A girlfriend is not a lost puppy.

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I know, but, just a heads-up, we were having a nice discussion about gut bacteria on one of my Reddit autism forums. Please consider expanding your message to others it might benefit.

Just a suggestion....

I would rather have a lifetime stand. a soulmate.

The probability of that happening is near zero, so it’s not something I’m willing to wait for.

The probability of getting laid is approaching 1, so I choose fun over celibacy.

1) It’s never been a mutual thing in terms of attraction. The very few I’d have dated weren’t that into me. The many that wanted to date me I wasn’t really into.

2) I refuse to be a burden or embarrassment to anyone. I’m very high functioning, but still autistic and I cannot control every symptom at every moment, so, I keep to myself. Likely better for solo pursuits, anyways. I have some things to achieve over the next decade.

Kind of shows that your "method" doesn't work.

Only because I don’t want a partner. Many have wanted to date me. Girls are attracted to me.

In terms of sexual partners, I’ve had 5 girls and 501 pretty little gay boys.. sooo, I’d say I’m pretty good at attracting people for first dates/hookups. My purposes are purely sexual & I accomplish those goals just fine. IF I wanted to pursue/accept a relationship with one of them, I could with ease.

Now, please feel free to tell me how many first dates/hookups your methods have yielded and how many offers to date/have a relationship that you’ve declined. By all means, if you’re better at this than me, I’ll be quiet and learn from you. But something tells me that my numbers completely blow yours out of the water and I am in fact better at attracting first dates/hookups and communicating with people in order to make those things happen for me.

I can imagine at least some of these numbers are just slightly exaggerated, but you can't really judge success by numbers alone. More than 500 sexual encounters is not objectively better than one solid relationship that lasts near three years. In fact, I personally find it's worse than that. Pure sexual encounters are hollow, they have no legitimacy or "spiritual" / emotional correlation. Just cheap, materialistic, and empty. You can get that with prostitutes but I don't think I've ever heard anybody argue that prostitution is better than genuine, sincere love or even real sex (yes, it's quite possible that any one sexual partner wasn't entirely into it).

So if in my lifetime I happen to find no more than five partners, I'd consider that a success. One or two is fine also. 100 would make me feel like I'm trying way too hard or pressuring people too much. 500 would just feel like my life had no meaning or direction, in that I could only ever find happiness through sex.

Conclusively, I don't think your methods and beliefs work in the way you assume they do. It will work differently for different people. If you feel the need to brag about these numbers of how many you pulled to prove a point or make yourself feel better, I can only really feel bad for you.

The numbers are accurate. At least I’m not a slut like some of my friends who are in the 1500-3000+ range. My numbers would be much higher if I wasn’t so picky & didn’t have a specific type. It’s quite common in the gay community for people to have numbers like mine, so it’s not comparable to heterosexual courtships in the least bit.

That still approximates to about a new partner every half month or so. I think you're right about the homosexual community being more active in this sense but that number is still strangely high to me.

*shrug* A relationship has never been in the cards for me, so, I have fun. It’s up to each individual person what value they place on having a life partner vs hooking up with someone they’re attracted to. There is no right or wrong answer, only different.

That's what I'm saying.

Communicating with over 500 ppl, some of whom became fwb that I’ve met many times, and persuading them to get naked with me for a little mutual pleasure is apples to oranges different than paying a prostitute. Anyone can conduct a business transaction if they have a little cash. Being able to attract someone, communicate with them, and then deal the deal actually requires communication, persuasion, social and sales skills.

My point is that people could find that any partners if they had the money, largely concluding in my eyes that it still doesn't amount to much.

My methods work exactly as I know they do. Did I stutter? Via diet, exercise, personal grooming/hygiene, and communication I’m able to land hookups/dates. The process is quite familiar and routine for me and I can teach others how to do it. What they do with that ability is up to them - maybe they go on dozens of first coffee dates in search of a ltr, maybe their objective is to get laid, but all relationships - whether for a few hours or a lifetime, begin with very similar communication. Just because I opt to get laid doesn’t mean what I know how to do isn’t of any value to someone seeking a ltr - especially if they have no concept of how to have a conversation that leads to a meeting/first date.

This is the crux; I don't think it's good advice at all. One of your points, if I remember, was to make yourself more attractive. You can't really. Some people are drawn naturally to biological features, such as height or eye colour. I followed my own advice to find the relationship I'm in now, that is that you have to put in effort to seek out others who have likewise interests. Physical attraction isn't even necessarily a relevant element for some people, they just want personality or emotional support.

This doesn't help these deeper connections that people seek, and sometimes you do need to find them. Especially within the realms of timidness, two people attracted have to find each other and exhume the courage that will allow them to engage in a relationship. This is pretty much the opposite of what you are claiming, which is just let them come to you. That certainly doesn't work all the time, it wouldn't help me attract partners that I would be interested in. The cute timid girl doesn't just come jumping into your arms. Effort is required.

I’m not bragging. This is the first time I’ve disclosed those numbers on WP and I did it to make a point. My point is that I know how to go from zero to meeting/first date/hookup/fwb often with the offer or option of dating. Again, if you’ve managed to do this more than me, by all means, I’ll be quiet while you teach me how it’s done.

"more" isn't the question here. You can't look at numbers and claim you're right on that basis alone. Your advice, from what I understand, seems to work only for one night stands. Not much more than that.

For serious relationships, with partners whom you share a genuinely strong bond with, this advice likely wouldn't work at all. You said yourself that partners you've been with haven't been that strongly attracted to you. That's a pretty big flaw in the plan in itself. If you "attract" people who don't like you that much, why do you think it'll be so effective for people who are genuinely into you? You can't absolutely confirm this. It's unstable advice.

As for my own advice; be yourself, keep searching, don't sacrifice your values, don't be afraid to approach people you like, be honest and sensible, be reliable, be open (within reason), and you'll find somebody.

It worked for me.

What I wonder is...

Why do some men believe that a girlfriend will somehow fix their personal issues of shyness, lack of motivation, poor self-esteem, chronic unemployment, and low social status? Why don't they understand that in order to attract a woman, then must first deal with and fix these issues before any woman will be attracted to them?

It baffles me that some men -- even in their 30s -- haven't figured out (or just won't admit) that the changes they so greatly desire simply cannot be impose by someone else. I mean, after all, change comes from within.

What I wonder is...

Why do some men believe that a girlfriend will somehow fix their personal issues of shyness, lack of motivation, poor self-esteem, chronic unemployment, and low social status? Why don't they understand that in order to attract a woman, then must first deal with and fix these issues before any woman will be attracted to them?

It baffles me that some men -- even in their 30s -- haven't figured out (or just won't admit) that the changes they so greatly desire simply cannot be impose by someone else. I mean, after all, change comes from within.

some people need to meet the sadder but wiser.

Sad but wise is an ideal trait for me; realism combined with intellect is definitely attractive in my opinion.

That still approximates to about a new partner every half month or so. I think you're right about the homosexual community being more active in this sense but that number is still strangely high to me.

Sure, if that's what the average is. My personal record is 9 in 4 days. Of course I'm right about it - I'm in it, I know my people. It's high-ish for the gay community, but I know several people with higher numbers than mine - so it's certainly not the highest.

My point is that people could find that any partners if they had the money, largely concluding in my eyes that it still doesn't amount to much.

There's a massive difference between being able to attract someone who voluntarily goes on a date, or sleeps with, you & buying their time and professional services with cash. If you can't tell the difference I think we need to take a few steps back and discuss more basic concepts.

This is the crux; I don't think it's good advice at all. One of your points, if I remember, was to make yourself more attractive. You can't really. Some people are drawn naturally to biological features, such as height or eye colour. I followed my own advice to find the relationship I'm in now, that is that you have to put in effort to seek out others who have likewise interests. Physical attraction isn't even necessarily a relevant element for some people, they just want personality or emotional support.

What do you mean you can't make yourself more attractive? Countless single people do it every single day by getting in shape, buying a new wardrobe, getting a fresh haircut, learning a new skill, working on a promotion or career change etc etc. These are all extremely commonly known ways to make oneself more attractive.

This doesn't help these deeper connections that people seek, and sometimes you do need to find them. Especially within the realms of timidness, two people attracted have to find each other and exhume the courage that will allow them to engage in a relationship. This is pretty much the opposite of what you are claiming, which is just let them come to you. That certainly doesn't work all the time, it wouldn't help me attract partners that I would be interested in. The cute timid girl doesn't just come jumping into your arms. Effort is required.

Where did I ever say "just let them come to you?" I never said that. I said make yourself more attractive if you're not attracting people. I never said do not initiate contact or communication or not to go out in public where you might meet someone you like. I simply said you're not going to go Looking for a girlfriend and find her in the street like she's a lost puppy that you can just go find and put a leash on and take home. You're going to have to be the kind of guy that girls you're interested in are attracted to, then when you do have contact/communication, they'll express interest in you vs. not. They might even initiate it and hit on you.

"more" isn't the question here. You can't look at numbers and claim you're right on that basis alone. Your advice, from what I understand, seems to work only for one night stands. Not much more than that.

The numbers never lie. I've had more hookups/first dates than you & am much better at the communication required to make those things happen. Pretty simple.

For serious relationships, with partners whom you share a genuinely strong bond with, this advice likely wouldn't work at all. You said yourself that partners you've been with haven't been that strongly attracted to you. That's a pretty big flaw in the plan in itself. If you "attract" people who don't like you that much, why do you think it'll be so effective for people who are genuinely into you? You can't absolutely confirm this. It's unstable advice.

Many of them were mutual agreements for a one time thing, so what? Some I was into weren't so into me, so what? Same same for someone who goes speed dating, or goes on 50 first dates for coffee - some they'll be really attracted to, others they won't. Some may be more interested in them than they are in that person. Maybe there won't be a mutual interest match. So what? There's no "flaw." It's not very difficult for me to get someone to agree to a date or hookup. Just because there's never been a mutual "we should be in a relationship," thing doesn't mean much of anything. Can't find out who you're into nor who's into you if you don't have those dates, now can you?

As for my own advice; be yourself, keep searching, don't sacrifice your values, don't be afraid to approach people you like, be honest and sensible, be reliable, be open (within reason), and you'll find somebody.

It worked for me.

I am myself. I search when I feel like it. I don't sacrifice my values. I'm not afraid to approach people I like. I am honest and sensible. I'm reliable. I'm open. And I've found over 500 somebodies.

It works for me.