Online dating is pointless as a guy

Post Reply New Topic

Think of it like interviewing for a job you're 100% qualified for on paper but don't get. You don't get the job because you aren't qualified, but rather because somebody else is better qualified.

I think online dating is a lot like that - you've messaged a girl you feel you're compatible with, but she's decided there are others out there who she's more compatible with, so you don't get a reply.

I'd suggest sending very, very short first messages (How was your day? What is your fave [something mentioned in their profile]?) and assuming you will get 1 response for every 100 sent, ie being thrilled to get 3 replies out of 100 rather than angry you sent 10 messages with no replies at all.

If I were on a dating site, I would try to "sound" as eloquent as possible.

The "right" sort of woman is the woman who would respond to what I write.

I understand the frustration, but it's really not as bad as all that. I'm a moderately unattractive 28 year old that just started college, not fat but not buff and never work out, I'd call it soft skinny. I do okcupid and tinder, and here in college I'm constantly surrounded by 18-22 year olds who think i'm like 30 and with whom I share basically nothing.

However, I take basic efforts to clean myself up, advertise myself as available but am never pushy and always make sure to be always upfront with women and thank them even if they say they are not interested and otherwise shoot me down. I have a practiced 'old world charm' it's been called that I can call upon to impress, but above all I never ever lie or misconstrue myself. If that night I'm only interested in sex, I say so. If not, I say that too and in both cases I mean it. I by no means am a model, not a ab to be seen, and I don't have much in the bank but know how to manage what I have.

Sure, I get shot down a lot. And never in a million years will a cheerleader be interested, but If I am to be vulgar for a moment, I also get between 5 and 6 woman between 8 and 10 in a given year. One liked me so much that she's letting me live in her inheritance house without monetary reimbursement, so being calm, polite, and patient can yield great dividends.

I think women would love to get romantic first messages that show a lot of effort, but since hardly anyone actually does that, most women have to settle for what they get.

I wouldn't get sexual unless a woman got sexual with me.

Men pick which women to message, and the women they message then pick which men to respond to.

Women pick which men to message, and the men they message pick which women to respond to.

I think one's approach on dating sites depends on two things.

1. What you want.

2. What you want the ones you want to want (ideally you, or some version of you that is within easy change) and your ability to convey this.

A man whose (say, short and generic) messages seem to suggest he's taking a scattergun approach in search of A Girlfriend may not be taken to kindly by women who do not want to simply be A Girlfriend, and/but are hoping to in some way to be picked out for qualities they see and value in themselves (most of them, indeed most people, I'd guess). On the other hand, if he happens upon a woman who wants A Boyfriend and has so far had little interest, he may find a successful match, and they can try and build a relationship on the foundation of their mutual fear of being alone and so willing to be with pretty much anyone.

i think the best approach for a first message is a short but expressive one. like, say, the girl is clearly enthusiastic about travel and star wars, and so are you. then you say something like "the weather is brutal here today. makes me want to take a trip to tatooine. how's the weather over there today? :)"