Im in love with someone who has Aspergers

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hahahaha why i'd love to! lol!

sighhh he's just great...lol and its driving me up the wall...

so lately he's been attempting to talk to me more.... the other day he was very verbal and was even coming over to say things to me, and to complement me, coming into where i work to smile at me and make conversation- seemingly out of nowhere...

if you can believe it, its so hard to get a moment alone with him... the area he works at, and the people we work with, in some ways actually treat him like a dumb child and it drives me crazy! I see when others engage in long conversations, even i do it sometimes when i've got work to do, and nobody ever tells me to get back to work but the other day we were talking and our boss told him to get back to work.....and it upset me so much! in fact, i'm starting to believe my big-mouthed friend i mentioned in a few replies back actually might've told my bosses and other co-workers of my feelings and now they are treating me back because of it... i'm pretty sure she did tell because people keep mentioning him around me and telling me to talk to him....but because i don't give an eff about other people and their jealousy and ignorance ( ), i'm not going to let that bother me!

the other day we ended up sitting down because we both had lunch in the same place... and we were making small talk (which is so hard when you really like someone ) and there was some awkward smiling and eye contact... then after lunch we ended up talking very lightly but there was mostly a lot of body language going on..he may feel a bit awkward but somehow through his body language i really felt like he was meeting me equally....

i think i'll give it another week or two to play out...so it doesn't feel like i'm rushing and so it has time to play itself out a bit more with him intiating a little bit more contact.... i like to be a bit more submissive in my relations with other people but definitely before christmas he can expect me to really let him know how i feel... i've also kind of been waiting for the right moment and although we engaged in some conversation the other day when i asked for his help it really didn't feel like enough... and i also am starting to think my acquaintance in another department likes him a lot.... hmmmm what to do, what to do... lol i don't see him acting the way he does around me around other women so i'm not too too afraid ...

ps: thank you so very much brother for the book suggestion! I'll definitely pick it up asap or at least read up on it online.... i can definitely use any help i can get and the more i find out about AS the more i can escape those infamous NT character screw-ups that scare men off by the dozens...lol! thank you again!

Aoye veys.

All I can say is that I hope this works out.

I've got issues of mine own right now, that I frankly am glad that first semester is almost over.

hahahaha i hope so too (and i'm steadily knowing that Oye Vey is one of your favorite catch phrases lol!
Issues? First-year of college issues or graduates school issues (yes they are two different animals entirely! )? yikes..... i went through that and the sad part is i'm trying to go back through that again...lol....isn't life great?

The fact he tried to make small talk and eye contact is pretty big. We HATE small talk and eye contact is a painful experience. We dislike being touched even moreso, so if he even tolerates being touched that's no small measure.

really? ooohhhh don't tell me that! now you've got me extra excited that maybe he does really like me a lot...he seems like he pushes himself a bit to make small talk- definitely.... but he seems to smile at me, and go out of his way to talk to me which is something that really makes me feel special.... perhaps he feels that if he's going to court me, or at least get anywhere in our relationship, he has to adapt some nonverbal and conversational skill? i mean he even walks in front of me sometimes and make eye contact... or walk past me and look at me... or smile when my eyes are on him (i'm thinking he's looking out the corner of his eye)....

do you really think it was that big of a thing? and when i hugged him that big smile he had on his face (and returning the hug back)and we had only had one long conversation prior- that thats a good thing? personally speaking, how much affection and trust do you personally feel you need to have for a person before letting them touch you or before really wanting to attempt small talk? i really am ecstatic he's showing me signs back that he likes me.... i like building up a little tension and a little time before i make my final move.... i appreciate the closeness without feeling like i'm smothering someone...

Let me put it this way: Only one person on Earth can hug me and it's not a parent.

Ohhhhh.....i think i get it... hmmm, this all just makes me wonder that much more...lol

If he's making small talk, giving you eye contact, and has let you hug him, then I think you've got things in the bag All three of which are very hard for any Aspie to do. My tics go off when I make eye contact with just about anyone because I get so nervous, I lose control of my tics.

awwww i hope so... i think we both could make each others lives very happy.... he tics slightly and, at times, has a slight speech interruption but he mostly sweats when he's nervous- like right above his lip and its the cutest thing! it never occured to me for one second that any of those actions would be hard for an aspie to handle doing.... it didn't register but now that i think back to the way he acts around me for the most part, after i make some large move, it all means something now...when i hugged him, for days after he was smiling... before the hug took place, he tried to shake my hand and i said "nooo... i'm going to hug you!" lol... it was so very formal but i wanted to test where we stood and i wanted to hug him because he looks like he feels so soft and comfy...

he didn't speak very much for a few days after the hug but was smiling some of the warmest smiles i've ever seen....and when i'm there he always smiles or looks at me, smiles, and then looks away only to look back when i see him again... i love that he's showing me that maybe he might feel the same way but he's doing it in a way that seems to make him comfortable and that makes me extremely happy... i would never want to make him feel uncomfortable or compel him to do things that aren't within his nature...

lol, "tried to shake my hand", exactly what I do...

lolllll really? that is too funny... in that sense he did come off as more mature, older, and professional but i think because i'm younger than him i didn't know how to react...

in fact, the first time we really talked to one another, i had helped him figure out some equiptment at my job and he shook my hand three times that day...lol so that was a little strange.....but so cute! before i left, when he was shaking my hand, it was one of those extra long handshakes, when someone is looking into your eyes deep and smiling....lol

following that day i felt it only right to hug him.... i couldn't resist myself and i definitely wanted to let him know that i was interested in him also....

do you feel that shaking your hand relieves pressure when you're around people you like? what message do you think it conveys to the person whose hand you're shaking? is that what you usually do ? (sorry about all the questions! i'm just interested!

Heh.

what seems to me, is that I think he wants you to make the first move, he's waiting for you to do so.

I've just got done with psych/soc classes. I love analzying people. I passed with an A minus on the final.

how do I know he's waiting for you to make the first move? From your talks here, I've done some relative guesswork, a majority of it being guesswork. he likes you, but as you said he's shy, so he wants you to be the first to make the move. if I'm right, and I think I am, then maybe he does like you a LOT then this other female, and has realized that maybe you are the one.

now I'm not saying that I'm right, but I'm not saying that I'm wrong ere.

really? lol so maybe thats why he's giving me something to go on so far as the talking, smiling, and all... because he wants me to pick up on the signals and intiate the first move? lol i love psychology and sociology... those were two majors i picked when i recently applied back to college- but it always seems like in your own personal life, its hard to really put some of those principles into practice! lol....

maybe he's shy but desperately afraid of being rejected so he's laying his cards out on the table and wants me to take the biggest step? you know what? i think you're probably right... but man i'm shy too! lol wait no i'm not at work- but i've always had this closet fear of being rejected- in any way- AT ALL! and, if you can believe it, its harder to get a minute alone with him than one would expect! Im waiting for the perfect moment to present itself and then ask him for coffee or a movie.... something that we both can enjoy....awww thank you for you mini-psych analysis... it feels good to at least, know i'm going in the right direction...

PS: i'm off today- do you think that maybe i should try going to the job (hes working today btw) and see if i can get a moment alone with him? I wouldn't know what to do- i always feel guilty when i try to do this because i know that i'm not going to my job for myself....lol

in answer to your P.s. NO. NO. and NO. that if anything is a bad idea. it's a good idea in a sense, but at the same time, you don't want to look like an obsessive stalker type person. what you should do is invite him out to dinner or over to your house sometime. and see where it goes from there.


thank you. I'm very psychoanalytical and the amount of psychobabble that i use a lot, really annoys people, btu on the plus side, I probably could be a good psychotherapist. plus I enjoy helping people get together.

No, sometimes shaking hands for me is just as uncomfortable as a hug. I'd rather not initiate either things, only because I have this immovable belief that no one could possibly want to hug or touch me. But, thats only if I have to initiate. If someone hugs me first (which I am always surprised by), then I don't have a problem with a hug and kiss on the cheek when we see each other later. Well, sometimes, its only if I have a connection with them, otherwise I don't want to do the whole hug and kiss thing every time I see them, and will avoid them so I don't have to do it.

He may have wanted to keep on shaking hands with you because he was afraid to hug you, but wanted too. The fact that he shook your hand three times may be a definite indication that he likes you, as that is a little odd, but thats only my opinion, I don't know anything about the guy, he may just like shaking peoples hands...like the high-fiving auto dealer from Seinfeld...haha..

As far as laying all his cards on the table, that may be the case. Its easier for me to do that because then it doesn't feel like I "failed" in a certain sense. I used to believe that if I don't get rejected outright, then there's always a chance (better to always have a chance, then no chance), which was a somewhat ridiculous assumption. Or, it may be his only way of showing you that he likes you because he can't tell you, because its impossible for him to believe that someone likes him. But thats just me again.

I also have a hard time remembering that there is a difference between the way I act, and the way I feel. I always believe that my actions are presenting my feelings, when they really can't be, because the other person would have to be a mind reader in order for that to be true. My way of acting like I like someone is probably very different from the way that other people act when they like someone, as what may be a herculian effort for me socially is usually just normal interaction for others.

Its like, sometimes I think, "I'm trying to talk to you, don't you know how HUGE that is for me???", then I remember, oh, people just normally talk to each other all the time, so it can't be percieved as something special by the other person. There's really no way to tell whats going on in his mind unless you ask, and he may want you too because he is unable to bring it up himself. But again, thats just me, I know nothing about the guy.

It also seems like there's no cards left to throw out on the table, so perhaps you should just tell him? If he likes you now, theres no need to wait, if he doesn't, then I don't think there could possibly be anything that he could do later to show that he's changed his mind (i.e being more friendly?).

Good luck!! !