Climbing but not getting anywhere

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I no longer use social media. It wasted my time and it created a negative feedback loop that made me feel worse. I also hated the footdragging or non-communication from people who I thought I was making new connections with. I am the odd man out when it comes to social media.

I would just try to engage in conversation but people would just appear uninterested. How can I make friends when other people don't even want to? This is something I keep trying to explain to you and my other detractors. Friendships are not something like going down to a store and making a transaction. You either mesh with others or you don't.

I really just feel awful. I attended an adult Aspergers meeting in Austin but I didn't make any new friends and I felt inferior to those who said Aspergers benefited their artistic potential while mine has been stunted, possibly destroyed. My car's alternator also messed up and I was stranded until my family came to get me but during the wait, my mind couldn't stop thinking about how nothing ever goes my way, I am always behind others, death just comes closer to me with every year and my family won't be around forever so if I ever have car trouble like that again, I will be truly helpless. I will be at the mercy of the world and most likely will die.

You have to demonstrate qualities that make others want to be your friend. Friendships and relationships actually are a bit like a transaction in that they're give and take. You have to be able to offer value and substance that resonates with other people and in return they give back value and substance. How much do you take into account what other people want and need when looking for friends/relationships? Do you ask people questions about their lives and interests or do you try to stick to talking about your own? It may just be because you're venting but you come off quite self-centred here. I haven't seen much from you to suggest you care much about the wants and needs of others. You don't seem overly concerned about doing things to make yourself more appealing to women, and 12 years of failure should indicate to you that it might be necessary.

Brilliantly and succinctly put.

The self-centered part is dead-on.

You have to understand that EVERYONE is EXACTLY the same way. They want what they want for their own purpose without regard for anyone else. The difference between us and them is THEY figure out that getting their way means getting others involved. You can’t bring people on board without seeing to their own perceived needs. When you do that, you become an interesting person.

When you invest in one’s emotional stock, they will repay you because they recognize their need for you in their life. They will likewise invest in you because they know your well-being is integral to their own. Most people do this subconsciously. We have a hard time with that so we have to be very deliberate about it. It feels fake and comes across as awkward when we do it. But we get nowhere if we don’t at least make the effort. People tend to respect you if you at least make the effort.

The woe-is-me act is a sign of emotional bankruptcy. You cannot be generous because you have nothing to give.

I’m not talking about money. I mean time and kindness. You have plenty of time. Maybe you’re all heart. Time now to give it all away to those you are confident are worth giving it to. And maybe take a risk on a few who may not be but who might actually surprise you (redneck girls, or whoever might be close enough to you).

Generosity in time and heart will ALWAYS come back to you in dividends.

How about some motivational music from one of my favorite bands? Everyone needs some Chili Peppers in their life sometimes:

I do ask others about their lives. I don't just make the conversation about myself. It's just that the people in my area tend to be stern and distant so even if I do ask, I don't always get an answer or they'll say something but look away as if they are uninterested in further conversation. Some are also just mean from the get go. I've had people call me things like "ret*d", "gay", "freak", "weirdo", "p****", "virgin", "fa***t", and so on.

Last edited by Marknis on 12 Mar 2018, 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Do you have a phone? surely if you got stranded with car trouble and your family wasn't around to help you could call an uber or a lyft or something you wouldn't have to die. But also, maybe this would be a good reason to start to decrease your dependence on your family...family can hold you back even if they don't mean to also it could help you increase your confidence if you become more independent from them.

Also not everyone is an artist, nothing wrong with that, there are numerous hobbies and activities a person can do without being an artist. You're beating yourself up too much over that. I used to want to learn to play bass guitar even bought one and tried learning but I completely sucked and was not willing to undergo the amount of effort it might have taken to get even a little bit decent. So yeah I just had to let it go, so what if I'm not a musician there are other things to do. Why not try expanding your horizons and looking into more activities or potential hobbies that don't involve artistic skill?

I do have a phone. I was out of town when this happened so walking home (Dangerous anywhere in Texas) was out of the question.

I can play some songs on the guitar, it's just that I struggle to do more complex songs. I've wanted to create my own songs but I worry they will be judged as boring and even when I do try, I get stuck on how the song should go. I used to draw all the time but I started doing less when I would look at others' drawings and I would wonder why mine were never as good. I would try to do better but I would either make a mistake or get mental blocks to the point I would trash the drawings. A part of me still thinks I should be an artist but I fear it's either too late or I will be 60 when I finally get it right.

I have played DnD a couple times this year, I can play certain types of tabletop games, and I play video games every now and then. I am not sure what else I can do. Football dominates the social scene here and I don't like the drinking/smoking culture here. It's not anything cool or hip like it might be in a place like California, it's trashy, gross, and infested with rednecks and hip hop thugs who would beat me up and keep all the girls to themselves.

I went to the park to get some fresh air and clear my head. Unfortunately, it all became undone because I saw some people my age coupled up. One guy was holding hands with a cute glasses wearing girl with a Legend of Zelda t-shirt and a Hello Kitty backpack. Why can't I have the same?

Maybe because you don't have as high "sexual market value"

It's odd how you and my other detractors keep posting on my threads despite how you claim to be sick of them.

I've never claimed to be sick of your threads, nor am I some 'detractor'. I'm simply answering your question. It's not my fault if you don't like the answer. Better to face reality and make necessary changes than to keep your head down and then wonder why you can't see anything.

The odd thing is that I occasionally get told "You probably have no problem attracting girls." or "I'll bet you have to beat off the girls with a stick." and I can only say "If only that was true."

People lie for the sake of sounding nice. These are things only said by old people or taken women.

You can! You might have to work on yourself though.

I get told that quite often but I honestly don't know how to go about it. What do I do first? And how long do I have to stay in that mode?

I think AngelRho finally got a clue (Which he needed a long time ago) and realized he has never been helpful to me.

[Stirs. Slowly wakes]

You dare invoke the name of the mighty Rho? Now you must PAY!! ! BWAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAAA!! !!

Ok, seriously, it’s spring break. I spent yesterday afternoon working out and most of the day lazing around and revising a composition I’ve been working on for a few months now. Big one, and I’m taking my time with it. Went with the family to see a special showing of “Coco” at my college alma mater.

This may seem hard to believe, but I do have other things to do than worry about WP folks.

You should feel encouraged. In case you haven’t noticed, you have more people pulling for you in your threads than most, and I’m included in that, too. I respond to your threads for two reasons: everyone is here, and there’s not much else to do. I’m curious about how that Mormon guy is doing, but other than that...same reason I watch Big Bang Theory reruns. Nothing else is on.

Speaking of clues, there’s yours. Approach others the way we approach you. Be patient. They’ll open up. They always do.