What do I need to do differently (reboot)

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Love conquers all, yeahhhh! Love rocks!!







Umm....It doesn't sound very convincing if it's coming from me, no?

I have posted something yet I can't see it now. Whether there was error or I posted something that was unallowed perhaps. Not sure which one. Will read the forum's rules again then I will be back and retype here

I am confused since I don't think I violated any rules. Yet there is possibility it was only internet error I still try to be familiar with forum's menu and all of those stuffs.

I don't read all posts here, yet some posts I think they meant to help you. Well, though not in the way you expected perhaps.

About being called as "weird", each of us is weird actually. It makes us unique. So for myself, I don't mind to be called "weird". It is entirely different case about being called "wimp" or that you are going straight to Hell.

We can never satisfy nor please all people. So as long as you do what is right (not something violates laws, common ethiques and norms in society) don't feel bad if people dislike you.

In case you want to share more about your relationship problem, feel free to do so. No pressure though if you want to sent me message, feel free to do. I will reply when I am online. English is not my native language, but I hope my writing can still be understood.

I definitely think "weirdness" is a good thing. Life would be miserably boring if we all behaved or thought the same. The people who generally throw around the terms like "wimp" or say someone is going to Hell I've learned are usually unhappy with their own lives and project their feelings onto others.

I've even told some of the people that dislike me that it's their fault, not mine if they have a problem with me.

I've actually had a girlfriend before. It didn't last very long but we atleast parted on good terms. It's just that trying to make it happen again has been a fruitless journey.

I was very saddened to hear that my sisters partner called my nephew a wimp and told him to stop crying like a girl. He is only 5 years old and it is these types of comment which will stay with him all his life. His father had an unhappy childhood and is passing on his own absorbed belief which come from a mother who is self-absorbed and probably had an unhappy childhood.

These things are passed on from generation to generation and it can be very difficult to break the pattern and remove these belief by replacing them with more realistic ones such as - it is ok to cry if you are a man and it does not make you anything other than just a man who is expressing his pain or hurt.

It got worse because my sister called her partner a psycho which will only make things worse of course so the drama goes on and I feel so sorry for my nephew. I have spoken to my sister about past comments I have heard about but she seems pretty helpless and a little bit ignorant herself.

This is how we end up with the sh***y messages we hold onto and one example of many I could mention. How sad it is that parents are not educated in how to bring up children and anyone can have one without any intervention until it is too late.

But if we return to the real world, if a man wants to do well, in his career or with women, it's more important than ever that he is able to control his emotions, it's just how it is. Society(women especially) will never respect a man who cries, it's nothing more than fantasy and empty words.

Like I always say, men will avoid behaviour that will decrease their chances of getting sex. Men will NEVER EVER be able to cry without consequences. And those consequences largely come from women, not other men.

Ok, so how do you know this? Where is your evidence that these consequences largely come form women?

I am open to being educated but if this is your personal view based on just a few experiences then I will have to disagree.

I agree with you.

About relationship all of us learn how to have triving relationship, and it is a lifetime process. Since you have already had a girlfriend before, probably it just a matter of time and chances to meet the right one.

As kraftiekortie wrote in page one, though it seems ironic, I experience it too, and it is true. The more you pursue a relationship, the more it is difficult to have. So meanwhile waiting to meet the right woman, you can improve yourself into a better man each day.

Somehow when reading your reply, a question suddenly sparked in my mind. Do you look in right places? I mean someone who shares your vision and have similar life principles in life should be found in the most accomodating place.

Having a girl friend will not solve all your problems. A girl friend can create problems and bring unwanted drama into your life. One of my relationships with a female friend ended when she attacked me. A recent friendship ended cause I was tired of the one sided nature. It was all about her. It is a relief to get such people out of your life. You need to happy within yourself. If you posses self confidence others will be attracted to you. Pursue your interest and you will find friends both male and female who share that interest. I have found in my 50 plus years that my best friends have always been the people I least expected.

My therapist helped me realize something. Growing up, I was told that if I kept praying to God, He would give me anything I wanted despite how the same people droned on and on about a "plan". However, no matter how many times I prayed to God for a relationship, it didn't come true. My therapist asked me if the constant thinking and looking for a girlfriend have been helpful and it's a hard pill to swallow but the reality is that it hasn't been helpful. It's pretty much the same as the constant praying.

I don't think it's so much the right places I haven't looked but that I am the odd man out in the culture I live in. I used to go out to Starbucks because it was supposedly the alternative to bars but the people who went there just drank coffee, read books, and looked on their laptops.
I actually went to a bible study for nearly a whole summer because my mother pushed me to do so and my older brother's ex-fiancée told me "cute girls" would be there. I couldn't even make friends in the group because all the guys wanted to do was talk about sports, cars, and the tv show called Lost while there were hardly any girls and they kept to themselves for the most part. It made me realize how different I was. Looking back, that period in my life was really strange.

At least it sounds like you are getting somewhere in therapy. Like you are becoming more aware of what is not useful and how life has been for you. It can take a long time to uncover our really deep stuff and put meaning to it.
You are really trying to do best for yourself and I admire that. I hope some of the the suggestions and feedback on here have been useful for you.
Has it been useful discussing things with people on here?

It can be with the right people. Unfortunately, there was quite a troll infestation earlier. One of them even said she found the thread entertaining and tried to frame my posts as "Why won't anybody help me?" when I asked no such question. How sick is that? Strangely, they keep posting despite griping about how much they hate my thread.

I have been following you throughout and think you have managed the trolls very well.
It never ceases to amaze me how horrible some people can get on here - I don't think having a diagnosis is an excuse for being very rude and nasty.
Yes and why do people keep coming back if they find your thread so frustrating or dislike what you say - how extraordinary and baffling. Ha, I am still getting used to this site and also the time differences - just as most people are coming to life I seem to be on my way to bed.
I am still here regardless of whether I have been of any use. I believe just knowing people are on your side can be supportive.
I know you are having a tough time and I know you are going around in circles sometimes but you are working to change this and I have noticed some changes myself even in this thread.
Keep going because you are worth it.

I see. Uh... about praying to God, actually it is not all of we ask will be given, since not everything we ask is good for us. Yet if we ask is according to His will it will be given to us. In your case, asking for a girlfriend wasn't wrong thing, yet focusing yourself to it wasn't the key to get it too.

May I ask about your hobby and interest? Get to know with people who have same or similar interest will make it easier. To know about up to date news will help you to converse with stranger. Starbucks is good place to hang out, yet I don't think it will help you a lot to find the right girl.

I believe God can and will help you find the right one, yet His time is truly not your time. Meanwhile waiting, keep enhancing yourself to pursue your passion.

Just across my mind, how about joining a church cell group? Uhmmm... I don't know what it is called in your place. It is a small group of people consist of 8-15 persons to pray, praise God, learn Bible, and share life with each other. I joined a group few years ago, somehow I got a lot of friends in the group. There were several marriages too between members of the group. Just make sure to shift your focus from finding girl to getting closer to God. It will help you to be more relax. So many stories of marriage happened when they were least expecting it.

I am sure you will find the right one for you too. It is just a matter of time. Prepare yourself the best so when the time is coming, you have been ready.

I am short on time but I'll answer your first question, ms. utopia. As you can see by my avatar, I like anime as well as manga. I am not an otaku per se because I don't go around randomly speaking Japanese, I don't fanboy over Japanese foods or snacks (I honestly like Thai food more than Japanese), and I don't think Japan is the best country in the world (I am not nationalistic by any means) but I like Japan's art styles and spirituality. I like American comics such as Marvel and DC comics but I can't afford them all the time because they can get expensive. I like video games that have good stories as well as good characters as well. I also enjoy reading good sci-fi novels and listening to all sorts of music. Unfortunately, most people in the culture I live in either don't know anything about my interests or dislike them. The few that do get treated unfairly just as I do.

Try to move to the Qur'an Belt.