Slys dating site advice help thread.
Are you saying I am one in three and a half billion?
Maybe. Also a guy that never gets impatient is definitely one in three and a half billion.
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I'm a rather shy guy, so the vast majority of women just ignore me completely. I also agree that men should be the providers. You can get away with it when you're young like me, but once you get to mid-20's you've got to get your life sorted before you have any business expecting a girlfriend. I know I couldn't live with myself if I were just a burden on a girlfriend.
To my mind to be a burden someone would need to be costing a lot more than they contribute, such as if they were on illegal drugs or a shopaholic without enough income to pay for those things but I think I would find those things incompatible with me even if they had a good income because even though I am officially in poverty (min wage, part time) I am never financially on the edge (which I would find nerveraking) due to being 'careful' (tightfisted
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The guy who lives opposite me is an alcoholic and a drug addict and never works. He has lots of girlfriends (attractive but very unstable) . He's not attractive but he's very sociable.
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Some people? You mean most or all women. Yes they do and I have the right to consider them superficial and wrong.
But when most women say ambition they mean income potential. Like when they complain their bf with a office job lacks ambition cause he’s not getting promotions.
Or complain about pro bono lawyers for lacking ambition cause they work for almost free to help people.
See but you don’t know , you might find the guy does suit you and what you thought you needed was wrong and didn’t actually need. I bet most women with the right guy would be fine living off min wage. People in other countries don’t have middle class income fancy gadgets and lots of cars and they happy. But women won’t get men a chance . They like kids who refuse to eat certain foods because they look digusting but the food is yummy and if they tried they’d find out. The guy might take care of you ever think of that? Don’t judge a book by its cover etc.
Most men and women still believe in man being the provider. Quit a lot still want to to be or their wife’s to be stay at home moms. . Most men don’t care about how much or even off a woman makes money. They just don’t. Or there’s be far far less receptionists, nurses, retail women in relationships. They all make less then their hsnabds and bfs. Quite a few women at work have cars provided by their bf or husbands. Their bf or husbands work good paid jobs and don’t expect them to.
Most women are really superficial so are most men, just men are more superficial about women’s body but this is changing as feminism fat movement is and has worked. But where’s the movement to accept low paid men? No no feminist like that idea so they won’t fight to change it.
it’ll be best I die . Women will be happier with less worthless men talking to them or even looking their direction.
Yes, you do have the right to consider most people superficial and wrong if you want to, freedom of speech and all that. Just like I have the right to think that it's not the case.
Are you sure all women who you hear mention the word "ambtion" mean things related to work? If they do, are you sure they only mean things related to work? It could just be that it's the first thing they talk about simply because that is seen as a basic subject for a conversation and not too personal, like they might feel some hobbies or the like to be.
You're right, I won't know for sure if someone is a good partner for me without trying, but the thing is life is too short to take a chance with every guy I meet, so I need to consider some of the things I want in life in order to be happy. I prefer the idea of being single until my thirties and finding the right guy for my first relationship than having multiple bad experiences at young age simply because I was desperate for a relationship and didn't stop to think things through rationally. Of course I also give my feelings a say, but love aint saving anybody if the guy I gave a chance to turns out to be a violent drunk or something. That's why it's better to get to know a guy before getting in to a relationship and if he doesn't seem to suit my tastes after getting to know him, he most likely never will.
And it's not like I'm "judging a book by it's cover." Sure, I get the first impression about the guys I meet in real life from their looks, but unless they have a very messy or unhealthy appearance I'll give them a chance even if I don't find them attractive. If an unattractive guy says hi, I won't rudely ignore it just because he doesn't look like he's my type. I'll give him a chance... (unless he's drunk. Aside from guys I already know, I always ignore drunk men for safety and comfortability reasons if I can.) The guys I cross off immediately/almost immediately are the guys who give a really bad impression with their personality. I won't give a chance to a guy who calls my friend a snob just because she refuses to dance with him or a guy who I've seen treating others really badly without any reason; men like that aren't worth my time. Once someone has gotten on my "nope" -list with their personality it's really hard to get off of it. But I'd never turn down a guy because of what he looks like or what he does for living/how much he earns. Some women do that, I won't deny it, but so do some men. Both these men and women have the right to do that if they want and that's their business. They have their standards when it comes to dating partners, I have mine and I'm pretty sure you have yours, too.
Just so you know, I know quite a few nurses who make more than their husbands or boyfriends... also, my male cousin is a nurse and makes a lot less than his female partner who is a doctor. One of my neighbours was a house husband when I was a kid. Couples where the woman earns more aren't that rare these days and most people tend to seem to want the partner to be equal with them instead of having to take care of them or being taken care of by them.
Oh and by the way, just like I could find out that the guy I thought was horrible was actually a decent man, you can find out that you really don't need a girlfriend in your life. It's like you said "and what you thought you needed was wrong and didn’t actually need." If I can be wrong about what I need then the same thing naturally applies to you, too.
Movement to accept low paid men? Haven't heard of one... how about you start one? Founding a movement like that might actually be something you'd be ambtious about.
^Judging a book by its cover is actually a good way of getting an idea of what its about. Recommendations on books by other authors are always rubbish though.
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In the case of actual books, sure, but most of the time one shouldn't do that with people. There are some rare, clear cases when you can see that someone is the kind of person you should stay away from, but that's not that common... not in my area, at least.
^Yes, it would be very helpful if everyone went around with a sort of cover with a blurb about them on it (written by someone else).
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Indeed, but I think it should be written or accepted by multiple people so that it wouldn't be too one sided.
Huh, has anyone ever considered letting their friends write their dating profile or something? That might even give a more accurate picture of a person since it would tell how some others see them.
goldfish21
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Indeed, but I think it should be written or accepted by multiple people so that it wouldn't be too one sided.
Huh, has anyone ever considered letting their friends write their dating profile or something? That might even give a more accurate picture of a person since it would tell how some others see them.
Yes, that's been done. I'm sure some have better success with it, too. Heck, right here on WP love & dating people have posted their ads/profiles for others to critique & edit. I'm not sure if anyone has used a WP edit with any better success or not - depends on the editor. There are some people on this board that I think would be able to make some pretty good write ups, others.. not so much.
I think it's pretty common for a lot of ppl to get their friends to check over their dating profiles and offer up suggestions for improvement. NT's, too. I've been involved in those conversations. Sometimes it's a simple change of photo, others it's shortening things up for brevity's sake, others it's omitting certain details or embellishing upon others - very similar process to having a friend help you polish a resume in order to get a call back about a job.
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As for the question about my godfather.. I'm not sure, I'll give you that. It's not like I can answer for other women after all, but I think that some members of the opposite sex would still pay him attention because of the kind of personality he has. Might not be the same women who do that now, but I'm pretty sure some would.
And a guy who volunteers does not automatically lack ambtion. Ambtion to get more money maybe since he could use the time to get more money, but it doesn't necessarily mean he lacks ambtion. For examble he might be ambtious to make his hometown a better place through his voluntary work.
I'm one of those women who'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't suit me... I mean if I'm alone I'm miserable, but if I'm with a guy that doesn't suit me I'd be miserable and would have to pay attention to his opinion on things and what he wants, too, instead of taking care of just myself. Why would I bother with the extra work if the guy didn't suit me?
For me it's more about personality than anything, but not everyone is like me. Some reject guys because they lack the kind of ambtion they want their partner to have and other reasons, including the lack of income that, when you look at it with logic alone, is very smart. A partner with higher income is more likely to be able to help you pay a roof over your head and food on your table than a partner with a lower income and is also more likely to be able to support you financially if something happens to you. Of course, this works both ways, but many men seem to think that only women think about money.
To entirely happy about happy but not a lot of options for disabled guy who can only work part time and has no experience and a useless college degree.
Some people? You mean most or all women. Yes they do and I have the right to consider them superficial and wrong.
But when most women say ambition they mean income potential. Like when they complain their bf with a office job lacks ambition cause he’s not getting promotions.
Or complain about pro bono lawyers for lacking ambition cause they work for almost free to help people.
See but you don’t know , you might find the guy does suit you and what you thought you needed was wrong and didn’t actually need. I bet most women with the right guy would be fine living off min wage. People in other countries don’t have middle class income fancy gadgets and lots of cars and they happy. But women won’t get men a chance . They like kids who refuse to eat certain foods because they look digusting but the food is yummy and if they tried they’d find out. The guy might take care of you ever think of that? Don’t judge a book by its cover etc.
Most men and women still believe in man being the provider. Quit a lot still want to to be or their wife’s to be stay at home moms. . Most men don’t care about how much or even off a woman makes money. They just don’t. Or there’s be far far less receptionists, nurses, retail women in relationships. They all make less then their hsnabds and bfs. Quite a few women at work have cars provided by their bf or husbands. Their bf or husbands work good paid jobs and don’t expect them to.
Most women are really superficial so are most men, just men are more superficial about women’s body but this is changing as feminism fat movement is and has worked. But where’s the movement to accept low paid men? No no feminist like that idea so they won’t fight to change it.
it’ll be best I die . Women will be happier with less worthless men talking to them or even looking their direction.
You have 2 years part time work experience, at least. College degrees aren't useless - even if you're not working in the field you trained for. How can someone be wrong about what suits them? I'm pretty sure they know what they like & what they're attracted to in a partner.
Yes, ambition usually means income potential - but that's simply because society uses money as a measure of one's ambition, work ethic, skills etc. It's the whole package that makes an ambitious person. Money is usually the reward for it.
It is true that someone could meet someone outside their "normal go to range" they're attracted to & discover they've met a better match. There is Zero Chance a couple is going to live off of minimum wage. Here, a full time minimum wage job is below the poverty line. It'd be survival money, not a livable income for a couple.
Most people have an aesthetic component to what they're attracted to in a partner, so of course they're not going to consider dating someone they don't like the looks of. That's just the nature of attraction. "The guy might take care of you?" How so? Not without any money to do so.
True, most men are still the provider type & earn more money than their gf. It is what it is.
Why on God's green Earth should there be a feminist movement to accept low paid men? That's not how things work. Life isn't fair. There are winners & losers. Survival of the fittest. To the victor go the spoils and all of that. In modern society, money is power & influence and always will be. Honestly, it'd be easier to figure out how to get more money than it ever would to convince women that their ideal mate is some broke guy.
Women would be happier seeing a guy with a little ambition & a smile on his face than hearing of someone's death. Guaranteed.
This post highlights the biggest problem of all because its so true.
The majority of people are.nowhere near as.honest in my experiences.
When asking for dating advice most people will just say just eat healthy, wear decent clothes, have a decent job (I would define Sly's job as decent) and be passionate about a few things.
Good advice for being a basic human being yes. But if you want to specifically appeal to the opposite sex its a bit more complicated than that sometimes.
I even do see people say if you're a little poor or a little fat or etc. Just "be confident" and "rock it" and people will care far more about your "humor and personality" with some even saying these things won't matter anymore at all.
Suuuuure.
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Also I would probably hate your family but that’s completely out of your control, I accept that you cannot change that.
As I’ve told you before, one guy I dated was a university flunk who worked at mc Donalds part time, I dumped him when I was 19 as he was a whiny baby. One was unemployed, but also a w*ker and lazy (he had nothing wrong with him, he was a loser and I’m embarrassed with myself) Another one was rich, aspie ish but a complete sack of s**t so I ghosted him.
From your perspective, no women would have given them a chance except the rich one, who couldn’t keep anyone.
But if we met in wild or on a dating site you wouldn’t know that. So no women aren’t rejecting me cause I complain on a site they never even heard of non less been to.
Well I tried accepting your help but then you suddenly started ignoring my pms. As for looks if you legitimately mean it then your one of 5 in a 7.6billion. Most women say I’m ugly or unattractive looks wise. And most people even on here say I’m too fat. Most advice I’d get here was to lose wieght. How does one ignore years and years since 7ish of being told ones ugly by just about everyone besides family?
Besides my mom, sister, grandma and one uncle I don’t like them either. If it wasn’t for my grandma I wouldn’t go around them.
Well you a rare lady. Most American women won’t date low income loser men. The ones who do are married or already in relationships, which just leaves the stuck up superficial ones who think they superior for being born female, they flat out ignore me when I just try to say hi to them. And if they catch me looking their way they give me nasty looks. So I try to immediately look away when I see women especially pretty ones. Good looking women are far more likely to have a superior complex then less good looking women. 9/10 pretty or thin women have the list of requirements on their profile. Far less fat women do. Probably similar to how good looking guys think theyre gods gift to womenkind
The odds of finding a woman like you who’s single and would date me is very very very close to impossible. I certainly don’t know how to find them and have never meet one in my area. I’d accept help with my profiles or writing ads.
Most women wouldn’t date them. Most people don’t win the lottery or get struck by lighting but both of those happen too. Similar there are a few women who date loser men but not many. I’ve meet a bunch but they are all married or in a relationship so not helpful. I can’t date married women no would they date me.
In my opinion, humour and personality are a lot more genetically determined than income and body fat percentage, so I don't really get why it's worse to reject someone for being fat, rather than rejecting them for their personality.
I don't want to come off as insensitive, but I actually get a bit tired of people whining about being rejected for being fat, I'm not saying it's always easy to lose weight, but it's alot easier than changing your personality. (If that's even possible).
This post highlights the biggest problem of all because its so true.
The majority of people are.nowhere near as.honest in my experiences.
When asking for dating advice most people will just say just eat healthy, wear decent clothes, have a decent job (I would define Sly's job as decent) and be passionate about a few things.
Good advice for being a basic human being yes. But if you want to specifically appeal to the opposite sex its a bit more complicated than that sometimes.
I even do see people say if you're a little poor or a little fat or etc. Just "be confident" and "rock it" and people will care far more about your "humor and personality" with some even saying these things won't matter anymore at all.
Suuuuure.

In America most people consider retail a job for teens like any min wage job. How do you consider it decent? Decent is $20 an hour
Really doesn’t seem much hope for me I wish the doctors had just let me die. I hate them
goldfish21
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Joined: 17 Feb 2013
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Really doesn’t seem much hope for me I wish the doctors had just let me die. I hate them
You've posted ~the same thing for at least a few years now.
If you feel earning $20/hr will magically make you attractive, what have you done over the last few years to progress towards a higher hourly wage?
IMO the biggest constraint you have to dating is your own depression.
At that, what action have you taken to deal with that over the last few years?
From your posts, it seems as if you haven't addressed either of these things & that doing more of the same will result in more of the same posts a few years from now. Or you could decide to try something different/new, possibly feel better for it bit by bit, and then a few years from now have a clear mind and a healthier bank balance.
I just don't see the logic in complaining about the same things forever instead of doing what you can to try to improve them. It would be so much better to read your posts about working hard on yourself in order to be happier & working towards being able to earn a few extra dollars instead of.. not.
It's hard.. it takes too long.. whatever - time passes anyways. The last few years have passed and you could have written this 1000 days ago. Still doing the same thing is going to get you the same result. Trying to change & improve MAY result in a better outcome a few short years, or even months, from now.
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I don't want to come off as insensitive, but I actually get a bit tired of people whining about being rejected for being fat, I'm not saying it's always easy to lose weight, but it's alot easier than changing your personality. (If that's even possible).
As someone who was chubby, then anorexic and now slightly muscular and fit, I strongly agree
Really doesn’t seem much hope for me I wish the doctors had just let me die. I hate them
You've posted ~the same thing for at least a few years now.
If you feel earning $20/hr will magically make you attractive, what have you done over the last few years to progress towards a higher hourly wage?
IMO the biggest constraint you have to dating is your own depression.
At that, what action have you taken to deal with that over the last few years?
From your posts, it seems as if you haven't addressed either of these things & that doing more of the same will result in more of the same posts a few years from now. Or you could decide to try something different/new, possibly feel better for it bit by bit, and then a few years from now have a clear mind and a healthier bank balance.
I just don't see the logic in complaining about the same things forever instead of doing what you can to try to improve them. It would be so much better to read your posts about working hard on yourself in order to be happier & working towards being able to earn a few extra dollars instead of.. not.
It's hard.. it takes too long.. whatever - time passes anyways. The last few years have passed and you could have written this 1000 days ago. Still doing the same thing is going to get you the same result. Trying to change & improve MAY result in a better outcome a few short years, or even months, from now.
I’m depressed cause no women will date me. So where’s your logic to why 3-4 years ago women wouldn’t date me when I wasn’t depressed? Pokes a huge hole in your whole theory. It’s the same falsntheory people have pushed here for years. Depression is why you alone but we are depressed because we are alone and we are alone because despite not being depressed women wouldn’t date us. They rejected me for all the reasons I’ve explained so if I magically got not depressed (not possible given that’s require a gf) it still wouldn’t freaking matter cause the reasons women reject me would still be there. And I can’t fix those reasons so all I can do is vent and get what little comfort that brings as I wait to die. Women want successful middle class guys I can’t ever be a middle class guy I will always be low class or poor that’s my loot in life like billions of other men. Generation after generation stilly poor, most disabled people are poor since wel they can’t work good paying jobs if they can work at all. There’s millions on ssi.
So no amount of happiness would make any difference if women refuse to even talk to me cause I don’t make enough the only way to fix that is to make enough which I can’t do period.
Do you just enjoy making me feel even worse? You must why else would you read my threads and post mean stuff. So you have nothing better to do then troll and pick on sad aspie me?
My life is crap it’ll always be crap much like most people we can’t change our life most people don’t move up in life. Most middle class people were born to middle class families most rich people were born to rich families most poor are born to poor families.
So no it’s not my depression I don’t message women telling them how depressed I am they don’t even talk to me so they solely reject me off my looks and job status so what’s your solution to women who won’t even freaking talk to me?!?? You have no clue how many women I’ve tried to message how many women have rejected me I’ve had zero dates non will even reply to me last few years and if they do it’s to tel me I’m ugly or not a real man.
This post highlights the biggest problem of all because its so true.
The majority of people are.nowhere near as.honest in my experiences.
When asking for dating advice most people will just say just eat healthy, wear decent clothes, have a decent job (I would define Sly's job as decent) and be passionate about a few things.
Good advice for being a basic human being yes. But if you want to specifically appeal to the opposite sex its a bit more complicated than that sometimes.
I even do see people say if you're a little poor or a little fat or etc. Just "be confident" and "rock it" and people will care far more about your "humor and personality" with some even saying these things won't matter anymore at all.
Suuuuure.

In America most people consider retail a job for teens like any min wage job. How do you consider it decent? Decent is $20 an hour
Really doesn’t seem much hope for me I wish the doctors had just let me die. I hate them
My views are probably different than most.
I'm the type who doesn't think there's anything wrong with say a 40 year old working minimum wage at Mcdonalds.
But I agree we live in a judgemental society where that type of thing is looked down on when it really shouldn't be.
First off it's still a job and he still may work hard at it. Second it still earns him some money.
This post highlights the biggest problem of all because its so true.
The majority of people are.nowhere near as.honest in my experiences.
When asking for dating advice most people will just say just eat healthy, wear decent clothes, have a decent job (I would define Sly's job as decent) and be passionate about a few things.
Good advice for being a basic human being yes. But if you want to specifically appeal to the opposite sex its a bit more complicated than that sometimes.
I even do see people say if you're a little poor or a little fat or etc. Just "be confident" and "rock it" and people will care far more about your "humor and personality" with some even saying these things won't matter anymore at all.
Suuuuure.

In America most people consider retail a job for teens like any min wage job. How do you consider it decent? Decent is $20 an hour
Really doesn’t seem much hope for me I wish the doctors had just let me die. I hate them
My views are probably different than most.
I'm the type who doesn't think there's anything wrong with say a 40 year old working minimum wage at Mcdonalds.
But I agree we live in a judgemental society where that type of thing is looked down on when it really shouldn't be.
First off it's still a job and he still may work hard at it. Second it still earns him some money.
A 40 old woman working min wage at McDonald’s is seen as ok though. We live in a sexist society and to top it off any group trying to change male issues is seen as horrible and attacked so it’ll never been seen as ok for men to make less then $20 an hour even that’s not great and such men better work hard to make more. Real men make $40+ an hour.
I dont know what to do outrider I can’t work full time and so I’ll never make more then min wage. Even if I could work full time I do t have and the needed education or experience. I’m just screwed and no women will even talk to me non less date. But I’m just suppose to be super happy with my screwed up life so not to upset people’s delicate life views.
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