I agree with this. In some cases. But, for me, the reverse is more common. I'll start attributing positive personality traits that the person doesn't actually have, just because I am attracted to them. That habit has put me in some pretty negative situations in the past.

Oops, I think I just let on how shallow I can be.

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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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19 Mar 2012, 5:21 pm

It's not shallow.

mds_02
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19 Mar 2012, 5:38 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

It's not shallow.

Thinking someone's a better person than they are, just because I think they're hot? Sounds like the very definition of shallow to me.

I think the fact that I recognize that tendency, and try to work against it, saves me from being a shallow person. But I do definitely have some shallow traits.

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