Why is Asperger's unattractive?

Post Reply New Topic

I think pretty much everybody generalizes about everyone not them or whatever grouping they're putting themselves in, its natural and yeah I know that's a generalization itself. Obviously most people on this site(and on the spectrum in general) are men and I would imagine less experienced with women so it makes sense some things may be a bit skewed.

I do think typically it is probably a lot harder for a male on the spectrum to attract a partner than it is a woman, men and women are attracted to different things about each other and certain qualities that might be neutral or even attractive in a women is just a complete deal breaker in a man. We live in a day and age now where women don't need men to provide for and protect them but the qualities entailed in that are still attractive I think to most women whether or not they'll admit it, I think some people think of it shallow to be attracted to someone for reasons other than personality and physical attraction or however you want to put and perhaps it is in some ways the its just the world we live in I guess. I would say if anything a lot of guys would be intimidated by a successful woman with a lot of friends as opposed to being a prerequisite like some women might consider it for men.

I think a lot Aspie qualities probably can seen as feminine, while being demure and a little awkward might be attractive in women but I can't imagine it is for a guy and there aren't going to be too many suitors approaching you. On top of that we often have our troubles with employment and being independent, I get it even if it hurts. It makes sense. I get the whole moving past man-made gender roles and the patriarchy hurting men or whatever too and I'm not even saying that's right or wrong, I'm just being a realist about the world around me.

Obviously this isn't true for everyone especially for the women on here so hopefully finds this post offensive. At this point I don't fret that much over this, I just gotta do me and hope everything else falls in place. What use is there pretending to be someone you're not? What point is there being bitter? A leopard cannot change its spots and if that ultimately leaves me alone then I guess that's what happens. If someone is "meant for me" then hopefully they find me one day, still waiting.

I used to have quite a lot of girls who were interested in me, but I preferred to get drunk and "stuff". Especially throughout my teens.

My ideal looking women would be Bjork or Sophie Ellis Bexter, goth girls can be extremely attractive and also I think possibly being quite artistic I see beauty in most things, I find intelligence very attractive as well, I like odd people.

I find the general public boring and love it when people have odd hobbies or style.

But sometimes even the most nt looking person can be the most interesting. Don't judge people just on looks.

not about spending money on dates it about they won't give you time of day unless you have a good job and car. If i'm not good enough for them without a good job, then when/if i get one they sure as hell aren't good enough for me f them. I want love true love the kind that doesn't give one rats ass about money.

broke is really subjective I don't consider myself broke. i have enough money to sustain my life and interests. what the s**t is about is these women wanting a guy to have enough money to sustain their idea of a mans life and interest. or rather them wanting the guy to support theirs. well why can't they just support their own. I really would not ask nor care what a woman does for work. work/mone/income has no factor in my considering a relationship. think its funny how those with money are the more stressed about it while poor people who never had money don't tend to stress as much. guess cause we adapted to having less while those who had it want to keep having it and then have more.

i'm just trying to accept life sucks and then one kills themselves. I plan to use my extra income to buy things I like to enjoy what I can til my 8 years are up. certainly not going waste money on women who don't love me unless I have money. and if they truly don't then they shouldn't care what a guy does for work or even if he works.

really so quitting a job you have that pays for you home that you live in to move to a new place where you won't have a job or home and if you don't find one fast you end up living on the street has no additional risk then just staying where you are?

if you only got a job cause of a person who lives where you are and then you are very unlikely to get a job in a place where said person doesn't live to help you get a job. I don't like the women where I live id od like my family, and the place. moving out of the usa would only depress me more as i can't enjoy my hobbies anywhere but this nation. then ad i don't speak their language, i don't understand their culture and I know no one there.

why can't you just accept not everyone is perfect and highly adaptive like you.



great for you but not everyone can do that, or we'd all be rich and successful.

I am chaning but i' won't ever be like you. sorry. $10 dollars an hour after taxes, collections etc right now i make $9.30 an hour but after everything not including credit debt collections i make $1.80 an hour. so yeah i'll never save up 30k. i wont' ever be well off know what probably %50 of the population if not more won't either. so how about you just feel good you are and not make others feel like s**t cause they can't be like you.

every time you post saying get in shape, just drives me away from doing it. I don't like sports never have never will. i just want to be little less weight is all. if someone likes sports and gets enjoyment from them I get why they'd want to go all super work out and all. but for those who don't we just don't' like nore need super work outs.

i complain cause no matter how much i try no matter how much it stresses me out and no matter how much others say I'm doing a good job s**t only gets worse. you had the opposite reaction to trying hard good for you, but guess what it doesn't happen to everyone.

if my complaining bothers you so , I suggest you just stop reading my posts. cause despite what you think I've been working my ass of over the last year or so to change, but life is more about luck and chance then just working hard.

Women don't always have it easier. I try hard to socialize and no one asks me out. It makes me wonder if I'm physically unattractive.

Perhaps we both are and its all just sour grapes from me. I mean honestly everything I typed there is out my butt, so it should be taken with that in mind. It's just my opinion and observations coming from my perspective, I can't read the minds of other people. I have enough trouble with my own!

I want a partner, I want love and companionship, I want a family(doesn't necessarily mean 2 kids, a dog and picket fence), I don't think there are very many people that truly want to be alone. I feel like I am capable providing that to someone else and I know other people desire that as well so I guess it is just finding that person, I think there is some Partridge Family that has similar sentiments. I imagine its hard enough for "normal" people to find someone they really can call a partner and they just play the numbers a lot more so obviously their chances are a lot better. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that, I just hope I find someone someday by chance or whatever that feels that same way that shares a mutual attraction with me. I know its realistic to expect that person to just come at your door one day but who knows some people get lucky.

+1 on women not necessarily having it easier

For example, I dont have the same femininity as other women. Im more androgynous. Thats not attractive to a lot of guys.

Being different can be a turn off to guys. Plus, I dont sell myself as well as nts, whatever they seem to be doing.

Look, the truth is if you're a guy, you're not gonna have a lot of suitors approaching you, period. Unless you are exceptionally attractive. Being passive simply isn't a reliable mating strategy for men, sadly.

Also, I noticed a lot of feminist lingo in your post. Now, I'm gonna be very clear and straightforward, and don't take this the wrong, but if you're a shy, nerdy male (as most Aspies) then feminism is NOT on your side. Believe me, no matter what feminists claim, they have absolutely no interest in abolishing gender roles for males.

I met my husband on OKCupid (I initiated the conversation). I have often wondered if my preference for initiating relationships/ dating shy men has something to do with the gender non-conformism that is sometimes reported among autistics. There are (feminist!) women like me who find feminine traits in men to be very attractive. Personally, I see it as super sexy and a sign of confidence when men don't feel like they have to fit masculine stereotypes of stoicism, toughness, assertiveness etc. I also can't be the only woman to think that social awkwardness is adorable. There is soon to be a new dating service called Siren wherein only women can initiate interactions. (So presumably they aren't expecting the men to be the ones to make the first move.) It might be something to look into.

Yes, well, you'll pardon my skepticism but like a wise man once said; "I'll believe it when I see it."



From experience, and assuming you're telling the truth, you may very well be.



I'm sure the Russian whorebots will have a field day.

I find it surprising that you mentioned you have never met a woman on the spectrum. I was diagnosed less than three years ago and in that time I've met several in person. There is some thought that women might have a harder time getting diagnosed so that might in part account for the discrepancy in numbers between men and women. I had to pursue my diagnosis myself and if I hadn't met my husband I might never have thought to look into it.

I was my husband's first romantic partner (he was 24 when we met). He was quite certain that he was unattractive and that no woman would ever be interested in him. I read his profile and fell in love. I had had two partners earlier. I think the fact my husband and I are both on the spectrum makes it much easier for us to communicate with eachother. I don't think I'd want to date a neurotypical man--the flirting is obnoxious. I'd much rather have a straightforward conversation with a man who doesn't play games that insult my intelligence.

Then you would be rich...?

I think this is a bit simplistic, I mean we live in a global world, my culture is affected by yours and so on.

Maybe you need to put in some effort, I doubt many people find love by just waiting for it . It is not easy for either men or women that are on the spectrum. But sometimes you have to put yourself out there or you will not gain anything. I didn't find love until I reached out to my now partner, I saw his profile online and I wrote to him, then we started chatting and it clicked. When I first saw him in real life, I was sick with worry, I was sure that once he saw me for real he would think I was too ugly, too weird, too stupid and a million other things. But he didn't think any of those things and now it is 6,5 years later and I'm so happy that I dared to take the chance and that I didn't sabotage myself by cancelling our first meeting (I wanted to do so many times out of freight). What I'm trying to explain is that I was a champion at sabotaging my own life, but I choose to commit to trying to better my life, and it helped. If I would have chosen to stay in the dark place in my head, I would still be alone.

I know this is true, when I say I gotta do me improving myself and addressing my own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity is what I mean. I have to get to that place in my life where I am comfortable with what I bring to the table, I would not be comfortable at all putting a profile up on some dating website at this point. It sucks having this disability basically make getting this to this vaunted "place" a hell of a lot harder and it always will be an obstacle of some sort, it's hard not think of life as some Sisyphean task so I just try myself focus on whats right in front of me. I know it isn't realistic to expect or even hope for everything to fall into place on its own, I'm just putting in the legwork hoping that eventually it will pay off or something clicks and it all works as it was suppose to.

I think it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, and you are still so young so I think things will work out for you