How can I tell my girlfriend she is fat?

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I have no problem accepting that even very intelligent people know very little about quantum mechanics if it's not their field. I value their skills I lack, even if they are much more common (like planning and organising or being nice to people they barely know).
But there is a problem with a romantic partner for a female scientist. You need to be able not to feel dumb yourself when your gf is talking things you can't understand. Empirically, I found out it is very hard for most guys not to become competitive and/or put down.

Last edited by magz on 25 Nov 2017, 7:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

What on earth makes you think a scientist would think someone is an idiot for not understanding everything about their line of work?

That's a very good point. It is hard for guys to not be competitive. I keep wanting to compete with the guy who sits next to me at work but the inescapable fact is he's smarter than me.

When I dated a material scientist she didn't expect me to understand anything about her field. She was flattered that I even expressed an interest in her field.

I found her work on using nanoparticles to filter pollution fascinating. I liked the broad concept but I'm not ashamed to admit that the details were too technical for me to understand.

Very few people would belittle others for not knowing about their field. Sounds imaginary. It’s not the same as wanting to date someone who can understand basic grammar etc that you learn in primary school. It’s not the same.

You probably learned lots of lessons with the "material scientist."

And what makes you think the guy sitting next to you is smarter than you? He might only be smarter than you in computers. He might know squat about philosophy or logic.

Well he does know a lot about computers. A lot of the time I have to ask him for help. Also he owns a house even though he's younger than me.

You do realize he can be a total dunce, otherwise?

I've known people who own houses, and even millionaires, who are total dunces.

You happen to be a pretty bright guy who has a hand in many things.

I once knew a judge who is a total fratboy. A man with little substance. He just knows legal stuff.

Well, I'm one of those not-understanding-hierarchies aspies so it seems funny for me to measure someone's smartness by their material status. I know some wealthy idiots and some people I adore for who they are barely make ends meet.
Especially here, in the post-soviet block intelligence and wealth are definitely separate things.

Maybe he's a dunce at some things. He's never been on a date for example.

It's not that he's richer than me. He gets paid the same exact salary I do. It's that he's smart at managing his money. He has very good self-discipline.

Unlike me he was smart enough to live with his parents while he was saving to buy a house so he didn't have to pay rent. I should have stayed with my parents for a few more years but now I really don't want to move back with either of them because mum's turned into a hoarder and dad won't shut up about his stupid conspiracy theories. Also I'm over the income limit for mum's subsidised house.

Many times, it's just not good to stay with parents as an adult.

I strove to leave my mother at 18; I had to wait until I was 20.

Maybe the guy was lucky enough to have nice parents.

Yeah, his dad is cool. Not like my awful parents.

I've often noticed that successful people have really good parents. Nature is not as important as nurture.

Maybe the reason I'm not as successful is because my father was an alcoholic I only got to see every second Sunday and my mother was always stoned on antidepressants.

I felt like neither of them were really able to give me guidance during my formative years.

That's definitely a possibility.

But don't give up totally on your parents.

My mother did the practical things--but was emotionally unavailable.

My father was a good, amiable guy. He hardly ever gave me good advice. He was sort of distant in a way. You couldn't talk about certain things with him. If I had a kid, I might have that "distance," too.

Cook her a light, healthy meal like grilled chicken and vegetables and tell her she should eat it because you made it. And go on a date to the gym. That’s my advice.

I believe the girl would know she's fat already, without being told by you.