Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Women are not attracted to me because I'm not 'masculine'?

Page 9 of 17 [ 268 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 ... 17  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

06 Apr 2013, 12:59 pm

nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


Some of us MUCH prefer those qualities! I'd much, much rather spend my life with a "plain" gal with a heart of gold than some catwalk diva. :eew:

Of course, no amount of personality will overcome Chunk's pal, Sloth.
Image



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

06 Apr 2013, 1:19 pm

BlueMax wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


Some of us MUCH prefer those qualities! I'd much, much rather spend my life with a "plain" gal with a heart of gold than some catwalk diva. :eew:

Of course, no amount of personality will overcome Chunk's pal, Sloth.
Image


I wouldn't say something like that in case someone on WP looked like Sloth

I am one of the few people you will ever find who will never judge on looks outwardly ie I'd never express it verbally/in text



Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

06 Apr 2013, 1:21 pm

nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

06 Apr 2013, 1:26 pm

Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.



That's illogical though as I will be with a man so he's had the same opportunity as me!



Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

06 Apr 2013, 1:44 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.



That's illogical though as I will be with a man so he's had the same opportunity as me!


Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not.


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

06 Apr 2013, 1:46 pm

Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.



That's illogical though as I will be with a man so he's had the same opportunity as me!


Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not.


I think gender is irrelevant - it's far more to do with strategy and approach

with all the scorn I get off the average person, if I can get partners, anyone should be able to!



Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

06 Apr 2013, 1:51 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:


That's illogical though as I will be with a man so he's had the same opportunity as me!


Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not.


I think gender is irrelevant - it's far more to do with strategy and approach

with all the scorn I get off the average person, if I can get partners, anyone should be able to!


Nope, Nessa. I'm afraid it is not. Just check how many 'will I always be single?' threads started by man in their 30s are here, and how many ones started by women.


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

06 Apr 2013, 1:56 pm

Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:


That's illogical though as I will be with a man so he's had the same opportunity as me!


Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not.


I think gender is irrelevant - it's far more to do with strategy and approach

with all the scorn I get off the average person, if I can get partners, anyone should be able to!


Nope, Nessa. I'm afraid it is not. Just check how many 'will I always be single?' threads started by man in their 30s are here, and how many ones started by women.


I am pointing out the difference between a person thinking they can't get a partner and it being an actual fact

I personally think women are more proactive in searching for partners

they make more effort to cultivate people as friends and then relationships can often develop from there

men try for relationships straight away which can often be a mistake as you've got to prove your compatibility with a person first

a lot of men lack the self-awareness to modify themselves into what the other person wants



Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

06 Apr 2013, 2:05 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:


That's illogical though as I will be with a man so he's had the same opportunity as me!


Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not.


I think gender is irrelevant - it's far more to do with strategy and approach

with all the scorn I get off the average person, if I can get partners, anyone should be able to!


Nope, Nessa. I'm afraid it is not. Just check how many 'will I always be single?' threads started by man in their 30s are here, and how many ones started by women.


I am pointing out the difference between a person thinking they can't get a partner and it being an actual fact

I personally think women are more proactive in searching for partners

they make more effort to cultivate people as friends and then relationships can often develop from there

men try for relationships straight away which can often be a mistake as you've got to prove your compatibility with a person first

a lot of men lack the self-awareness to modify themselves into what the other person wants


C'mon, Nessa, have you read those threads. Those guys are desperate. They have tried for years. And none worked. They tried to go straight away, and it failed. They tried to prove compatibility first, and they got trapped in the friend area. They tried to date online, and got not answers. Many guys are just not succesful, and no matter what they do, they never level enough for a woman. No woman is that desperate.


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

06 Apr 2013, 2:06 pm

Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.

statistically, there are an equal number of single men and women (and an equal number in relationships, roughly, skewed slightly by gay people and life expectancy).


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

06 Apr 2013, 2:06 pm

Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:


That's illogical though as I will be with a man so he's had the same opportunity as me!


Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not.


I think gender is irrelevant - it's far more to do with strategy and approach

with all the scorn I get off the average person, if I can get partners, anyone should be able to!


Nope, Nessa. I'm afraid it is not. Just check how many 'will I always be single?' threads started by man in their 30s are here, and how many ones started by women.


I am pointing out the difference between a person thinking they can't get a partner and it being an actual fact

I personally think women are more proactive in searching for partners

they make more effort to cultivate people as friends and then relationships can often develop from there

men try for relationships straight away which can often be a mistake as you've got to prove your compatibility with a person first

a lot of men lack the self-awareness to modify themselves into what the other person wants


C'mon, Nessa, have you read those threads. Those guys are desperate. They have tried for years. And none worked. They tried to go straight away, and it failed. They tried to prove compatibility first, and they got trapped in the friend area. They tried to date online, and got not answers. Many guys are just not succesful, and no matter what they do, they never level enough for a woman. No woman is that desperate.


In my opinion they are choosing women out of their league

I'd put money on it



Greb
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 964
Location: Under the sea [level]

06 Apr 2013, 2:15 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.

statistically, there are an equal number of single men and women (and an equal number in relationships, roughly, skewed slightly by gay people and life expectancy).


Hyperlexian, I answered to that a few comments before. I copypaste myself:

"Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not."

nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
C'mon, Nessa, have you read those threads. Those guys are desperate. They have tried for years. And none worked. They tried to go straight away, and it failed. They tried to prove compatibility first, and they got trapped in the friend area. They tried to date online, and got not answers. Many guys are just not succesful, and no matter what they do, they never level enough for a woman. No woman is that desperate.


In my opinion they are choosing women out of their league

I'd put money on it


I'm afraid that, for them, any woman is out of their league.


_________________
1 part of Asperger | 1 part of OCD | 2 parts of ADHD / APD / GT-LD / 2e
And finally, another part of secret spices :^)


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

06 Apr 2013, 2:21 pm

Greb wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.

statistically, there are an equal number of single men and women (and an equal number in relationships, roughly, skewed slightly by gay people and life expectancy).


Hyperlexian, I answered to that a few comments before. I copypaste myself:

"Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not."

nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
C'mon, Nessa, have you read those threads. Those guys are desperate. They have tried for years. And none worked. They tried to go straight away, and it failed. They tried to prove compatibility first, and they got trapped in the friend area. They tried to date online, and got not answers. Many guys are just not succesful, and no matter what they do, they never level enough for a woman. No woman is that desperate.


In my opinion they are choosing women out of their league

I'd put money on it


I'm afraid that, for them, any woman is out of their league.


In their own minds perhaps but not in reality

a kind of double-think has to be developed whereby you can still be a good catch in your own mind despite feedback from the majority being critical/not very encouraging



MXH
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain

06 Apr 2013, 3:15 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.

statistically, there are an equal number of single men and women (and an equal number in relationships, roughly, skewed slightly by gay people and life expectancy).


Hyperlexian, I answered to that a few comments before. I copypaste myself:

"Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not."

nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
C'mon, Nessa, have you read those threads. Those guys are desperate. They have tried for years. And none worked. They tried to go straight away, and it failed. They tried to prove compatibility first, and they got trapped in the friend area. They tried to date online, and got not answers. Many guys are just not succesful, and no matter what they do, they never level enough for a woman. No woman is that desperate.


In my opinion they are choosing women out of their league

I'd put money on it


I'm afraid that, for them, any woman is out of their league.


In their own minds perhaps but not in reality

a kind of double-think has to be developed whereby you can still be a good catch in your own mind despite feedback from the majority being critical/not very encouraging


Its their attempt at having confidence. They come to places like this and are told all they need to get the girl of their dreams is confidence. But no one says what this magical confidence is. Simply to have it. And they say silly examples of how people show they have it. But not how to get it. Most guys then try to gain it by mixing being a dick and narcissism as their attempt of portraying confidence.



spongy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

06 Apr 2013, 3:22 pm

Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
C'mon, Nessa, have you read those threads. Those guys are desperate. They have tried for years. And none worked. They tried to go straight away, and it failed. They tried to prove compatibility first, and they got trapped in the friend area. They tried to date online, and got not answers. Many guys are just not succesful, and no matter what they do, they never level enough for a woman. No woman is that desperate.


In my opinion they are choosing women out of their league

I'd put money on it


I'm afraid that, for them, any woman is out of their league.


Im afraid that you are incorrect.

Quite frequently we get male members complaining about not being able to get a date yet going as far as mocking some of the girls that approached them on okcupid because they just werent hot enough.

Im not saying that they should settle for whoever pays them attention but the whole" nobody wants me act "turns to "I reject girls that Im not attracted to and girls do the same, can I call them names for not wanting to date me? " more often than Id like to admit



hyperlexian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 22,023
Location: with bucephalus

06 Apr 2013, 3:36 pm

Greb wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm not overly feminine facially but I've managed to find partners

if you don't conform strongly to gender norms you've got to make strength of character, modesty, intelligence, wit and kindness your forte

you can carve out a good niche with these characteristics as they're often in very short supply among the lookers

self-belief is the main thing though


In general, same conditions, getting a relationship is easier for a woman.

statistically, there are an equal number of single men and women (and an equal number in relationships, roughly, skewed slightly by gay people and life expectancy).


Hyperlexian, I answered to that a few comments before. I copypaste myself:

"Not necessarily. From the statistical point of view, it means that the average 'opportunity' is the same for men a women, but it doesn't mean that they're similar distributions.

To make an example: if, instead of relationships, we'd be talking about money, men and women would be as two countries equally rich both of them, but while 'women country' would have a wide middle class, 'men country' would have bigger rich and poor classes. Average is the same, but living there would be not."

that makes no sense. some women have no opportunities, just as some men, and some women have many opportunities, just as some men. the average is an average because it falls in the middle.


Greb wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Greb wrote:
C'mon, Nessa, have you read those threads. Those guys are desperate. They have tried for years. And none worked. They tried to go straight away, and it failed. They tried to prove compatibility first, and they got trapped in the friend area. They tried to date online, and got not answers. Many guys are just not succesful, and no matter what they do, they never level enough for a woman. No woman is that desperate.


In my opinion they are choosing women out of their league

I'd put money on it


I'm afraid that, for them, any woman is out of their league.


about this statement, you just need to check out the thread below, where multiple single members (both men and women) make it clear that obese partners (for example) are "beneath" them:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt227412.html

it seems that many of the people who commented in the thread consider obese people to be under their league, not "out of their league", yet the would not date them. nothing wrong with having preferences, but it directly contradicts your statement.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
viewtopic.php?t=391105