To be chased is by far more powerful.
arthur_arcturus wrote:
I refuse to partake in chasing dynamics, because they are adversarial. People who see relationships as a sort of hunting sport are obnoxious, wasters of time and will eventually regret to have served so willingly as nature's precious little pawns.
Which dynamics do you mean? Are you talking about the hard-to-get games and all that?
Reading this whole thread, I definitely see people's point about the chased person feeling more powerful, or at least more confident in the other person's interest. It hurts to reject people, but over the long term, it seems like the people who get repeatedly rejected suffer more for it. The person doing the rejecting would move on sooner. It takes confidence not to take rejection personally, and I can see how that can easily become a feedback loop the more the person gets rejected.
The_Face_of_Boo
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DataB4 wrote:
arthur_arcturus wrote:
I refuse to partake in chasing dynamics, because they are adversarial. People who see relationships as a sort of hunting sport are obnoxious, wasters of time and will eventually regret to have served so willingly as nature's precious little pawns.
Which dynamics do you mean? Are you talking about the hard-to-get games and all that?
Reading this whole thread, I definitely see people's point about the chased person feeling more powerful, or at least more confident in the other person's interest. It hurts to reject people, but over the long term, it seems like the people who get repeatedly rejected suffer more for it. The person doing the rejecting would move on sooner. It takes confidence not to take rejection personally, and I can see how that can easily become a feedback loop the more the person gets rejected.
If that what he means then I agree with him somehow, if a woman isn't reciprocating then I would simply consider her not interested and will cut off communication with her, even if in reality she is playing the "hard-to-get" I wouldn't second guess for her.
Actually, women who play the hard-to-get thing usually have messed-up personalities, they are always of type who for instance never pay half of dinner, they think "You are a man then it's your duty to do this and give me this, I am a woman then I deserve all this".....so, no.
Take notes men, this is a rule of thumb, a woman who plays the hard-to-get is always like how I described above, no exception.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Quote:
Reading this whole thread, I definitely see people's point about the chased person feeling more powerful, or at least more confident in the other person's interest. It hurts to reject people, but over the long term, it seems like the people who get repeatedly rejected suffer more for it. The person doing the rejecting would move on sooner. It takes confidence not to take rejection personally, and I can see how that can easily become a feedback loop the more the person gets rejected.
Not only that, but I think a lot of people doing rejecting get an ego-boost; how many times in social events /outings you meet women boasting about how many (unworthy) men they have to decline ...? I have seen a lot - and I have even seen men (usually the super tall and handsome) boasting the same with the same attitude.
I am sure you have met some of these.
I don't see them sad....I don't see them crying.
They get chased, they reject and they enjoy it too.
DataB4 wrote:
arthur_arcturus wrote:
I refuse to partake in chasing dynamics, because they are adversarial. People who see relationships as a sort of hunting sport are obnoxious, wasters of time and will eventually regret to have served so willingly as nature's precious little pawns.
Which dynamics do you mean? Are you talking about the hard-to-get games and all that?
Reading this whole thread, I definitely see people's point about the chased person feeling more powerful, or at least more confident in the other person's interest. It hurts to reject people, but over the long term, it seems like the people who get repeatedly rejected suffer more for it. The person doing the rejecting would move on sooner. It takes confidence not to take rejection personally, and I can see how that can easily become a feedback loop the more the person gets rejected.
I'm talking about the concept that people need to chase one another, and even worse the concept that if you don't get someone to chase you initially they then won't keep you around, which then prompts another concept, that one must not chase too quickly lest he be seen as too eager, and so on and on ad infinitum, with nothing gained and much mental energy expended. Personally I know exactly what I want, and what I want includes someone who knows what _she_ wants - and just because I am so picky and irrational what I want also includes her wanting me, and I'm picky about motives as well, so she must want me not because of chasing schemes and timing/power calculations, but because I've got value. Crazy I know. Under these assumptions I don't chase and I also don't dump either once I've chosen, but that puts me into a non-existent category, so I must be misunderstood forever and probably die alone, but that is the cost of having standards and I'm willing to pay it. My life needs to have a point other than stupid high school "tag" games. I wish more people realized that their life is also too precious to waste on professional gamers and people who have no ability nor worth that they'd rather exploit and actualize, other than shooting the s**t at bars, hooking up and taking life like it's a f---ing joke.
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
:idea:
Which dynamics do you mean? Are you talking about the hard-to-get games and all that?
Reading this whole thread, I definitely see people's point about the chased person feeling more powerful, or at least more confident in the other person's interest. It hurts to reject people, but over the long term, it seems like the people who get repeatedly rejected suffer more for it. The person doing the rejecting would move on sooner. It takes confidence not to take rejection personally, and I can see how that can easily become a feedback loop the more the person gets rejected.
If that what he means then I agree with him somehow, if a woman isn't reciprocating then I would simply consider her not interested and will cut off communication with her, even if in reality she is playing the "hard-to-get" I wouldn't second guess for her.
Actually, women who play the hard-to-get thing usually have messed-up personalities, they are always of type who for instance never pay half of dinner, they think "You are a man then it's your duty to do this and give me this, I am a woman then I deserve all this".....so, no.
Take notes men, this is a rule of thumb, a woman who plays the hard-to-get is always like how I described above, no exception.
DataB4 wrote:
arthur_arcturus wrote:
I refuse to partake in chasing dynamics, because they are adversarial. People who see relationships as a sort of hunting sport are obnoxious, wasters of time and will eventually regret to have served so willingly as nature's precious little pawns.
Which dynamics do you mean? Are you talking about the hard-to-get games and all that?
Reading this whole thread, I definitely see people's point about the chased person feeling more powerful, or at least more confident in the other person's interest. It hurts to reject people, but over the long term, it seems like the people who get repeatedly rejected suffer more for it. The person doing the rejecting would move on sooner. It takes confidence not to take rejection personally, and I can see how that can easily become a feedback loop the more the person gets rejected.
If that what he means then I agree with him somehow, if a woman isn't reciprocating then I would simply consider her not interested and will cut off communication with her, even if in reality she is playing the "hard-to-get" I wouldn't second guess for her.
Actually, women who play the hard-to-get thing usually have messed-up personalities, they are always of type who for instance never pay half of dinner, they think "You are a man then it's your duty to do this and give me this, I am a woman then I deserve all this".....so, no.
Take notes men, this is a rule of thumb, a woman who plays the hard-to-get is always like how I described above, no exception.
What is often missed is that women who have any degree of attractiveness are stuck in 'entertainment/exploration mode' as far as guys go until they hit mid-30s, because of the sheer abundance of prospects and the amount of effort required in screening properly. For this reason it is unfair to treat any response they may give as anything other than childish whim. This is not so evident when they reject you, but it is massively evident when they choose you. This is why pick up works, you become a clown and those who are stuck at child-like levels of awareness can't help but find you more interesting than everyone else, because you've got long shoes and a red nose and can juggle. For people who are stuck at this level of abundance AND who haven't had enough negative feedback in life to grow internally, to see how far another person will chase is a game in itself, like a child tormenting a hungry chained down dog with a piece of food he does not intend on giving.
I feel for people who retain most AS symptoms way into adulthood because they may be completely unaware of any and all of these dynamics, and that is why I even bother mentioning them. People are overwhelming very nasty (we aren't the #1 predator on the planet for nothing) and absolutely lust after power, and it's hard for them as they have no real worth, so they depend on the validation of others. One more reason to never chase. Don't feed vampires.