A tip for women who want to know who are their admirers.

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Ok, I am reviving this thread because today I've heard a bunch of girls complaining about how much friend requests they receive.
I've also stumbled on a thread in another forum by girls complaining about the same thing.

It seems the "guys rarely receive anything on FB - and girls receive tons" is becoming a known internet meme/joke/cliche already - I wonder how Cafeaulait and hurtloam don't have any, I know how Cafeaulait looks like and she's attractive, for hurtloam no idea but .....are you ladies sure of your privacy settings? Something is not adding up.

Ok, I know you mean well and it's interesting to debate the intricacies of human interaction, but that comment is a bit personal, but only because I am beginning to question my looks and I'm feeling a bit touchy at the moment even though my sister, who is a very blunt, truthful person, tells me that people tell her that they think I'm pretty, I don't believe it.

I feel like I live in some sort of alternate universe where the men are all self sufficient and don't want women. It's weird.
I just find this all very confusing, especially when people around me start dating and I'm like, "how did that happen?"

I tried to spread the word amongst my acquaintances that I'm looking for someone, just in case people thought that I was asexual and quite content on my own, just in case that was why I was being overlooked; but I really wasn't comfortable with exuding that persona. I felt like it made me seem as though I was freaking out and desperate to find someone because I'm getting older, which I suspect is a turn off. I'm not desperate, I just feel like I've forgotten how to be in love. It's been such a long, long time. I feel like I'll never feel that way again.

So I've toned down the angst a bit and gone back to just being me, hanging out with my female friends and enjoying myself. I worry that will look like I'm sending signals of not wanting anyone, but I'm happier this way.

I'm always getting conflicting advice. One friend was trying to get me to ask out this guy who was not at all interested in me. He was just a really nice person. She met him and decided that he would be perfect for me if only I would man up and make a move. I know fine well he would not change his mind especially because he is dating someone else now and showed no interest in me, no friend request on facebook, no asking me to join in with going out with his friends, nothing.

On the other hand another friend thought I was too forward with him (I friended him on facebook and invited him places with friends) and said that I should stand back a bit and let the guy chase because "they like that", Mars Venus blah blah blah.

I don't believe either of these methods would have made him like me any more than he did. Apparently I'm not trying hard enough or I'm trying too hard. I keep getting blamed for whatever I do and I'm sick of it.

I guess I am just weird and it will take longer for me to find someone who I feel comfortable with and who feels comfortable with me. I'm not sure there is anything I can do about it.

While I'm having a moan, I might as well add this. I'm starting to feel confused about relationships. I started reading that stupid whisper app and women were posting about how they weren't in love with their husbands and had never really felt that spark other people talk about. Others said that love is not necessary for a marriage to work because what you need is a good communication and commitment and that's it. Also, older women in real life were telling me that love is nothing special, so I thought, maybe that stupid spark all those years ago was just lust and nothing worth looking for, so I started looking for a man that was just a decent chap and who I liked as a person, no spark, no lust, and that didn't work out.

I felt like I was trying to make someone like me for the sake of being like everyone else. I've done it a couple of times. I told friends I liked guy A or guy B , I'd spend time hanging out with him with friends and wondering why it never went anywhere, but it didn't go anywhere because there was absolutely no connection, nothing, no spark. And my friends would wonder why I never asked him out properly, or why I didn't flirt with him, but I didn't like him that much and he didn't like me that much and neither of us wanted a relationship with each other. It's pretty obvious now I look back. My friends believed I'd found that spark, but I was lying.

I'm going to stop doing that and just get on with life. If I ever find that spark again, I'll find it, if not I won't. I give up trying.

At least I've gotten a few friend requests from girls that didn't look serious. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. Last I received a very strange request that appeared to be a setup from a girl with lots of bikini-pictures. It turned out she apparently didn't even exist, and shortly after I rejected the request the account disappeared from FB.

That certainly sounds like an alien world to me.

I don’t have much in the way of acquaintances of either sex, and female strangers, when they notice me at all, seem to know instantly what I’d like to do with them and to be utterly disgusted by it. There seems to be absolutely no acceptable way to let my gaze pass through the area they take up, and, when there are a few women close enough, I have to choose between that and making a ridiculously obvious effort to look in any direction but theirs.

Loneliness seems to be a radically different thing for women from what it is for men. I don’t want to force myself on anyone who doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I fully accept I’m far from being dating or relationship material, but, every time I see a woman talking about these issues, I wish I could be hugging her while we discuss it. Then again, they say misery loves company, so perhaps this is why they’re repulsed—because the comfort I’d get trying to comfort them means I’d only poison them with my own misery. Not that I understand it, but whatever.

PS – This was about hurtloam’s post.

Oh well hurtloam....

I so relate to this:

I've lost this ability, I didn't hav e any strong feeling for an y crush for so long, I had limerences before, but now nothing...even when there's casual sex involved.

And to this:



Same conflicting advice I get here, even though I am man.



You won't believe how many women I encounter online who are ready to cheat on their husbands ...because...no spark there.



But anyway hurtloam, all this rant still doesn't explain your phenomena (and of few other ladies here) - how comes you don't get much friend requests? Check your fb visibility, check your privacy setting? Did you set limitations to who can friend request you?
And yeah, it's time to question whether your photo is flattering enough or not, and to consult a third party, not your family who wouldn't want to hurt you. Sorry I am sounding getting bit personal at you - but I am puzzled.

Something is not adding up, I tell you.

I know these are photos meant to be sarcastic and funny jokes, but they have a lot of truth I tell you, for example when it comes to liking status, I see it on my fb feed all the time:



and this is another joke but i bet it has a lot of truth:

^^I always see this big difference of attention amount between girls' statuses (a lot) vs guy's statuses (always so little for guys) - I've even noticed that guys stopped using it to talk about themselves altogether.


And oh, read this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jessica-m ... 89313.html

Both amount of activity and number of friend requests depends on how active you are yourself an how many friends you have. I don't think it is meaningful to just show these pictures without also showing a picture of number of friends and status updates done.





I'd use the Romeo&Juliet approach instead of the online approach every time.

I agree with rdos... Though there's not many balconies round these parts

My settings are fine. I get friend requests all the time, just not from single men. I can get messages from people not on my friend list too. I just don't allow nonfriends to see my wall statuses.

It doesn't need to be a balcony. As long as it is IRL and not online the exact location and method doesn't make much of a difference.



Yes, settings matters too. I let everybody see my statuses, but I only allow friends to write to my statuses. Anybody can make friend requests, and anybody can send messages. Even if I only have around 70 friends, and write very little myself, I still have a few of the "red indicators" every day.

I have a feeling that we have a generation of men who can't or don't want to make the first move.

I think you mean IRL activity? Because online activity on fb doesn't matter, friend requests come mostly from people you meet IRL.

I don't usually have a lot of messages and notifications...and typically they are either from games I play or friends/family/acquaintances from real life. But then I am not 'facebook popular' I don't post a ton, and i certainly don't put personal stuff in my status. My brother and lots of other guys I know get a lot more attention on facebook than I do...unfortunately for some of them its so bad they get facebook stalkers and profiles hacked into.

Depends on what and how often you use FB for, and what privacy settings you choose.

If you let anybody contact you, post often and have settings that allow lots of people to see at least some of your posts (like friends of friends or people in public groups you belong to), you will get tons more attention than someone who sets their privacy to only friends and rarely posts updates.

The difference may in part be how many others CAN see your posts and how active the crowd is on your FB. It might be that girls get tons more attention so much as they're more active and "open" than guys on the FB!

Well yeah I am not a super active FB user...but most stuff I post I just make public i don't put personal stuff so I don't really care who sees my status. And of course aside from a few random people I added in order to have more neighbors for the game Pot Farm and people from a discontinued forum I used to be on who wanted to stay in contact anyone on my friends list are people I actually know IRL. But yeah I don't really care too much, I just think its weird to assume any girls on facebook are getting tons and tons of messages and likes on their statuses whilst guys just largely get ignored since I haven't observed that. Seems its more about if you're a very social person, and if you're super active on facebook moreso than if you're male or female.

The amount of activity on FB doesn't matter.

It's your activity IRL which lead to more interactivity on FB, your settings and your main picture.

Not completely. It's usually a mix. You can get new FB friends online or through already present FB friends even without ever meeting them IRL.