What is the hardest thing for you when it comes to dating?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm with kraftiekortie on this one.

It's certainly not inappropriate to offer a stranger a ride when they're in need of one. I've done it many times. People from the beach, people during a transit strike, visiting foreign students who missed their bus to University & I was heading the same place, rock climbers hitchhiking in the mountains, people from parties/bars. Some of them have been women, most male, some gay some straight whatever. I shouldn't even have to say it, but: I didn't rape any of them.

There's certainly a way to politely offer a ride to someone that doesn't come across as creepy or like you have an ulterior motive and I bet Kraftie came across as just being a friendly guy from back home & the woman just really didn't want to accept the offer - maybe because she felt she might be taking advantage of his generosity, maybe because she was too frugal to pay for a hotel.

As for a woman not being alone in a car with a stranger.. well, depends on the stranger. Some friendly guy from back home who sees you're in a predicament where a ride might help solve your problem? Not such a big deal. A taxi/uber driver? Probably fine. Some guy wearing leather gloves and a ski mask who just pulled up outside the bar after closing in a windowless van? Miiiight be some red flags there.. but in general I think it's absurd that you're suggesting that pretty much all men are rapists just waiting for the opportunity. That's not true. People just need to use their own judgement, and if they get a bad feeling at all - like maybe the women in the airport may have, we'll never know - then decline the ride and make alternative arrangements.

I'm pretty sure most women who have gotten in a car with a guy who ended up raping or violating her had previously concluded he seemed safe enough to take a chance and get in the car with.

Some bad guys look like bad guys but most bad guys look like nice guys, or rather, average guys.

We're on a flight together, we are chatting, we find out we come from a similar area, have some shared interests etc. in this scenario it is totally reasonable to offer a lift. It is totally up to her whether to accept it or not and I would not assume the reason she didn't accept it to be that she felt intimidated or frightened of getting into the car with a man alone.

Hmm, again I’m being misinterpreted, I’m not going to correct the obvious.

If you've been misinterpreted then whatever you feel the need to correct isn't obvious to others reading your post.

We’re taking the same flight home. Everything is cool.

Agreed.

Also there are times when as a woman you are possibly going to have to alone with a man you don't know or else have an even more limited life. I have been alone with taxi drivers, at job interviews, new employers, boiler men, insulation man, ect any one of whom could have successfully attacked me. I don't take silly risks but there's no totally safe existence.

I struggle the most with communication, especially approaching others & maintaining a healthy relationship.

The easiest for me is being alone. It’s much lonelier being with an incompatible person than it is for me to be alone.

What is hardest thing about dating? From my experience, from being socially anxious and shy young adult becoming confident public speaker. Although my Autistic quirks, traits, characteristics and behaviour still a same. That doesn't bother me.

So the dating pool hasn't changed because I believe women in their 20's are too focused on alpha males, good looking popularity contest and able bodied guys rather than accepting others being different. It pretty sad world how technology and media portrays that. I have been socially active working on making friends, and that is also hard. The friends I have now are the ones I met in networks at least two years ago. The ones making new friends now its much harder as you get older. I'm 27 by the way. Majority of my networks are quite mixed bag but lot of unavailable women because they want to stay single forever and others are already in relationships/marriage.

I couldn't try change networks since they are all from community groups, Meetup events and related events where out of my control about demographics. I live in city of 2.3million. I doubt it a problematic at this size. Lot of women here are either party animals extroverted and others are introverted who don't want to hang out etc.

Personally what makes finding dates, and dating difficult is understanding their language and body cues. I am blind to flirts. I only rely on verbal with bit of facial expressions. I did some lessons on how to read body languages but to be honest out in reality it way too much for me to process. I am extremely straightforward, intelligent and caring person. I always see things logical and direct rather than relaxing to pretend everything doesn't need to be logical.

That who I am. I rarely come across a single women who is a same. I met quite heeps quirky and talented women who are similar to me but they are all already in relationships. The ones who I met who are single are actually environmentalists and hippies who don't want relationships, party animals and lacks interests with them.

Isn't this typical life of being in 20's? Like I don't have problems, as it seems it theirs?

By the way I had a professional personality text results proven who I am. It says I am extraverted. I knew I am.

For me personally, it would probably be to do with my muteness and shyness. I don't have a lot of experience with dating, though.

It's insane to assume all men are rapists. My point is, by that same logical, it's also insane to assume that it's always a man's intention to get sex.

If we are going to assume one then we have no precedent not to assume the other because the situation surrounding the determination of a man's capacity for either are analogous. We have no idea what his intentions are one way or another and rape and consensual sex are both possibilities.

I also struggle with communication.

Especially during arguments, it can be difficult for me to keep track of what the root problem is.

Also body language. My always-on resting bítch face makes me look insincere. Many times my girlfriend has said "you don't care about me". I reply with " I do care about you". She never believes me due to my resting bítch face body language.

She said I never smile. I tried smiling but she said it looked like a fake smile.

I really do care about her but sometimes when she's upset it can be difficult for me to work out why she's upset and then I can't help.

Except for the fact that very few men are rapists and almost all heterosexual men pursue dating women in large part because they want sex. These are facts. Men have plenty of friends to hang out with & socialize, when they're pursuing a partner it's because that's the friend they want to "be intimate," with on the regular. Unless someone says they're asexual or not interested in sex, it's safe to assume that sex is among the primary reasons they're dating at all.

It's irrelevent that very few men are rapists when you are their prey. There are very few great whites in the ocean but if you are a seal or sea lion, whichvis their preferred food source, you have a lot more worrying to do than a codfish.

When I am making a decision whether or not to get in the car with a strange man, if only 1 in 1000 men were rapists, it's irrelevant because..

1. Most rapists are heterosexual males who actively prey on females. He is more likely than an the average man to approach women and more likely than the average man to try to get me to or in a secluded place.

2. Most men are significantly stronger than most women. When you hear about a woman fighting off a male attacker, no, she didn't. She raised a commotion and scared him away because he decided the place wasn't secluded enough and someone might hear her and he will get caught. If they were in a cabin in the woods or the middle of the desert, he would likely incapacitate her by punching her lights out or strangling her and no one would ever hear from her again.

Here is another real life analogy. Most people aren't white supremacists. A city I once lived in had 50,000 people, about 97% of them white, one black family, and white supremacist skin head group of about 8 people. 1 in 6250 were white supremacists. If you just looked at the prevalence of white supremacists, you might think a black person in that town shouldn't have to worry much but you would be failing to take in to consideration the fact that white supremacist skinheads tend to actively target black people, and indeed, being the only black family in town at the time, they woke up to a cross burning on their lawn one night.

You need to consider more than prevalence in situations that are not random processes.

There have been reports made in this thread so I've done some cleaning here, and left what could be left; let me remind you of the TOS:

viewtopic.php?t=136567

Making myself loveable to some one else , sounds tiring .