some aspie women get dates,other aspie women can't

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So you think I am normal even after watching my stripping videos?

Then I get the third finger. I've never had a boyfriend either.
I get the middle finger.

You sound so much like Chronos btw.

Very likely.
Yes, autistic spectrum traits are 'weird' to people. And for females a man being 'weird' IS an absolute deal breaker.


No, it's not the same with you.

If a man doesn't have a girl it's either because he's physically unattractive and/or acts 'weird' (and has no other type of social capital robust enough to compensate).

If a woman doesn't have a guy it's because she's physically unattractive. Period.
Weirdness has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Many men have likely rejected you because of your looks and have just said it was because of your personality because they perceive that it's more socially acceptable to reject someone for their personality than their looks. Your autism just gives them the excuse they need. Also they reckon they're letting you down easier because they think that you think personality is easier to fix than looks (because, very obviously, they've no idea what it's like to have autism).

In summary
Sly279 is blaming his looks for what his autism is doing.
But YOU are blaming your autism for what your looks are doing.

But why is it this way?
Why is being 'weird' a deal breaker for women but not for men?
The answer is options.
A girl can afford to turn away a cute guy that's weird.
But a guy can't afford to turn away a cute girl that's weird.
And the reason is because of the enormous difference in the sexual value of men (as a group) and women (as a group).

This isn’t true at all dude. My looks don’t have much to do with men rejecting me. Maybe someone who wanted a supermodel might have, fair enough. But apart from that it’s definitely an aspie or being weird or anxious thing.

An actual quote from my own OkCupid profile: "You should message me if you think you're a nerd or just plain weird. If you fall into both of those categories, then you're probably a very good candidate for me."

I should probably add: I'm a female.

Last edited by MarissaKay on 04 Nov 2017, 7:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

This illustrates why the NT brain works like it does.
Delusions of superiority are a feature of the NT brain not a bug.
Without the extreme confidence that comes with this delusion an NT male could never counter the negative signaling from competitors as well as weather the storm of (inevitable) rejections necessary to come out the other end with a mate.
The autistic brain unknowingly employs risk assessment strategies suitable for prehistoric warfare and hunting.
Situations where it absolutely makes more sense to dwell on the negative consequences of failure (as these can be fatal). And this is consistent with the 'extreme male brain' theory of autism as the males were usually the prehistoric hunters and fighters.
But in social situations the negative consequences of failure are generally mild or non extant. So a different risk assessment strategy is called for. One that dwells more on the rewards of winning.
How often we hear NTs say stuff like "What do you have to lose?" or "Never know until you try."
It's a kind of 'lottery mentality'.
(And it's now easy to see why NTs get hooked on lottery. It's not just because they suck at understanding odds. It's also because their brains perceive that there's no negative consequence in losing and so they feel that the only way they can fall is up. And the lottery exploits their 'positive attitude' in getting them to continuously buy more and more tickets even when encountering 'rejection' after 'rejection'. Same way with slot machines. Hell, I bet this is the way it is with ALL forms of gambling.
Ha, ha, ha. Nice to know NTs have problems we never have.)

Anxiety is a possibility.
Being shy would keep you away from situations where you're more likely to be 'scooped up'.
Also in this day and age when a man's job, freedom, etc. can be pulled out from under him with a mere accusation of harassment it's quite conceivable that your anxiety is taken as a warning sign to stay far, far away.
In fact if you are good looking I'd bet dollars to donuts that is EXACTLY what's going on in their minds.
"She can't possibly be shy! She's way, WAY too cute to be that shy. She must really, REALLY not want anything to do with me. I'd better stay far away. She might report me to HR." Plus any autism derived issues you might have with physical contact would definitely reinforce that perception.


You're SETTLING for a nerd.
OR you reckon they make (or have the potential to make) a lot of money.
These are examples of strategic choices not mate preferences.
Other examples:
A man seeking out women shorter than him. It's not his preference. It's just that women taller than him generally ignore him so he knows he's wasting his time with them.
Back in 80's/90's someone only wanting to date obese people because they reckon they're less likely to have HIV.

Now that being said, one could make the case that strategic choices are, in and of themselves, mate preferences.
That is to say that it matters not from what part of a brain a preference comes from (the limbic system or from the neocortex).

I’m definitely not shy.



Like I said, I’m not shy. I’m okay looking. I’m definitely not unattractive enough to be constantly rejected for looks. (Friendships and crushes I had when younger, some guys also like to state how unacceptable you are when you have no intention of dating them whatsoever) I honestly don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. It doesn’t line up with the reality I’ve experienced. I did report someone to HR once, as they were being creepy and stalkerish. Apart from that there has never been any male/female issues.



Don’t tell her why she likes nerds, she has a better idea than you.

I honestly feel sorry for you and your more narrow-minded attitude towards women. Usually, when one has such a negative opinion towards a certain group, it's because of either pain or conflict in morals. I'm guessing it's the former, and I'm so sorry because that really sucks. I have no idea what's happened to you to cause that line of thinking, but it's quite sad and I hope that it can stop hurting you someday.

Dating a nerd for me is a preference. I'm a nerd myself, and I want someone who can totally relate to that. Someone who can't (or won't) have an intellectual discussion is an instant turn off for me, no matter how physically attractive they are.

In fact, I was looking at a really cute dude today but immediately passed on him when I read on his profile that he thought learning/knowledge was "lame", and a bunch of other things about how much he liked partying and stuff (in other words, there was practically no way we would really relate to each other). I care so much more about things than just surface beauty. A REAL example of "settling" would have been me talking to him, anyhow.

Last edited by MarissaKay on 04 Nov 2017, 9:12 am, edited 3 times in total.

Thank you!

Also, I just want to say: I've seen your posts throughout the forum. You are totally awesome and I agree with almost everything I've seen you write.

Last edited by MarissaKay on 04 Nov 2017, 9:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

Somehow I doubt that but OK.


Allow me to reiterate: A woman can afford to pass up a cute guy if she perceives there are other things about him she doesn't like.
A man incurs opportunity costs if he does the same with a similarly flawed cute girl.

Last edited by The Abdominal Snowman on 04 Nov 2017, 9:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wait.... Does that mean you're in my brain right now?

Quick- tell me what color I'm thinking about!

(I do apologize for the sarcasm, but your comment may perhaps be one of the most asinine things I've read so far today)

Why? Because women are all gold diggers who need men with high paying jobs, houses and cars, and who look like male models?

I kind of wish that was true, then the planet may not be so over populated.

It means that women don't understand their own minds, because of biology and hormones and emotional thinking. Men are more rational and know how women think better than women do.

This is sarcasm on my part, obviously, but it's also how guys like this think. It's pretty sexist and disgusting, but that's not uncommon here.