FWB relationships - your opinion?

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I am not a God, don't twist my words into evil sentences. God is God, no one else. He said do not look at a woman lustfully, or you have already committed aldultry, That as the J man himself, seems you don't know the bible as much as you say you do.

I am not a God, don't twist my words into evil sentences. God is God, no one else. He said do not look at a woman lustfully, or you have already committed aldultry, That as the J man himself, seems you don't know the bible as much as you say you do.

Nobody is offended by your conservative views. Nobody is upset that you say that you want to be married and in love before you have sex. That doesn't upset anyone. What is annoying people is that you, at 19 years of age and no experience at all with the subject at hand, have made such conclusive statements about not only there being only one right way to conduct a love life, but you have also insinuated that you know better than those who are older and more experienced and who live a completely different life than you, how they should live their lives and make their decisions.

Your opinions, no matter whether they are liberal or conservative, religious or not, popular or unpopular, are your opinions and you have every right to have them and to live your life and make decisions for yourself based on them. In fact, that's what you should do! It's when you start making pronouncements about how things are or would be for other people if they follow your advice that offends people. You do not know what other people experience, you do not know their situations, their desires, their feelings or their needs. You do not know what their private lives at home are like or the level of libido they have or what they consider sex to be. You do not know if they even want a romantic relationship with someone or if there is some problem that is preventing them from having one. You simply assume that your views and beliefs about how things are would easily fit into anyone's life, anywhere when that isn't the case.

Without ever experiencing sex, or even a first kiss yet, you seem to want to set the parameters of what others should base their sexual decisions on and to decide that some things aren't important at all or are the all important factor even though you have never gone through any of it or had to make any of those decisions for yourself. I'm not trying to rub your nose in it or say "You can't have an opinion because you haven't had sex yet" or anything of the sort! I'm trying to tell you that you come across as completely dismissive toward anyone who has a different view and you seem to want to play the "persecuted conservative Christian" card and blame others annoyance at your remarks on the fact that your views are conservative rather than on how you are coming across.

My youngest daughter is 16 and a virgin and plans on staying one until she gets married. She's popular and has friends and could get a bf or even just a hook up if she wanted to, but that is her decision to wait. She's very adamant about it. It's not because of religion, she's atheist, and even though almost every one of her friends has had sex she doesn't try to tell them what they should do with their sex lives. She respects their decisions and they respect hers. This is because she doesn't come across as superior to them or pretend to know what it's like to make the decisions they have or be in the situations they are in. She also believes what they tell her about their feelings and doesn't dismiss them because she doesn't agree. She is very pro life (as are all my kids) and she feels that abortion is horrible because she sees even a fertilized egg as a baby, although she understands the biology and knows how it develops. She has a friend that had an abortion recently and while she did tell her friend that she disagrees with abortion and thinks it's wrong, she understood that her friend felt differently and she also understood that not being in her friends situation she couldn't possibly understand or know the feelings and problems she was going through. She told her friend that one time and then let it go. She treated it like her friend had had minor surgery and was feeling bad afterwards because that's what happened. She stated her view on it, when she was asked and let it go. No one got upset or offended at her because of her views, or because of how she stated them.

There are many people who wouldn't want sex without love and don't even see a reason to have sex without love. It's very important to them, and that's a valid opinion. There are just as many who don't mind having sex without love because we see it as something that is separate from emotion and can see and feel the difference when it's with someone you love or someone you don't love. That is also a valid opinion. My opinion is completely opposite from yours and I have absolutely no right to tell you that you are wrong and that sex would be the same for you with or without love, because I'm not you and it might not be the same for you. However, you have absolutely no right to tell someone else that they are wrong and sex with love would be so much better for them and they would feel something very different than they do without love because you don't know that. Not everyone feels the same way.

You are also not taking into account the fact that some sex, in and of itself, is good and some is not. Whether or not you are in love does not change the facts when someone is terrible in the sack. Yes, you can learn to get better but if someone has been in a relationship with someone who wasn't all that good in bed they may want to experience sex with somebody who is absolutely fantastic in bed and you never know if you are going to find someone who is good, who you are compatable romantically with. A FWB relationship could easily be about someone wanting just really, really good sex. That is also valid and without ever experiencing either really good or really bad sex, I don't think you can actually say whether or not the person enjoys it just as much as sex with someone they love. I'll tell you straight out, while my husband is better than average in bed when he puts forth some effort (and after 26 years you don't always bring your A game every time) Ole Boy is a billion times better than him in bed. At first, before I had feelings for Ole Boy the sex was still a whole lot better on a purely physical level than it was with my husband who I love dearly. That simply means that while on an emotional level at the time I would have rather have had the emotional connection with my husband but would have rather had the physical connection with Ole Boy. There is a difference. If I had been asked at that time to pick one of them and that guy would be the only guy I ever had sex with for the rest of my life I would have easily picked my husband (and still would) because I love him, but that does not mean that I enjoyed the sex with Ole Boy less than with DH.

Another thing you seem to forget is that when you are friends with someone (as in a FWB relationship, not just a booty call relationship) you do care about them and often times do love them but just not in a romantic way. I wrote about my first FWB relationship and I obviously have feelings for the guy and I do love him very much, as much as a blood relative, but not in a romantic way. Whether or not it effected the sex we had I don't know, but I do know that because we cared about each other it made me more relaxed with him than I ever was with a guy who I liked romantically. It used to take a while for me to actually get relaxed enough to not only enjoy the sex but to be any good at it with a new guy. I was relaxed with him from the beginning because we were friends and I knew that he wouldn't stop talking to me or not be friends with me anymore because of anything I did wrong in bed. I knew that at the most, if I did something really badly, the worst thing that would happen was that he would tease me about it.

So, I wrote this long explanation because I want you to really see that nobody is offended by your opinions, what bothers people is that while your opinions are certainly true for you, you seem to be insisting that they are true for everyone else, and they aren't. This subject is very subjective and there is really no one right answer that fits everyone. You seem to believe that everyone's emotional and physical response would be exactly like yours, or rather exactly like you believe that yours will be when it happens. So please don't think I'm writing this to rag on you or fuss at you or be ugly. I'm not. I'm trying to explain to you why people are getting annoyed. If you want them to stop being annoyed at you, then please take my advice and rein it in a little about suggesting that if only people would listen to you they would feel these wonderful things exactly like you think they would or you would. It doesn't work that way.

So that's why people have gotten a little upset with you. Other than the abortion comment and I think I explained that already.

I'm not offended or angry, just a little frustrated with trying to explain that everyone is different emotionally.

You're not really answering my questions. I'm not unhappy by the way with this thread. It is offensive, but I'm rather apathetic because I'm an Aspie and I had a lot of self control issues with arguments. I would do exactly what is being done now. I'm speaking from experience. You can say that about everyone all you want if it helps you cope but many just like me like a good debate and we're offering a rational debate with sources, viewpoints which we hold only onto ourselves and the like.

So if you feel you are not doing anything wrong, why would you worry about your closest peers seeing your Wrong Planet messages which are publicly available?

This isn't PPR, so I shouldn't... but



Romans is New Testament. It covers homosexuality, it's most common use, but also casts a very negative connotation on "unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, and covetousness". I think that just about covers FwB.

Personally, I see no problem with it. So long as caution is used, to prevent pregnancy and STDs, then let the mice play. So long as both keep their heads screwed on straight and ends it when someone inevitably falls in love with the other (unless it's mutual), then all it is is grown up playtime.

Oh, and OliveOilMom... good speech.

Last edited by fueledbycoffee on 13 May 2013, 9:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

OliveOilMom covered all the bases of the general discrepencies I'm finding with your "argument", apple.
Frankly, I'm a lot more experienced than you and so are a lot of people in this thread. I find it laughable that you feel you're in a position to educate anyone on these matters.

By all means, share your views. Say what you like and dislike. Say how you feel. That's what the topic is for. But keep Politics, Religion and such out of here and remember what you have to put on the table when wishing to educate or coerce users into a viewpoint.

Well I find it offensive that you found my finding of you being offensive as offensive. So there!

I wasn't offended by something that happened 10,000 years ago. I was also not offended by your views about sex. I also never said that you said you hated anyone. I haven't gotten all hot and bothered at all. I am simply trying to discuss your logic about this situation we are talking about. I am not saying that prostitutes are bad, or don't need money or can't be forgiven or any of that. I'm simply comparing the two situations. One having sex with a man she was given to in exchange for goods and one having sex with a man in exchange for goods. Neither having love for the man, but one being ok to do without love because of religious views.

You stated earlier that sex without love was wrong across the board. That would mean that sex without love is wrong whether or not it was someone who was forced into a loveless marriage or it was someone who chose to have sex for purely physical reasons. That was my point. Your logic, not your opinion. If sex without love is wrong then it's wrong for everyone, not just those who have a choice about having it.

Any time I make a point or ask a question about one of your points you usually twist it around to tell me how I'm offended because of your conservative Christian views, and I'm not at all. I'm simply asking you how and why if it's completely wrong all the time then it's ok in certain situations. I'm debating the topic, not whether or not your views bother me, which they don't.

And, you really don't know how much I do or don't need to have sex with anyone. There is absolutely no way you could know that because what I may or may not need is not at all the same thing as what someone else may or may not need. You cannot sit there and pronounce absolute truth on someone else's needs when you don't and can't feel what they are feeling at the time. Trust me, I know they need the money more than someone else needs to do something just for enjoyment. I have a friend who does that for a living and she's always trying to make ends meet. I'm very aware of what her life is like. This kind of assumption, stating what someone needs - a subjective and personal thing which will vary considerably from person to person - is the type of thing that is bothering people. Not your views themselves.

I never thought I'd hear a hardline religious person argue it's ok for female prostitutes to sleep with lots of men regardless of their background, but the same rule would not apply to less promiscuous women again regardless of their background.
Am I watching Southpark?

I don't think it is wrong if both parties are comfortable with it.

Personally.. sex is not good for me if there is not something deeper. I am NT.. and I know that for most NTs sex is just about reaching an orgasm. But I can do that solo. I always get attached to someone I have sex with. It is... For me... Being naked exposes all insecurities.. if you do that with someone you need to feel secure with them.

Sex is just better if there is some level of connection

There's the view that those who do wrong are fine, because they will receive their comeuppance come Armageddon. Those who are not unclean must be swerved from the path of sin before they commit it and can not be saved. It's a view I very much disagree with, naturally.



That's my third bible quote today, and my second since coming to L&D. I don't think I can manage any more religion. FbC out!

Yeah, appletheclown, now is homosexuality evil too?

Also, fornication is a religious act done to pagan gods. FWB is for pleasure.

I am calm. I am not the one ranting and going completely off the subject. Of course you have your opinions and I have mine, as it should be. I'm not trying to change your opinions I'm simply trying to discuss them. I don't get in a tizzy when someone disagrees with mine or if they question them or want to debate and discuss them. I don't know why you are. Either way, I'm not upset in the least. This is again, projection.

Does the one against homosexuality then?

No one has said that you should leave. No one is offended by your views nor are we unhappy about them. Again, it's not your views that are the problem, it's the way you are stating them and the assumption that it must be the same for everyone else. That's all. Well, now it's that you are throwing a little temper fit it seems, and saying we want you to leave, that we are offended by your views, and all that.

I think no one can argue about this since this is based on opinion. Soem don't feel anything except pleasure when having sex, but I know that I and many others feel love along with that. There's nothing wrong with that. But part of my personal morals goes against this because although I'm not religious, I feel that the body is sacred and for me making love is a true expression of love. There was a guy who said I've never loved if that's what I thought, but I think he's never loved . But these are all opinions. No one can know what I feel when I become intimate and I can't know what others feel either.

OliveoilMom, you ceased the FWB once you were married. Doesn't that somehow show in a way(even a little bit?) that having sex/making love is reserved for those in a committed, loving relationship? I read your story of you helping a guy by practicing with him. I honestly would not have been happy if someone practiced on me because I just would feel this negativity inside myself that I can't describe. Perhaps you don't get this negativity because you are another person and I am another person as well. And that all people are different.

But I would also add that i like your morals, Appletheclown.