My struggles in finding a girlfriend

Post Reply New Topic

I am short on time at the moment so I'll have to get back to you on the questions. I have a hard time changing my focus because I feel like if I don't stop thinking about the girlfriend issue, it means the people who bullied me will celebrate my loss and that the last ten years of my life were all in vain. I don't want the people who told me "You're never getting a girlfriend!" to say "See? Told you! You are a loser!" at all.

I’m a Christian I don’t go to church. Bible doesn’t say you have to go to church and Jesus died for our sins and thus our sins are forgiven. So tell me again how you know what my beliefs are ? Those women you judge for their beliefs are probably similarly. You dislike them cause your atheist is it any wonder they wouldn’t want to be with a man who has such horrible and low opinions of them?
Do you walk around with this attitude like some athiest here do where I live.
Either way given how much you despise Christianity any religious woman isn’t for you. You’re always look down on them and insult them for their beliefs. Find an atheist woman. For most even non religious people dating a religious but non acting religious person isn’t a problem but it seems it is for you. I’m non acting religious, I believe in god and I worship him my own way. We don’t have to go to church to worship god, most churches have become too superficial anyways. And they boring for adhd. Youth group was ok. Anyways I’d date a non religious lady as long as she’s not judgmental or looks down on me like you do, I’d date a non acting religious person too they’d be idea Match, I’ll also gladly date a acting one and attend boring church for them that’s a compromise I’m willing to make. But a acting athiest with a you’re an idio for believing in god no thanks.

FYI the only sinless person to live was Jesus. Humans are incapable of being sinless. Even the pope commits sins and ask for forgiveness. Humans are imperfect.
That pastor rejecting sinners is committed a sin. Likewise churches who throw homeless people out of services. I remember a story of a new pastor who dressed as homelsss his new congregation tried to throw him out of the church. He used it as a teaching lesson to them I think.

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her
Meaning : Only those who are faultless have the right to pass judgment upon others (implying that no one is faultless and that, therefore, no one has such a right to pass judgmen

“You therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgment on another. For on whatever grounds you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.”

Only god can judge us.
Super Christians ignore this. They judge everyone and say they doomed to go to hell.

Yep. And I’m not that man. I’m hard working but not successful and I have hardly any sexual experience and so I don’t know what I’m doing g with sex. I good st for play though.

Is obsessing over this issue til you are miserable helping in any way? Is it proving those people wrong, or accomplishing anything at all other than contributing negatively to your mental health? It just seems like you need to treat the obsession the way you would treat any other obsession, by not indulging in it and training your thoughts onto other things that aren't damaging to your mental health. Obsessing on this issue is not a solution to your problem, it only makes it worse.

Also, by giving so much power over your thoughts to other people by caring so much whether what they once said about you is accurate or not, you ARE letting them win. Only by ceasing to give them so much power over your own assessment of yourself and judging yourself by your own perception will you truly "win" in that regard. The more you care what these theoretical people think and say about you, the more power you give them over yourself. You are using what others say about you as a justification for the obsession when there is no justification for an obsession that only harms your own mental health and well-being.

Sly, you really need to stop jumping to conclusions with my posts. I am not an atheist and I never made any claims about your beliefs so quit jamming words in my mouth. Those women already said outloud how much they only want to date Christian men and think men who aren't Christians are "scum" so I have no interest in dating them. They, and other Bible Belt citizens, are the ones who feel entitled to asking ME about what I believe in and tell me that I better go to church or else I am going straight to Hell. Stop claiming you know who I am.

Where did I ever claim I wouldn't date a non-religious woman? If she was open minded and didn't think I "lacked morals" just because I am an agnostic (Not the same as atheism), I wouldn't have a problem. The struggle I have here is that most of the women in my area are not open minded but think if you aren't a Christian, you are a bad person.

Right now you are judging me and I've seen you judge others. Practice what you preach.

Last edited by Marknis on 11 Nov 2017, 5:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

They aren't theoretical people. They are the high school bullies who terrorized me, ex-friends who couldn't exploit me anymore, and judgmental family members.

Don't give in Marknis! You can get a girlfriend and prove those people wrong! Your former bullies will be eating their words!

This is not the point of what I said. Whoever they are and whatever they've said or think about you, you are handing them all the power by still thinking and acting in reaction to them rather than acting in your own best interest. You are making them powerful, you are investing power in them by caring about their opinion of you and your life. You need to sort out your priorities so that the opinions of others about your life don't carry so much weight, more weight than your own mental health does.

If you didn't care so much what others think, it would be much easier to set aside this unhealthy obsession.

But do I have to give up on ever having a girlfriend completely? I don't want to because I really want to feel loved and to share my life with a special partner.

They were the worst. In Bible Belt culture, some idiots think bullies "toughen up" their victims but I can tell you that it did not do that for me.

By the way, I wish Alliekit was still posting. She was nice to me and didn't tell me I was unworthy of having a relationship. People like Chichikov and Angel Rho only tear me down.

No, you don't need to give up but you do need to learn to think about something else until thinking about getting a girlfriend is not so detrimental to your well-being. When you are not mired in obsessive thinking, then you can address the issue when you are better able to do so without making an unhealthy obsession out of it.

Think of it like an addiction to overeating--you obviously can't give up eating completely to cure yourself as you'd just starve. What you would need to do is develop a healthier relationship with food so that you are able to regularly eat only what you need to stay healthy. You shouldn't give up on the idea of having relationships with women, but you need to put off addressing it until you are able to do so without obsessing over it in a way that harms you and makes you so unhappy.

This is stuff your therapist should be addressing with you, how to redirect your thoughts away from this fixation until it stops harming you to think about getting a girlfriend. Right now all you're doing is repeatedly picking a scab off a wound so it can't heal properly. You need the psychological equivalent of one of those cones they put on dogs to keep them from chewing on their stitches.

You should not preclude yourself from trying to find a girlfriend.

Just put the "pursuit" on the "back burner." Simple as that.

You're a smart guy. You have ideas that a sensible woman would respect.

Yes, there are sensible women in the Bible Belt. I have met them.

You have the same rights as everyone else and if this is to feel loved and share your life with a special partner then so be it.

People are shaped by their past experiences. When you say how some people have used their words as weapons against you, some even hoping to toughen you up, this can traumatise. Too many people can be careless with their words and actions without thinking about the consequences.

I say don't give up your dream.

Keep going and if others don't like it they don't have to read your threads.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny Is Katykay troll who hates aspie guys cause one hurt her in a relationship. This is her 40th account. Best just to avoid her. She use to attack me all the time.

I hope Alliekits ok she hasn’t replied to me in months, around the time the ukexit happen and she was worried about her career and college future. :s

I quote what you say then refute it. You think Christians who don’t go to church are hypocritical posers. Well I’m a Christian who doesn’t go to church. 2+2=4

I never said you wouldn’t date s non religious woman, I said yiu should date one since yiu clearly don’t like religious women. Heads up religious people want to save others from hell. It’s what they do. So yeah they ask you go to church so you be saved. Most religious people want to only date people from the same religious belief. Don’t see slot of Jews and Catholics pairing up or Muslims and Christians, or even different Christians sets or Christians or Catholics. Religious believes are a huge part of people and pairing up with someone who doesn’t share them will create friction.

You make countless posts Bible Belt this Bible Belt thst, Christians are horrible etc. you come off to me as someone who very much so doesn’t like Christians or Christianity and such I assumed your atheist as those are things athiest do check out politics section for tons of similar threads attacking Christians by atheists.

I get it you think you live in some Bible Belt hell and Christians are horrible people. I’d gladly date those women. My sister, mom, and grandma are those women. They go to church, they believe sex before marriage is a sin. My brother and his daughter had sex before marriage they don’t get told they horrible people or are going to hell though there’s people who think that. I can guarantee that not all those Bible Belt women are that way. So find one who isn’t but if you prejudge her as being thst way smimple cause she’s Christian then don’t expect her to date you. And if she has sex before Marriage don’t call her a hypocrite poser.

The only people who strive hard to follow the tenants of religion as you said are monks in monasteries. You need to drop your angry towards this Christian women you call posers. They aren’t monks, they are pastors, they aren’t the pope. They sin I sin, Jesus forgives our sins. We want to go to heaven we try hard but fail as imperfect humans do we ask forgive for our sins(failures) thst doesn’t make those women posers we see it as a football game.

As I’ve said in the past it’s not the Bible Belt. Same s**t happens here same exact s**t. I live in lefttopia. 75% of my county has no religion. So is it Christians and the Bible Belt or Western society that’s the problem? Cause certainly if it was the Bible Belt it wouldn’t be happening here where only 25% of people are religious.

Why are you nice to us?