Why its too late for me

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You do not have any evidence to support that your deceased father was speaking to either of you. This is exactly what I was just talking about: "I don't understand and cannot explain what occurred, so that somehow proves that I heard the voice of a deceased person speaking from beyond the grave."

This is known as an argument from ignorance fallacy.

Please forgive me. I do not mean to make light of your loss or grief. But states of emotional vulnerability make people more susceptible to suggestion. It is possible that you both dreamt of hallucinated what you heard. How did you both happen to independently have the same hallucination at roughly the same time? Easy; because you both were experiencing the loss of your father.
My point isn't to claim I know with certainty that is what occurred, but rather to demonstrate that alternative explanations exist. There could be any number of other possible explanation, and perhaps some that I could never think of. Even if I could not think of any possible answers, that does not prove the accuracy of your assertion.

So to answer your question; I don't need to explain anything. The burden of proof falls upon you to prove the truth of your assertion.

If it was at all possible for any woman to love me, something would have happened by now.

I'm seriously considering ending my life on my 40th birthday.

I'm open to anything I can be shown evidence for.

The evidence clearly supports all of the following:

Physically fit men are more attractive to women than overweight men.

Financially successful men are more attractive to women than financially struggling men.

Neurotypical men are more attractive to women than autistic men.

And even if I am able to overcome all these obstacles, I'm already too old for that to matter in regards to relationships anyway.
Getting in a better physical shape is not as easy as you think. Struggling with depression and eating disorders is not a simple matter. And I suffer from diastasis text I and an abdominal hernia which basically means that my abdominal muscles are separated and stomach and intestines are pushing through the gap causing my abdomen to bulge outward and my belly button is visibly being pushed outward from the inside. This cannot be fixed without a surgery which insurance will not cover and I cannot afford.

As for financial success, empirical evidence against shows that employment and financial outcomes for individuals with ASD being among the worst of any disability or minority demographic. I wrote a grad school paper on this matter.

Cool story.

A lot can change - everything can change - if *you* change.

I’ve been overweight before, tipping into obese on the BMI scale. I dropped 50lbs in 4 months or so of following a structured diet & exercise program. 235 to 185, much stronger and swifter on my feet. I’m currently a little but softer than I want to be so getting back to healthier habits of diet and exercise to get strong and quicker again - I want to be in the kind of shape required for functional strength when I need it, to compete with people younger than me, to keep up with people much younger than me that need to get out to hike and bike and do things that aren’t video games etc.

Mindset improves with physical health, too. All kinds of feel good brain chemicals get created and released for you to enjoy/utilize.

Improved physical and mental health improve your chances of gainful employment, too. And over a long enough time horizon, finances improve, too. A decade ago I was $110k in debt, too sick with massive ASD (and other) symptoms to work, and bankrupt. Now, sometime before the end of the calendar year I’ll be approximately the same dollar figure in the black - roughly; depends on a couple factors like if I have to shell out some cash to relocate nearby etc, but all in all my entire financial life is improved, my income is higher by leaps and bounds, my relationship with money is dramatically different etc.

I’m not bragging, merely stating the facts of my reality and that it’s entirely possible to change yourself and improve everything if you want it bad enough and decide to do it. But only you can decide to do it and then get to work, be patient and persistent, disciplined and focused. Change yourself and you change your entire life and have the ability to resolve all of the issues you currently complain about.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.