Moving in Together...........

Post Reply New Topic

Leafplant, let's take this conversation to the other thread and leave poor Geek's thread alone


http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5787713.html#5787713

Simple reasons for toilet seat to be placed in down position when done using it:

a. man poos. woman poos. man pees. woman pees. Three out of Four are actions taken while sitting. Thus default is down.

b. you lifted it, you drop it. just like you use a plate, you wash the plate.

c. woman doesn't wanna touch dirty filthy seat more than necessary (ie habit re public toilets).
*** same with (sanitary) man - how often do you lift public toilet seats to pee?

d. gravity.


My mother came up with a very simple solution when I was younger. She bought severely fluffy toilet lid covers and put them on all the toilets. They were so pouffy that when you lifted the seat, you had to hold it in place (the pouffy lid made it so the seat wouldn't stay vertical) or it would fall down and snap you one. I quickly learned to pee sitting down.

Now consider me to have a big ego or whatever, but since I've just ended the toilet debate let's get back to the original post purpose.

1. Make sure you have "wake up in bed and do the crossword together" moments. It doesn't have to be crosswords, and it can be as simple (and ridiculous) as lying in bed for half an hour after sex to talk about what politicians and ostriches have in common - but make sure you have a routine moment, every day or every few days, where you DO SOMETHING REGULAR TOGETHER. During which there is some sort of interaction (mental, communicative, and possibly touching as well).

2. As has already been mentioned, be sure there is some idea of who is more responsible about money - or if you are going to keep certain things together and certain things apart. Maybe make a "united" bank account where you need both of you to enter the password to access, and keep your own bank accounts separate. (this is only important if one of you is bad with spending). Personally I'd rather pair up with someone who treats money like I do, since money/spending habits is the most common problem in a relationship.

3. Let the other party know your pet peeves as soon as they begin. You can't teach an old dog new tricks - unless you're in a new situation... which you are now! So don't let the tricks (peeves) get old and ingrained! Now is your chance to adress them before they become a nuissance.

4. Bedtime - come up with a signal. "im getting sleepy". No two people are always going to be ready for bed (or dinner or etc) at the same time, unless they have some way of synching up, coordinating, etc. The signal helps organize it so that there isnt one of you constantly cursing the other one for going to bed at an arbitrary time every night and DRAGGING YOU WITH THEM. No one likes feeling like someone else is making decisions for them.

5. Sex. See notes on bedtime.

6.BE there for DINNER. Especially if you are not the cook in the relationship. There's no feeling in the world worse than preparing something and the person doesn't show up to appreciate your efforts. If you won't be there, give adequate warning!! !! (Better yet, try and get the non cook involved in the kitchen - even if it's just making the salad, at least they are there to share the time with you - to bond! - again, a "scrabble in bed" moment. Always good.

Probably more to be said but these are the few I can think of right now. probably because they are the 6 biggest issues in my current relationship (which is NOT working out, sadly, even though i DO put the seat down after peeing... and cleaning...).

EDIT:
Duh. Seventh. BOTH of you need to clean house/ do laundry/ take the garbage out. If taking the garbage out is ASSIGNED to HER, then you can still do it once in a while, and it will make her appreciate you. Mind you, if she DEMANDS that you stay out of the laundry room, then don't help in the laundry room! Take over assigned chores from time to time, not elected ones (without asking first). And don't be insulted when she says "but you don't know how to look at clothes labels" or says "laundry is my quiet time" ... give her the laundry if she loves it, and accept the fact.

Personally, I don't mind cleaning house, cooking, doing dishes, etc - but can't stand having dirty clothes all over the floor blocking my path to the sink, etc. The most annoying thing is if I ask her to clean up her clothes and instead she does the dishes and cooks lunch. LISTEN to your partner's requests and pet peeves and do something about them - not something you think is equal or greater work.

But that might just be me wailing about my own problems.

When it comes to worth sharing, the currency my partner and I care for is "free-time". We dont have fixed stuff to do for each. During the year, it shifts between me and my partner, when he have got more work to do in the office and so come back home later. I work in building and engineering sector, so during summer I have much "money-work" to do, he works in sale-economy, so for him decembre is the hot spot of his loanwork. We simply see to it, that both partners have equal possibility to have "quality time". So when he is forced to work longer, then I am doing more housework, and when I work longer, he is doing more housework. As a couple, there is simply necessary work to be done, part of it for money, part of it for ourselves, and you simply should see that the amount of necessary work is shared between you both.

If you come home after 12 hours of work, and your partner tells you what cool stuff he did with his paladin leveling in some game since he/she came home, while tons of stuff still waiting for you, that your partner did not touch, because of that "being your stuff" then this will annoy you.

And dont give different kind of works an different importancy. Either it must be done, or it must not be done. If it must be done, then it is as important as everything else that must be done. Refusing to do something, because of it being "under your worth" but on the other side automatically expecting your partner to feel responsible for everything, that you think as it is not important enough for you, sucks. ^^ It says: "This is minor work, that must be done by minor people like you." My partner comes from rich parents, who had someone cleaning the big stuff for them. So he is not used to do certain stuff himself, and cleaning sanitary stuff is for him horror and I can see that on his face, when he is doing so. ^^ While I can simply switch off my feelings and go into logic modus, that tells me: "As long as I wear plastic gloves, I dont care, what I am touching with my hand." I know about his probs with that, and so I am caring myself more for the sanitary stuff, while he does instead focus on stuff like vacuuming, kitchen, ... But he would never expect me to be automatically be responsible for the "dirty stuff", but is instead simply thankful about me offering on my own to do more of that, while he does instead more of the other stuff. So he knows and accepts thats everything in the house is our boths job to do, and does not try to get into stupid excuses, like "That stuff is not mine to do, because ...

UPDATE:
Slept at the new place for the first time last night. Still have a ton of unpacking to do but we are now mostly moved in.

Moving has always been stressful, this one especially so with the snow, my car getting totalled, losing my cell phone and a bunch of other things that went wrong this month. Still, despite all the stress and occasional emotional turmoil we kept sane and didn't tear each other apart or meltdown. I'd say thats a very good sign.

O.o what was your cellphone?