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Don't get it if teenager girls start to flirt with me.

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rdos
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03 Jul 2019, 8:39 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
How would you observe someone to the point of knowing the person well without coming off as creepy?


Now that's a topic worthy of experimentation and trial-and-error, unlike much of the copying of NT behavior. I assure you it is very possible to do. :-)



rdos
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03 Jul 2019, 8:41 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s ideal to be friends with your romantic partner.

Without friendship, there’s merely the physical aspect.....and that gets old really fast.


I didn't say you shouldn't be friends with a romantic partner. I do believe you should be friends with your partner, but it should be after you have followed the "romantic script", not before.



kraftiekortie
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03 Jul 2019, 8:42 am

Friendship IS part of the "romantic script."

I can't be "romantic" with somebody without having enough respect for that person to be "friends" with that person.



rdos
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03 Jul 2019, 8:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Friendship IS part of the "romantic script."


No, it isn't. Friendship isn't even natural for NDs. It's only a coping mechanism. That's why few NDs have real close friends and many only have friends because they believe it's a path to a relationship.



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03 Jul 2019, 8:47 am

I'm an ND. I've valued "friendship" since I knew what the word meant.

I valued it-----but I didn't know how to "be a good friend" because of my autism.



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03 Jul 2019, 8:59 am

rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
How would you observe someone to the point of knowing the person well without coming off as creepy?


Now that's a topic worthy of experimentation and trial-and-error, unlike much of the copying of NT behavior. I assure you it is very possible to do. :-)


How have you done it?

I’d much rather stick with my friends first notion. It’s healthy and an enjoyable way of going about forming a connection with someone.


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TwilightPrincess
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03 Jul 2019, 9:01 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm an ND. I've valued "friendship" since I knew what the word meant.

I valued it-----but I didn't know how to "be a good friend" because of my autism.


You know how to now.

Being able to form connections with people by working on social and communication difficulties is worthwhile for a lot of people, and it carries over, in a very positive way, into romantic relationships.


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rdos
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03 Jul 2019, 10:42 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
How would you observe someone to the point of knowing the person well without coming off as creepy?


Now that's a topic worthy of experimentation and trial-and-error, unlike much of the copying of NT behavior. I assure you it is very possible to do. :-)


How have you done it?

I’d much rather stick with my friends first notion. It’s healthy and an enjoyable way of going about forming a connection with someone.


I never cared much about having friends, but I do have couple of people that are a mixture of professional contacts and friends. I don't have any ordinary friends though.

As for learning how to observe without being creepy, that's mostly something ND women seem to find useful.



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03 Jul 2019, 3:55 pm

So Extreme: You've gone from throwing coins at women at nightclubs to get their attention to flirting w/minors now? You really are getting quite expert at scraping the bottom of the barrel and living on the edge as far as the law re: the age of consent goes aren't you? Let's see how that works out for you dude. You're gonna need all the luck you can get! Hahaha



funeralxempire
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03 Jul 2019, 5:08 pm

It's low-risk practice flirting, because they don't care how you respond.


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04 Jul 2019, 12:28 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:
rdos wrote:
Twilightprincess wrote:
You can’t become friends without having some sort of conversation. It often starts with small talk and then eventually progresses into deeper conversations.


Speaking for myself, most of my friendships started with online discussions about a common interest. None of them started with small talk, and I basically always skip small talk when I communicate with a friend online.

Twilightprincess wrote:
Subtle flirting leads to a friendship with the hope of something more developing if you are compatible. If not, then there’s still potentially a friendship.


I find that a bit strange, but it seems to be common among NDs. Many NDs don't really seek friendships, rather seek a relationship through a friendship. I'm sure this approach can work, but it contains a lot of traps too. First, it seems a bit odd to flirt with somebody that you want to be friends with (I suppose that could be a signal "I want a relationship, but lets start as friends"). Second, many people will not consider friends as potential partners (I certainly won't), as I regard friend as a literal thing quite separate from "romantic partner".


I’m not sure how someone could go from stranger to romantic partner. That’s just not how it works for me. I need to know and like somebody well (i.e. be friends) before I’d consider a relationship.
I think lots of people on dating sites & people who go to speed dating events jump into romantic relationships without really knowing the person. I met my 2nd & current girlfriend on this forum & we jumped into an online relationship before we really knew each other. Well my current read a lot of my posts for a while before PMing me but she never posted much(much more of a lurker) & I don't think I've read any of her posts before she PMed me but I read em all after we started chatting.


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