Aspires and NT relationship issues

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Do any NT men go to these lengths to try and connect with AS women?

I'm wondering if this is more a female trait than an NT trait....

^^ No.
What stands out is what NTs achieve and what I don't.
Did you note all the 'inabilities'?

I think that is quite an extreme example.

I've been wondering the same thing.

From your point of view. You don’t and can’t know how much adapting he does for you. To you it might feel like nothing but to home he might be doing so much it overstresses him.

I think the reason you don't see males coming here for support and understanding about aspie women as much is because the plain fact is that most aspies are male. That has got to be a big part of it. But there have been, on occasion, men seeking advice and guidance about aspie women just the same as we women are. The numbers are not equal though, as would be expected.

You're posting a chart that states people with ASDs are deficient in relationships and we traumatise our partners.
Well, thank you, I already worked that out.
If you want trauma, try living life with ASD.
I don't think I need any more reinforcement of how inept I am, thank you.

What relationship help have you offered?
I must have missed it.
What would your recommendations be for a positive relationship with an NT?

So I guess I don't understand why that website is posting only negative impacts AS people have on NT relationships and than posting only positive things that NTs bring to a relationship. They make out the NT people to be saint-like and the AS person to have only negative things that are brought to the table. What about loyalty? Non-judgement? Gentleness? Etc. I think you should find a more balanced website if you intend to learn about AS folks.

There is a list about NT people actually .. . .. . Made by an Aspie offended by that list . . . Let me find it because I think it's absolutely relevant. . . .. .. . My point has always been about understanding so I can be a better friend. I think of you spoke to him he would say that I am succeeding. My friend is different in that he craves close friendships and often gets it wrong with people . .. . . .in fact I am more introverted than him.


ACCEPTANCE
WHAT IS NEUROTYPICAL?
JANUARY 10, 2013 MUSINGSOFANASPIE 188 COMMENTS
How many books on Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism have you read that begin with Chapter 1: What is Asperger’s Syndrome or Chapter 1: What is Autism? If you or someone you love is on the spectrum, then the answer is probably “a lot.”

The authors’ desire to start at the beginning is commendable but honestly I skip over these introductory chapters. I have the DSM diagnostic criteria memorized and I’m on intimate terms with the signs and symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome.

Perhaps a more useful opening chapter for aspies would be: What is Neurotypical?

Neurotypical is a term that’s thrown around in the autism community like everyone instinctively knows what it means. If this is a new word for you (like it was for me not so long ago), in the ASD community, neurotypical is often used to refer to people who are not on the autism spectrum. It’s a mash-up of the words “neurologically typical” and is often shortened to NT.

A more correct word for someone who is not autistic is allistic. Technically, you can be non-neurotypical (neuroatypical) even if you aren’t autistic. Having clarified that up front, I’m going to go with the popular usage here.

How Can You Tell if Someone is Neurotypical?

So who are these NTs and how can you tell if someone in your family is neurotypical?

For starters, NTs make up about 99% of the population, so they’re everywhere. It’s very likely that you know neurotypicals and you probably have at least one NT in your family. While there is no widely accepted diagnostic test, NTs are fairly easy to spot once you know what to look for.

Perhaps the most obvious giveaway is an NT’s tendency to make “small talk” or to want to “chat” with you. While small talk appears to be nonfunctional, for NTs it serves a very specific purpose. It’s a good idea to humor them and participate to whatever degree you can tolerate. If you’re patient with them, many NTs will soon feel comfortable enough to move from small talk to more interesting, in-depth conversations.

Another common sign that someone is an NT? Touching. NTs enjoy all sorts of physical contact and often use touch to greet friends, family and even casual acquaintances. While it’s hard to fathom why your real estate agent or hairdresser feels the need to send you off with a hug, try not to be judgmental while fending them off. NTs are simply wired differently.

Sometimes NT behavior can be frustrating. For example, you may notice that NTs have a tendency to say something other than what they mean. If you get a new haircut and you’re not sure how it looks on you, don’t bother asking an NT. Most will tell you it looks great, even if you look like this:

"No, really, I love your new hairstyle!"
“No, really, I love your new hairstyle!”
Why? Because when a neurotypical woman asks her friend “how do you like my new haircut?” she isn’t looking for her friend’s opinion, she’s looking for validation. When her friend says, “I love it” she may mean I love your hair, but what she’s really saying is I love you and value you as a person.

So when your NT friend says “how do you like my new haircut?” and you, being your aspie self, reply, “It’s a little short in the back but I like it”, your NT friend hears I secretly hate you and think you’re ugly.

Confusing, I know.

And good luck getting an opinion out of an NT when you really need one. It may help to preface your question by explicitly stating that you’re seeking an actual, honest-to-God opinion but, even then, the NT’s dogged adherence to socially appropriate behavior may inhibit their ability to say what they’re really thinking. Try to remember that NTs were born this way and their natural sensitivity to what others are thinking and feeling often makes it hard for them to be completely honest.

Of course all NTs are different, much like all aspies are different, so these are just some general guidelines for recognizing the NTs in your life.

Offended Yet?

If you’re neurotypical, how did reading this make you feel? Offended? Stereotyped? Did you enjoy the patronizing tone? How about the sweeping generalizations?

What if it went on to talk about how some NTs are so socially adept that they get promoted into positions they don’t have the knowledge or skills for? What if it listed good careers for NTs (sales, management, counseling) and authoritatively added that you shouldn’t bother considering engineering or computer science because you’ll probably fail if you do?

Perhaps you’d like to read that your neurotype–the way you were born–will cause significant stress to your family or prevent you from having meaningful relationships? How about some unsubstantiated data on the astronomically high divorce rate among people of your neurotype or the alleged rarity of someone like you ever becoming a parent, let alone a good one?

And this one

Could You Be Neurotypical???
September 5, 2017An Atheist In Iowa
Just thought I’d create a list of some of the traits that people with neurotypicalism exhibit. It’s all satire so just have fun with it.
No one is sure what causes neurotypicalism. Doctors and scientists have long speculated on the cause of this dreaded condition. Some speculate it might be caused by vaccines, fluoride, or maybe their fathers wore too much cologne. While there is no cure for neurotypicalism, here is a list of 10 symptoms that might help you figure out if you or a loved one was born with this disorder.

1.) Extreme fear of silence

The neurotypical person will attempt by any means necessary to eradicate silence. It’s absolutely horrific to them. So realize, the next time an NT asks about the weather, it’s really a cry for help.

2.) Obsessed with doing things differently

“If it ain’t broke, why fix it” is not something an NT can accept. They constantly need new places to hang out, new foods to try, and new friends. Ask any NT about their day and it will be different from the day before.

3.) Eye Contact Issues

Many NT’s are incapable of conversation without seeing the other person’s eyes. This of course stems from fear that they will be attacked while talking about the weather. Not looking them in the eyes brings about fear, confusion, and sometimes anger.

4.) Constant need to be stylish

NTs will wear uncomfortable clothes and shoes in an effort to be stylish. They will then say something to the effect of, “these shoes were 300 dollars, I’m going to wear them no matter how bad they hurt.”

5.) NT’s are very fragile creatures

Without the strength that Autism gives us, NT’s spend much of their time asking for compliments and niceties. It’s been known that if an NT holds a door open and you forget to thank them for it, the NT will shrivel up and die. So try to say thank you.

6.) NT’s smell awful

They disguise this by wearing horrible overpowering perfumes and colognes. They will also stand as close to you as possible to make sure you know that they no longer stink.

7.) Deep Fear of Honesty

Warning: If an NT ever asks you for your honest opinion, turn around and run away. This is a trap they lay for truth tellers, step in and you may not step back out.

8.) Violent Creatures

Look at any game developed by an NT and you will find folks trying to hurt each other. Football, Baseball, wrestling, basketball, etc… Their deep need for violence also leads them take risks that no sane Autistic person would.

9.) Never Satisfied

NT’s will never be satisfied with a focused interest. They must have more cars, bigger houses, more friends. This collecting of meaningless trinkets only ends when the NT passes away.

10.) Unhealthy need to touch everything and move stuff

Know an NT long enough and they will touch everything you own, including you. They will take things off shelves and ask, Wouldn’t this look better here? Of course it wouldn’t but this won’t stop them from trying.
If you or a friend you know exhibit these traits, it could be Neurotypicalism. Consult with you yoga instructor or anyone you meet on the street. Neurotypicalism isn’t contagious but everyone will act like it is. Thank you for reading. A person with neurotypicalism can lead a fulfilling life, life is not over at diagnosis, it’s only a new beginning.

But I feel despondent because I now feel I am a bad friend and I should just walk away and stop hurting him . . .....

I really couldn't read more than a few rows of this without my self-defending mechanisms arising. AspieDad is right about the upsides of befriending and aspie. But what I thought when reading this is - why is there nothing about the harm NT do to ND? Rejection? Devaluation? Denying (like the flight attendant saying there is no noise in this topic: viewtopic.php?t=354772 )? Misinterpretting without a second guess? Attributting ill will to actions? Contempt? And portraiting us as broken and causing harm to others like on this website?

They say about trauma - find me one ASD person without a trauma caused by NTs!

Ask him if he thinks you are a bad friend.
I bet the thought never entered his mind.

NTs can be exhausting, but the good ones are worth the damage.

I don't think you're hurting him. He might be perplexed because he thought you were mad at him because he was the last person to text and he was taking reciprocation too literally and thought that since he texted last it was your turn. And so when he didn't hear from you, he thought you were upset but did not have access to the Theory of Mind area of his brain to attempt to reconcile with you.

He's fine.

Anngables.....


Do you have a boyfriend?

This is really eye-opening to me.
I never realized that my lack of interaction with my friends on social media could be interpreted as me not caring. I do this all the time, saying "congratulations" or "I hope everything went well" etc, and I don't think about doing it on the internet too. I already said it! Wouldn't it just be stupid to say it again?

I struggle a lot with showing that I care in real life as well, so this is really good to think about. It seems so simple now that I think about it. I know that people get their affirmation out of likes and comments on social media, so I can't believe I never thought of showing interest in that way before.
Thank you!

^ Honestly I am often the one who was used to initiate 90% of the conversation in social media with friends/crushes/acquaintances, I lose interest after that if they never initiate.

If there's any lack of interaction, then it's coming from the NTs in my life, not from me.