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An OKCupid message that about reduced me to tears.

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wtfid2
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15 Dec 2012, 4:52 pm

blue_bean wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Ok then, maybe they do get upset but deal with it in a discrete manner. What do you propose is the appropriate way to deal with said upset though?

Dealing with it in an immature way (such as I see here all too often) just makes women reaffirm their choice in rejecting you as then they'll see you're immature.
you have to give a lot of guys here credit lol i think posting rants on an autistic forum instead of complaining in real life, or committing suice/homocide is rpetty discrete lol.


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nessa238
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15 Dec 2012, 5:19 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Ok then, maybe they do get upset but deal with it in a discrete manner. What do you propose is the appropriate way to deal with said upset though?

Dealing with it in an immature way (such as I see here all too often) just makes women reaffirm their choice in rejecting you as then they'll see you're immature.
you have to give a lot of guys here credit lol i think posting rants on an autistic forum instead of complaining in real life, or committing suice/homocide is rpetty discrete lol.


Off topic! Stop derailing the thread!

The OP has not posted a rant, he has expressed how he feels



wtfid2
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15 Dec 2012, 5:36 pm

nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Ok then, maybe they do get upset but deal with it in a discrete manner. What do you propose is the appropriate way to deal with said upset though?

Dealing with it in an immature way (such as I see here all too often) just makes women reaffirm their choice in rejecting you as then they'll see you're immature.
you have to give a lot of guys here credit lol i think posting rants on an autistic forum instead of complaining in real life, or committing suice/homocide is rpetty discrete lol.


Off topic! Stop derailing the thread!

The OP has not posted a rant, he has expressed how he feels
shut up i mdefending the op and an expression of feelings is a rant.


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DialAForAwesome
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15 Dec 2012, 5:37 pm

All I can say is, it's fine to complain about it. Just don't push it to the point where you end up spewing outright hate for the whole opposite sex. I don't see only men doing this either. Women do it as well.


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wtfid2
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15 Dec 2012, 5:38 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
All I can say is, it's fine to complain about it. Just don't push it to the point where you end up spewing outright hate for the whole opposite sex. I don't see only men doing this either. Women do it as well.
i have occasionally gotten to that point. btw i saw a pic of you you arent ugly..although id cut your hair.


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nessa238
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15 Dec 2012, 5:40 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Ok then, maybe they do get upset but deal with it in a discrete manner. What do you propose is the appropriate way to deal with said upset though?

Dealing with it in an immature way (such as I see here all too often) just makes women reaffirm their choice in rejecting you as then they'll see you're immature.
you have to give a lot of guys here credit lol i think posting rants on an autistic forum instead of complaining in real life, or committing suice/homocide is rpetty discrete lol.


Off topic! Stop derailing the thread!

The OP has not posted a rant, he has expressed how he feels
shut up i mdefending the op and an expression of feelings is a rant.


That's very rude but no more than I'd expect off you - and you wonder why you're a female-free zone! - look no further than your manners!

To me a rant is an angry outburst and that is not what the OP posted



nessa238
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15 Dec 2012, 5:41 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
All I can say is, it's fine to complain about it. Just don't push it to the point where you end up spewing outright hate for the whole opposite sex. I don't see only men doing this either. Women do it as well.
i have occasionally gotten to that point. btw i saw a pic of you you arent ugly..although id cut your hair.


Occasionally??

Your whole manner is one of aggression and general unpleasantness towards people who stand up to you



wtfid2
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15 Dec 2012, 5:42 pm

nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Ok then, maybe they do get upset but deal with it in a discrete manner. What do you propose is the appropriate way to deal with said upset though?

Dealing with it in an immature way (such as I see here all too often) just makes women reaffirm their choice in rejecting you as then they'll see you're immature.
you have to give a lot of guys here credit lol i think posting rants on an autistic forum instead of complaining in real life, or committing suice/homocide is rpetty discrete lol.


Off topic! Stop derailing the thread!

The OP has not posted a rant, he has expressed how he feels
shut up i mdefending the op and an expression of feelings is a rant.


That's very rude but no more than I'd expect off you - and you wonder why you're a female-free zone! - look no further than your manners!

To me a rant is an angry outburst and that is not what the OP posted
a rant is complaining which brian was doing...and has every right to do


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You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


nessa238
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15 Dec 2012, 5:43 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Ok then, maybe they do get upset but deal with it in a discrete manner. What do you propose is the appropriate way to deal with said upset though?

Dealing with it in an immature way (such as I see here all too often) just makes women reaffirm their choice in rejecting you as then they'll see you're immature.
you have to give a lot of guys here credit lol i think posting rants on an autistic forum instead of complaining in real life, or committing suice/homocide is rpetty discrete lol.


Off topic! Stop derailing the thread!

The OP has not posted a rant, he has expressed how he feels
shut up i mdefending the op and an expression of feelings is a rant.


That's very rude but no more than I'd expect off you - and you wonder why you're a female-free zone! - look no further than your manners!

To me a rant is an angry outburst and that is not what the OP posted
a rant is complaining which brian was doing...and has every right to do


I never said he didn't but the word rant is not what he was doing - if you mean complain use that word



wtfid2
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15 Dec 2012, 5:46 pm

nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Ok then, maybe they do get upset but deal with it in a discrete manner. What do you propose is the appropriate way to deal with said upset though?

Dealing with it in an immature way (such as I see here all too often) just makes women reaffirm their choice in rejecting you as then they'll see you're immature.
you have to give a lot of guys here credit lol i think posting rants on an autistic forum instead of complaining in real life, or committing suice/homocide is rpetty discrete lol.


Off topic! Stop derailing the thread!

The OP has not posted a rant, he has expressed how he feels
shut up i mdefending the op and an expression of feelings is a rant.


That's very rude but no more than I'd expect off you - and you wonder why you're a female-free zone! - look no further than your manners!

To me a rant is an angry outburst and that is not what the OP posted
a rant is complaining which brian was doing...and has every right to do


I never said he didn't but the word rant is not what he was doing - if you mean complain use that word
You should familiarize yourself with a dictionary.


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You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


nessa238
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15 Dec 2012, 5:54 pm

On the contrary I think it's you who needs the dictionary:-

rant [rant]
verb (used without object)

to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk in a wild or vehement way;
rave: The demagogue ranted for hours.



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15 Dec 2012, 6:25 pm

Brianruns10 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I think some girls get ego boost by rejecting. They're the 'ego vampires'.

Rejecting = + Ego points

Rejected = - Ego points


Poor males, really. They're the ones who get the latter most.


Hell, I got some when I rejected someone, another case was the opposite - depends how much i care for the person and how much I believe she deserves my rejection.


Men get an ego boost rejecting too, boo. It's really quite similar for them.


I can say with a bit of pride that I get no such boost. Nothing pains me more than hurting someone (intended or not). Life's too short for that, I there is nothing I hate more than to be thought of by someone in a negative connotation. I want everyone to like me.


IIRC you said you felt pleasure when you saw one of the girls who rejected you had gotten fat. Similar sort of thing. :P



nessa238
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15 Dec 2012, 7:19 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I think some girls get ego boost by rejecting. They're the 'ego vampires'.

Rejecting = + Ego points

Rejected = - Ego points


Poor males, really. They're the ones who get the latter most.


Hell, I got some when I rejected someone, another case was the opposite - depends how much i care for the person and how much I believe she deserves my rejection.


Men get an ego boost rejecting too, boo. It's really quite similar for them.


I can say with a bit of pride that I get no such boost. Nothing pains me more than hurting someone (intended or not). Life's too short for that, I there is nothing I hate more than to be thought of by someone in a negative connotation. I want everyone to like me.


IIRC you said you felt pleasure when you saw one of the girls who rejected you had gotten fat. Similar sort of thing. :P


Not that similar in my opinion

Everyone gets a touch of schadenfreude sometimes in my opinion and it can often be in response to something bad happening to a person who may have upset or hurt us - I know it gives me pleasure to hear of bad things befalling cruel people and I'm not ashamed of that



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15 Dec 2012, 7:26 pm

nessa238 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I think some girls get ego boost by rejecting. They're the 'ego vampires'.

Rejecting = + Ego points

Rejected = - Ego points


Poor males, really. They're the ones who get the latter most.


Hell, I got some when I rejected someone, another case was the opposite - depends how much i care for the person and how much I believe she deserves my rejection.


Men get an ego boost rejecting too, boo. It's really quite similar for them.


I can say with a bit of pride that I get no such boost. Nothing pains me more than hurting someone (intended or not). Life's too short for that, I there is nothing I hate more than to be thought of by someone in a negative connotation. I want everyone to like me.


IIRC you said you felt pleasure when you saw one of the girls who rejected you had gotten fat. Similar sort of thing. :P


Not that similar in my opinion

Everyone gets a touch of schadenfreude sometimes in my opinion and it can often be in response to something bad happening to a person who may have upset or hurt us - I know it gives me pleasure to hear of bad things befalling cruel people and I'm not ashamed of that


Be honest. Someone turning you down but not in a nasty way is hardly cruel. I'm not saying Brian shouldn't feel like that, I'm just saying that he did post that. :P

It's called vindictive pleasure, and yes, it's the same thing. I get it, too. It's not a critisism, hence the smiley I used when I posted it.

I don't get pleasure from rejecting people though, I usually feel bad for them, unless they annoyed me somehow.



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15 Dec 2012, 7:30 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
blue_bean wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brian, you really need to learn to not take these people so seriously. I think before you pursue finding a GF you need to address how people upset you so easily, you might feel better - at least - after you've done that.

I used to be like that. I sort of still am, but I'm a lot better now. It helps.
wouldnt you be upset if every girl you've tried to get to know cold hearted rejected you? The man is 28 yrs old and all he wants is a companion!


I think what Hale is trying to say is that it's a choice to get upset by the rejection or not (rejection in general that is, not Brian's particular case).

Not all the guys who go through the same thing on dating sites get upset.


To be fair though, a lot of the guys who "don't get upset" when they get rejected are the ones who have at least had a little success in dating or getting a woman to like them.

Trust me, anybody who has never had success would get upset after a while, especially when they got to be a certain age. Anybody that wouldn't is either too positive or too proud, or both.


Yes, you have a point, but what I'm trying to say is there is a difference between feeling downhearted or rejected and nearly being reduced to tears.

Clearly it's a sensitive issue for him, and this was clearly the straw that broke the camels back. He would be much better if he trained himself tactics of dealing with the rejection in a logical way for the long term, so eventually it won't affect him as much. You can't say that's a negative thing.



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15 Dec 2012, 7:38 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Brianruns10 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I think some girls get ego boost by rejecting. They're the 'ego vampires'.

Rejecting = + Ego points

Rejected = - Ego points


Poor males, really. They're the ones who get the latter most.


Hell, I got some when I rejected someone, another case was the opposite - depends how much i care for the person and how much I believe she deserves my rejection.


Men get an ego boost rejecting too, boo. It's really quite similar for them.


I can say with a bit of pride that I get no such boost. Nothing pains me more than hurting someone (intended or not). Life's too short for that, I there is nothing I hate more than to be thought of by someone in a negative connotation. I want everyone to like me.


IIRC you said you felt pleasure when you saw one of the girls who rejected you had gotten fat. Similar sort of thing. :P


Not that similar in my opinion

Everyone gets a touch of schadenfreude sometimes in my opinion and it can often be in response to something bad happening to a person who may have upset or hurt us - I know it gives me pleasure to hear of bad things befalling cruel people and I'm not ashamed of that


Be honest. Someone turning you down but not in a nasty way is hardly cruel. I'm not saying Brian shouldn't feel like that, I'm just saying that he did post that. :P

It's called vindictive pleasure, and yes, it's the same thing. I get it, too. It's not a critisism, hence the smiley I used when I posted it.

I don't get pleasure from rejecting people though, I usually feel bad for them, unless they annoyed me somehow.


I agree - generally if a person doesn't give me a problem I have no cause to give them one

But the world seems full of people who actively strive to give others 'a problem' and I will draw the line there and defend it staunchly!

Brian has acted normally though and hopefully is feeling better now?