Where do smart men hang out?

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I used to have a very high opinion of myself. I'm pretty "smart"... got 1500 on SATs... says out of 100 college bound students, I'm the "smartest". In "smart" games, like scrabble or chess, I can't play with normal people. I used to have a real sense of superiority, and quite a bit of bitterness that I couldn't manage to apply this giftedness toward success in society. Why don't other people see how smart I am?

Thelibrarian, I'd really recommend this book to you. It really helped me understand my strengths, as well as my weaknesses. I have found that I learn more from people who are not good at my strengths, instead gifted at my weaknesses.

I also found, that when I rated myself on 1-100 scale, in each of the eight (8) intelligences, added them up and divided by 8, I no longer thought of myself as 99th percentile, smarter than everyone else. Instead, I find I am more like 75%, and that I have much to learn from others. I am a much happier person. since this revelation.

Howard Gardner is the John H. and Elisabeth A. Hobbs Professor of Cognition and Education at the Harvard Graduate School of Education and Senior Director of Harvard Project Zero. The author of more than twenty books and the recipient of a MacArthur Fellowship and twenty-one honorary degrees, he lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
http://www.amazon.com/Frames-Mind-Theor ... gy_b_img_y

I love this book for two reasons: 1) Howard Gardner explains his profound ideas very clearly; 2) The ideas widened the way I thought about intelligence. Gardner takes something we take for granted (a monolithic logical-mathematical that shapes western civilization) and explains how it is inadequate in describing the mind. He doesn't so much as destroy Piaget's map of the mind as he does go farther and illuminate things that Piaget did not see. It is a fascinating thought experiment to imagine how many different ways civilizations can be shaped by the 7 intelligences: imagine seven different worlds (perhaps designed by Lewis Carroll) that instead of all being dominated by logical-mathematical intelligence, each had their root in one of the seven intelligences. I can't say enough about this book. It will definitely make you think.

I'm familiar with the book, and it is everything you say. While there is a "g" intelligence that is the ability to entertain and manipulate abstractions, there are many other forms of intelligence. This is why some of our most gifted athletes and entertainers can make such asinine pronouncements on political and cultural matters--and why intellectuals generally don't make good athletes or artists. Nobody is good at everything, and most of us are good at only a few things, and very poor at everything else. We weren't all created equal, but all unique and different. I'm glad it has helped you.

I am giving advice, from a man's perspective. When I was younger, I was hopeless with women. I have always had trouble relating to people and making them feel comfortable with me. One of the ways I have become more successful at interacting with people, male and female, is by studying and emulating the way people interact. These are biological cues! Humans are hard wiring to respond to these!

I have found that women like assertiveness and confidence. This is not easy for me. I have to fake it, but it works!
I am actually pretty good at winning attention from ladies these days. Keeping them happy is another story....

I have much more success, if I let girls know I am interested in them physically, early on. Not by any rude comment, rather by physical cues and assertiveness.
If I meet a women I am physically attracted to:
step 1. smile. She will look away.
if she looks back, step 2. wink either she will look away permanently = does not like you, or she will look back = chances are high that she likes you.
step 3. approach her. IMMEDIATELY. No hem and hawing for minutes, hours, days. Immediately. Start conversation. Ask her questions. Get her to talk about herself, AND LISTEN. Not lecture. Women, really most people, love to talk about themselves. This lets you learn about them, quickly assess whether they are actually interesting to you. Generally, after 5 mins, I can tell whether to continue pursuit, or abandon.
step 4. make her laugh. Joke related to what she is talking about. Or short SHORT personal story related to what she is talking about. If/when she laughs, does she lean toward you? Does she put her hand on you? If so, she is into it.
step 5. Compliment her on unique quality. I would like to see you again. Give her my number.

I find giving my own number much more effective, than asking for theirs. When asked for number, women are put on spot: do I like this man? What do other people in the room think about this man? While someone judge me? Will he pester the crap out of me, etc, etc. Sometimes they will give correct #, sometimes a fake, and really, it's much harder for me to work up nerve to put myself up for immediate judgement/rejection.
Simply giving my number, lets them know I am interested, without being threatening or putting them on the spot. They can go home and think it over more.

I have near 100% success ratio with this technique, for what it's worth.
I have found it much more difficult to win romantic attention, if you do not establish that you are interested romantically early on. AKA Friend zone.




Sorry, if I was not clear. I did not mean passing out your number to random men in Lowes. I meant, if she were at Trivia night, and met a nice man, who seems bright and interesting, if a bit shy and nervous, simply saying "It was nice to meet you. Compliment about unique quality. I'd like to see you again"... hand over your number.

There are MANY, MANY men out there who are petrified of rejection, who cannot work up nerve to ask ladies out. Give him yours.... within 3 days you will have a solid answer whether they like you in that way, or not.

I am sorry, I didn't realise you were a man. I made a wrong assumption.




I see. That's a really good idea. An even better idea would be to say: "would you like my number?" rather than just saying: "here. Take it." He might not even like her. He might not want the number at all. Better to ask whether he wants it! We women are afraid of rejection, too!

I disagree. Here's why: Shy man is not frequently confronted by interested women. He is likely to not know how to react. Yes?! No?! Maybe?! I don't know what to do!? Run away! Followed by kicking themselves, and being weird in future interactions.

Giving it on piece of paper, removes the need to make immediate decision on their part.

I find I am far less afraid of rejection this way. When you ask, you are asking for immediate judgement, Y/N. This is pretty scary. Yes, the next few days are a bit worrisome, does he/she like me, will I hear from them? But I find I worry about does he/she like me for weeks/ months, if I do nothing. This way, at least you have a firm answer within 3 days. Usually much sooner

Well OK, it's fine to disagree, but personally I would not give my number to a man unless he had told me that he wanted it (either by asking me for it himself, or by saying "cool, yes, please" when I offered it to him).

If I asked him whether he wanted it and he was such a quivering wreck of nerves that he couldn't decide, he's not the man for me, anyway. I like decisive people. Each to their own.

my cat is having hiccups. oh sorry, I thought this was post something random thread.

I fiddle with hair as a stim

I've never given a guy my number unless we were already dating or friends

Halfmadgenius wants a smart man. I cannot imagine a smart man that is so much of a nervous wreck that he is unable to ask a woman out. Surely at least he'd be smart enough to find a way around it?

You'd be surprised how much intelligence and social anxiety go together

Academic intelligence =/= social intelligence.

It's an area of life where thinking is a liability, so academics will tend to get it wrong.

As an adult, I have only ever dated people in academia. The one who was the most inexperienced and socially awkward was the one who asked me out and made the first move. The other bastards were used to women chasing them so were lazy and made me do all the work.

I presume you've read Kafka?

*counts on fingers* Before you were born

your point? Cowardice can be overcome.

But only if you aren't going in circles. That was the 'point'. I often think I don't even know what I should be afraid of but the fact that I have to be seems the only anchoring constant.

Getting caught up in existentialism is essentially no different than not getting caught up in it. It is a matter of choice. THAT is the scary bit.

Well, I mean, it's assumed the fear is the fear of rejection, but that isn't necessarily the case, at least you didn't say that. Rejection is actually relatively easy, in isolated form, to deal with, intellectually at least, else it wouldn't be such a trite trope to dismiss such fear. But when you start to mess with your sense of self (worth), well you're playing a dangerous game and prudence and cowardice can seem awfully close bedfellows. Especially when so much of the world around you is a kind of mirror of your lack of worth as a social isolate, a kind of omega-chimpanzee beaten around by the others for the few scraggly fruit trees at the edge of the camp. Where you have no idea how you appear to others but know it must be wrong on some level... there is always something you do that makes you a target. Why allow yourself to be a target again by being a target of ridicule, or worse, a target of pity for whom the lack of targeting is a kind of confirmation of all of the above. Why allow yourself to be reminded of all of this with one mental beating after another. And there's the crux, the existentialism of it all is the choice between torturing yourself and letting other people torture you. Once you know you have that choice of being caught up in it how can you not feel the opposite sex as anything but a sort of judgement on your own will?

f**k this place makes me so humourless.