4 easy rules will avoid 98% of sexual harassment accusations

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The_Face_of_Boo
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07 Mar 2013, 4:47 pm

Tyri0n wrote:

spongy wrote:

Theres a big problem with the whole gender issue here however Id say that the problem goes beyond that.

Last year I was at a local holiday at about 2:30 AM with two friends that were slightly older than me.
It was considered normal to be out at the time so we were just walking around and enjoying some fresh air before going back to drinking(we have a holiday thats based on drinking and attempting to socialize for a week...).
Anyhow as we were walking two old ladies in a poor state(I was surprised that they could stand on their own two feet) tried to approach us asking about soccer/ trying to figure out what my friends liked to keep the conversation going.

I found the whole thing a bit ridiculous but they rarely get attention so we stayed there for a while.

As the conversation kept going on they started to touch our arms, hands, shoulder... I could see where it was going so I asked my friends to leave.
I had to ask them to leave several times and I was called out by this two ladies as rude when I had made it clear that the touching was making me uncomfortable because Im not used to touching strangers and two drunk ladies older than my mum wont change my mind.

As long as a large number of the male population keeps acting this way and Im the rude one things arent going to change and sadly this isnt a one time thing and it has happened to me on several occasions with similar results each time

The proper response for a male is to let them touch you but don't reciprocate very much. Enjoy the attention while it lasts, and they will leave eventually when you don't take it to the next level. Telling them to leave is a tad ridiculous.

They wanted sex and he was preventing them to have it, that's why they got upset.

@spony, were they touching you too or just your friends?

I'd personally avoid to do anything sexual with a such extremely drunk lady because it may lead later to a rape charge or the like when she goes sober again. Not worth the risk in my opinion.

spongy
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08 Mar 2013, 1:46 am

nessa238 wrote:

spongy wrote:

This type of behaviour is typical of drinking culture so as you were partaking in drinking culture it's a hazard of the game you should get used to. To expect drunk people to be on their best behaviour is more than a little naive!

If you don't want to deal with over-friendly drunk people (of whatever age), don't drink to excess in places where they congregate.

I thought all-night drunken chats with strangers were what social drinking was all about?

I also find this line rather galling:-

"I found the whole thing a bit ridiculous but they rarely get attention so we stayed there for a while"

How do you know what level of attention anyone gets?

Are you saying over a certain age a woman gets little to no attention off anyone?

And how old were they exactly?

If I could avoid this week I would.
As it turns out I cant and the whole city becomes a mess for a week. Ive tried to just stay in for that week but my parents start complaining...

As for the attention I was speaking about my male friends. They often complained about not getting any attention so I figured it could do them some good to see that not getting attention can be good if you consider how getting attention tends to be around here.

@Boo: I very much doubt they were after sex. They kept pointing us out where their partners were and saying they just wanted some fresh air at the beginning which made the whole thing even weirder and made me want to go even more(I dont like getting into big arguments/fights, they could have been saying the truth about their partners...)

blunnet
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09 Mar 2013, 7:40 pm

Another rule to avoid sexual harassment accusations: Move to another country, maybe a latin american country, there is no much stupidity like this.

A falsely sexual harassment accusasion sucks! And that's because some women are either imbeciles or pure evil, make your pick (I'm not generalizing but if you feel offended I don't care) I don't know if Fnord's story is true or not, but I think the possibility for that to happen is really there, and the likelihood that the boss would act as he blindly believe her for the reason of avoiding a legal suit rather than making actual justice is scary. So Fnord's point wether the story is false has its point and the possibility that that can happen to any male, is frightening.

This is one of the things that makes me glad I'm not american, otherwise I would have had several sexual harassment accusations against me by now.

nessa238
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09 Mar 2013, 7:42 pm

blunnet wrote:

This is one of the things that makes me glad I'm not american, otherwise I would have had several sexual harassment accusations against me by now.

How come?

blunnet
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09 Mar 2013, 7:47 pm

nessa238 wrote:

blunnet wrote:

This is one of the things that makes me glad I'm not american, otherwise I would have had several sexual harassment accusations against me by now.

How come?

I have had accidently touched women's bottom at work before a few times, and they were fine and understood it was an accident, except for one, but she didn't do anything. Therefore, I'm glad that wasn't in the US.

nessa238
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09 Mar 2013, 7:48 pm

blunnet wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

blunnet wrote:

This is one of the things that makes me glad I'm not american, otherwise I would have had several sexual harassment accusations against me by now.

How come?

Lol how come this has happened a number of times?

blunnet
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09 Mar 2013, 8:03 pm

nessa238 wrote:

blunnet wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

blunnet wrote:

This is one of the things that makes me glad I'm not american, otherwise I would have had several sexual harassment accusations against me by now.

How come?

Lol how come this has happened a number of times?

Few times during few years, not all at once.

Shebakoby
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11 Mar 2013, 5:37 am

Fnord wrote:

The general rules are: Don't speak to them; Don't look at them; and Don't touch them / Keep your distance.

Ignore them, even when they say, "Hello" first (just say, "Hello" if you have to, but keep doing what you're doing).

If they need help with something at work, focus on the task, and then go your separate ways when the task is finished.

Carry a book or manual with you at all times, so that when you're in their presence with nothing to do, you will at least have something to stare at besides them.

Make no comments about or to them. If pressed for an opinion by a third party (who is likely trying to stir up trouble), just say "She seems nice" and leave it at that.

theres only one problem with the second suggestion. women *hate* being ignored.

Fozi
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11 Mar 2013, 2:57 pm

My work history is replete with visits to HR departments for corrective actions based on bizarre niggling interaction difficulties.

By the same token, I have had some success in workplace romance.

If I had had this clear a list, things would have gone much better for me.
I've found that I settled into the OP's four rules myself, with a couple modifications:

1.) No touching, at all. Treat accidental touching as if it was a horrific experience for both of you, apologize and move on, but do not hide, they'll think you are doing something else.
2.) Do not talk about anything body related, sex, gender, gender identity, or sex orientation.
3.) Do not talk about appearance or clothing or hair.
4.) Make eye contact when someone says your name or is having a conversation with you. Don't stare into their eyes, but come back to their eyes when they are speaking.
5.) Pretend that boobs and butts got left at home. Do not look, ever.

On the eye contact rule, I tend to look at someones lips when they are talking and have found that doing this constantly gives some people unease.

Furthermore, understand that the key components in workplace complaints come from actions that are unwelcome and/or uncomfortable. Being an Aspie, I tend to make people uncomfortable all the time, I'm weird and they don't like that. Responding to anything in a way that is unsolicited can be see to cross the 'unwelcome' line and get you in trouble. Even if your response is solicited, refrain from violating any of the above rules.

I want to give people compliments, but have had a hard time doing it in an acceptable way. I have been trying to give people compliments on performance in the workplace without reference to social situations.

I like your solution to X
I am impressed by the way you solved Y
When you explained Z it made sense to me, Thank you.

but not

Its nice to see you
I missed you while you were on vacation good to have you back
You really put so-and-so in his place!
I like your hair. Did you change it?

HauntedKnight
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15 Mar 2013, 11:11 am

This thread is crazy. Just be polite to people, smile and say hello, regardless of gender. I wouldn't go around touching people or making comments on their appearance, whether they're male/female, straight/gay. If you're friends with someone you work with, then things can relax a little, but you should always be professional.

JanuaryMan
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15 Mar 2013, 11:14 am

HauntedKnight wrote:

I find it crazy people need to be told not to touch others and make lewd comments at them in public or the workplace.

nessa238
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15 Mar 2013, 11:15 am

JanuaryMan wrote:

HauntedKnight wrote:

I find it crazy people need to be told not to touch others and make lewd comments at them in public or the workplace.

It all makes perfect sense if you follow my 'Most Humans are barely more evolved than Chimps' theory but apparently that's offensive :roll:

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to put all the 'Why can't I find a woman?!' threads together with the 'Why do women get offended by my behaviour?' threads and extrapolate that some peoples' sexual frustration gets the better of them!

Last edited by nessa238 on 15 Mar 2013, 11:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

HauntedKnight
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15 Mar 2013, 11:19 am

JanuaryMan wrote:

I find it crazy people need to be told not to touch others and make lewd comments at them in public or the workplace.

I agree, and have found the sexism in this thread quite disturbing. If this is how females are treated in general then it is very worrying.

Shatbat
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15 Mar 2013, 11:19 am

JanuaryMan wrote:

I find it crazy people need to be told not to touch others and make lewd comments at them in public or the workplace.

Not really, last year I actually had to teach myself to touch people and make risky jokesmore often. Must be a cultural thing.

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JanuaryMan
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15 Mar 2013, 11:26 am

Why can't I find any hot babes all I did was compliment their racks, they should be flattered!
One gave me her number, to exchange insurance details. So I rang it and now our lawyers are exchanging info and not us! What gives?

[joking]

mds_02
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15 Mar 2013, 1:08 pm

HauntedKnight wrote:

I agree, and have found the sexism in this thread quite disturbing. If this is how females are treated in general then it is very worrying.

Can you please point out examples? The closest thing I've seen to sexism against women in this thread is some people saying that some women will overreact to innocent behavior from men, and that that can cause problems.

On the other hand, I've seen some people in this thread accuse one man of lying and invent scenarios in which he must have been behaving inappropriately, because his story did not fit their preconceived idea that all accusations must be valid. I've seen one person phrase their argument as though they believed all men were going around looking for excuses to harrass women. And, when one man told a story of blatant harrassment happening to him, I saw a couple people telling him that the proper response for a male who's being harrassed is basically to shut up and accept it.

There's definitely sexism against women on this board. There's also a tendency to see it where it's not, while ignoring very similar behavior when it's directed against men.

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