Toxic femininity
androbot01
Veteran
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Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
sly279 wrote:
no but his main role is for a dwarf, so a 6 foot guy wouldn't been able to fill that role, however do you see him being say iron man or many other roles in past movies. he was born with acting skills though, then a role came along where he could show his skills. most movies/shows would not have hired him though, sad but just how the industry is they prefer tall handsome men who are in good shape. he's probably my favorite actor/character from that show.
Peter Dinklage, IMDB
Check out his resume. He does fine.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I have a female coworker who is 45+ old single, in a very senior position, she said outright that she wouldn't marry a man unless he's a millionaire - yes, she said that literally.
Good luck for her (she won't find him).
Good luck for her (she won't find him).
My guess: her point was that she doesnt give a crap about marriage at all. Ergo "I will only do it if the price is right".
Not: "I expect to snag a millionaire any minute".
What the....
What are you?
She told me the exact same words the night after her best friend's wedding.
Don't understand your response.
I didnt say she didnt utter those words.
I am saying that those same words can be taken to mean two different things.
Agemaki wrote:
Much like masculinity, social pressure to conform to feminine roles saturates society and comes from both men and women. I think that women are told that they should value certain types of accomplishments in potential male partners to the degree that financial success/height etc. could be considered emblematic of "maleness." In that sense women taught to be drawn to men who are "more male" than they are. Obviously everyone isn't this way but I this this is the sort of dynamic that is going on.
Sorry, but I don't agree with this. First of all, people aren't "taught" to be drawn to anything. It just doesn't work that way, you're attracted to whatever you BIOLOGY says you're attracted to, not your society. Anyone who claims otherwise is simply attempting to defer blame.
Second, are you seriously suggesting women suffer anywhere near as much social pressure to conform to their gender roles as men do? Because let me tell you right now: you don't. Maybe that was true a couple centuries ago, but it isn't anymore. Women nowadays (at least in the Western world) are essentially from any kind of social expectations or gender roles, while men are still every bit as constricted by them as they've always been.
And here's something else for you to consider: even if that wasn't case, women would still by in large have it easier than men. Because here's the thing, the "traditional" female social role is essentially one of submission and little else, and submission is easy. It's certainly not always pleasant but it is easy. The "traditional" male social role, on the other hand, demands a lot out of those who adhere to it. Charisma, leadership, resourcefulnes, bravery, physical strength and aptitude, dominant personality and a willingness to put all others ahead of yourself are just some of the traits men were, and still are expected by their society to display. And woe upon those who do not have possess such traits.
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Also, notice I didn't put confidence in that list of traits because it's largely irrelevant. When men are accused of lacking confidence, it's really just a PC way of saying they lack dominance.
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Gauldoth wrote:
Second, are you seriously suggesting women suffer anywhere near as much social pressure to conform to their gender roles as men do? Because let me tell you right now: you don't. Maybe that was true a couple centuries ago, but it isn't anymore. Women nowadays (at least in the Western world) are essentially from any kind of social expectations or gender roles, while men are still every bit as constricted by them as they've always been.
Well I think you haven't been in Balkans, since here is exactly opposite to what you've said, but yes, we are a few centuries behind, and we're definitely not Western world.
Booyakasha wrote:
Well I think you haven't been in Balkans, since here is exactly opposite to what you've said, but yes, we are a few centuries behind, and we're definitely not Western world.
I can accept that women are there are still constricted by social expectations and norms the way they aren't in the Western world anymore... but how exactly are the men there "free" from them? Because in no society that I know of are men free from gender roles and social expectations, and I mean none. Some are just more straightforward about it than others.
Gauldoth wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
Well I think you haven't been in Balkans, since here is exactly opposite to what you've said, but yes, we are a few centuries behind, and we're definitely not Western world.
I can accept that women are there are still constricted by social expectations and norms the way they aren't in the Western world anymore... but how exactly are the men there "free" from them? Because in no society that I know of are men free from gender roles and social expectations, and I mean none. Some are just more straightforward about it than others.
No, I didn't mean that men are freed from it, I just disagreed with your statement that women don't suffer anywhere near as much social pressure to conform to their gender roles as men, since here they do. But I guess you had civilised world in mind, while here in some rural parts women still get up when a man enters the room.
The way women in my family have been treated was always with less respect than some men. But whether men feel burden of being the dominant one and have trouble accepting it, is beyond my knowledge, I just have seen how female members of my family have been treated, and I don't think they particularly enjoyed their gender roles either (my grandma tried suicide for example).
Booyakasha wrote:
Gauldoth wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
Well I think you haven't been in Balkans, since here is exactly opposite to what you've said, but yes, we are a few centuries behind, and we're definitely not Western world.
I can accept that women are there are still constricted by social expectations and norms the way they aren't in the Western world anymore... but how exactly are the men there "free" from them? Because in no society that I know of are men free from gender roles and social expectations, and I mean none. Some are just more straightforward about it than others.
No, I didn't mean that men are freed from it, I just disagreed with your statement that women don't suffer anywhere near as much social pressure to conform to their gender roles as men, since here they do. But I guess you had civilised world in mind, while here in some rural parts women still get up when a man enters the room.
The way women in my family have been treated was always with less respect than some men. But whether men feel burden of being the dominant one and have trouble accepting it, is beyond my knowledge, I just have seen how female members of my family have been treated, and I don't think they particularly enjoyed their gender roles either (my grandma tried suicide for example).
Oh, ok then. Sorry about your grandma, man. It's like I said; submission is easy, but it's not always pleasant.
Gauldoth wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
Gauldoth wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
Well I think you haven't been in Balkans, since here is exactly opposite to what you've said, but yes, we are a few centuries behind, and we're definitely not Western world.
I can accept that women are there are still constricted by social expectations and norms the way they aren't in the Western world anymore... but how exactly are the men there "free" from them? Because in no society that I know of are men free from gender roles and social expectations, and I mean none. Some are just more straightforward about it than others.
No, I didn't mean that men are freed from it, I just disagreed with your statement that women don't suffer anywhere near as much social pressure to conform to their gender roles as men, since here they do. But I guess you had civilised world in mind, while here in some rural parts women still get up when a man enters the room.
The way women in my family have been treated was always with less respect than some men. But whether men feel burden of being the dominant one and have trouble accepting it, is beyond my knowledge, I just have seen how female members of my family have been treated, and I don't think they particularly enjoyed their gender roles either (my grandma tried suicide for example).
Oh, ok then. Sorry about your grandma, man. It's like I said; submission is easy, but it's not always pleasant.
Thanks, but don't worry
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voleregard
Sea Gull
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Joined: 29 Jun 2014
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Booyakasha wrote:
voleregard wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
I don't think anyone who posted here thinks that ALL women are golddiggers....but that a high percentage of them are..
Very high, I'd say. Seems to me that women try to play the role of loving someone for who they are, but sooner or later, if the money's not there, they'll eventually go someplace where they can get it. Or status. Status can be as good as money, because sooner or later it is likely to turn into money. Or they think it will. I got chased just for being in uniform. They knew virtually nothing else about me.
Fortunately in this story, the girl made her move before it was too late for the guy. I've heard two stories just recently of men who weren't so lucky, well-off married men who got hit by the recession, and the women wouldn't stay with them through the slump. They bolted.
This reminded me of my late grandma, who put up with my grandpa's misdeeds because of the money... And when she died they found hidden in bed, madras, wardrobes, drawers stashes of money she was keeping for god knows what. She used to buy me second hand toys though, toys from kinder eggs already assembled.
I've seen similar in my family from Central Europe. I would imagine that in the back of the minds of women would be the thought of what they'd do financially if they lost their husband. Societies that treat widowed women and older single women harshly bear a lot of responsibility for promoting the paradigm of needing financial support from a man. So overall, I can't totally fault women in those cultures for having to think strategically about marriage.
voleregard wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
voleregard wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
I don't think anyone who posted here thinks that ALL women are golddiggers....but that a high percentage of them are..
Very high, I'd say. Seems to me that women try to play the role of loving someone for who they are, but sooner or later, if the money's not there, they'll eventually go someplace where they can get it. Or status. Status can be as good as money, because sooner or later it is likely to turn into money. Or they think it will. I got chased just for being in uniform. They knew virtually nothing else about me.
Fortunately in this story, the girl made her move before it was too late for the guy. I've heard two stories just recently of men who weren't so lucky, well-off married men who got hit by the recession, and the women wouldn't stay with them through the slump. They bolted.
This reminded me of my late grandma, who put up with my grandpa's misdeeds because of the money... And when she died they found hidden in bed, madras, wardrobes, drawers stashes of money she was keeping for god knows what. She used to buy me second hand toys though, toys from kinder eggs already assembled.
I've seen similar in my family from Central Europe. I would imagine that in the back of the minds of women would be the thought of what they'd do financially if they lost their husband. Societies that treat widowed women and older single women harshly bear a lot of responsibility for promoting the paradigm of needing financial support from a man. So overall, I can't totally fault women in those cultures for having to think strategically about marriage.
Western women aren't much different in that regard. Finding a man may not be a life or death issue for them the way it is to non-Western women, but that doesn't mean they're out handing out sex freely. In fact, it's quite opposite, now that women have been liberated and no longer need men to survive, at least not directly, the price of sex has inflated like nobody's business. So much so that average and below-average guys like me have been completely priced out of the market.
Gauldoth wrote:
Western women aren't much different in that regard. Finding a man may not be a life or death issue for them the way it is to non-Western women, but that doesn't mean they're out handing out sex freely. In fact, it's quite opposite, now that women have been liberated and no longer need men to survive, at least not directly, the price of sex has inflated like nobody's business. So much so that average and below-average guys like me have been completely priced out of the market.
Hence, "Spoiled Princess Syndrome."
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Gauldoth wrote:
voleregard wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
voleregard wrote:
Booyakasha wrote:
I don't think anyone who posted here thinks that ALL women are golddiggers....but that a high percentage of them are..
Very high, I'd say. Seems to me that women try to play the role of loving someone for who they are, but sooner or later, if the money's not there, they'll eventually go someplace where they can get it. Or status. Status can be as good as money, because sooner or later it is likely to turn into money. Or they think it will. I got chased just for being in uniform. They knew virtually nothing else about me.
Fortunately in this story, the girl made her move before it was too late for the guy. I've heard two stories just recently of men who weren't so lucky, well-off married men who got hit by the recession, and the women wouldn't stay with them through the slump. They bolted.
This reminded me of my late grandma, who put up with my grandpa's misdeeds because of the money... And when she died they found hidden in bed, madras, wardrobes, drawers stashes of money she was keeping for god knows what. She used to buy me second hand toys though, toys from kinder eggs already assembled.
I've seen similar in my family from Central Europe. I would imagine that in the back of the minds of women would be the thought of what they'd do financially if they lost their husband. Societies that treat widowed women and older single women harshly bear a lot of responsibility for promoting the paradigm of needing financial support from a man. So overall, I can't totally fault women in those cultures for having to think strategically about marriage.
Western women aren't much different in that regard. Finding a man may not be a life or death issue for them the way it is to non-Western women, but that doesn't mean they're out handing out sex freely. In fact, it's quite opposite, now that women have been liberated and no longer need men to survive, at least not directly, the price of sex has inflated like nobody's business. So much so that average and below-average guys like me have been completely priced out of the market.
The average man would be an NT individual who is in a relationship.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
Well I'm starting to think there may be a reason for this.
It is becoming apparent that none of the men who have been in my life have had much else to offer.
As I write, my companion of 9 years lies drunk on my wicker loveseat. He called me a c**t twice because I wouldn't have sex, then passed out.
He wasn't much help with my dog dilemma.
It is becoming apparent that none of the men who have been in my life have had much else to offer.
As I write, my companion of 9 years lies drunk on my wicker loveseat. He called me a c**t twice because I wouldn't have sex, then passed out.
He wasn't much help with my dog dilemma.
I should admit also my view on women, from my limited dating experience yet extensive interaction during the years, had become more....'wary', kinda more cynical and less trusting generally.
Note that I grew in a two working parents family, which was kinda rare in their times, and mother was equal to dad and even leader in certain ways. For instance, mom is more educated, and for years she earned more. So when I was much younger, I had absolutely no idea about this hypergamy tendency in women and the whole gender roles stuff back then.
It came shock after shock when I started to have interest in dating, in the way how the majority of women think and evaluate men.
This is what I've learned:
- Most women, are generally, hypergamous (the main source of 'female toxicity' mentioned in this thread); women in general often want men who is *above them* in many ways:
Physically: Most prefer a man taller than them, and stronger than them - and would justify this as just an attraction matter ("oh, I can't help it/ oh, I feel more feminine, a short guy makes me feel like dating my little brother" - it's weird how men don't feel dating a shorter woman as dating the little sister), but it's actually a part of hypergamy - whether it is by nature or nurture, doesn't matter. I find out that women often tend to not even like a man of equal height or equal physique. The harshest and meanest mockery comments I got on my short height were....from short girls as short as me or slightly shorter, never from taller girls, even tho the taller would never date me.
Income/status: How many female CEOs and female senior manager marry male cashiers or secretaries? it's so unheard of and rare. A lot of women even state that they would feel weird if they marry a man who earns less than themselves. The "more" is always the most common tendency in everything, including income.
and there's more to it: ie. I want a man who is taller than me, I want a man who earns more than me, I want a man older than me, I want a man smarter than me, more educated than me, more social than me, more overall interesting than me....etc. - Notice the trend? It's always I want more than me, I want higher, I want better...than me. Height, income, age, education, IQ, hobbies, connections, social class, life experience.....and yes, even sexual experience...etc
And it became so norm that it became so convention to most women to say it out loud in social settings without any remorse or second t thought, it so common to hear a woman saying for example "I rejected this guy because he works as X" X is always a profession perceived lower than her profession. I knew plenty female friends who worked in entry jobs like secretaries, data entry workers, junior salespersons, who kept rejecting guys working in equal entry jobs, like junior police, or security guys or cashiers and they made it very clear to me why they rejected them (literally they say "I rejected him because he works as --") without any remorse , dare to tell them that's shallow. Also when they talk about some girl's new boyfriend, the first thing they mention about him is *always* his work, (ie. "X got a new boyfriend, he's engineer working in dubai!! !" (with a pitchy tone on 'he's engineer working in dubai).
- The girls I knew who work in higher and senior positions aren't generally much better in that regard, even tho they tend to show way less exaggerated reaction to some guy's highly earning position, they don't also show any remorse of saying to want a 'better' (in everything I said above) guy than themselves
- let a man says he rejected a nice and nice-looking woman for the same exact reason and everyone would look weirdly at him and would most women will call him idiot, mean and bigot - and would tell him he just missed up a great opportunity.
We cannot really blame women for being attracted to what they are, and men being attracted to what they are, as this is generally a product of evolution and beyond the control of the individual. We do not choose what we attracted to, we acknowledge it.
However, a person who does not meet some ideal of attraction, should be careful not to fall into the thinking that this excludes them from ever finding a partner with whom they can have a fulfilling relationship. In practice, most people do not hold out for their ideal partner. They take someone who is sufficient for them.
Chronos wrote:
However, a person who does not meet some ideal of attraction, should be careful not to fall into the thinking that this excludes them from ever finding a partner with whom they can have a fulfilling relationship. In practice, most people do not hold out for their ideal partner. They take someone who is sufficient for them.
Unless you're not sufficient for anyone.
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