Women have to deal with "too nice" syndrom too

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Elucidate further, if you will?

Someone who does cruelty with the proper
flair can be VERY enticing, that's all. It can't
be the kind of lame stuff that most people
pull off. It has to be the art of a true master,
some teases fit very well into this category.

I think the sad thing is if your emotional maturity/immaturity isn't right at pace with everyone elses and if you're naturally a little too far ahead it sucks in the sense that in your early 20's you were ready for the kind of relationship that you can really only get out of most people in their 30's and by then you really hope you won't have the stars, inspiration, and everything that would have been attractive when you reached that point knocked out of you by life in general. That's something I'll really have to work hard at staying on top of and I'll want to reverse as much of that as I can just because, whether by realistic cause or not its frankly not healthy and if anything when you do get burned and get a bit icey or bitter it really messes with your odds permanently unless you can climb your way back out of it just by your own actions and no real changes in your own literal reality.

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 04 Jun 2007, 5:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oh my. That does hold true.

this debate is endless but again i say that rare guys who love "bad girls" unless the ones who just want fun

but not rare the girls who love "bad guys"

quoted for truth.
sometimes, calandale, you make me feel that i dont need to post anything at all, as you word my opinions so nicely.

By the time I reach my 30s I will have lost any social skills I may have once had, all hope of a relationship, etc. It's a catch-22 situation.

I'm a 'nice guy' dating a 'nice girl' >.> I guess the odds of the relationship I'm in are pretty low.

All the same, there are plenty of guys who like the 'nice girls' and plenty of girls who like the 'nice guys'. Sadly, if you're in my age range (21-30) most guys will want the bad dangerous girls (mostly because they can 'get in the sack' easier). Best wishes to you though!

That's one of the risks I'm consciously aware of. Luckily I have enough friends and socialize enough to stay in the know about things and I can still keep my head above water - really wish I could move forward as well but I've noticed a lot of things I really want out of myself I can't give myself, I'll wake up like 5 years after I would have died for it and that's when it just happens (not women, I mean personal progress). Keeping that in mind letting myself get too cold would be my biggest threat and if anything keeping ones self in tact and not bitter, not angry, takes more guts in general.

I wonder if this is true of many women and that's why I can't understand them at all. I have to say, I've never had one nuturing, tender instinct toward a man in my life. I'm nice to them, but I don't have any urge to be anyone's mother, certainly not a grown ups. I think that's probably hardwired in me and I also think that being spoiled rotten by my father and brothers puts off some signal that I expect to be the one taken care of and I always am by my husband and other men around me. It could be the reverse biological thing going on.

And before you guys go crazy on that, I'm not mean to men at all, but I can appear aloof in that I won't talk to people I don't know. I'm nice, but I can be indifferent and that can come off as a challenge I think. I do know that women don't relate to me well because I'm not nuturing and I don't get caught in that game as a result.

But, I can tell you just based on my personality test that I'm less than 1% of the female population, so I'm not the norm at all.





Again, I think that's true of most women which is why I never understand them and they can't relate to me, but they always seem to want to change men. I always thought they were what they were at a basic level and it wasn't going to change. I wonder if the flip side is true. It probably is for nice men who are with shallow, thoughtless women. They probably convince themselves if she just met the right man she'd change.

I never wanted anyone who "needed" me in that sense. I would suffocate. I guess I was much more pedantic when it came down to it. I stayed with my dh because he was intelligent, like my interests, had his own interests, could more than take care of himself, understood me without freaking out and was very attractive to me. I didn't have any romantic feelings about him for a long time. For me it was strictly a practical thing. I liked that he didn't "need" me but that he chose to be around me because he enjoyed my company on many levels. We fit together well and there is no other way to put it.




Hmmm I'll tell you what I've seen of this, but you may not like it. I don't think anyone can pull anyone out of a hole except themselves and this feeling you have is a co-dependent one. You want to "save" them and that is a power game in itself. If you are the one that "saves" them, you are powerful in your feminity or so you think. The truth of course is that people are what they are and if they are truly depressed can only help themselves (even if that's by seeing a doctor). That's a martyr type syndrome and what men may be picking up on from you is that you are trying to change them. Most men will run from that. The men that you are finding and trying to "save" are either not ready to do that yet or decide they need to do it and have to do it on their own. In either case, you lose. That's a game that is beyond nuturing. That's just my guess. If you wanted to know for sure you could just read that book Codependent No More and see if you relate to it.

Granted you are just posting pieces so I might be completely off base, but if you are really curious about why this happens, you could check that out. And yes, you can say I'm a spoiled brat when it comes to men because I am. Half the time I don't even realize they are opening doors for me, carrying things for me or ordering my food for me. So it would be a true statement.




I think in these cases two things may be at play. In one scenario the man is insecure and thinks he deserves to be treated that way. In the other scenario I think that the man feels that he will be the one to finally tame her and make her act like a "real woman." In either case, it's still a game.

I've seen this, but I find it repulsive, not enticing at all. When I've seen it (in men or women), I view them as amoral and dishonest. The more skilled they are, the more I find them amoral and dishonest. At that point, I'm done with them and they get nothing from me except indifference. The bottom line is that I don't trust them simply because they are capable of this and I will not associate with anyone I can't trust.

Although I will say that this enticement you describe probably has much to do with why men and women are pulled into this.

It's not so much a 'risk' (soemthing that one can choose to take or not) as a prognosis. I just hope to have the mental strength to keep myself form becoming violent or completely bitter until my parents die.

I doubt that you've seen it done right then.
You claim skill, but THAT is not the mark
of a true master of cruelty. Love is the distinguishing
feature. If you don't recognize it, then you are very
lucky that you've not run across it, for it can be
both addicting and destructive, to those who can't
defend themselves.