How to use OKCupid (from an actual success story.)

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TeaEarlGreyHot
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17 Oct 2013, 4:05 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The two things are not mutually exclusive, Boo. This is one of the things that irks me about the whole geek v nerd debate. In the end, none of us really fits completely under one or the other. The disconnect, as far as I can tell, seems to be more that women tend not to speak much of their scientific interests. I know I don't all that often. Not because I can't hold a conversation on a few of the subjects, but because I rarely find anyone capable of holding their own in one. I get tired of hearing myself speak while their eyes glaze over in disinterest or counter with opinions instead of fact, then pat me on the head (usually figuratively but sometimes literally :evil: ) as if I were a little girl wearing Mommy's high heels and lipstick.


It makes little difference if they overlap, it is mutually exclusive in the minds of the masses, when a woman is browsing hundred of profiles she wouldn't pause on every profile analyzing stuff (oh this guy has a nerdy side but he is cool too..), she would quickly label the thing and goes on.


Are you certain this is what women do on OKCupid?


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The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Oct 2013, 4:08 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The two things are not mutually exclusive, Boo. This is one of the things that irks me about the whole geek v nerd debate. In the end, none of us really fits completely under one or the other. The disconnect, as far as I can tell, seems to be more that women tend not to speak much of their scientific interests. I know I don't all that often. Not because I can't hold a conversation on a few of the subjects, but because I rarely find anyone capable of holding their own in one. I get tired of hearing myself speak while their eyes glaze over in disinterest or counter with opinions instead of fact, then pat me on the head (usually figuratively but sometimes literally :evil: ) as if I were a little girl wearing Mommy's high heels and lipstick.


It makes little difference if they overlap, it is mutually exclusive in the minds of the masses, when a woman is browsing hundred of profiles she wouldn't pause on every profile analyzing stuff (oh this guy has a nerdy side but he is cool too..), she would quickly label the thing and goes on.


Are you certain this is what women do on OKCupid?


Are you certain they give a pause on every profile they see through a message? It's a matter of logistics.



TeaEarlGreyHot
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17 Oct 2013, 4:13 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Are you certain this is what women do on OKCupid?


Are you certain they give a pause on every profile they see through a message? It's a matter of logistics.


Honestly, I'm not certain of anything. One thing I do know is some women spend time looking through profiles and some do not. This whole labeling thing may be more noticeable with online dating, but I am not convinced it's higher than face-to-face interactions.

Of course, it also depends on how many messages each woman would get and how serious she is about online dating.


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17 Oct 2013, 7:50 am

Schneekugel wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
lost561 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Says the guy who won't even try to date because his own "advice" tells him he has no value.........


Maybe it's because the type of women that I'm interested in expect equal quality men.

Why should a woman that works respect a man who doesn't have a job? I don't have a job right now. Soon I will. And soon I will try dating again, but right now I don't feel like dating women on disability or the types of women that like men that are on disability.


Maybe she respects him for his morals, or his kindness to animals, or any of dozens of reasons why someone might deserve respect. You're being rather hard on yourself here.


Why should I respect someone for his job? What does a job do with someones quality? Exactly what should have changed about my partner, when he lost his job for a year, that I shouldnt have respected him during that time? Is that somehow changing the way he thinks, his oppinion toward certain topics, the person that he is? And when I will be at home with our baby for the first 1,5 years, as we have planned, do I have to fear as well, to deserve disrespect of him, because of him working, while I´m "worthlessly wasting my time" at home, not deserving respect from him, because of having no job during that time?

A job gives you money, nothing more. So that isnt totally unimportant when it comes to founding a family, but its not changing in any way, the person that you are. Saying that you want on purpose a "type of woman" ( ^^ ), that is a goldleecher and is not giving you any respect and credits for the person that you are, but only for the material benefits she gets from you... Do you really think you want to spend the rest of your life with such a person, having to fear for the rest of your life, that she will leave you for the next person, offering her more, of that what you want her to be interested in? The money her potential husband earns?

I dont get it, why you are blaming about the manhating woman, when in reality, you are the one saying, that man deserve no respect and have no own worth, and can only acchieve that with a certain number of money on their bank account. My oppinion about men, seems to be far better then yours.


Obviously women do value jobs. If you've been reading januarymans okcupid thread you would see that januaryman has stopped getting visitors to his profile on okcupid when he took his income off. Also, I've had this same experience. Same with face of boo I believe. So yes women do place much emphasis on the fact that you have a job/how much money you make.



JanuaryMan
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17 Oct 2013, 7:53 am

They might do that yes, but they don't value the job and money alone.



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17 Oct 2013, 8:00 am

@uote]Obviously women do value jobs.[/quote]

Sure some woman do. Just as some man only go for tits and asses.

The question is, do you think that a woman doing so, will be a benefit for your life? Or only an addition to the divorce statistic?



lost561
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17 Oct 2013, 8:16 am

It doesn't matter if I'm not attracted to them in the first place.



leafplant
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17 Oct 2013, 8:30 am

We are all fools for love it seems. With the emphasis on fools ;)

One thing nobody seems to be raising (maybe it's just me with this problem?) is how difficult it is to know yourself well enough to know what kind of person would make a good partner for you.



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17 Oct 2013, 8:46 am

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Are you certain this is what women do on OKCupid?


Are you certain they give a pause on every profile they see through a message? It's a matter of logistics.


Honestly, I'm not certain of anything. One thing I do know is some women spend time looking through profiles and some do not. This whole labeling thing may be more noticeable with online dating, but I am not convinced it's higher than face-to-face interactions.

Of course, it also depends on how many messages each woman would get and how serious she is about online dating.



The labeling thing happens in a fraction of second.

It is not higher than face to face interactions, but it's done faster, like the woman is in fact of a crowd of men and so she has to skim them to pick few to consider.

And as I said, Geeko's type of geeks (arty, fiction..) are more common on Okc than the nerdy/academic type.



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17 Oct 2013, 8:53 am

octobertiger wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

Once again, I am not atypical. If I were, there wouldn't be TONS of other women complaining about EXACTLY THIS ISSUE. Your determination to set me apart from the rest in order to protect your delusions is really getting on my nerves. Just quit speaking to me if it's all you have to offer.


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Resistance is futile * Resistance is futile * Resistance is futile - everything must be reduced meep meep dehumanise meep


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17 Oct 2013, 8:56 am

leafplant wrote:
We are all fools for love it seems. With the emphasis on fools ;)

One thing nobody seems to be raising (maybe it's just me with this problem?) is how difficult it is to know yourself well enough to know what kind of person would make a good partner for you.


Good point but I think people spend a good part of their lives on this and most never figure this out. I think it is a good give and take idea. Yea people should be picky and have expectations from partners this is after all supposed to be something you invest heavily in, while at the same time whatever you expect from someone else you need to be willing to expect and improve of yourself or more.


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17 Oct 2013, 9:15 am

Wafflemarine wrote:
Good point but I think people spend a good part of their lives on this and most never figure this out. I think it is a good give and take idea. Yea people should be picky and have expectations from partners this is after all supposed to be something you invest heavily in, while at the same time whatever you expect from someone else you need to be willing to expect and improve of yourself or more.


I dont know. The moment I let go of my expectations, and simply asked myself: "Am I happy when spending time with him. Do I enjoy being with him. Do I fully trust him about absolutely everything?" tons of stuff bothering me, suddenly disappeared.



About the geek-topic: I dont generally understand, what shall be so "different" when it comes to dating geeks or nerds. I am a bit nerdy/geeky, my partner is, many of our friends are...still we dont live everyday life so much different then other people as well. As far as available we go to work, seeked to have a place for living together and founding family, and now that we (almost) achieved that, we are hoping to become children. When it comes to matter of importance, I dont see what shall be so relevant about being a geek or not. The core stuff mostly is the same...finding a partner, founding family... The decor might be a bit else, but I dont see the big difference in visiting Lady Gaga concerts or metal festivals, or in repeating Star Wars jokes then Sex and the City jokes. Or spending now and then my time in front of the computer, instead of the television.

I simply dont see the importancy of being a geek/nerd or not being a geek/nerd. The hobbies and interests are simply not based on actual fashion, but thats it. Sure there are geeks, wasting too much money in their geek hobby, but with normal people its as well the same about their hobbies.



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17 Oct 2013, 9:20 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Oh noes! A Borg tiger!


I'd prefer a McEnroe tiger. He'd serve up yo ass :P



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17 Oct 2013, 9:28 am

Boo, I believe my advice can just as easily work for you. You just need to find your niche. I'm willing to bet there are plenty of women who like nerdy academic athiest types (a comparatively smaller portion of the lebanese population, but still, I'm sure they exist.) They are going to skip right over you if you're just trying to make a "Mass Appeal" profile.

Call yourself "ProfessorBoo" and talk about sciency stuff that most other people wouldn't understand (if she gets it, that would be a very good sign.) Also, you're funny (at least online) you should play that up. Making a girl laugh is the quickest way to her heart.

leafplant wrote:
We are all fools for love it seems. With the emphasis on fools ;)

One thing nobody seems to be raising (maybe it's just me with this problem?) is how difficult it is to know yourself well enough to know what kind of person would make a good partner for you.

"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."
-Alexander Smith

You learn a lot about yourself when in a relationship but it requires a certain level of emotional maturity (on both sides) to have a functional one. I certainly wouldn't have been able to handle a relationship a year ago..........



Last edited by Geekonychus on 17 Oct 2013, 9:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

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17 Oct 2013, 9:33 am

Schneekugel wrote:
I simply dont see the importancy of being a geek/nerd or not being a geek/nerd. The hobbies and interests are simply not based on actual fashion, but thats it. Sure there are geeks, wasting too much money in their geek hobby, but with normal people its as well the same about their hobbies.

Good point! I once had a dude who was obsessed with "fantasy football" giving me s**t about liking anime/videogames. Apperently comparing hypothetical statistics qualifies as cool in the football circles.



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17 Oct 2013, 9:35 am

Schneekugel wrote:
Wafflemarine wrote:
Good point but I think people spend a good part of their lives on this and most never figure this out. I think it is a good give and take idea. Yea people should be picky and have expectations from partners this is after all supposed to be something you invest heavily in, while at the same time whatever you expect from someone else you need to be willing to expect and improve of yourself or more.


I dont know. The moment I let go of my expectations, and simply asked myself: "Am I happy when spending time with him. Do I enjoy being with him. Do I fully trust him about absolutely everything?" tons of stuff bothering me, suddenly disappeared.


Since becoming an adult, I have not been able to answer any of the above questions with anything other then meh about anyone in my life. It may be the case of me being an extreme introvert and you actually being an extrovert and finding joy easily in other people's company?

Quote:
About the geek-topic: I dont generally understand, what shall be so "different" when it comes to dating geeks or nerds. I am a bit nerdy/geeky, my partner is, many of our friends are...still we dont live everyday life so much different then other people as well. As far as available we go to work, seeked to have a place for living together and founding family, and now that we (almost) achieved that, we are hoping to become children. When it comes to matter of importance, I dont see what shall be so relevant about being a geek or not. The core stuff mostly is the same...finding a partner, founding family... The decor might be a bit else, but I dont see the big difference in visiting Lady Gaga concerts or metal festivals, or in repeating Star Wars jokes then Sex and the City jokes. Or spending now and then my time in front of the computer, instead of the television.

I simply dont see the importancy of being a geek/nerd or not being a geek/nerd. The hobbies and interests are simply not based on actual fashion, but thats it. Sure there are geeks, wasting too much money in their geek hobby, but with normal people its as well the same about their hobbies.


Yeah, all of that is good, I think we maybe substitute geek/nerd for types of neural processing observed in people and that's clearly not correct.